Person You Hide
By The Secret Keeper
9.13.12
person you hide
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Elephant Journal Wake Up Call of Your Mind 9.11.12
joyeux anniversaire amy
par le gardien secret
9.12.12
aujourd’hui
joyeux anniversaire
amy winehouse
vous étiez
né maintenant
vous êtes
presque allé
est allé
la douleur
venir si accablant
quelques pauses
brèves
dans le
chagrin
et la douleur
mais juste
une distraction
avant d’entrer
dans l’autre
vie de vie
pour un instant
mais
la porte ferme
quelqu’un veut
qu’il a rapproché
la sécurité
secrète
disparaît
un spécial
quelqu’un leur
présence est sue
et tendant
mais
il y a
une coupure
dans la connexion
que le satellite
déclenche vous
disparaissez
ils s’assurent
que cela est
la sensation
évidente
rien tout
seul seulement
la douleur
et
l’obscurité
la proie facile
être dévoré
la mort
de besoin
de sensations
inonde
les sens pas
capable de fermer
les pensées
un jour
juste glissera
loin à l’autre
côté
qui y
va avant
de c’est le temps
est que
pourquoi
aucune lutte
l’est présumé
pour être le temps
suppose
pour aller
juste part
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Knockin’ On Heavens Door-Guns N’ Roses
Dedicated to M…She is my past but so difficult to let go of her. When she left I didn’t think anyone would make me want to trust or be alive again. There is someone. More than someone. But the lost child inside of me cannot find the satisfaction from all the loss and abandonment. The feelings slip away into a foggy memory that is lost in some other world. If not renewed it cannot be found. It is too frustrating for those who try to reach me, I can’t imagine why they don’t want to just give up. It seems as though I keep giving up and giving in to the depression that takes over my being. The suicidal feelings are getting more powerful. I thought they would diminish but the stronger the love the stronger the hold that death has on my soul. This is serious that I feel this way. Nothing seems to draw me away from the flame. I am the butterfly. I need to fly away and get carried away by the wind. Let it carry me to whereever the end of the rainbow finds a place to set down.
“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.” ~Roy Croft~
You can’t help it. That is the nature of depression. We do what we can with it. We move into it and out of it again. It is like driving through a tunnel. Just drive…that is all you can do. Loss, love, depression…moments passing…only that, even though they be raw. Maybe you need to contact M for the sake of you…even though you know it is and always has been, hopeless. Maybe she can explain that. Maybe, eventually, you will understand the role of a therapist to a client.
I don’t want to feel this way. It is out of my control. Getting through it when you have no understanding of why it exists makes it even harder to make it through. It hides the hope from sight.