secret keeper

inner self

On 15th Sept. I wanted to add I am working as a contributor to the online publication Expats Post. I write film reviews, poetry, and occasionally essays or other material. I am working with my partner Shawn on a children’s book series. I am editing 3 novels and working on a screenplay. I will always write poetry whenever the words rise up from the Muse whispering the words into my mind. Chi has rediscovered my road toward enlightenment through meditation, breathing, exercise and eating. It is a difficult practice to be diligent with, but I work on it when I don’t always realize it is happening. Studying Yoga in college and meditating over the years helps guide me into my new venture toward improving my health. I love to write. Haiku and poetry are my favorite form of working with words. And I love to write stories. Mainly, to express emotional and intellectual communications between my characters. I do like to tell stories to see where they will go and how they will turn out when I reach their natural conclusions. 

The following is a more in depth synopsis of the destructive way my life began and how I am constantly trying to turn it around so that I am able to live inside of it with the minimal amount of pain. I use medical marijuana now, legally, that really helps with a great deal of what my whole being has to experience. I laugh as often as possible. Laughter is the healthiest way to release all the toxins, stress, and pressures of the day, week, month, and year. Life is an experiment in frustration and fun. I prefer the fun but the frustration really bothers me and it drives me mad, literally. So read on. The rest was written when I was more willing to let the raw part of the truth to reveal it self. jk-tsk 15th Sept 2015


i am the shy one and the secret keeper; i listen; writing is my voice; not really talkative unless one of us or all of us have a manic episode; love animals, films, books, art, music, television; have a great many stories to tell; have complex-ptsd. we were finally told about the bipolar. we do experience extreme depressive episodes with intense depths that usually dive into overwhelming suicidal feelings – have verbal contracts not to do anything – emergency steps are in place; we were sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally abused; tortured; physically injured; kidnapped and suffered bondage as a child; i have agoraphobia; panic disorder; anxiety disorder; have been in psychotherapy since i was 19 seeing a multiplicity of therapists – lost count (my best therapist recently abandoned me abruptly – i think i was in love with her) – new therapist is good but very manic with her; lesbian in spirit; attracted to women; find some men quite beautiful, james dean and river phoenix come to mind; celibate but not abstinent; sexually dysfunctional; the abuse made it unable for me to respond to a sexually intimate experience – i always shut down to sexual stimulation from another person; live with a woman and many animals; my multi-colored protector – bites me to protect me when my partner or our other animals approach me suddenly when she is on my lap or being physically close to me; love stana katic; i am a stanatic and addicted to tv show castle – have ocd (obsessive castle disorder); modern family is my favorite all time sitcom; film trivia expert; collect quotations, poems, song lyrics, writing my own poetry collection; writing an auto-biographical manuscript plus other writing projects in the fictional and screenwriting realm; looking forward to being inspired to write many blog posts when my muse inspires me (which is almost all the the time – i think she might be manic too) or the divine madness possesses me and i find a strong urge to be creative with words to express my emotions and thoughts or have an idea i would like to share. lastly i edited this on 5.16.11 to add that my best friend who was quite young died suddenly a short time ago. she was my texting buddy; therapy group friend and major support in the outside world and was helping me to cope with the loss of my last therapist M. so many triggers set me off about her and M. found several songs that remind me of her (actually both of them) – they overlap in the sadness department. my friend died and i am now allowed contact with my former therapist. it isn’t verboten. finding the songs were at the suggestion of my new therapist. she felt it would help me to remember my friend better but she is in my soul, heart and thoughts. (i also think her spirit visits me), i feel like i have lost so many important people, always so suddenly, in my life and it started when i was a kid but that is not why i was created. that is one of my many secrets. ~jen~
ps. Today is April 18, 2013. I just took a look at my about the secret keeper. I think it time to do an overhaul of this page. More art, more posters, up to date information. It is now on my mind and will enter my to do list. We will see how long it takes me to get around to the process. Namaste. jk the secret keeper 8-) :roll: :-)


Added on 23rd Sept. 2015: I wrote earlier I love to laugh. So, I decided to give you something to laugh about. Enjoy the following. A post from many years ago, I discovered in my wanderings through the past.

“There’s Nothing Like A Good Joke & That’s Nothing Like a Good Joke”
Created By ~the secret keeper~

my spirit animal

(All Uncredited Quotes Were Made By Anonymous Donors.)

“I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.” (This is So Me)

“If it weren’t for Edison, we’d be watching TV by candlelight.” ~George Gobol~

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir … mighty scarce.” ~Mark Twain~

“People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven’t got what they want that they don’t want it.” ~Ogden Nash~

“I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug.”

“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” ~Ellen DeGeneres~

“Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste”

“If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.”

“It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.”

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
~Ernest Hemingway~

“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in there? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.” ~Sue Murphy~

“If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.” ~Dave Allen~

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.” ~Carl Gustav Jung~ (Wait for it…Just wait for it. I didn’t get it at first. Read it again. There you go—Got It!)

“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.”

“Arguing about whether the glass is half full or half empty misses the point, which is this: the bartender cheated you.”

“What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?”

“In the primary school, I was an outstanding student. My teacher would send me to stand outside of the class as a punishment.”

“Don’t let your mind wander, Its too little to be let out alone.”

“After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say “I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER.”
~William S. Burroughs~

“Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts, while others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.”

“Don’t you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?”

“As you were, I was. As I am, you will be.” ~Hell’s angels~ (Quite Philosophically Profound.)

“I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, ‘I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.’ And I said, ‘I am.'” ~Demetri Martin~

“Microsoft bought Skype for 8,5 billions!…what a bunch of idiots! I downloaded it for free!”

“I’m not as think as you drunk I am.”

“Nothing improves the memory more than trying to forget.”

“Now, Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?”

“Were you alone or by yourself?”

“So you were gone until you returned?” (Questions lawyers ask in court.)

“I don’t have a license to kill. I have learners permit!”

“Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.”

“I don’t kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, ‘Whoa, I’m way too high!’” ~Bruce Baum~ (A Real Stoner Moment.)

“God grant me the serenity to accept that some people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.”

“Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition!”

“Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they’re seeing?” ~James Roday~ (Another SToner Quote.)

“There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.”

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.” ~G K Chesterton~

“Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried.” ~Mae West~

“Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.”

“I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.”

“Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?”

“Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.” ~Albert Einstein~

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” ~Robert McCloskey~

“I’m afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.” ~Woody Allen~

“Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.”

“My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning.”

“Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?” ~James Thurber~

“When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.”

“A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.” ~Steven Wright~

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” ~Mark Twain~

“By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” ~George Burns~

“To err is human, to arr is pirate.”

“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”
~Henny Youngman~

“Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?”

“I’ve met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.”
~Ambrose Bierce~

23 thoughts on “secret keeper

    • hi! it is a warm day and settling down. about to watch a film on HBO about Ernest Hemingway with Nicole Kidman and Clive Owen. starting checking the blog out you suggested, it just might be the perfect place for me right now. thank you. have a great evening.



  1. You’re such a good writer. I failed to read your blog before. For someone that is going through so much you have so much to offer. I like that we communicate may we can help each other. Be strong my friend and keep writing.


    • that is so nice of you to say that. i love to write. have been doing it since i was a kid. stopped for awhile. had a very non-productive therapist for awhile who drained me of any creative energy. but then i found my muse through my next therapist. she is gone now but she still is my muse. the therapist i see now is also encouraging. i think it would be good to see if we can give each other support. it is hard to make it through sometimes but somehow we both seem to find our way. write to me when you wish and i will get back to you as fast as i can. if i am slow on responding it is probably i am really stressed out that i can’t handle dealing with anything in my life except to be depressed. but i will try to be there for you as much as i am able. i expect that you will have times when you will feel the same. but we will both make it through. i believe that. best to you. jennifer


      • Your welcome! It feels good to write. You get everything out of your head and I find that when I just start writing things come to me. I can’t plan too much because I’ll get confused. I just start writing. I call it free writing. I took a journalism class and that’s how he taught us. I do have ADD and the grammer and punctuation does come easy for me. I was made fun of most of my life on my writing skills. I don’t care any more I just write. If people want to use their energy making fun of others or tell them their doing it the wrong way that’s their problem . I would love for us to be support buddies. Yes, we all need someone to talk to and understand what we are going through. I worry about your suicidal thoughts. Keep them wrapped up. Like you I may not respond right away, but I will be there for you.


  2. Pingback: “Get your girl, Son!” Father’s Day Snippet from “CHARMEINE” in “The Light-Bearer Series” THANK YOU for 7 AWARDS! « "The Light-Bearer Series" Novelist, Emily Guido

    • unfortunately it is the only one my theme has available. i’ve been thinking about trying to add more fonts but haven’t been able to track down doing that. i do like using italics. it makes the lettering look much better. you may needo just enlarge your imaging. jen


    • I had just turned 48. Night time was and still is when I am most awake. So, I had an immediate view of what terrible things were happening to Diana. She was 16 years younger than me. A child when she married. I was so impressed with how she focused on those in the world who needed special care. I will look forward to hear from you. No rush. Thank Linda for dropping me a note. Jennifer

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You have inspired me to write again! I’m also bipolar, PTSD, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder. Writing keeps me sane. I favor it much more than talking. Do you have any book suggestions? That is my other introvert hobby, reading. Be well :)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so pleased you have been inspired to write. It does free the self. I would recommend anything by Kay Redfield Jamison, particularly “Touched [with or by] Fire. Brilliant book on the artistic temperament, esp in people touched with bipolar. This book helped me a great deal after I received my diagnosis of bipolar. Check out the writings of Tom Wooten.?sp. I will get back to you on his name. I love reading. Haven’t had as much time as I like to read but when I find a book that moves me I can’t put it down. Take care of yourself. :-)


      • You choose a theme. Some are free. I decided to go for one that wasn’t but its not too expensive. I set up my own color scheme. I choose the banner image from my photo collection. Oh yes I color images. Have too many to even know how many to choose from. With WordPress it is pretty easy. They help as much as possible. I would be willing to help you if you decided to set up your own blog. Walk you thru it. It is a good outlet for the person doing the blog. It takes time to build up a following. I learned by just experimenting. My blog goes thru transformations all the time. It is in the middle of one now. Good luck if you try it. :-)


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