A F@cking Big Spider

“Dont worry the spider is smaller than you” “Yeah? So is a grenade!”

Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat. Animals move quickly away from the location of the perceived threat, and often hide. It is a basic survival mechanism that’s responding to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. Fear gives us the ability to recognize danger causing us to activate the fight-or-flight response. In cases of extreme fear, like horror or terror, we tend to freeze or become paralyzed from any possble response. It is suggested that there is a small set of innate emotions and that fear is one of them. The others include emotions such as joy, sadness, and anger.

deathly hollows

Am I doing this to face my fears and phobias? Partly. Mostly, I am trying to see that the ones that are not really a threat should let you be released from them. Its taken me many years of therapy and trying to overcome many fears. Some of them, most people would welcome into their lives, things that I fear. I want to but because of fear, I meet with some solidly built barriers for my protection. Those I needed when I was a child and sometimes as an adult because the child within me still has not let go of the fears. She wasn’t protected then, so how does she trust now to be protected from what caused her so much damage when she was little. As an adult, the fears have been validated by relationships with other adults. Unfortunately, children aren’t the only ones subjected to abuse.

poisoning with food

People are out there that do want to cause you harm and still do. They are like the wolf at grandma’s house, in full disguise as innocent looking and acting sweet and normal. But they are not to be trusted. I know several of those kind of people. They go about in their pretend faces and lie to you and to others. But I have a great defense against cheaters that are not honest with how treacherous they can be. My defenses are people who I trust who protect me and are honest with me. They love me. Even when I have a difficult time trusting love, I know they are real. In my confusion, my vision can be clouded by doubt, but they keep reminding me that I am safe with them.

When you come from a backround of severe abuse as a child, you can’t possibly understand that there are actual people out there in the world that you can believe in and it is okay to let their love in and to let your love out. Thay aren’t going to steal it. They will be careful with your love and they will be gentle with how they relate to you. I have found generosity of spirit from certain people who know who I am talking about. I want them to know when I am not in a state of confusion and my mind is not in chaos over the doubts that flood my mind, I do know they love me and I love them very deeply. And I think I have found trust inside of me that is real and they are real also.

the wicked dangerous caregiver

Life is frightening when you face your fears and your demons that live in the darkness. Fear of the Darkness is a real thing.

I just wanted to say that love is real and it takes so many forms. Passion is real. Desire is real. Not all the world wants to punish you. You may have lived through it as a child but there are ways to find help and to work through the darkness to find a way to be released. It is definitely not easy but giving up has never been an options for me. I feel it inside me sometimes. It is strong, wanting to let go and stop the pain. But I want to experience the joy and laughter and love as deep as each of these can go. A Pure Love not to be confused with sex. Sex is not love. It is an expression of the body to stimulation, physical, mental or emotional. But it is separate from Pure Love. Pure Love can be passionate, intense, caring and wanting everything for the one you love. A friendship can be deep and supportive and giving and intense and passionate. To deny feelings of Pure Love is to limit what is possible to exchange in a deep friendship. Fear can prevent us all from reaching out with such depth of feeling.

We hide from life when we allow fear to rule what we allow ourselves to experience and feel. I am afraid of crying, When I was a child I would cry so easily and I think it was good for me until my mother took it away from me as an expression of my emotions. She beat it the hell out of me. I have been trying for years to get that gift returned to me. Maybe I try to hard. Only when something traumatic happens am I able to feel the tears fill up in my eyes and to fall down my cheeks. But I am so afraid for someone to see me shedding those tears. I feel shame. My mother taught me to be ashamed of having feelings, especially to cry. I have worked so hard in therapy since I was 19 to find a way to release me from my mother’s curse. It is like a fairy tale and she is the wicked step-mother who only knows how to do evil and to curse people with her punishment.

It is time now for the curse to be brokwn. I don’t understand the magic that is needed to break her spell over me. To rid me of the fear she instilled in me when I was a child. I am ready. I need help to destroy the hold of the spell and have it be released. My reward will be to love with trust in my heart and to share that love and intimacy. To not fear the intimacy but to embrace it. And to feel all my emotions. But at the top of the list is to be able to cry. To cry when I feel that is what I need to do. Isn’t it odd that I would have as a wish, to have my tears returned to my eyes so not only would I be able to shed them, I would be able to produce them freely. When I felt a need to cry it would come natually again. No fear to stop them. No fear to stop any of my feelings, I would be able to have them be part of me again. I would be able to love freely. And those people I love now would know my love without worry that I would be scared by their love in return. And then maybe I could rid my world of all the treachery and betrayals by those in their disguises that really don’t fool me for a moment. This would be the beginning of Happily Ever Forever. By Jennifer Kiley

a grenade. quite destructive
under the wrong circumstances.

“Dont worry the spider is smaller than you” “Yeah? So is a grenade!”

Phobia is a persistent fear of an object or situation in which the sufferer goes to great lengths in avoiding, often being recognized as irrational.

List of Phobias:

There are others that break down into categories, but these are the basics. I’m sure that anyone will find something on this list that gives them pause. I know of several. Be brave and admit and share if you would, what those phobias might be. This, of course is voluntary. Enjoy the song at the end by Iron Maiden-Fear of the Dark. It is quite an interesting and a good song. I rather like it and have listened to it many times. It grows on you. In fact, I just bought and downloaded it for my mp3 from amazon.com. how impulsive is that? Listen to it enough and you might get hooked too.

A curious list indeed:

A
Ablutophobia – fear of bathing, washing, or cleaning
Achluophobia – fear of darkness
Acrophobia – fear of heights
Agoraphobia, Agoraphobia Without History of Panic Disorder – fear of places or events where escape is impossible or when help is unavailable. Fear of open spaces or of being in public places. Fear of leaving a safe place
Agraphobia – fear of sexual abuse
Agrizoophobia – fear of wild animals
Agyrophobia –The fear of crossing the road
Aichmophobia – fear of sharp or pointed objects (such as a needle or knife)
Ailurophobia – fear of cats
Algophobia – fear of pain
Androphobia – fear of men
Anthophobia – fear of flowers
Anthropophobia – fear of people or the company of people, a form of social phobia.
Aquaphobia – fear of water. Distinct from Hydrophobia, a scientific property that makes chemicals averse to interaction with water, as well as an archaic name for rabies
Arachnophobia – fear of spiders
Astraphobia – fear of thunder and lightning
Atychiphobia – fear of failure
Autophobia – fear of being alone or isolated
Aviophobia, Aviatophobia – fear of flying

B
Blood-injection-injury type phobia – a DSM-IV subtype of specific phobias

C
Chaetophobia – fear of hair
Chemophobia – fear of chemicals
Chiroptophobia – fear of bats
Chromophobia – fear of bright colors
Chronophobia – fear of time and time moving forward
Cibophobia, Sitophobia – aversion to food, synonymous to Anorexia nervosa
Claustrophobia – fear of having no escape and being closed in
Coulrophobia – fear of clowns (not restricted to evil clowns)
Cyberphobia – fear of or aversion to computers / Learning new technologies

D
Decidophobia – fear of making decisions
Dentophobia, Odontophobia – fear of dentists and dental procedures
Disposophobia – fear of getting rid of or losing things – sometimes wrongly defined as “compulsive hoarding”
Dysmorphophobia, or body dysmorphic disorder – a phobic obsession with a real or imaginary body defect

E
Emetophobia – fear of vomiting
Ergasiophobia – fear of work or functioning, or a surgeon’s fear of operating
Ergophobia – fear of work or functioning
Erotophobia – fear of sexual love or sexual abuse
Erythrophobia – pathological blushing

F
Friggatriskaidekaphobia, Paraskavedekatriaphobia, *Paraskevidekatriaphobia – fear of Friday the 13th
Frigophobia – fear of becoming too cold

G
Gamophobia – fear of marriage, commitment
Gelotophobia – fear of being laughed at
Gephyrophobia – fear of bridges
Genophobia, Coitophobia – fear of sexual intercourse
Gerascophobia – fear of growing old or aging
Gerontophobia – fear of growing old, or a hatred or fear of the elderly
Glossophobia – fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak
Gymnophobia – fear of nudity
Gynophobia – fear of women.

H
Hadephobia (also stigiophobia and stygiophobia) – fear of Hell[3]
Halitophobia – fear of bad breath
Haphephobia – fear of being touched
Heliophobia – fear of sunlight
Hemophobia, Haemophobia – fear of blood
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia – fear of the number 666
Hoplophobia – fear of weapons, specifically firearms (Generally a political term but the clinical phobia is also documented)
Homophobia – fear of homosexuals or of homosexual relationships; homophobic
Hydrophobia – fear of water, frequently noted as a common symptom of rabies
Hylophobia – fear of trees, forests or wood
Hypnophobia or somniphobia – fear of sleep.

I
Ichthyophobia – fear of fish, including fear of eating fish, or fear of dead fish
Ipovlopsychophobia – fear of having one’s photograph taken.

L
Lipophobia – fear/avoidance of fats in food

M
Mysophobia – fear of germs, contamination or dirt

N
Necrophobia – fear of death and/or the dead
Neophobia, Cainophobia, Cainotophobia, Centophobia, Kainolophobia, Kainophobia – fear of newness, novelty
Nomophobia – fear of being out of mobile phone contact
Nosocomephobia – fear of hospitals
Nosophobia – fear of contracting a disease
Nyctophobia, Achluophobia, Lygophobia, Scotophobia – fear of darkness

O
Obesophobia – fear of obesity
Oikophobia – fear of home surroundings and household appliances
Ombrophobia – fear of rain
Omphalophobia – fear of bellybuttons
Ophthalmophobia – fear of being stared at
Osmophobia, Olfactophobia – fear of bad odours

P
Panphobia – fear of everything or constant fear of an unknown cause
Papaphobia – fear of the Pope
Pediophobia – fear of dolls (a branch of automatonophobia: fear of humanoid figures)
Phagophobia – fear of swallowing
Pharmacophobia – fear of medications
Philophobia – fear of love
Phobophobia – fear of having a phobia
Phonophobia – fear of loud sounds
Pteromerhanophobia – fear of being on an airplane
Pyrophobia – fear of fire

R
Radiophobia – fear of radioactivity or X-rays

S
Sociophobia – fear of people or social situations
Scopophobia – fear of being looked at or stared at
Somniphobia – fear of sleep
Spasmenagaliaphobia (neologism; no official name) – fear of broken glass[4]
Spectrophobia – fear of ghosts and phantoms
Stygiophobia – fear of Hell

T
Taphophobia, Taphephobia – fear of the grave, or fear of being placed in a grave while still alive
Technophobia – fear of technology (see also Luddite)
Telephone phobia – fear or reluctance of making or taking phone calls
Tetraphobia – fear of the number 4
Thalassophobia – fear of the sea, or fear of being in the ocean
Thanatophobia – fear of dying
Thermophobia – fear of heat
Tokophobia – fear of childbirth or pregnancy
Traumatophobia – a synonym for injury phobia: fear of having an injury
Trichophobia – a morbid disgust caused by the sight of loose hairs
Triskaidekaphobia, Terdekaphobia – fear of the number 13
Trypanophobia, Belonephobia, Enetophobia – fear of needles or injections

U
Uranophobia, Ouranophobia – fear of Heaven

W
Workplace phobia – fear of the workplace

X
Xanthophobia – fear of the colour yellow
Xenophobia – fear of strangers, foreigners, or aliens
Xylophobia, Hylophobia, Ylophobia – fear of trees, forests or wood