purpose: a work in progress. intention, objective, ideas, hopes, resolve, give meaning, how i view anything or nothing? how far is my reach for expession? object of desires? what are my dreams? what are my expectations? how ambitious am i? what are my intentions for my life and all that is in it? do i have a particular destination in mind? what direction am i heading or are there a multiplicity of directions? what are my prospects? do i have any proposals for my future? do i have any target goals? what are my aspirations?
these and other questions i haven’t thought of yet, i will attempt to answer as they come into my vision. created early monday morning around 4:45am june 18th, 2012.
meaning: (work in process) how i define what i feel is the value and inner reason for life. sense of purpose. what direction i feel my life is going to aim for. the overall significance of being alive. the essence of life. what value or worth i feel i am.
what is the intrinsic value of my life or anyones’ life? my life has so many interests starting with writing about everything that i am curious or things i want to discover or figure out; to analyze my existence.
Edited: 12 Noon 1.12.13
i am an artist. i am addicted to creating. to create images that express a feeling or an essence that feels it has found it’s completion. that is when i stop. something in the image or the poem or whatever it is i am working on speaks in its own language and directs me where to go or when to stop. the muse sits on my shoulder or whispers in my ear or plays around in my mind or heart or any place they want to. i think of my muse as a she. i relate better to the female. just as i use the word goddess. just have a problem with the thought or words of the patriarchy and all their words and meanings. i prefer to create my own words and meanings i feel that life is or is suppose to be. is life suppose to be anything particular or do humans need it to be something for it to be able to be defined and organized in a fashion that has a linear and orderly existence. if you study history it all follows its self as though it happens one thing after another. even though time is spread out in every possible direction all within the same moment continuously.
i want to write a screenplay that is more than just one of the fifty. i want to write a novel that has a sustaining meaning that will last longer than my life and definitely longer than the first week of promotions. I would like what I write be something that i would want to read as if i were a stranger and reading something that i know nothing about until i read and just possibly will not want to put down until i am finished reading the complete book. that’s a great fantasy, whether possible, we will see. back to that ultimate screenplay, what story hasn’t been told that a fair number of people would want to see but first would want to make. actors would want to play the characters and directors would want to fight over who will be the one to win the pinacle position of committing it to digital memory for someday to be seen on the screen, theatre, tv, computer, tablets and even mobile phones. i have that screenplay in my head that i did try to write but my computer hard drive crashed and destroyed it. it is time to continue the journey to see where that script was going to take me. i just finished writing the beginning of a synopsis here but then realized. not exactly the right place to reveal my secrets of the inside look into…i’m not even going to reveal the title. this is when secrets are meant to be. one must keep things like titles to themselves. i am superstitious that way. i don’t like telling anyone, not even my partner or therapist. well, maybe my therapist but only once so she has time to forget. that’s it for today. need to work on other writing. and other project and exercises.
Update: Tuesday 9th July 2013
I am actually committing a book to “the secret keeper.” Eventually, I will start to collect the pages and form them into a proper book with illustrations. That is for myself only, the images. It will remind me of how the book looked on”tsk.” Also, within the book I am posting on my blog, I have incorporated the beginnings of a most interesting screenplay. It has so intrigued me that I intend to develop that by telling the story to the main character’s, hopefully, soon to be analyst.
I planted an idea in my subconscious and it is sprouting like the little red maple tree or is it a birch, my favorite kind of tree. I love the character’s name that leads off the script. No stealing. Her name is Carter McLeod. I see going some place and I want to write for her too. Madison Taylor is also a fun and serious person to write about through her own mind. She has a screenplay in her future already, which had already been written up to the point of just adding the dialog. Everything else was mapped out. The story is in my head and I have started to enter it into my movie magic screenwriters program. It is an excellent program.
I feel quite productive in my life. So productive I would like to eliminate the reason to sleep. It is a difficult time of the day to get me to put down my laptop or tablet. There is always more to say and do. And I’d rather be working on “the secret keeper” than be doing anything else except to be in contact with certain friends and to spend time with my in home family and online or email with two special blood family members. The rest of my family, I don’t feel connected to at all. In most cases, that is a healthy position to be in.
And the other parts of my life have to do with my mental and physical health. I do therapy twice a week and regular doctor once a month. As for specialists, I am always seeing someone at least twice a month. Sometimes more often. I need to keep a constant check on Cancer to make sure it hasn’t returned. Which is rather anxiety provoking. In fact, I have an appointment this afternoon with one of those Doctor’s, who happens to be a close friend, she will check to see if any cells have decided to return. And two months, I get to see my oncologist. I see him three times a year and get B-12 every two months at the Cancer Center.
I work with a publishing co. as a volunteer. I am working on several projects for her at the moment ans hope that more with be coming through sometime in the near future. Anything that I can do to assist the CEO, I am available for her.
Otherwise, you will find me at my computer online or writing offline. I do, also, create digital art and create posters and collages. I want to learn more about making videos. So far I’ve made a few and have been experimenting slowly on developing that skill. But basically, I want to write poetry, screenplays, my blog, short stories, novels, and create art and film. Also, I want to learn how to write flash fiction.
Flash fiction is my newest project to learn. I forgot, I, also, want to learn how to create .gif mode flash video. Technically, one could call it that. I am fascinated with the flipping over the projection of one moving image in a continuous loop. Well, have to go. Will check this for edits later.
And I must not forget music. I use to be an avid musician. Wrote my own songs, lyrics and the music. Played in a professional folk/pop band. I had stage fright and could not perform sober or not stoned. I soon gave that up and for some reason I just suddenly stopped playing all my instruments and now all I do is listen, which to me is an amazing experience in itself.
Got to go. Jk the secret keeper