Up the Spiral Staircase
by Jennifer Kiley
10.14.12
up the spiral staircase – gabriel dawe (tumblr-gaksdesigns)
Up the Spiral Staircase
by Jennifer Kiley
10.14.12
Look at faces that live inside your head
Hear the voices speak out loud
There’s nothing real you must be dead
Like everyone has disappeared
And the universe turned upside down
It’s lonely and you feel scared that’s all
So falling upside down in order to make it to the top
The hole in the ground it makes stops at magic spots
But you don’t feel like you belong
Even though that’s not the truth
But what is feels like what is not
Just make the best of what you’ve got
Lost the connections your brain’s shut them down
Places once familiar look strange just look around
There’s nothing familiar so you’ve got to pretend
Connections have faded bridges have no ends
It’s no longer safe to cross to the other side
Nothing will be there it’s safer just to hide
To lose the ability to tell what’s reality
All that’s around feels like it’s all strange to me
Lost in the forest of all forgotten things
Your mind has shut down your sense of recognizing
You wander around the world stopped making sense
You’re left here alone what the hell do you do next
© Jennifer Kiley 2012
“Everything is determined by forces of which we have no control. It is determined for the insect as well as for the star. human beings, vegetables or cosmic dust- we all dance to a mysterious tune intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” ~Albert Einstein~
Live without pretending.
Love without depending.
Listen without defending.
Speak without offending.
~ unknown philosopher ~
Wow talk about multimedia presentations. All pretty great. Amazing poetry and picture and LOVE the Floyd song
These are all part of my creative personality. I love music. I love painting . I love photgraphy. And most of all I love to write in any discipline from poetry to screenwriting to novesl to short stories and editorials. Art is in my blood, as it is in yours. We both need to do what we do. Otherwise life would feel dead and uninteresting. What a waste that would be. Thank you for your great comment. I am so pleased you like my multimedia presentation. I have recently gotten into Pink Floyd. A friend from Endland got me turned on to them. They are amazing. J.K.
fabulous poem! the pictures are beautiful too.
Thank you Sharmishtha. Knowing your talent I am honour by your words. It is good that we both feel our needs to create. It is part of soul’s need to express our selves. J.K.
Yes! We do all dance to the tunes of the unknown piper! All of us must struggle to know what is false from what is real. In the end, trust your own judgement. If you can trust your own judgement, you can trust yourself and do not have to depend on others and their responses to you for your well-being or for your existence.
It is a habit hard to break. Looking to others for approval of my reality. It use to be because I wasn’t sure what was real or what real was suppose to be. So, I needed to check with others to find out if I was being real. Now I am finding they are as infallible as I am or as real in their own reality as I can be. I just don’t know if I can give up that mirrored reflection that comes back to me that reassures me that what I feel, think and do is alright. Isn’t that ridiculous that I trust someone outside of me to tell me what it is I need to do to be who I am or who I want to be. Can I make it through without a therapist. That’s like giving up heroin or any addiction. The withdrawal will or could be devastatingly fucked up for my mind and well being. Can I do it? Should I do it? I am not at all sure that it is the best thing for my sanity at this time or any other time. It is like my “religion” and I need to get my fix twice a week for me to hold onto my reality and also to keep myself alive. I fear suicide and feel the only thing that stands between me and it is seeing a therapist. Is that such cockeyed thinking or do I have it right? Too many questions and not enough answers. The ultimate dilemma, does therapy keep me alive? And if it does, then wouldn’t giving it up cause me to die? Or it that all part of the illusion or delusion that I have created this imaginary need for therapy and feel without it I will just not be able to survive? Is my power tied up with therapy or is therapy tied up to my power and keeping me from experiencing it in its complete and true sense. Lastly, is it too dangerous to my well-being to give up therapy because it is a threat to my staying alive? J.K
I cannot answer that for you. I do know that if you really WANT to break a dependency, you can. But only if you really want/need to. I worry that you displace too much of your own empowerment onto whichever therapist you work with. As I have said before, a therapist is doing his’her job…they are NOT a substitute parent. They should teach you how to re-parent yourself. Only take baby steps.
I seriously was going to stop therapy but as I stated in a response to a comment on a different post, my s/o pointed out to me that when I stopped therapy in the past my behavior became dangerous. The outlet in therapy keeps me from losing my self. I need the structure as well as the connection to keep things leveled off. I do seriously need a different therapist. One who knows and understands what I am dealing with. It’s not so much that I want to go to therapy but it is that I need to. It’s not reparenting I am looking for. The way one talks with their therapist and relates to them is so different than any other relationship. I have too much inside of me that needs an outlet that cannot be expressed in any other environment. Also, my mind and emotions are in too dangerous a place to let them just go on without support from a professional. It’s not the therapy I need to let go of, it is that I need a therapist that knows my issues and is not going to turn away when I am in need of help. Needing help is not giving up my empowerment. Do you know how difficult it is for me to ask for help? It’s almost impossible. That is where the dangerous side of me comes in. I would do something dangerous before I would reach out. That has happened in the past. My s/o is afraid it would happen again if I stopped seeking treatment. If you have physical health issues you would seek out a doctor. Well I have health issues of a different kind, so I seek out help for those issues. It doesn’t make me weak. It’s just I need someone who is good at what they are doing and is not worn out and not going to threaten me because of it. I don’t feel I am giving up my power. If anything I am trying to enrich my power. Jennifer
You have a lot of interesting stuff going on here. Read some of your comments and feel lots of pain needing an outlet. Keep writing and blogging. Look forward to seeing more. I’m following you around now – in the nicest possible way! Keep the kettle boiling and I’ll be by again.:-)
Yes, working on some difficult issues. Thank you for stopping by. Writing and blogging seem to call me constantly. Rather an addiction. Definitely keep the kettle on. Will be by later to write a response to your comment on “The Reason.” J.K. Jennifer