Private Writings: Chapter #80 “Lost In Time”

private writings a novel of true fantasy by jennifer kiley [shawn's 2d blue name]

“Lost In Time”
Private Writings #80
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Post Tuesday 23rd September 2014

Not Suitable For Children.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

1 alice-down-the-rabbithole [use best one]

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts

to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss

but to most importantly tell the best tale ever after upon a time.

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #80 “Lost In Time”

Tuesday 17th March 2009

Dear Annie,

How could you do this now? I find you to be so warm and what you’ve done & doing is so cold. You hold & control the love and I am left freaking out, with a heart that finds it hard to beat. What promises you made about never leaving me. I asked you two weeks ago, rather persistently if you were going away. I had the strongest psychic thoughts invading my mind. And you swore I was imagining what I felt. Turning on me by saying I was being delusional. You would rather play on my meltdown to make me think i was being crazy.

No matter what you do to me I will always, love you still & for always. I would go anywhere to be with you. You’re my favorite addiction. Just being in your presence.

You told me I couldn’t follow. It was too far. I guess when someone, somewhere is hiding in Europe makes it difficult. So you are joining your husband the spy. If he’d disappeared I’d be more sympathetic. But his whereabouts are just top secret. Our relationship is top secret. At least, for you, it is. I know you have deep feelings for me. I feel it in your presence. I can’t walk away from how good you make me feel. I don’t know how you could desert me, knowing how you truly feel. Don’t try hiding your intense love. I feel it.

You are blind to even see how I feel for you. I am crazy for you. And I think you lie when you won’t admit you feel as passionate. this is all a sick joke of a nightmare. Adding insult to it all, there is no contact, both sides. We both suffer . You are going to be tortured more.

I have the control when this abstinence is finished. Do you feel or imagine I’ll run into your arms. I think my heart is what you want. You’ve never met a woman like me. I am like you & we are rare.

Last time. Last chance. Goddess, I love you, but you are being a bitch. I’m trying to drive you away. I can’t bear what I am feeling. I just want to die. Go away now. I can’t ever look into your eyes again.

If you ever return, I don’t know what I would do. I know I’m not doing so well now.

I hope you & your daughter stay safe over there. I won’t stop loving you, you know that. You’re under my untouchable skin & my heart is really breaking. I just want to kill myself. You will be gone forever.

My only hope is the 2 years are short. And I’ll take you at your word, anything is possible. If you’re here, I will be.

I will keep writing. Share my feelings and thoughts. Tell you what goes down.

I can’t do this anymore. You won’t ever see these letters. Not ever again. I can speak openly. It feels like you died so suddenly. I will hold onto your spirit.

If I must say goodbye and though I don’t want to, I will just have to do it.

Goodbye. Saying this brings tears to my eyes. The shadow’s beatings don’t frighten me away from my feelings for you. I will cry for you my love.



Ps. No more letters for you to read but I will write anyway. To you or to someone imaginary.


© Madison Taylor 2008

“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker

Maksim - Somewhere In Time - Composer John Barry[Dedicated to Annie]

5 photo of white rose with red framed in blue

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher - Home to Madison & Scottie   Their Cats & daughter Alison. She has her own place on the estate

Le Chateau de Rocher – Home to Madison & Scottie
Their Cats & daughter Alison. She also has her own place on the estate

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play.
Pretending is imagined possibility”
— Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical MMJ

 black_shamrock_ribbon green reverse

Private Moments #80 “Depression [passing the open windows]”

private moments in paintings & poetryPrivate Moments #80 “Depression
[Passing the Open Windows]“

Poem Written by Jennifer Kiley

Post 22nd September 2014
Poem for Chapter #80 
“Lost In Time”
Painting “Out Of Order” by jkm


“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~ (1563-1631)

out of order by jkmccormack (c) jkm 2014

hands reaching out into rain

“Depression passing [the open windows] ”
By Madison Taylor
17th March 2009


I have forgotten the feeling
It has been silent so long
For me time’s length
Is unmeasurable
It could be a moment
One hour
One minute
A second later
I just have not been feeling it

Have passed my doorway
And returned

Too many times
Sticks around

A slip will come
Darkness will fall
Real and false
The worse
Through the mind

Favorite is to add confusion
Blocking out the heart
The emotions of the blind
The senses of the mind
They leave you to debate

Is it now?
Do I do it now?

(c) tsk/jkm – two zero one four

© jkm

candle flame flickering gif

Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini - Composer Rachmaninoff – Pianist Maksim Mrvica

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”

— jkm the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

black_shamrock_ribbon green reverse

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(c) jennifer kiley 2014

Posted on Expats Post 18th August 2014

“The Known and the Unknown” – #10

a writer's word polished or rawThe Known and the Unknown – #10
Excerpts from the Essay “Fail Safe”
Written by Debbie Millman
Post Sunday 21st September 2014

The Essay titled “Fail Safe”
Taken From Anthology
Look Both Ways: Illustrated Essays
on the Intersection of Life and Design

Debbie Millman is an Artist
Strategist & Interviewer

“Fail Safe” The Essay-Explores Existential Skills-Living With Uncertainty-Embracing The Unfamiliar-Allowing For Not Knowing-Cultivating What John Keats Famously Termed “Negative Capability”

psychedelic cat

The Known and the Unknown – #10

in a while

we least
expect it

we encounter

who chooses
to strive
that which
(to us)

even elusive.

And we marvel.

We swoon.

We Gape.

we are
in awe.

I think
we Look
these people
as Lucky

in fact,
has nothing
to do
with it.

It is
ALL about
the strength
of their

it is
how they
the possibilities
their Life.

In short

unlike me,
they didn’t
what was
it was
even impossible.

John Madea
once explained

“The computer
will do
within its

blk & wht fluid abstract painting

“The Known and the Unknown” – Part #10 - Jennifer Kiley


“Do What You LOVE

“Tonight” – A Short Film

creative musings [dragon]

A Short Film

By Rufus

Post By Jennifer Kiley

Post Saturday 20th September 2014

A Variety of Visual Imagery. Weird. Unique. Unusual visions of the Creations of Nature.

“Tonight” By Rufus

By Rufus

And tonight
We’re coming alive
The dead are arising
The night is coming to life

I’m kicking around day by day
I’m losing my mind every Sunday
I try to look back in my shade
I’m over my head in the moon

I feel it coming in
The storm coming out
The temperature within
Is cooling me down
I hear them creeping in
They’re calling me out
The colder warning is freaking me out

And tonight
We’re coming alive
The dead are arising
The night is coming to life

I’m tripping up walls, over bones
The look in my eyes everyone knows
A quivering light, a distant glow
Taking my breath, and it goes

I feel it coming in
The storm coming out
The temperature within
Is cooling me down
I hear them creeping in
They’re calling me out
The colder warning is freaking me out
Is freaking me out

And tonight
We’re coming alive
The dead are arising
The night is coming to life

moon being swallowed by a lake

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Beetlejuice – Day-o [Banana Boat Song]

haunting visionsDay-o [Banana Boat Song]

Haunting Scene from Beetlejuice

Singing: Harry Belafonte

Post Created by Jennifer Kiley

Post Friday 19th September 2014

Beetlejuice - Day-o (Banana Boat Song)[FULL HD]

For all those that have seen Beetlejuice, follow what I write to see how well I remember the film. Saw it quite a few times. This is one of my favorite scenes. You may think it is just funny. Wrong. They deserved it. Being pompous elitist snobs and treating their ghosts as if they didn’t exist. And bugging the hell out of their daughter.

She can communicate with the couple who died and live in the beautiful house on the hill. The daughter respects their space but her parents are outrageously irritating and controlling. They think they are so erudite regarding their ghosts. When all they really think about them is they are a novelty.

So what they get returned to them in full is a reaction to their behavior. This causes them to feel scared to death until they are willing to learn. I haven’t seen this film in a long time. It may be time to track it down and sit back with the popcorn and drive my partner nuts while goofing on the film or just getting excited remembering.  <3  Jennifer

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How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are

tell me a story

How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are

TED Talk: Andrew Solomon

Post Created by Jennifer Kiley

Post Thursday 18th September 2014


Andrew Solomon: How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are – TED Talk

Published on May 21, 2014

Writer Andrew Solomon has spent his career telling stories of the hardships of others. Now he turns inward, bringing us into a childhood of struggle, while also spinning tales of the courageous people he’s met in the years since. In a moving, heartfelt and at times downright funny talk, Solomon gives a powerful call to action to forge meaning from our biggest struggles.

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Mitch Hedberg – A Comic Genius

lightness of being day wednesday negative
A Comic Genius

Comedian Mitch Hedberg

Post Created by Jennifer Kiley

Post Wednesday 17th September 2014


Mitch Hedberg - A Comic Genius

Mitch Hedberg – A Comic Genius

Mitchell Lee “Mitch” Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 29, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs.

Hedberg’s comedy and onstage persona gained him a cult following, with audience members sometimes shouting out the punchlines to his jokes before he could finish them.

With his rising fame in the entertainment industry, Hedberg appeared on Letterman nine plus times, signed a half-million dollar deal with Fox for a television sitcom, and was dubbed “the next Seinfeld” by Time Magazine. George Carlin and Lewis Black were reportedly among his comedian fans.

Hedberg was known to be a drug user, mentioning it in some of his jokes (e.g., “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too”). In May 2003 he was arrested in Austin, Texas, for heroin possession.

On March 29, 2005, Hedberg was found dead in a hotel room in Livingston, New Jersey. He was 37 years old. Hedberg was born with a heart defect for which he received extensive treatment as a child. It was initially speculated that this condition may have played a part in his death. The New Jersey medical examiner’s office reported “multiple drug toxicity” in the form of cocaine and heroin as the official cause of death.

Hedberg’s death was formally announced on April 1, 2005, leading many to believe it was an April Fool’s joke, only to find out later that it was not.

Hedberg had an interview in the December 2001 issue of Penthouse. In the interview, published three years before his death, he was asked “If you could choose, how would you end your life?” His response: “First, I’d want to get famous, and then I’d overdose. If I overdosed at this stage in my career, I would be lucky if it made the back pages.”

A few months before his death, on October 12, 2004, Hedberg sat in on the news with Robin Quivers on The Howard Stern Show. He appeared on the show again on March 17, 2005, just 12 days before his death, and briefly discussed his drug use, saying, “Well, you know, I got the drugs under control now.” Stern responded, “Do you? You know how to take them responsibly?” Hedberg replied, “Yeah, you know, just for the creative side of it.”

[An edited down biography courtesy of Wikipedia]

I wanted to give a glimpse into who is Mitch Hedberg. I only just discovered him moments ago, before putting this piece together. He is funny. Intelligent & witty funny. He zings you then surprises you. I love his humor.

There are many videos available on YouTube. I will try to put together sections from his routines & post here on ‘the secret keeper’ if possible.

Hope you find the first hit of Mitch Hedberg delightful.

Dying at 37 is really f*cked up & from a drug overdose makes it even more f*cked up. I would love to hear what he would say about what is happening now. In the present of now as it moves through time.

Hope he’s hanging out with Bill Hicks & George Carlin & Lenny Bruce. So many to choose from but the three comedians I mentioned, I think Mitch Hedberg would fit into that group very smoothly.   <3  jennifer kiley

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