…does it have distance you can travel on restless feet…
…how can you capture something that is meant to capture you…
…cheated ourselves out of times well lived…
…what we hope to find is ever realized…
…to hold such moments…
…only you lived them…
“Still Life” is a short film that seeks to find connection between creativity and everyday moments, set against the backdrop of New York City. It was shot guerrilla style with the Phantom Miro and Red Epic.
Where were you when I was burned and broken While the days slipped by from my window watching Where were you when I was hurt and helpless Because the things you say and the things you do surround me While you were hanging yourself on someone else’s words Dying to believe in what you heard I was staring straight into the shining sun
Lost in thought and lost in time While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted Outside the rain fell dark and slow While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime I took a heavenly ride through our silence I knew the moment had arrived For killing the past and coming back to life
I took a heavenly ride through our silence I knew the waiting had begun And headed straight..into the shining sun
“I Am One of the Searchers” There are, I believe,millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neitherare we really content. We continue to explore life,hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continueto explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean,taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mysteryand unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains,deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities aswell. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives asis our laughter. To share our sadness with one we loveis perhaps as great a joy as we can know. Unless it be to share our laughter.
We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide.Most of all welove and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, notprevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We donot want to have to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.
“I Said Hello You Said Goodbye” Private Writings #65 Written by Jennifer Kiley Post Tuesday 10th June 2014
WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT Not Suitable For Children.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS. Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead Is Purely Coincidental.
private writings todr. annie haskellpsychoanalyst
I am the storyteller using imaginationfantasy feelings& thoughts
to discover selfsouleternal serenity & bliss
but to most importantlytell the best taleever after upon a time.
see you down the rabbit hole.
Private Writings: Chapter #65.—“I Said Hello You Said Goodbye”
Tuesday 2nd December 2008
Tell me what it is to be sexually attracted to someone whether you are a lesbian or straight. I feel so fucked up and suicidal right now and overwhelmed with anxiety. Confusion fills my mind. I need to draw from something sane to stabilize myself.
Something wants to take over my body or thoughts. It could be the voice I feel is coming from a ghost.
There has also been something very bizarre occurrences of objects moving, sudden winds, books fall off shelves, rather more like books being thrown off bookshelves and desks by invisible forces. The aberration has been very angry today and quite destructive. It’s either a ghost or my telekinetic energy mad as hell and sending out tremendous amounts from a negative energy flow, causing waves of the power to move objects and send them sailing.
It is odd but I have no feelings. I’ve shut them down. I may be trying to escape but I can’t. My life won’t leave me alone. It demands attention. It doesn’t like being all fucked up. My life is always with me no matter where I try to escape or into what insane state of mind that I produce. All the shit will still be here facing me down. There’s far too much pressure for me to handle safely. I have cracked in many vulnerable places. They feel like they could blow my mind away at any moment in & outside of time. I believe the rest of what is “me” would disappear with it.
For a quick moment, I would like to profess or confess, I HATE MY FAMILY, the part that tried destroying me. The pedophiles who forced me into experiencing their perverse needs and desires. They satisfied them on me. Stealing my innocence inside of their perversions. Presently, my gut feels like they have cut my insides open in order to watch me fall out & splatter over everything & everywhere. It is the most disgusting display of gross intentions.
I am Humpty Dumpty & no matter how hard I have tried, No One Seems To Be Able To Succeed In Putting Me Back Together Again. Nor Will They Ever, I Feel. Hope feels lost amongst the ruins of my once intricately commanding mind. I have failed or haven’t succeeded beating them back enough, far away from my center of being. Their corruption has infected me & I haven’t found there is a cure for the poisons they possess.
If I could have the dream life I wished for, not much would change. I love my new family. I never see the old one. The grandparents I love are gone. My grandmother is with me, inside every part of me, especially my heart & soul. She lifts me up into the sky to soar while I dream. When I am awake, my Muse & my grandmother are quite the pair when they work on me together. Sparks fly out of my fingers as I type on the keyboard. As the words appear on the page, I can see the flames licking the screen & feel their warmth caressing the meaning from out of the free flowing air around us. It is quite mystical & pixelated when those two are involved.
What I don’t understand is why was I born if life were only here to crush me? I feel my chest taking in air & the pain engulfs me. Something punches my body while I sleep. It feels like I lose every battle on any night they’re out to batter me. Who “they” are, I would conjecture they are “EVIL” & belong to the deepest Blackness where demons hide out in the Dark. I was born Good & it has always been necessary to try to destroy that strong element inside of me. But I am a fighter with a strength coming from the Unknown, which seems to want me to win the battle. All of the Battles, even if it feels like I have already lost & resigned.
Can’t wait to see your face looking back at me. I need to see your eyes. They give me strength & kindness. I need to be close to you & want you to hold me. Make me a promise, never to let me go.
Time for Group Therapy. We are talking about what we Feel is Real Today. What the Fuck is Real? It doesn’t exist. Reality. It is what is the Illusion. Fantasy & Imagination Are the True World while We Are Awake. HELL is where We Live when We Trip through Our Own Private Dreams. The Theory that the World Is Watching Is Only A Way To Jerk the Trolls of Nightmares Around into Believing in the Fake Reality. The One that Is Presented to Us through the Faux Media. It Is All A Manipulated Illusionary Perception We Are Meant To Believe In.
I will leave that last thought with you to Ponder. Maybe she [Me] has lost her mind somewhere in the swamp of Hell & Fire.
Don’t worry I am still here somewhere inside of my own mind.
Will write more soon.
Just How Many More Days Do I Have To Count Until I Am Released From My Own Private Prison?
“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker
Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry
“A Dream The beginning always starts out With a dream. It is all a dream In our own nightmares” — Madison Taylor
Le Chateau de Rocher – Home to Madison & Scottie Their Cats & daughter Alison. She has her own place on the estate
“Pretending is not just play. Pretending is imagined possibility” — Meryl Streep
Private Moments #62“Act Natural Be GAY” Poem Written for Private Writings: Chapter #62 – “Act Natural Be GAY” Written by Jennifer Kiley
Post Monday 19th May 2014 Her Highness [the shadow] Immortalizedby Jk McCormack
“For that fine madness still he did retain, Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.” ~Michael Drayton~ (1563-1631)
Her Holiness [the shadow] Immortalized- jk mccormack (c) jkm 2008
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn Is to be loved and to love in return” - Moulin Rouge – Baz Luhrman
“Act Natural Be GAY” By Madison Taylor 11th November 2008
It is natural for me to be a lesbian Women are so attractive In a way that men lack the spark Men can be so beautiful I admire their beauty It just does not awaken the fire Feeling a woman’s blaze My hands caress her without touching This desire does not exist for a man
The sex was expected and silently coerced A man’s touch caused my mind to withdraw Well ahead of the physical escape The body is trapped in paralysis Women draw me near but never for a man The man’s skin is rough when it tears the skin The feel of a woman’s flesh is smooth Bringing out the craving for pleasure With a man what is felt is I am a caged cat Pacing back and forth seeking an escape Feeling time has caught me in its spider’s web
Someday learning the force needed To make No mean stop Someday I will feel free to go When No will be respected To stop – say No and walk away For so long it felt like a trap No way out – in a cage with locks With no keys to set me free
My will not my own Does it yet belong to me Will I ever know the feeling To be me to be free Or whomever I want to be The choice should be mine Always mine alone
Only exception should come from me Someday I may want to surrender Show trust with my lover implicitly Wanting to trust she will be slow Her hands gentle Her lips soft and sweet Waiting and wanting my response Asking me what I want What can she do to pleasure me
To say what kind of touches I’ll feel inside of me An exciting and frightening thought Wanting sensations to drive me wild Building the passion to set me free Wanting the feelings to be What I want them to be
To make love inside the lava flowing Slowness building up the intensity Let the love making come gently Passionately growing and glowing Giving me what I need and want to feel Coming ever so slowly – so patiently No force do I feel Just letting go naturally