What Was That Lie About?
Poem Written by Jennifer Kiley
How To Spot A Liar
Pamela Meyer
TED Talk
“Oh what a tangled web we weave
when first we practice to deceive”
~Sir Walter Scott~
Pamela Meyer-How To Spot A Liar
what was that lie about?
by jennifer kiley
august 2012
a therapist for years
thought me mad
your treachery
he vowed nothing to it
being manipulated by you
no spells were
being cast
you just tried
to steal
our family
what was it?
oh, that’s right
you played
on my mate’s
kindness
to take care
of your neediness.
being in
your fucked up
relationship
with animals shared
in kind
how long
did it take
for you
to come up
with the plan
to steal
mine?
no fool am i
never trusted
my instincts
my suspicions
were so strong
you wanted
love
the special love
my mate
gave me
stealing others’ things
was it your thing
trying to steal
my mate away
already you had
your own family.
one you had
committed to
through craziness
and love forever
you were deceptive
a devious ophidian
with no respect for self
or other’s feelings
or you would have
backed away.
cut your losses.
did you think
i would never
be suspicious
having an affair
confirmed?
well i was
somehow
the one you
betrayed
yourself to me
by lying
that another
woman
was actually
you and
you were
protecting me
for as long
as you hid the truth
and filled me
and spiritually killed me
with your lies
the ones i believed
the worst part was
you befriended
this fake
sheila on Facebook
all the while
betraying me
behind my back
it makes me
fume every time
i’d see her name
attached to anything
that my mate boasted
on facebook
flaunting her
everywhere
that i posted
staking her claims
into my heart.
my mate’s territory.
is not mine nor hers
but at least i know that
she lost her
but it was you
all the time
you are with me
stronger than ever.
it’s your public thievery.
you should not be proud
your fake displays
of attention to me
all the while
i think
she’s stealing
from me
while all the time
you’re
backstabbing me
so i am playing
a double game
well, i am better
at the game then she
or you combined
if i could command it
i would want my mate
to push her and you
out of our lives.
the two of us are
intertwined forever
it is despicable.
your preying disgust
a vulnerable mess
lying not knowing the truth
always a lie
a voice speaks to me.
giving me power.
a sign
all will be
what it is
go just go.
no southern hospitality
never answer the phone
you’re at the end
nothing cordial
voices travelling
phone lines
internet or email.
contamination
what you touch
atempting destruction
on my life
destruction
on my family too
no succes
be gone demon
leave our lives forever
you dared to lie
to me
thinking my mate
touching you
intimately
that’s cruelty to me.
torment torture
your pain for me
messing inside my head
all tangled
blinding images
thinking
hopeless
nightmares
it’s come out
your lies
i honestly
believed you
define friend
betrayal
using friends
setting up
the innocent
my mate
as bait
to cap the hook
of your
perpetuated lie
protecting you
faith of
a long friendship
now former friend
threw it away
for what never
could be yours?
you continued
the betrayal
lying
about my mate
creating more lies
you were unfriended
never want your face
again to enter
my view
don’t think
i could ever
forgive you
too huge
a betrayal
empathetic
pathetic me
in all effort
i tried
too much damage
it is done
complete
insurmountable.
finished
someday
laugh
maybe
about what?
it will be gone
from our world
no other intrusion
again
“Othalas: Words. What are they but shadows on a page or howling on the wind? They are as ever-changing as the mists below us and it is just as easy to lose sense of yourself among them. I am older than most sorcerers so what I know may, indeed, be close to the truth. Magic, wyrd, words, dreams, they all come from the spirit. Within them lie both power and peril. For to misuse any is to warp your sense of self. To lie in words, or in magic, or in dreams — that is how you become lost. The lights you see, they were lost long before they came to the Vale. ” ~Robert Fanney~
This is amazing. I like her thoughts. Her logic is true. Thank you for the outstanding video.
You are welcome. I found her use of humor to get her message across a clever way to to get people to open up and think. I felt her talk was a gem to hear. thank you, jen
Powerful post, Jennifer. One of the darkest and most heartbreaking of betrayals is that of a trusted friend. To your immense credit, you saw through the lies and called out the liar. Sometimes fear inhibits us from doing that, but as it was stated in the video, we then become “unwilling partners in deception.” This reminds me of a song on one of Bob Dylan’s later albums, Oh Mercy. The song is “Disease of Conceit.” Part of it says,
“Eats your soul
Over your senses
You have no control
Ain’t nothing too discreet
About the disease of conceit”
Often liars do suffer the heinous malady, a “disease of conceit,” and they are so adept at playing that game. I have enormous respect for you fighting for your mate, your family, your love. I believe you have the gift of discernment and woe be it to the person who attempts to run this against you and yours ever again. Your poem was written from the depths of your being, as is everything you write. Your gift in writing is used as a tool, and it can also be used when needed, as a weapon. You are stronger than you may realize and have been through battles that would wrench anyone’s soul. I wish you love and happiness always. You are a gift to be cherished.
It was a fight to stay sane through all the reassurances of my therapist when deep inside I felt there was something wrong. When this was confirmed by my then friend as being true, and she described things in great detail, what was I suppose to believe. My suspicions grew from acts of this former friend and how i felt relating to her. Finally, with the counseling of a trusted friend did I find the courage to face the truth no matter what it was I would find out. When It turned out to be a completely fabricated lie to defame my mate and this other woman. It built up such hate and resentiment inside of me before the liar was revealed. I went “mad” inside my mind when I was told by my mate that it was all a lie. There was no affair. Then my questions were: “Why would she tell me such lies? And to be so convincing. What kind of game was she involved in? It was madness creating. Moments before I was going to apologize to her for feeling that she wanted to come between my mate and I. But then the truth came out. I never want to see this person again. But she is still in my mate’s life. She needs her to help her out. I told my mate no more lies. If she tells my mate to keep anything from me, that she was to here the words, I am not going to keep any secrets from her for you. (meaning me of course.) This lasted almost 17 years that I lived with this hanging over my head like a pendulum. It comes to full circle that my original therapist reassured me and told me to just leave it alone. So for years I lived in torment and torture, thinking the worse all along. thinking I was going to be abandoned, and then my supposed friend tells me this grande lie to confirm my suspicions. My mate asked me why I didn’t say anything. Why didn’t I ask her? Fear kept me silent. No longer. I have strong people around me that will not allow me to back away from the truth and live in a fantasy world of destruction and not knowing the truth. I don’t know how many people were playing games with my mind. But fear and secrets are the real killers of your life and dreams. I am too good at dissociating reality but now I am trying to be real. It is scary but I have a great friend, now friends who have istened and have been and are patient with me as I learn how to trust and open up what I am feeling. This is something that I have not been encouraged to do all of my life. To trust someone takes the chance of losing everything. I have to believe my trust will not lead me to losing everything. Jennifer ~the secret keeper~ ps. I’ve been trained very well to keep things secret for fear of the consequences. That is why I write this blog to break out of keeping secrets that should never be secrets. But the liars and abusers depend on you to keep their secrets in the way that they manipulate you and make it almost impossible for you to tell anyone what the truth really is.
I need to hear words like yours spoken to me. Reassurance is strongly needed inside of me to get it to sink in that it is real.It is so easy for me to be led off that path of believing I am loved. It is not the person who loves me that misguides me, it’s what lives inside my mind and what I had beat into me when I was a kid. Someday, we will talk about things that are difficult to open up about. But I realize from all that you have said, that you do understand. You have walked some similar paths. Maybe not the exact same ones but there are things you need to open up to yourself. We are deep people, who go to deep places. That includes our friend. The one who introduced us in her way, I am so thankful for her. jennifer ps. I am trying to reach out.
I know I didn’t address your idea of conceit. This person is quite self obsessed with what is going on in her world and demands that the world be perfect for her and it isn’t and so she gets all negative on everything. I am now not quite sure why I fed into her way of thinking. I think it really started to effect me. When I would get off the phone with her I would be shaking. I think my body was telling me it was rejecting her. It’s the exact same reaction I have with my sister. It was when she started ridiculing persons who were sacrisanct to me that I stopped her cold. I told her that if she were going to talk about someone I loved like that then she better find someone else to talk to, that I wasn’t going to listen. It was shortly after this she told me until I got stable she wasn’t expecting anything from me and it was after this dismissal that she invented this all inclusive lie about my s/o. She embellished with details and fed my fears and plainly freaked me out. I was never able to talk to my s/o about this to begin with and she knew that. So I think she felt she was safe in her lie, that I would never have the nerve or courage to talk about with my s/o. What she didn’t know is I had some very strong people on my side. Without going into details someone really strong told me I needed to tell my s/o what I knew and that I needed to get everything out in the open. That struck terror in my heart but the next day I did just that. We had a fight the night before so it was a matter of finishing that one off. I asked to speak to her when she was finished writing. She said: Ok. It was the strangest discussion, bit of everything came out especially the deceit of my former friend. When I told my s/o what she had said, my s/o told me it was a lie. There was never an affair ever. I was shocked. Then I realized I had been lied to and tortured all these years. My s/o asked me why didn’t I just say something. I told her my fears and what my ex-friend had said. She was dumbfounded and realized why my hesitation and silence. She reassured me everything was a lie and that she was never going to leave me. Life is so fucked up enough that you definitely don’t need someone filling your head with lies and a former therapist that told me to keep quiet about it. That my s/o would get it out of her system. With that kind of fucked upness around you what the hell are you suppose to do. Well, that is the past. Now I have a promising future. My life has changed drastically. But I need to take one hour at a time. And I need to sleep. I’m dropping weight really quickly. 7 lbs in 2 weeks. I want to lose weight but my doc doesn’t like the speed that it is happening. She’s doing some blood work. But anyway, Saturday should be fun. All of us talking together. I don’t think I’ve ever done a conference call with so many people. I hope we all get connected okay. Thank you for listening Cher. Now I need to transpose a poem that I wrote earlier. And it is rather late. Maybe I will take it to bed and put it on my Kindle Touch Notepad then transfer to my laptop Saturday. I need to slow down anyway. On a bit of a high. There is something that I want to tell you privately but I will do that some other time in a message or email. Jennifer.
Betrayal leaves one of the deepest cuts. In this poem, you purge the wound; take solace from the love of your friends.
There is an empty place where the torment and torture once filled my soul and now it lays buried beneath the ground where I can leave it to decay and be eaten by the worms. And in its place there is room for the newness in my life to fill with feelings of love for those who know how I feel towards them. I had to let it go or maybe I am numb from the length of time it was the hell that lived inside of me but that could not be released unless the truth came out and I had no knowledge of the truth. I just knew the lies as the truth and there lies the betrayal. It does allow me to completely feel finished with the betrayer and to be free from any guilt I felt for wanting to let her go. I love the ones I feel close to. Sometimes I do feel a shyness at first but that soon passes when I get my shyness under control and when the trust inside of me feels reassured that all is safe. certain people, who know who they are, I feel especially close to and I trust them too. thank you. a.l. jennifer
All that sounds very positive and a real step forward…no longer should your cry out, imprisoned by those who are careless of precious things.
You just started to speak into my head. Island of Hope just came on this very moment. It is like you heard me and then answered, You are in my life everyday reminding me of what is important. “love of your friends.” Caring about people. Helping people. Reaching out to love and hope not to the past but to now and toward moving forward. I wrote a poem I am going to share on my blog. It may do some exorcising and some cleansing of my mind from the past. I am being pulled in so many directions. There is such need around me. I want to help the children of Sahel. I want my life to move forward and grow. Caring about Song of Sahel is part of doing that for me. Now Aleisha is singing Give Me Life. This song always gives my entire body the chills every time I listen to it. Am I feeling their spirits reaching out to be felt and heard? You touched this song with your souls. Jennifer
I wrote the lyrics for Give Me Life and Island of Hope to indwell those moments when we shall all sing the song of earth. Aleisha, my daughter, has a beautiful voice because she is beautiful inside and out. her feminine beauty, her love and compassion sings every word.