Fighting the demons
By jennifer kiley
10.1.12
abstract layers of consciousness
Fighting the demons
Blasting my mind
Get out I shout
my head is mine
Stop making me blind
I yell in rage
lose my temper
gets so loud
noise drives me insane
that’s the last thing
I want to go wrong
But I’m going gone
exploding inside
I just need to
Let it out
So leave me alone
I want to be
On my own
Let me work it out
Don’t make me shout
Just get out
Shyness
Sublimeness
Words that
move me
times you
behoove me
write words
that groove me
say them
make them
never forsake them
time
they are broken
nothing
don’t smoke them
move me
pray for me
arrange
my death for me
maybe then
I’ll find meaning
maybe I make
too much of you
Time to back off
Reevaluate
what I expect from you
What our feelings mean
our friendship
it is meant to be
I retreat easily
from the chance
of pain
emotionally
in my brain
the surface
there’s pain
too familiar
too close to me
to hold it in
safer to retreat
be hurt
don’t miss a beat
intention involved
I must retreat
Triggers defective
Defenses protected
Quickly get away
From me
I’m way
to dangerous
any intentions
aren’t meant
to hurt you
there just there
to alert you
be careful
of me
you need time
stay away
wanting you
to stay
I see
Differently
When you’re away
Than what is real
When you stay
So are you there
Do I stare
Are you
Really there
I’ve just
Disappeared
Or am I
Disappearing
Please stop staring
My head’s
Still there
It hasn’t
Exploded
Not yet
The demons
Aren’t in
control yet
Nothing has
Been set
So our best bet
Is just to go on
As if they
Were never
Here
Not here
Where
We’re at
this time
it’s clear
© Jennifer Kiley 2012
“Be careful when you cast out your demons that you don’t throw away the best of yourself.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~
“An artist is a creature driven by demons. He doesn’t know why they choose him and he’s usually too busy to wonder why.” ~ William Faulkner ~
Wow! Jennifer! I love the power in this. I do hope you are OK my dear friend…More love from Scotland.
The tears are welling up in my eyes. Your words mean so much to me my friend. More than I can express in words. Lots of love from the land of Green Mountains coming back to the Highlands my friend who knows just the right words. At the moment this poem was coming from out of my head I could barely control my laptop. My fingers couldn’t type fast enough to keep up with what was pouring out. It was all so subliminal and you are correct there was an intense power behind the force pushing these words to the surface. I barely felt any control. If it were a painting the brush and paint wouldn’t have been able to be applied quick enough. I am okay now. A friend reached out unexpectedly and found me. It really helped and made a great deal of difference. A.L. J.K.