Collected By Jennifer Kiley
Collected By Jennifer Kiley
Due Out Summer 2012
by Charlie Schmidlin – The Play List
April 23, 2012 6:05 PM
If the graphic violence, giant rats, and seizure-inducing imagery of “Cosmopolis” dissuaded you from the film’s otherwise compelling look at sex and politics, then perhaps Robert Pattinson’s period drama “Bel Ami” is more up your alley. A new clip and soundtrack details have hit the web, and they both certainly share some similarities, believe it or not.
The clip from the Guy de Maupassant adaptation, features a shirtless Pattinson alongside a similarly nude Christina Ricci as they discuss a letter from his past. It’s all very snappy and playful, pushing toward that mix of delicate wit and eroticism that Patrice Leconte’s “Ridicule” achieved admirably, and this new film seems a pleasure to watch as well (though our reviewer at the Berlin Film Festival wasn’t quite as enamored). Pattinson plays George Duroy, an entrepreneur in 19th century Paris who rises from poverty to riches on account of his quick mind and good looks, and finds the “beau monde” elite a group where sex remains a political maneuver on equal ground with discussion.
Christina Ricci plays Clotilde de Marelle, one of Pattinson’s many lovers, and she joins a supporting cast that includes Uma Thurman, Kristen Scott Thomas, and Colm Meaney. The soundtrack comes courtesy of Lakshman Joseph De Saram, working along with Rachel Portman on the score. Portman did a fantastic job bringing the right atmosphere to Mark Romanek’s film “Never Let Me Go,” and you can hear a taste of what she brings to the period drama below. Also, a handful of new stills have arrived as well, which you can look at too.
The soundtrack is in stores now and the film, directed by Declan Donnellan & Nick Ormerod, will be VOD-available on May 4th before opening in select cities on June 8th. [MTV/Lyelyebye/Kinopoisk]
Watch Robert Pattinson and Christina Ricci in a love scene from an exclusive clip from the film Bel Ami by going to this link to also hear some of the beautiful soundtrack for the film Bel Ami. The exclusive clip is at the end of this article from the original site and is followed beneath with the audio from the soundtrack. It is very beautiful.
Bel Ami – Robert Pattinson Film
Collected & Written By Jennifer Kiley
(The Diagnosis of Bipolar has been in My Mental Health Records for years but I only found out about it Weed Day 4/20/2011. Since then I have been having arguments with my psychiatrist regarding this diagnosis. She doesn’t believe it is true b/c I do not according to her exhibit the symptoms when she does my med check. She, also, told me that my last psychotherapist didn’t feel I had Bipolar. Yet, everyone else in my life, including my present Psychotherapist, my partner of over 35 years, and my primary care provider who meets with me once a month, believe and have witnessed my hypomania, mania, depression, mixed states and rapid cycling. I personally have experienced all of these states. Oh, I, also, should mention my irritable to rageful states and highly creative states. Am I Bipolar? My psychiatrist says that Complex-PTSD exhibit similar symptoms. That may be true but I beleive I have both of these diagnoses plus in addition several other DSM-IV dianoses. It is frustrating that my psychiatrist will not accept my argument. Her retort is: “Isn’t having Complex-PTSD enough?” Not if that is not a complete and accurate diagnosis. I have physical illnesses and I have brain illness, which are all connected to the body. If you have cancer, do you not want to receive treatment for it? Of course, the answer is yes. So, if you are Bipolar, do you not want that treated as well? Yes. I do not want the meds but would rather work through “talk therapy” & alternative methods to accept what comes with Bipolar. I enjoy the creative highs and experience the depressive lows and the feelings of suicidal thoughts. But I want to learn to control th behaviors and feelings.)
The following are Insights into Bipolar Disorder:
With added comments from myself.
Depression: I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless<. [I am] haunt[ed]< with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all<. Others say, “It’s only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it,” but of course they haven’t any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can’t feel, move, think or care, then what on earth is the point?
Hypomania: At first when I’m high, it’s tremendous…ideas are fast… like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear< All shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there…uninteresting people, things become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria… you can do anything… but, somewhere this changes.
Mania: The fast ideas become too fast and there are far too many< overwhelming confusion replaces clarity… you stop keeping up with it &memory goes. Infectious humor ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened…everything is now against the grain< you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped.
Some people, however, never develop severe mania but instead experience milder episodes of hypomania that alternate with depression; this form of the illness is called bipolar II disorder. When 4 or more episodes of illness occur within a 12-month period, a person is said to have rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. Some people experience multiple episodes within a single week, or even within a single day. Rapid cycling tends to develop later in the course of illness and is more common among women.
My Experience with Bipolar:
I experience all of the above and with my depression it goes into a deep dark place where suicidal ideations always eventually come into my mind in an almost obsessive manner and dwelling on the thoughts of how I will kill myself. Along with the feeling of wanting to commit suicide the strong need and wanting to perform self-harm is highly prevalent. Along with the hypomania comes the racing thoughts, becoming so totally absorbed in my activities of creating I let go of time. I do not eat. I cannot sense anything that is going on around me. I do not eat. I do not take any breaks. I forget to take my meds. When I communicate with my partner, a great conversation where I am speaking at the speed of light & I become so excited that I speak loudly & then as easily as anything I will suddenly snap & lose control & blow up into a tantrum & become what my partner will feel as irrational but I am not aware of how totally I have lost controlled & the last time I really got out of control I went into a rage & was shouting & screaming & pounding my fists on the arms of my chair. It takes some time to recover from this kind of outburst. I am not psychotic & have not hallucinated but I do feel elated by what I create & that what I am creating is genius. It may be so but I feel so high on the feelings of elation. Some of this is creative confidence but it can turn on a dime & I feel that what I have created is shit & I spiral into a depression where just moments before I am higher than the clouds & the moon. So I go from having an endless amount of energy and experiencing the highest of high to dropping off a ledge into molasses & getting stuck in such a dark dungeon of hopelessness and despair, of depression and suicide as the alternative to alleviate this overwhelming emotional and physical pain.
Symptoms of a person with Bipolar:
***Are in an especially or abnormally energetic or irritable mood (lasting four or more days)
***Feel abnormally self-confident or social
***Need less sleep or are more energetic
***Are unusually talkative or “hyper”
***Are irritable or quick to anger
***Think faster than usual
***Are more easily distracted or have trouble concentrating
***Are more goal-directed or productive at work, school, or home
***Are more involved in pleasurable activities, such as spending or sex
***Feel or have reports from others that they did or said things that were unusual, abnormal, or not like their usual selves.
Myth vs. Fact
The following lists highlight common misconceptions about bipolar disorder in particular and
mental illness in general.
Myth: People who have bipolar disorder are “crazy” or “out of control;” they need constant supervision.
Fact: People who have bipolar disorder do not always experience symptoms; moods alternate and often the person’s behaviors and thinking are perfectly “normal,” or (preferred) balanced. Even untreated, people with bipolar disorder usually are not out of touch with reality, dangerous or completely out of control. With proper treatment, bipolar disorder is manageable and symptoms are much less pronounced, if present at all.
Myth: People with bipolar disorder have no discretion or use poor judgment.
Fact: This can be true during severe bouts with depressed and manic moods, but in general, people with bipolar disorder have the same discretion and judgment as people who do not have it.
Myth: People with bipolar disorder are violent; they may even be dangerous criminals.
Fact: Evidence suggests that people with bipolar disorder are much more likely to be victims of violent crimes than perpetrators. The most common violent thoughts of people with bipolar disorder are turned inward, as is the case with people who live with major depression.
Myth: Only Caucasians have bipolar disorder.
Fact: Bipolar disorder appears to affect all populations equally. This myth probably exists because Caucasian people are more likely than many minorities to seek treatment because of socioeconomic and cultural reasons. But minority communities and individuals in the U.S. are increasingly recognizing mental illness as an illness rather than a personal failing, and are finding that their communities offer mental health services that they can afford. This trend should reveal a more even distribution of diagnoses across ethnic communities nationwide.
Myth: Bipolar disorder is a middle class disease.
Fact: While people who have less money may have less access to health care in the U.S., there is no disease in the world that cares about how much money people have. This myth exists because some people do not believe that mental illnesses are true health conditions and that diseases such as bipolar disorder result from boredom or too much leisure time to feel sorry for oneself. The fact is, a person who has bipolar disorder needs treatment and cannot will his or herself out of having the disease.
Myth: Bipolar disorder is not a real illness.
Fact: While scientifically based information on mental illness is relatively new and not yet fully understood, evidence suggests that bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses often result from hormonal and chemical imbalances, brain neurotransmitter dysfunction and environmental causes. The fact that bipolar disorder responds to medicinal treatment indicates that the disruption it causes in one’s life— “the disease”—can be remedied as one can remedy the symptoms of many other illnesses.
Myth: Having bipolar disorder is a choice; anyone with willpower can control his or her symptoms.
Fact: This is like stating that anyone with willpower can control the symptoms and progressive destruction of cancer or HIV/AIDS. In other words, bipolar disorder is a physiologically based disorder that cannot be controlled by one’s will or wishes.
Myth: People living with bipolar disorder suffer all the time, throughout their whole lives.
Fact: Not true. Even untreated, people with bipolar disorder do not suffer all the time—but they do suffer. However, people who are properly treated can live normal or balanced lives.
Myth: Treatment is uniform, meaning that treatment is the same for everyone.
Fact: Because people’s biochemistry is different and because the causes of bipolar disorder may be different for different people, each person responds differently to treatment. This is one reason that treatments are thought by some to be ineffective; however, the truth is, most people can find a treatment that works for them without enough patience, and under the close supervision of a knowledgeable and experienced physician.
Myth: Bipolar disorder is a sign of failure.
Fact: Bipolar disorder is a sign of being a human being with a predisposition for bipolar disorder.
Myth: Bipolar disorder is a character flaw.
Fact: While what is or is not a character flaw is inherently a subjective question, the bottom line is that bipolar disorder is an illness, not an aspect of character; however, being prejudiced against people with health problems is a truly undesirable characteristic.
Myth: The illness defines the person. People who suffer from mental illness have no other concerns or interests in life.
Fact: Just like someone who lives with, say, HIV, treating the symptoms and the illness itself does take priority in a patient’s life from time to time, but with proper treatment and management of the disease, bipolar disorder (and any other chronic disease) takes less of a priority and the patient’s life becomes no different from anyone else’s.
Myth: Those who do not “get better” are not actively engaged in the recovery process.
Fact: No one can be blamed for the effectiveness of his or her recovery from an illness such as bipolar disorder. Many people work hard on finding the right way to manage the disease and continue to suffer the symptoms of the disorder until the best treatment is found. Assuming that a person who continues to suffer is not “trying” to get better is unfair and counterproductive.
Myth: The patient is to blame for his or her mental illness.
Fact: While incredible to most informed and intelligent people, some people still believe this myth is true.
Famous People who are Bipolar
Bipolar Disorder vs Bipolar In Order
By Tom Wootton
A recent comment from bipolar advantage website prompted a great reply from one of our volunteers. I think he really put it in the Bipolar Advantage perspective. “Thank you for contacting us. You are certainly not your disorder, but you need not have bipolar in disorder at all. The argument you present has been floating around for a long time. The way we look at it is that I am six feet tall, weigh 185 pounds, am male, gay, and bipolar. I am bipolar because I have a wide range of highs and lows, which makes bipolar a description of me just like my height and sexual preference. I do not have the flu, a cold, or bipolar disorder, which are all illnesses, so I would not want to be identified as any of the illnesses just because I temporarily had them. I have Bipolar IN Order, which is not an illness at all. I am proud to be identified with being bipolar just as I am proud to be identified with being gay. They used to try to say being gay was a mental illness too.
Without the difference between Bipolar Disorder and Bipolar IN Order, it makes sense to lump bipolar as a trait in with bipolar disorder the illness. Bipolar itself is not an illness at all and nothing to be ashamed of. As a matter of fact, those of us who have Bipolar IN Order see it as a tremendous advantage over those incapable of experiencing as wide of a range as we can.
Although it is an interesting semantical debate, it has little to do with what we do at Bipolar Advantage. We teach people how to make bipolar work for them instead of trying to make it go away, which is not possible anyway unless you are willing to be a zombie for the rest of your life. It would be like cutting off your head because you do not want to be associated with being six feet tall (or have not learned to duck when going through five foot high openings).
…In a way, arguing that you are not “bipolar disorder” is reinforcing the false notion that bipolar must only be seen as an illness, which is a major source of the stigma associated with it and the despair that those with the bipolar disorder diagnosis feel.” …We do recognize Bipolar Disorder as a terrible condition that needs to be treated. Some misrepresent what we say as advocating letting bipolar run unchecked, but nothing could be further from the truth. Getting Bipolar IN Order takes a serious commitment. I often say it is the hardest thing you will ever do, except for one thing: not doing it. Leaving bipolar in the disordered state makes life hell for everyone.
I have started listening to the Free Videos of the concept behind Bipolar In Disorder. The Course is rather expensive for some people but I do not want to be dulled out with medication. I tried that and I did not feel like myself at all and I stopped being motivated to create. I just became depressed and stopped wanting to live. To have the creative highs is important to me and I move through the deep depressions with acceptance that they are what I have to accept in order that my creative self can live freely to be inspired and to follow my muse where ever she may lead me. However, it is important to modify and control the behavior which is detrimental to my well being as well as my partner’s and those whom I love in my life.
I hope this has been a helpful endeavor on my part to make aware the different aspects of Bipolar and the ways in which to heal while living with Bipolar being in your life.
Bipolar In Order – The Shocking Truth about Recovery from Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar In Order (if you watched The Shocking Truth – skip to 3:15)
The subject of the first book published by Plum Tree Books holds a special place in my heart, having experienced a traumatic childhood, but have found many loving people along the way who have helped me grow out of the pain with love and lots of hugs and continued encouragement in my healing. I am familiar with the writings of Dr. Niamh Clune, whose creative book “Orange Petals In a Storm” led me to first hear about the book “Every Child Is Entitled to Innocence,” After I reblog this uplifting post I intend to visit Amazon.com to purchase “Every Child Is Entitled to Innocence.” That is the hardest thing to recover from, the lost of innocence. Once stolen it can never be returned. It is like opening Pandora’s Box, once the evils are released into the world, they constantly need to be confronted and destroyed whenever possible. ~jen kiley~
Originally posted on Darlene Foster's Blog:
This is a re-post of a previous blog. There has been a change to the publisher’s website and the book is being offered FREE for the next couple of days to get the word out. So I decided to share it again with all of my wonderful followers. You might want to check it out and please share with your friends; Every Child is Entitled to Innocence
I am proud to have my story, Good Hands, included in this inspiring publication, along with other amazing stories by talented writers.
This is part of the forward to the book:
In 2010 more than 14.5 million children, or adults on behalf of children, contacted child helplines around the world. Experiences collated from different child helplines…
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By Jennifer Kiley
After travelling backwards through my blog, viewing each post, reveiwing and updating it has led me to a place of remembrance and inpsiration. It has awakened glimpses of memories that I might reconnect with through feelings and thoughts that are buried oh so carefully within me. It is time for me to go inward through meditation and contemplation to retreive from my subconscous and unconscious all that is hidden from my conscious awareness, so that I might proceed to access the assistance of my muse while I go forth in the work I am attempting to do in the creation of a screenplay that relates in many ways to the experiences that have touched my life.
The page I create, I hope to use as a place to find those videos that I have worked with in the past while I meditated. This is an experiment that I am hopeful will work in centering me each day prior to my entering into a colaboration with my muse in our work together. The first of the videos will follow.
Chanting OM by MUSIC FOR DEEP MEDITATION
Chanting Om II – Splendour of Yoga
Chanting Om II – Meditation Music
Chanting Om II – Meditation on the 7 Chakras
Air – Paul Collier – Relaxing Music
Slow Down – Paul Collier
Smoothing Meditation Music – Paul Collier
No Mind – Piano – Paul Collier
Self Esteem Affirmations with Music – Paul Collier
Sounds of Rain and Thnder on the River
Relaxing Rain on a Metal Roof – 1 hour
These are all videos I’ve listened to while letting my mind settle down as I was going into a state of meditation. Thoughts would travel through my mind but I would just try not to attach myself to any of them – just let them go. When I felt my self drifting back to engaging in my thinking I would start to listen to my breathing as it guided me back on track to the goal of letting go of my thoughts and emotions and drift into a place where I am free from this space we call reality. I work on letting go of the sensations of my body that distract me. I just keep letting go. Whenever I return to this reality I would work on my breathing again and let that be my focus. Eventually, without realizing it I am not with my body and mind i have floated onto a different plane of consciousness that I am not aware of. It is more like being set free from all physical connections of the body and mind. These are very soothing videos to work with to bring one into a state of relaxation so that you are able to let go into your meditation. The contemplation is the act of meditation. A focusing on one thing so that all else slides away. In this instance we contemplate on meditating so that all of the world slips into another realm away from that which we are actively seeking to find so that we can also let that pass away from our awareness. Some call this attainment Nirvana. Sometimes reachable but also elusive like a butterfly. Sometimes the relaxation of the meditation drops us off into such a relazed state we actually drift into a deep and restful sleep. Which is a perfectly fine end to the crescendo of meditation.
by Jennifer Kiley
I thought a bit of lightness and fun would be enjoyable. On Monday night I watched the TV show SMASH and when I got home today my partner was watching it and the Bollywood Dance Number fom the show was on the TV. I loved watching it both times. Then it made me remember when they created a great Bollywood Dance Number for the main characters of the Soap Opera Passions. The one that was always off the wall and thoroughly delightful to watch. It always made you laugh because it was so out there and entertaining. Teresa from day one going after Ethan and Gwen always coming between their true love through manipulation and cheating and a lot of help from her mother to keep the star crossed lovers apart. Well, I did a YouTube search and I found these three videos of that Bollywood Dance where the fight is on over Ethan. I love Bollywood films and sometimes the best part is the Dance Number. One always looked forward to it. Remember the Academy Award winning film “Slumdog Millionaire” – there it was The Bollywood Dance Number whether it fit in or not and it was great even though the film spent most of the time being tense and the hero was trying to find the girl he sees across the way from him but they were so far apart. And of course the amazing game he plays of “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.” So enjoy the three videos of Americans who are visiting India and end in a dance off to see who wins Ethan.
These are three different videos even though on the second two videos they are both labeled part two (2).
Bollywood Passions Soap Opera – The Dance Part 1
(go to 2:17 minutes. it is where the dance sequence begins
by Jennifer Kiley
Bella and Sookie are both in a love triangle where they have to decide which vampire or wolf they want in their romantic life. Bella is quite a bit younger than Sookie and all she knows is high school, romance and a family life that has uprooted her from living with mom to a whole new social community with her father. She really hasn’t had a chance to live beyond that and right out of high school she is getting married, pregnant and giving birth to a species of being that almost kills her.
I never had a sense that she didn’t think for herself but with the element that she had surrounding her she was always finding herself in dire situations in which she definitely needed rescuing. These rescues were way beyond the ability of her father but not that of Edward and his family or Jacob and his crew. She needed protection but she also stood up for herself and made decisions for herself. If she were older maybe she would be more like Sookie.
Sookie had her grandmother but she was taken from her and she has her brother who at times seemed kind of useless so she had to depend on herself. But once Bill came into her life, it seemed he was always coming to her rescue and she needed him to or on many occasions she would not have survived.
She has Bill, Eric and Alcide who all surround her in a protectve circle. She may work for a living sometimes but she has been in similar dangerous situations when she needed to depend on the strength of a man (vampire or wolf) to save her from being killed.
What is the difference from Bella and Sookie besides waiting or not waiting to consumate their relationships. Bella chose Edward and waited until they were married, which is totally acceptable and also it was her decision to accept Edward wanting to wait and she respected that no matter how tempted she was.
She, also, developed a relationship with Jacob, which drove Edward and Jacob crazy because they wanted her to chose one of them but she didn’t allow their needs to pressure her into making a choice until she was sure it was Edward that she wanted.
Sookie has multiple choices herself and even though she loves Bill, she also has deep feelings for Eric, but it is all about their blood co-mingling. Sookie acts on her sexuality much differently than Bella and depending on how one looks at that, one could say Sookie is freer to express herself and does not hold back from her desires. All Sookie’s vampires origianlly come from a different era which over the time that they have been alive would cause them to behave in a different manner.
That is also true for Edward. He is a gentleman who deeply cares about Bella’s feelings and being a vampire does not want to rush her into an extremely life changing decision. The rules have changed since Anne Rice came on the scene and changed up what effects vampires.
Edward does not want to overwhelm Bella and as we can see on their wedding night, the sexual act of making love draws out these intense emotions and terrific strength that cause him to physically harm Bella, not intentionally but his fears were justified. So, I guess I do not see where the dependency lies in Bella’s relationship with Edward is far from the dependency Sookie has for Bill, Eric or Alcide.
I left out some rather important information regarding Sookie and that is she has psychic as well as magical fairy powers. Where as Bella is not born with unusual powers but is married into a family of vampires and then makes the transformation into a vampire after her wedding. Quite a serious step for Bella and a decision she made quite independent of any influence from Edward. Sookie born with powers. Bella acquiring powers after marrying the vampire she loves.
The continued story of Gatsby and the results of Birthing the kittens. Along with video of mom and kittens the next morning.
Originally posted on MacKENZIE's Dragon's Nest:
It was a dark and stormy night. The dark side of the moon was mooning us from on high, not that we could notice with all the clouds. Still, we need the rain, so no complaints.
Gatsby, in her inimitable wisdom decided it was the perfect time to have her kittens. What a shock! (Personally, I didn’ expect them until May Day.)
Around 9:00 she started pacing about, talking like crazy, and checking out the space under the recliner (a space I blocked off as soon as she came out; didn’t want her having kittens in an inaccessible space)… I dug out the Home Veterinarian book to get some idea whether or not I would be getting any sleep. Finally, I figured I might as well try to get a couple of hours rest–Gats would wake me when the time came.
Not only did she wake me, she decided to have the little ones on…
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by Jennifer Kiley
I love both Twilight Saga and True Blood.
The child in me is drawn to the “Romantic Princess” Complex in Twilight. The politeness of Edward and his not being like all men who want to force their sexual needs on the woman before she is ready.
When I say force I am not speaking of rape but of the old sexual desires of men needing to be satified now. Women have sexual needs as well but want to express them in their own time and not specifically as a reward to the man.
There is passion brewing between Bella and Edward but it is allowed to ripen rather then acted on and released just because the feelings exist.
It’s holding back from what you want so that once you get there the release is so much more powerful.
Then there is True Blood where passion overflows like Victoria Falls.
It is hot and expressed in a total and all consuming release. A mature love that is expressed without reservation.
Both have a place in the way women chose to express their sexual desires. Some chose a building slowness before expressing their needs and some rip off their clothes in an effort to get to their release as quickly as possible.
I think it is a matter of choice as opposed to a repressed id or a forced bordering on denial of ones desires.
I find both intriguing and appealing but in my imagination I would want the titilation of holding back and being slowly seduced and seducing.
It would seem to me that one would experience more fully the sensations in the love making when expressing ones self more slowly and building to the crescendo and then release. JMO.
Originally posted on inmyinternest:
One of the Twilight films was on TV around Easter. It reminded me of a snatch of conversation I heard when the latest Twilight film was in the cinemas. A bunch of teen girls passed us in the lobby of a cinema, and one of them was saying how great the books were because they were so modern – for once it’s the girl chasing the boy and not the other way around! The others agreed that Bella is a powerful female character, and really convincingly written, like you could really believe she was real.
Without going into the literary merits of the Twilight novels, I was astounded that the girls could mistake Bella for a powerful female character! Or perhaps it’s not so strange… the girls were quite young (maybe 14) and to an inexperienced reader it may seem like Bella is a strong, independent female because she chases…
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