Private Writings: Chapter #37 — Raindrops Falling from My Eyes
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Introduction & Chapter #1
Published on March 19th 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted On Tuesday 3rd December 2013
WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.
NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
ANYONE RESEMBLING ANYONE LIVING OR DEAD
IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
private writings to dr. annie haskell, psychoanalyst extraordinaire,
my choice in form of storytelling is using letters with dreams, thoughts, poems, images,
music, art, describing my scripts, recent one ‘brief sacrifice,’ film is waiting for release,
psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, inspirations, reflective comments, the inner & outer workings
of the mind, soul, body, emotions, and bipolar—prefer mentally creative, or interesting,
or a brain misfiring; in the mix are abuse, crashes, near drownings, illegal drugs presently,
hallucinations, hypersexuality, time warps, finding answers to unsolved mysteries, infatuations,
imagination, fantasy, the never ending need to discover my self, my soul, my eternal serenity, my bliss
see you down the rabbit hole.
namaste! madison taylor
Paris – Amazing Lightning Striking Eiffel Tower
Paris – View from Notre Dame at Night of Eiffel Tower
Paris Fontaine des mers Reflection Place de la Concorde
Private Writings: Chapter #37 — Raindrops Falling from My Eyes
Tuesday 27th May 2008
It was a warm Spring night in Paris. A slight mist in the air, weaving through a light rain, was touching the naked flesh our clothes hadn’t covered. We walked over the golden, glistening bridge, lit by the antique lamp posts, which crossed over the Seine. Lovers & romance come to life out of dreams & faery tales on this particular kind of night. The setting was that of pure perfection.
Scottie held my hand so gently in hers, as our arms touched while we walked. We weren’t alone on the bridge or in that night, but everyone else had escaped into their own fantasies, playing out in their own dreams.
My dream was to be with Scottie. Close. Moments alone. Celebrating our last night in Paris, the city created for decadence but, also, for love, true love. I love her. I confess. In the first moments, looking through my eyes into hers, my soul recognized her. She was the person for whom I had been waiting.
Who came before, were lessons of life. Crushing blows. Smashing hearts. Painful endurance. Touches of love. All passing through time, heading in different directions & for a few moments, they crossed into my time & stayed a short while. Just as suddenly as they were before me, oh, so quickly, they disappeared. Their time pulled away & vanished from mine.
A few people do stay. They are meant to be part of our travels. Hold them dear & let the rest be on their way. We all have things to do & lives to lead.
I want to separate those few people & shine the light on only one tonight. The lover of my life. My guardian angel on Earth, we protect one another. Yes, we have those we are close to, our special friends, they are precious to us. But tonight, I want to write about Scottie. My life comes into focus with her in my life. The crazy world in which we are surrounded, is only possible to survive with our true love. My demons fear her. She frightens them away. Her love & tenderness stop time in her presence. Hours may pass without our awareness. Too short is time then, it feels stolen away.
Let us return to the bridge taking us gliding on a cloud over the Seine. The rain touching our heads, floating down, making our eyes fill with tears & fall from our lashes. Happiness is within our hearts & the drops are are filled with our love & inner laughter.
Feeling Scottie stop & turn to face me, I repeat the same motion & our eyes fill the space between us. Her hands find their way to my face & hold my head softly. I look deeply into her eyes as they look down at my lips, saying “I love you.” Her lips touch my cheek as she starts kissing me. I am hypnotized. The feeling of heat flushes over my face. Her mouth finds my lips & the sensation of her lips touching mine are that of the light touch of a fluttering butterfly bearly landing on the petals of a budding rose.
I am breathless & floating on the mist as the power of her kiss sinks inside of me. Her lips softly melt into mine. One sensation of depth inside of me growing. I wrap my arms around Scottie’s body, feeling her warmth entering through my skin. I feel naked with her nakedness falling through my skin entering my body, becoming one person. We are above Paris. Floating over the city. All the beauty being absorbed in one infinite moment between the seconds.
When I returned to consciousness, Scottie & I are lying together naked, under the covers of the Coco Chanel bed in our Suite at the Ritz of Paris. Levitation, mysticism & magical whimsey carried us intertwined in our lovers embrace to our place of privacy. Making love without boundaries. No sensations stopped in mid-air. A continual motion of love making the way it originated with free flow & stream of consciousness responses through spontaneity & freedom of creation to make love with a fullness of intensity. No darkness. No interfering nightmares. No interruptions from the past flashing forward or flashbacks setting limits or slamming doors. Just pure sexual freedom. Sensations like molten lava, spilling forth & over the top, pouring down, smoothing the edges, heating up the liquids, while rolling with the golden waves of the sea at dawn.
Are you blushing Annie? I tried to be poetic as much as possible. Feeling so innermost touched by sensations I thought had been stolen. Ones I thought I would never have the chance to feel. Being in Paris. Spending time with Scottie in the late nights. Meeting Jonathan & having a great time with him. Being able to talk honestly & openly in the same place. And Paris is beyond anything one can imagine. It is a dream inside a dream.
Now that we are on the plane flying home, I miss it but I want to be home with Scottie there. See our wonderful babies, Toker, Mikey & Patrick. I want to sleep all together in the same bed all night & all day until we stop missing each other. And just to be in our own home.
I want to see you, too, Annie. I missed you. Yes, I know we talked & could see each other on our laptops. But I couldn’t feel our hugs. I need one of your hugs so badly. They nurture me. You nurture me. I miss hearing your voice while sitting near you.
I didn’t get much writing done except my letters to you. I miss James & Carter, my “Brief Encounter” gang. I love my characters in that screenplay. It will be on the screen really soon. I hadn’t thought of this before, but would you like to come to the premiere? Your whole clan would be invited. It would be fun. Just think about it. I will make sure Celia gets good seats for you. You could all come to the party at our home, Chateau de Rocher, afterwards. I told you Scottie gives great parties. You’d meet some very fun & famous actors. You never know who. Think about it. No pressure. Just let me know.
Now for my closing line from “Brief Sacrifice.”
“Time can be folded and joined with all elements in all places as the one ultimate moment when time is all at once. In this place everything happens on a continual loop following into a continuum of time forever into infinity. In the “Silver Box,” there is contained the ability to draw time into itself and create the perfect infinite moment.”
“The moment between seconds.”
For you, I will end this letter in “the moment between seconds.”
© madison taylor 2008
Paris – Louvre Statue Closeup of Cupid & Psyche
By Madison Taylor
27th May 2008
Out of dreams sight
Into time backwards
Wanted to harm the flesh
Take away feelings
Never know what was lost
Once taken never returned
Where heart would be
Love follows journey
Far away inside a nightmare
Held in time’s past
Taken dark away
Now it burns
Within a volcano
Absorbed by fire
Poured in lava
Out to sea
What does the sea swallow?
Happened in the mist
Devoured by the deep
Nothing ever goes there
Eating demons from dreams
Life is respun
Numbness be gone
Let senses start again
© madison taylor 2008
Warm Winds [Theme for Madison & Scottie]
Rising Out of the Darkness by J. McCormack ©J.McCormack 2007 [created 11.26.07 by J. McCormack - a pseudonym for Madison Taylor]
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor
Paris – Louvre at Sunset Pyramid Reflection in Water
Paris – Louvre Palace at Night Reflection in Water
Louvre Pyramid at Night Golden Reflection – Paris
Louvre Reflection – Paris
Marie Antoinette’s Farm – Paris Versailles
Jonathan Stephens is Madison Taylor’s friend in Paris, France
Hunter Marx [ 7 years ago in 2001 year Hunter & Madison met]