“If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”
see you down the rabbit hole.
namaste! madison taylor
Private Writings: Chapter #49 – Got To Get You Into My Life
Tuesday 12th August 2008
Before I get into what I want to write specifically, I wanted to bring up Alison Porter. Scottie and my adopted daughter. Since she returned from Yale Acting School, she has been working at our studio, doing odd jobs. Watching Scottie and I work. Well, it hasn’t been officially announced. Alison is going to be in our next film. I wrote a screenplay for her. She will be starring opposite someone very special to me.
This is where the story begins and where the letter I want to write has started. Just before my grandmother died she encouraged me to find someone outside of the family with whom I could look up to for guidance. There wasn’t anybody. My grandmother knew of my aspirations for wanting to write film scripts and to be part of making films. There was an actress my grandmother felt was incredible and she wanted me to meet her. My grandmother knew her. She knew everyone or they knew her. One of the wealthiest women in the country. She became the person who took over emotionally when my grandmother died. I can’t explain my feelings. My grandmother was my world. When she died I went a bit mad. The actress my grandmother introduced me to, one day called me. We talked and talked about everything. Her call was to tell me she was here for me. Whenever I needed or wanted to contact her, she gave me her contact information for anywhere she might be reached. It didn’t take long to grow close. I believe I fell in love with her. The woman I loved as an actor and now I love as my closest friend ever. I never saw this friendship coming. Or that we would ever meet.
I think it made it easier when I met Scottie and after college we both got inside the film world. Scottie really liked my actor friend right away. She approves of her relationship with me and the feeling is mutual on the other end. She was married to a man, a director, who loved her madly and she loved him equally as strong. He encouraged our friendship. The feelings are very special between us. I loved her when I was growing up and still feel the same strength of feeling I’ve always felt toward her. When I see her photographs or hear her voice I become transfixed and excited. I belong to an online group who feel the same way.
When I was a kid she was a child star and part of my fantasy world. I thought I would meet her brother Chris some day and marry him. Then we’d be family. I was so absorbed with her. We talked on the phone when I was a teenager. This was before my grandmother introduced us over the phone. My grandmother told me great stories about her. First, she moved here from England when she was pretty little. She acted on the stage starting really young. She trained at The Actors Studio. Her first performance on Broadway was in Tennessee Williams’ The Glass Menagerie. I saw that play when I was 12. It was confusing to me at the time. I felt like the girl in the play. Everything I owned was broken including myself.
Let’s be less serious. One day, I called the studio where she was working, she was gone for the day. I told them it was important that I reach her and that I was a friend of her therapist, would they please give me her number. The person gave it to me without question. Of course, I knew her therapist, my grandmother told me they saw the same Psychoanalyst, so I used the name. I’m sure it’s why the person at the studio felt so free in giving me her number. Anyway I called her. I had witnesses. Her assistant answered the phone. I got up the courage and asked to speak to her.
She said, “Just a moment please.
Shortly, she came to the phone. She would have been about 18 yrs old then. I was only 3 years younger. We chatted for what seemed like a long time. She was wonderful. We both enjoyed the conversation. Before we said goodbye, I told her about my grandmother and asked if we could talk again some time. I knew it was a huge risk, an imposition but she so enjoyed our talk, and agreed. We exchanged our information. I had her number, so she wanted mine and my mailing address too. She gave me hers, also. Then we hung up our phones.
I proceeded to faint. It was one of the highest moments of my life. Everyone who knew me knew how I felt about her. They all thought I was mental and weird. I didn’t care. My grandmother was right about her. I loved them both. Her movies were seen multiple times by me. When I say multiple I mean over 20 times while in the theatres and more times when they hit DVD. She has been in Oscar winning films for Best Film and she has won Best Actress once and nominated several times. We have most of her movies in our collection except the ones that are not available.
After my grandmother died, I became lost, a touch mad. She called one day shortly after the funeral. What she said to me has had such a profound effect on my life since that day. We have kept up our friendship ever since. We chat everyday now. I leave messages for her and next day there would be an answer back. And on our cells, we both love to text, so we do that all of the time. It drives Scottie nuts.
It is great to have a friend I feel I can trust with telling her anything. I never told you her name. I will some day. For now let us refer to her as Lady Chablis. I love her so much that I want her in my life forever.
She disappeared a few years ago. Just for awhile. Her incredible husband died. She went to France to heal but will never forget him. I received a letter from her in today’s mail. She is on her way back to the states and she is suppose to arrive today in L.A. I texted her right away. She got back to me and we made plans to meet. Later today. We have never met in person. It’s not that unusual for me. I live online or at the studio. I will write the rest of this letter after I get back from spending time with her. I am so excited and enormously overwhelmed. It just takes my breath away. What will we talk about? I know don’t be silly.
Later. Got to get ready. You will hear all about it when I return.
How wild was that. I am in love with her. When we hugged for the first time, I got lost in her arms. It didn’t feel like she wanted to let go either. We talked like we had been together in person for years. Everything between us was natural. Lady Chablis is my best friend. She really is my best friend. Scottie will understand if I have something special with Lady Chablis. Scottie knows I love her beyond time. Lady Chablis is someone so special only my grandmother ever brought these feelings out in me. Now I feel them for L.C. … She is forever just like my grandmother. It made for the most perfect day ever.
That’s all for now.
“Time for time and traveling with circuses must end. It is time to soar through the time barrier into all moments in the Universe.”
So, until I see you, I end with my favorite quote from the film Brief Sacrifice.
“Time can be folded and joined with all elements in all places as the one ultimate moment when time is all at once. In this place everything happens on a continual loop following into a continuum of time forever into infinity. In the “Silver Box,” there is contained the ability to draw time into itself and create the perfect infinite moment.”
I end this letter in “the moment between seconds.”
Editor’s Corner finished its course last week on Monday 3rd February. It is available as a resource in an archive. Click HERE to go to the Editor’s Corner Archive on Shawn MacKenzie’s MacKenzie’s Dragonsnest. In the Editor’s Corner’s spot, starting today, I am using Monday to present the Poem, Painting and Music that accompany my weekly Chapter from Private Writings, Posted on Tuesdays on ‘the secret keeper.’ Hope you enjoy both. The Archives for Past Chapters are just above on the Page ‘PRIVATE WRITINGS ARCHIVE.’ JkM the secret keeper
Never Home Again
Private Moments: #48
Painting by Jk McCormack
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Post Created 19th January 2014
Posted On Monday 10th February 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS: PAINTINGS & POETRY
Private Writings: Chapter #48 — Where You Once Belonged
Streaking – Artist Madison Taylor (c) madison taylor 2007
“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
Poem by Madison Taylor
5th August 2008
In lost memories
Of lost time
Hands touching flesh
Feelings wash over
The body outside
Ceilings found close
Eyes looking down
Outside is cold
No one has a face
Is with the child
Inside dark shadows
To know the inside
Chasing out death
If tomorrow starts without me, and I’m not here to see,
If the sun should rise you find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things we didn’t get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you
And each time that you think of me, I know you’ll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand.
He said my place was ready, in heaven far above
And that I’d have to leave behind all those I dearly love.
But as I turned and walked away a tear fell from my eye.
For all my life I’d always thought, I didn’t want to die.
I had so much to live for, so much left yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays the good ones and the bad.
I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while,
I’d say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
When I thought of worldly things I might miss come tomorrow
I thought of you and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow.
When I walked through heavens gates I felt so much at home.
God looked down and smiled at me from his great golden throne
He said, “This is eternity and all I’ve promised you”
Today your life on earth has passed but here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last
And since each day is the same there’s no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn’t do.
You have been forgiven and now at last you’re free.
So won’t you come and take my hand and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts with out me don’t think we’re far apart,
For every time you think of me, I’m right here in your heart.