So I Needed To Talk

So I Needed To Talk

maggie the cat - so i needed to talkby ‘maggie the cat’

I left a voice mail for this case worker who I had been talking to since my therapist had surgery. Needing a therapist is essential to me. So I needed to talk. I didn’t realize every word I spoke was being mis-evaluated, mis- interpreted and used against me in the future, when it shouldn’t have even been on this person’s radar to be recording or remembering what I was saying. It was the ravings and rantings of an addicted client in need of her therapy fix.[ I do exaggerate in this instance].

This person suddenly brought up the need to write up my Treatment Plan. I always do that with my therapist, and only with my therapist. But she countered with the time restrictions and urgency. Bullsh*t. Well, she wrote my plan. Wanted me to sign and return it, but gave me the alternative that we speak about it at the date and time written below. I fretted over what to do. The Treatment Plan was so f’d up and contrary to what I am even close to needing or wanting to work on in therapy. A complete misinterpretation of who I am and what I stand for and an insult to my sensibilities. I have a better idea of what I need and I thought I was getting across to her in our talks what I was about. She missed the path and heard the need I was projecting, the strong need I had for my therapist. She saw herself as a stand-in.  I now see speaking with her as a huge mistake. I wish now I never uttered a word to her.

She looks like Chloe Sevigny. A trusting face. I thought I could trust her. My therapist suggested I talk to her every few weeks, but not to trust any of the other therapists. Reason, they would not get me. Danger Zone. I may just be having an overreaction but my partner was impressed with what I wrote below and left as a voice-mail on the case worker’s machine. I was polite enough to thank her. Taught well as a kid in the realm, ‘we have our ways of making you obey.’ I feel a weight has been lifted and my therapist will be proud of me, doing something I see and I think she will see as bold, brave, and gutsy. I don’t do confrontation well.

It is best not to let those who are there to ‘help’ think in their minds, they are better than you b/c you are the one ‘needing’ to see the therapist,  I must need them & can’t do without, therefore I conclude, their thoughts fall into the category as a stigma-tizer. And no one is going to stigmatize me b/c my brain decided to be different. It has its own special ways of reacting. Also, I didn’t choose my childhood, filled with things that should never happen to anyone, especially not to a child. Like Humpty, I fell off of every wall that existed but technically, I was pushed. There was no teetering. They were all direct hits from the long hand of the maternal parental warden and the paternal and fraternal members and extensions, who decided torturing my childhood was their game of thrones. They were royalty and I was Cinderella, Sybill [except I am Bipolar, not the mis-diagnosis I received of MPD/DID], and Carrie w/ the wacky mother. So when the therapeutic community tries to push you into a prescribed method of healing & behavioral development, I tell them to go f off. I just want my therapist. – maggie the cat 09.03.15

maggie the cat - james thurber - every body you look at seems to be a rabbit - rabbit is shrink

“You Said a Moment Ago That Everybody You Look At Seems To Be A Rabbit. Now Just What Do You Mean By That, Mrs. Sprague?” – James Thurber

Below is the Voice-mail of my Fear turned into Courage

I AM CANCELING Appt. Friday 4th Sept. @1:30pm

In the past months I’ve spoken to you while under duress. When the Treatment Plan came up I was told it had to be completed and signed by a specific date or time. Not ACCEPTABLE. Left message with Dr. M. that the pressure of dealing with Treatment Plan without my therapist is bad for my health – causing Panic Attacks. Feeling pressure to talk w/ someone not a therapist, not my therapist, has been difficult. But to share with them what I want my treatment to be without my therapist involved is one step too close to my line of confidentiality. I rewrote the Treatment Plan I received b/c I felt it did not reflect what I need from therapy. I felt it was 90% wrong. It missed completely what my therapy needs are now. When I talked with you I felt too vulnerable so what came out would have been meant for D [my therapist].

She is away. Not b/c she wants to be. When she returns we will work out together where we need to start our work together again. A great deal has changed since her surgery and treatment. It has changed for both of us. Something I need to discuss with D. Until I show her what I wrote as my treatment plan and we work on what it should ultimately say, I will not be signing anything with which I am in strong disagreement. I am canceling any further talks with you. I feel it is counterproductive at the present time. When D returns, we will designate what I need to work on and what she feels are best are for my life as it is in the present. At that time we will make my Treatment Plan together, D & I. And only then, not before, will I sign my Treatment Plan.

Thank you

'maggie the cat'

‘maggie the cat’

yoda - do or do not, there is no trymaggie the cat’s alter-ego / Yoda – the universal eclectic

Whitetail Deer Attacks Hunter

deer exactly revenge on hunter


Whitetail Deer Attacks Hunter

This line was written under the video:
A huge whitetail deer attacks a hunter. vicious

Well, I think the Whitetail Deer was justified in the attack.
After all, the Hunter was going to kill the Whitetail Deer.
Seems to me to be self-defense. The Deer was standing his Ground.

Case Closed. No charges filed.

deer exactly revenge on hunter

Something I read in the comment section:
A.J. wrote: “I love all the rednecks on here saying we’re hypocrites for cheering on the deer. The reason we are cheering on the deer is because most hunters don’t hunt for food, they hunt because they think it’s fun to shoot and kill something. Huge difference between the two and I love seeing the deer exact some revenge for the senseless killing.”

Touch, Wildness & Abusers

ronovan-writes-haiku-challenge-shadow

Haiku Writing Challenge #57
Words: Bust & Must

Venus of Arles @Louvre - restored by the Royal Sculptor François Girardon

Venus of Arles @Louvre – restored by the Royal Sculptor François Girardon

TOUCH

A fate one must touch
Sense the softness of her breasts
Makes one feel comfort

© jk 2015

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#57 two-wild-horse-in-white-and-black-jpg

WILDNESS

Don’t bust up our lives
Taming the wildness is wrong
We must remain free

© jk 2015

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#57 young abused girl

ABUSERS

Breaking me was vile
Smashing your face would feel right
Must bust abusers

© jk 2015

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Ronovan Writes Weekly Haiku Challenge #57 Bust & Must

“5 mètres 80”

I have never exactly seen giraffes in this light before. It is quite amusing. Enjoy!

5 mètres 80 – Nicholas Deveaux

[fr]

J’ai réalisé il y a presque 10 ans “7 tonnes 2” un court-métrage mettant en scène un éléphant sur un trampoline. Je voulais faire une suite, cette fois-ci avec des girafes … La création de ce film s’est étalée sur 1 an et demi.
Merci à Orange, Arte, ville de Paris, CNC, Procirep sans qui le film n’aurait pas pu voir le jour !

[eng]

“…I once did a short film featuring an elephant on a trampoline. I wanted to do a sequel, this time with giraffes … The creation of this film was spread over 1½ years.”

“Baxter”

“Baxter” by Ty Coyle

Baxter the raccoon makes his way into Granny’s Sweet Shop, but upon entering he gets so obsessed with the candy that he creates his own downfall.

Baxter is my senior thesis film produced at The Savannah College of Art and Design.
Production Link: tycoyle.com/seniorfilm

The 41st Annual Student Academy Awards – The Student Oscars – Best Animated Film Nominee
Winner – Best Animation – The Los Angeles International Underground Film Festival 2013
Winner – Best Student Film – The New Jersey Film Festival Spring 2014
Winner – Best Animation – The River Bend Film Festival 2014
Winner – Best Animation – The Atlanta Underground Film Festival 2014
Winner – Outstanding Achievement in Animation – Williamsburg International Film Festival 2014
Winner – Award of Merit – Best Shorts Competition 2014

Film View: “The Price”


Neil Gaiman’s “The Price”

“Wanderers and vagabonds have brands that are on the walls, trees and doors to inform of his ilk a little about the people who live in the houses and farms as they go on their travels. I think cats must leave similar signs. How else explain what the cats that appear on our door during the year, hungry, infested with fleas and abandoned? “

A short animation based on the story by Neil Gaiman “The Price”, published in “Smoke and Mirrors”.