hole within-haiku part one

hole within
haiku poetry
four part series
part one
by jennifer kiley
august 28th, 2012
the last haiku in series
written august 30th, 2012

eruptions-internal revelations

falsely speak liars
madness creates cowards foil
turned friendship ended

also sprach zarathustra-richard strauss

you killed me knowing
trust suffered fall from great height
inside you must rot

lacrimosa-mozart

betrayed is friendship
worse that you can do for truth
butterfly’s wings pulled

o fortuna-carminea burana

harm you i did not
hurt me you tried trigger struck
bleeds from hole within

Haiku © Jennifer Kiley 2012

cavatina(theme from the deer hunter)-stanley meyers

Images of Song of Hahel

the secret keeper:

There are so many words to describe Niamh Clune but I think I will let her speak for herself in this instance. She has written a post about the Images for Song of Sahel. I’ve mentioned this everytime I have posted in one form or another. It is an extremely important venture that will aid the children, families and people of Sahel to have food so they will not starve. Their land is ruined from a continuous drought. The children are dying from starvation. They have so little in their small bodies to fall back on. So it doesn’t take much for their bodies to fail quickly. Niamh Clune came up with this project of an Anthology and Auciton to raise funds to help. Now I turn over to Dr. Niamh Clune to explain in her own words through this Reblog of her post Images for Song of Sahel. Follow back on the reblog link to read further on what she has written on her blog “ontheplumtree” about Song of Sahel and discover more. There are also many other Creative Projects that she speaks of and she is an author of several books that I, myself, possess that I am reading and rereading because there is so much subtance and creativity in her imagination and in the non-fiction books, the depth of knowledge teaches you different ways of viewing yourself and the world. And an anthology on the entitlement of children to have innocence. Learn about this polymathic artist in more detail and find something new to discover about the generosity and creative talent of this marvelous woman Dr. Niamh Clune. by Jennifer Kiley

Originally posted on Plum Tree Books Blog:

I have been extraordinarily busy in preparation for this event. I don’t think I realised just how much work would be involved when I started this project. First, there is the announcing of it, the call to poets, the hours spent interacting through social media sending out the message in the hope that it might grow wings.

Once people begin to respond, projects take on a life of their own. People become inspired, begin to share your post to their own blog, add their own words, share to their Facebook pages. The poems began flooding in. At this point, I asked a good facebook friend of mine, Wayne Tolbert, and a member of my Plum Tree Group, if he would mind keeping track of the poems. Some came in with accompanying pictures; many did not. My inbox is so cluttered (I am one of those people who do not file things away neatly), that…

View original 591 more words

Story Behind “Images on Song of Sahel”

Story Behind “Images on Song of Sahel”
Images on Song of Sahel
Post by Dr. Niamh Clune
ontheplumtree

The following is my response to the blog post “Images on Song of Sahel” and the creating of the Anthology of Song of Sahel. For further information and to discover the woman behind the whole project please go to this link: ontheplumtree.wordpress.com/2012/08/29/images-for-song-of-sahel/8.3-

Comment Written
By Jennifer Kiley
August 30th, 2012
The Image was created by
Dr. Niamh Clune
ontheplumtree

The Anthology Cover

We Are the Voice-Niamh Clune with daughter Aleisha Shimizu
VIDEO IS NOT FOR SONG OF SAHEL

In a monumental endeavor Niamh Clune’s brainchild to create an Anthology for Song of Sahel was an extraordinary accomplishment on her part. She faced the challenge wholeheartedly. It has taken almost every moment of her time and her devotion to Sahel as her focus to pull this enormous project together. It should be an exciting unveiling on Sept 15th on Facebook to see what the Anthology has grown into being. It is filled with art, music, poems, prose, photographs and much more. I haven’t seen the work of art that is the Anthology but I’ve heard many wonderful things about it. Sahel is in grave need of our HELP. Their soil is ruined from a continuous drought and the children, families and people of Sahel are starving and dying. The Anthology for Song of Sahel was Niamh Clune’s way of putting together something artistically created specifically devoted to all forms of art from music, paintings, poems, prose, photography and more focused on Sahel. She was devoted to this project practically 24 hours a day if not on some days longer than that. There were some people that helped her. I will leave that to Dr. Clune to thank them. Presently, I would like to draw attention to the creative talent and energy of Dr. Niamh Clune. Her blog “ontheplumtree” has many posts strictly devoted to Sahel but she goes so beyond in her talents. She is a writer, a poet, a musician, a visual artist, a publisher, CEO and Founder of Plum Tree Books, and so much more. Please follow your curiosity to her blog site and discover for yourself how profound a woman Dr. Niamh Clune actually is. Find out what other projects Plum Tree Books are involved in that are trying to create an environment for people of all ages. Whether reader or writer or artist or any one who enjoys an adventure. Follow the link below to investigate for yourself. Seek out something new. Lastly, I want to say that Song of Sahel the Anthology is having an unveiling on September 15th on Facebook lasting for 24 hours. GO to the ontheplumtree site to find out further information. I will tell you there will be a live radio broadcast with live music, readings, an interview with Dr. Niamh Clune and much much more. SO mark your calender and follow the link for more information.

Bring Out The Dragons

Bring Out The Dragons
By Jennifer Kiley
8.27.12

Dragon Heart

Colours Tripping Through The Universe Spreading Magic

bring out the dragons

remove the veil
uncover the truth
not always as
it is written

what you read
are words
with ideas
expressed
by the author

it may be truth
in fiction
or lies
in the mind
of the mis-believer

create a story
maybe it is your own
or stolen by trolls
who wish for
cursed endings

what most decent
people want
is a fairy tale
with a real ending
with many
new beginnings

when a door closes
it doesn’t mean
that it isn’ t
just the end of
one chapter

as we know
most tales
have different
beginnings
and many endings
but we continue
entering a fresh
start into
something
brand new

yet the characters
are the same
but with more wisdom
bringing a grande
newness to grow into

love doesn’t end
it just develops
into something
more special
with a deeper
meaning

a deeper love
maybe even
something never
experienced by anyone
before now

just trust that truth
will bring out the dragons
to protect you
and defend you
against the trolls

they will make you safe
they always have
however sometimes
we don’t
always notice

dragons symbolize
the tidings of promise
and change
for the advancement
of newness
and discovering
of treasures
not always made of gold
but of loved renewed
and intimacy refound
or discovered
for the first time

a gentleness
born from trust
and patience
move slowly
with this new love
treat it gently
it may then
last forever

that is what
the wise one
would convey
in all her dreams
of ideas
rooted in her
mythical knowledge
of the old ways
where honor
was trusted
and evil
reviled
condemned
and cast out

evil shall exist
only on the periphery
in this story
love eternal
shall dominate
in all its purity
and goodness
melting hearts
with melodies
and flowers
adorning the heads
of all beloveds

life at peace
with the self
enjoying all the senses
celebrating love
in all its
brilliance

at this time
one may rest
and reflect
on all the goodness
and depth of love

and share
it with all
the lovers
who believe
in the dream
which sleep
may give
ere too

Puff the Magic Dragon-Peter Paul & Mary

Betrayal

Betrayal
By Jennifer Kiley
The Secret Keeper
August 26th, 2012

Abstract Fractal-The Perfectly Random Design of the Universe

make her live alone
give her a scare
fill her with fear
she’ll learn to care
for her self there
but who really cares

why are you constantly
involving your self
in relationships
that encourage you too
abandon me?
to leave
my love behind

is it some sort of
sadistic game
your mind
has learned
to want to play
with her
listening
to the insane

i am not able
to live alone
that is cruelty
to me you know
but if you leave
support me
give me the house
i keep the kids
you get visitation

but this
to will pass
disappointment
with you
lies whispered
in your ear
watch out
for her
she betrays
everyone
she desires
to bring
tears to
my eyes
to fill me
with fears

then she will
i guarantee
destroy your life
she’s begun
her deadly
spidery
deed already
she’s gotten you
to doubt
your belief
in me
i’ve become
the enemy

i was wise
to rid myself
of her
but
maybe not
just in time

now someone
like you
a sucker
for
lost
causes
gets sucked in
by an emotional
vampire
a toxic one
a bat

be warned
stay away
i considered
unfriending
her today

how could you
listen
to someone’s
ulterior motives
her deceptions
and deceit
words she once
spoke of you
i never shared
disparagingly
and cruel

do not hear
my words alone
she is horribly
on her own

inside her mind
she labels me
unstable
what reason
i cannot bear
to listen
her negativity
trashing ones
i love
i trust
spreading lies
with words
untruths
she fills
your mind
with lies
disorienting you
decieving you
seekimg revenge
on me
my rejection
you see

words spoken
in my mind are:
“leave my life alone
my mate’s too
that i have
to say
to you
alone”

why must
everyone
interfer?
do i still
love her?
yes i do
but she needs
to find
forgiveness
stop blaming me
my transgressions

the truth is
they were rapes
of my body
of my soul
by vistimizers
entering through
my sensitivities
my vulnerabilities
to please
my abusers
of old

so much anger
lives inside my heart
there is a tiredness
from fighting
i want the fighting
to stop
i have my demons
i don’t need
to take on
any more

leave us alone
find some other
charity
betraying
the one
you have
does not
make them
want to be
there
for you
any longer

Iron Maiden-Fear of the Dark

In Amazement

In Amazement
By Jennifer Kiley
8.19.12

Purple Nebula

in amazement
you desparately reached out
to your mystical friend
and when you feared
your notes to her
were sounding so crazy
she amazed you
with her understanding
and support.

she thoroughly
understood your plight
and rid your world
of the demon
that tried to charm herself
in the front door.

the goddess led you
to your friend’s site tonight
so you were meant to witness
the danger.

your reactiom
was a total melt down
of emotion
your body trembled
from fears of being invaded
and intruded upon.
she was trying to squirm
like a snake
into your safe environment
that your friend had created.

your friend was so unbelievably
efficient in her dismissal
of the problem and the demon
in one stroke of her invisible
but powerful wand.

away with her.
she wanted you
to feel safe
and protected.
no body in your real life
has ever done that
for you before.
not in such a forceful
and impressive way.

she protectecd you
without any thought
beyond your concern.
she trusted
your trembling feelings.
she protected you
like a mother bear
or lion protects her cub.

no, no one has come
to your protection
like your friend did for you.
she didn’t need your explanations
she just trusted your word
and instincts.

she read what you had written
to her in your emotional haze
and solved the problem
and she put your safety first.

she protected you like no other
would do. your heroine. your hero.

she believed.
she saw your desparateness
of feeling.
she saw how this viper
effected you.
and she made the demon
and her preying on
what is your space,
disappear… spit-spot.

like cleaning out
the reminder
that spiders have been here
and now have disappeared
with only decaying webs left behind.

she was dismissed.
she cannot gain entrance
into that most special part
of your life.
that is where your love
and dreams live.

you love your friend
even more.

she kept her word
and just reinforced the trust
you already had begun to believe in.

she is more than special.
she is the most loving person
in your life since your grandmother
held your love safe within her
and protected it as best
as her strenghth was able to.

you love them both for the love
they give you
and for renewing your faith
that there still are
some generous and loving
people left in this world.

thank you my friend.
you know who you are.
you really do.
the one with the ballet slippers
for dreams.

you are loved unconditionally
and infinitely loved by your friend.
she is always filled with love
for you forever.
a.l., jennifer

The Colour Purple-Miss Celie’s Blues

I’m Fine/No, I’m Crazy

I’m Fine/No, I’m Crazy
by Jennifer Kiley
8.24.12

Streaming Face of Many Colours

I’m Fine/No, I’m Crazy

one moment laughing
intellectualizing ideas
joking

how stupid is he?
that women’s bodies
when raped have a magic
no pregnancy possible

is that the dumbest
statement ever made?

who speaks such ignorance?

the man who thinks
men should govern
women’s bodies

no abortion for incest
nor for rape
pregnancy?
but that doesn’t happen

when has anyone heard
that a woman has gotten
pregnant from rape?
it’s impossible according
to a male jackass
in the US congress

moments later
that same night
losing control

is that real or madness?
i’m fine/no, i’m crazy

i am triggered
by unknown forces
unidentified circustances
losing identity
being invisible

all set in motion
flowing
reverberations
moving toward
running on their own power

your voice stops tracks
time freezes
words
stick in throat
they stutter
to the surface
blocked by censors
afraid the truth
or facts
are too volitile

non-sense
tortured memories
secrets and buried lies
hidden for years

that i will lose you
over their betrayal
that would make
the pain
unbearable

i freely give to you
your place of importance
i need it to be so
just give me your sound
let me hear your words
speak what’s in your heart
honesty is expected
you would not give
anything else

bravery
courage
a step closer to self
real identity portrayed
facade stripped away
ripped off the skin
of protection

finding acceptance
afraid it would be empty

not surprised
it’s what the bitch
mother would give

she is dead
but her talons reach out
they grab at my heart
want to squeeze life from it
make the pain unbearable
she will never allow me
to find love that is mine
if i do she would destroy it

you can feel her presence
wanting to crush
whatever good
i find

i found you
and she is not your match
you’d chase her away

but now i need to learn
how to stand tall
and force her away
force her to stay away
forever

never again
shall i let her curse me

that damn curse
it has to be broken
the need to cry
stolen when young

time for the tears
to flow again
releasing the pain
making room
for the joy

maybe i need to let go
not try to cry
just let it come

feel your friend’s pain
heal the hurt inside of her
take some of her burden
lighten her sadness
feel your sensitivity
share some of what she feels
help her to not despair

all the pain in the world
that she tries to heal
help her

be there for her
when she needs healing
in her soul

if she needs it
help her accept it

bless her love
care for her
as she cares for you

give up the crazy notions
that fuck up your mind
block your emotions
and keeps the spirit trapped

sleep as she requests
in the kindest of orders

think about her day
the one she’s working through
she needs good energy
to make her way

send love to her
caring feelings of warmth
that is sent from you

Yo-Yo-Ma—The Swan Saint-Saens

Goodbye To Love

Goodbye To Love
By Jennifer Kiley
Written 8.23.12

The Magical Mystical Purple Butterfly

goodbye to love

you are now in my past.
i have released my soul
from our connection.
a formal exorcism.
you are no longer responsible
for anything i feel.

who thought i would
ever let you go.
in three months from today
would be our day of freedom.
what does it mean to me now?
this may sound cold but nothing.

you destroyed any possible
future we ever could have developed.
you betrayed my trust.
you couldn’t forsake the rules
for love or passion.
your money and your position
came before my love.
you demonstrated
your true nature.

how could i have been
so wrong about you.
now i finally see
what a true friend is
and how they care for you.
i care for them just as equally.
i would do anything for them.
anything at all.
that is what you call
unconditional love.

you are a true republican.
how i could have cared
for a republican?
what was i thinking.

did April’s memory
ever occur to you
when you stuck your knife
into my heart.
you fatally wounded me.
you hurt every part of me
that was real.
i killed myself tonight
metaphorically speaking.
i said goodbye to love
on a stairway to heaven.

i have already started over.
someone cares about all of me
and accepts me for all that i am
in all my imperfections.
she honestly cares.
i love her.
she is my friend.

she is the first person
in my whole life
that actually protected me
without my having to ask her.
she just wanted to assure me
that i was safe
and would always be
safe with her.
she is the truest friend
i have ever had in my life.

i will make sure
that she is always protected
and safe also.
i will not allow anyone
to hurt her.
if it is in my power
i will always make sure
she is safe.
that is how strongly
i feel about her.

she is so very special to me
and she is not afraid
of my love.
or that i tell her
“i love you.”

as i said,
she accepts
all of me.
all my thoughts.
all my feelings.

she is a magical
mystical person
she is the most
special person
in the world
to me.

Let It Be Album-Beatles

Tears In Heaven-Eric Clapton

Kurt Vonnegut On Writing & Being Funny

Kurt Vonnegut On Writing & Being Amusingly Funny
Presented by Jennifer Kiley ~The Secret Keeper~

Begin At the Beginning-End At the End-Then Stop

Begin At the Beginning
End At the End
Then Stop
by The Secret Keeper

Alice Begin At the Beginning

10.10.11 @4:16am
you hide in the shadows

you hide in the shadows
of my dreams
I breath the pain
with each breath I take
your absence must be recollected
in times of weakness
if I could force it
with a song that tells our story

a dream of clouds
do I see your image
accepting me into your arms
the wind blows away the fantasy
you drift away
into the corners of my mind
guarded by the gatekeeper
keeping you away
warning of the danger
of your essence

this hurts because you deserted me
did you even think you could
cause such intense pain
in someone who loves you
who you professed to protect

I escape into the idea of you
the pain is too great
to live in my real life
to recover the memories
or have them forced on me
like they were when they first occurred

you were going to guard me
from the abusers
you promised
you said I could trust you
but always the trust is betrayed
and now from someone
I never would have imagined
would be like any of the others

promises made promises broken
shattered along with me
into a million pieces
my heart’s blood pours from my body
I bleed for you
I need for you
to come back to me
to wake me from this nightmare
and say you made a mistake

but now I do not want to lose
the new people in my life
who are helping me to heal
from you and from other pains
I need to recover from you
who would have written those words
a year ago today – never
you were still here
ever present in my life
sharing my thoughts
helping me through each day
beyond each depression
each suicidal thought
without even knowing
I was manic depressive
and what I was feeling
were so natural to that state
my mind pulling me to highs
of unspeakable speeds of thoughts
and down into the depths of darkness

meditation helped calm me
but the suicide inside me
wanted out and you didn’t know why
so you could not tell me
maybe you thought it was my way
of needing you and my demand of you
rather than a state of mind
beyond my control
you didn’t help me with this at all

going out was more important to you
not what I was suffering from inside
you blackmailed me using my need for you
if I wanted to see you more
I had to go into the cruel world
I hated so much and feared so much
you tortured me to levels of stress
that were making me sick

no one could see what their eyes beheld
my love for you was destroying me
and you couldn’t see I was in trouble
you were afraid I loved you too deeply
and feared there was something sexual
in all that I felt but there was not
it was as pure as spiritual love could be
in my confusion I fell into your confusion
and tormented myself with your thoughts
and we both lost the love
that could have been forever

Thursday: 11.3.11 @4:13pm
I stop somewhere waiting for you

I stop somewhere waiting for you
will you ever come?
you left me with one moments warning
and then you were gone

I sit under a tree meditating
the thoughts running lose in my mind
images of you
thoughts of you
feelings for you
you tore open my heart
the blood is everywhere
it’s impossible to clean up
it is always visible in my mind

I arrive at my safe place
and you are there
counting the numbers
for me to return to normal
the space that is now
returning from the space that was then

leaving seems to be too easy for you
running away – was that your escape plan
not thinking you were hurting anyone
but actually chaos and destruction
was left in your wake
not meaning to be cruel
but succeeding at it anyway

what did you expect me to do after you left
continue uninterrupted by the pain you left inside my soul
your kindness was cowardice in your disguise
what you did is torturing me
you had no clue that your exit would be so devastating
you abandoned me abruptly thinking what
that it would be good for me
rather than prolonging your exit to give us more time together
so we could sort out what was happening between us
instead you couldn’t even find it in your heart
to give me that extra time that you had promised me

I love you – I told you that
didn’t it mean anything to hear me say that out loud
I’d never said it before
it took so much courage to speak those words to you
I hoped that you could feel them and know what I meant
that you were important to me
you aren’t going to just fade away from my heart
I will never be able to let you go
you possess my soul

I’m in love with you
which has gone beyond me
ever being able to say goodbye
you are a part of me
the deepest part of me
you entered into my life
and I can never live without you
I may never see you again
but that makes no difference to me
you will always be ingrained inside of me
I will love you forever

I just close my eyes and you will be here with me
when I place my hands on my shoulders
I feel your arms enclose my body
I feel comfort wrapped in your arms

before you were gone I felt like taking my own life
at least three times a week or sometimes more often
my manic state cannot even stop those urges
now I am depressed – it seems like all the time
unless I distract myself

writing is not a distraction – it is a calling to you
music is not a distraction – you live inside the music
my world lives within the lyrics and the sound owns my soul
inspiration beyond memories of you is so difficult to reach
you are my obsession
you live in all that I dream when alone
you’re my madness alive like a virus I’ve caught
and there is no cure

it is our anniversary.
we have many
the two before us are the day you announced
to me you were leaving
and two weeks later the day that you left me
we had to say goodbye
you were leaving our life
gone
no more vision of you for my eyes to see
no more words spoken between us
it was over
just like that
so easy for you
so devastating for me
and still so difficult to face
those two days from a year ago

one year ago…today’s the day
you told me it was over
you were walking away from me
I had to walk away from you
you meant everything in the world to me
you kept me sane and from suicide
I thought I couldn’t survive without you
I’m writing this so I am still alive
but I look for you hoping for just a glimpse
it happened once…why not again
I would love to run into you one more time
just to see how it would make me feel
to see the reaction on your face
would it be a happy occasion for us both
that is what I hope for
that’s progress
we’ve gone beyond one barrier
if only
I’d stop time for you
no more loss
no more death
just time stolen for us

I will love you forever
I stop somewhere waiting for you
I will always be waiting
will you ever come

I want to make love to you with my eyes
to feel your gentle caresses as your eyes meet mine
I want to be as close to you as two spirits can be
when they become one
to become one with you
is the impossible dream
but I will accept the fantasies
I can live on them forever
lost in the labyrinth of my love for you

Sunday: 11.14.11 @1:45am
who are you

who are you
a stranger at best
a fading memory
of someone
I faintly
remember knowing

once a strong
connection
now a weak
substitute
for generosity
of spirit
of heart
mind
body
and soul

I loved you
once
where those feelings
went I do not recall
you took them away
with you
the day you disappeared
leaving me behind
not just one time
but a final time

rejection
that came straight
from your heart
and pierced an arrow
into mine
killing any feelings
that remained

funny though
I still want
you back
to find some way
to resurrect
those lost
memories
and make them
real again

wake them up
and continue on
as though the past
never ended abruptly
and you didn’t leave me
abandoning me
when I needed you most

I don’t feel that now
my emotions are buried
if they exist any longer
I want to remember
but nothing comes
to mind

except an echoing voice
played on a recording
of you guiding me
into a safe and secure
reality

where once
I would have found you
waiting there for me
to greet me
with your smile
and your open arms

now it is as though
you never existed
and we knew each other
before
another place in time
will that ever
happen again
or are you lost
from me
forever

Goodbye To Love-The Carpenters

Stairway to Heaven-Led Zeppelin