Saving Mr. Banks

cinema theoretica
Saving Mr. Banks
Saving Mr. Banks Trailer
Notations by Jennifer Kiley
Created 23rd January 2014
Posted On Friday 31st January 2014
CINEMA THEORETICA

movies-saving-mr-banks-poster

The books and the film are different. We are talking about Mary Poppins. Most adaptations end up going into changes. Different mediums. Learn to allow the transition into your purview. When very young, I read P.L. Travers books written about Mary Poppins.

savings mr banks  the real mary poppins

The real Mary Poppins played by Rachel Griffith in Mary Poppins

When the movie came out, I never really connected the books to the film. Same name, Mary Poppins, but not the character I remember in anyway. I love them both but differently. They were the good moments I remember being a child. Reading and seeing movies.

saving mr banks p.l at desk walt talking to her

Saving Mr Banks Emma Thompson as P.L. Travers and Tom Hanks as Walt Disney

Movies were on the TV, not in the cinema. Not until I was at least approaching the age to babysit. Then I went to see the Beatles and Mary Poppins and two other Julie Andrews films she had released during that same time period.

saving-mr-banks walt & travers at disneyland

Saving Mr Banks Walt Disney and P.L. Travers at Disneyland

I was hooked on Mary Poppins from the books. But then it transferred over to being Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins, and I adored her. There was always adventure in the books and of course in the movie, overflowing in abundance.

saving-mr-banks carousel p.l. & walt

Saving Mr Banks P.L. Travers on Carousal. Walt Disney won his bet to get her on a ride.

P.L Travers felt Walt Disney took the darker side of Mary Poppins out of her character. At the beginning of the film, Saving Mr. Banks, precedes Walt Disney even having the rights to use P.L. Travers’ Mary Poppins. From all the talk, it seems Mr. Disney took advantage of P.L. Travers need for money. She had little power to negotiate but did it for real and really didn’t want to have to give. Disney knew somehow he would get what he wanted even though it seemed at time, P.L Travers was going to reject any deal. This was in her heart to do, to refuse. Plus a great deal was riding on Walt Disney sealing the deal. He promised his daughters he would make their favorite children’s story of Mary Poppins into a film. It took 20 years.

saving mr banks p.l. not happy with disney take on m.p.

Saving Mr Banks Emma Thompson as P.L. Travers not happy with Walt Disney’s take on Mary Poppins

I am looking forward with excitement, to see Saving Mr. Banks. Emma Thompson as P.L. Travers seems a real hoot. My three favorite things that came out of all this. That would be Emma Thompson, Mary Poppins and her creator P.L. Travers, and Julie Andrews. Julie Andrews being a nanny saved my childhood. She played my favorite nannies, Mary Poppins and Maria in The Sound of Music. For myself as a child, I would have loved having a nanny over my parents any day. No questions.

saving mr banks walt disney

Saving Mr Banks Tom Hanks as Walt Disney

The story of the take over of Mary Poppins by the Powerful and Famous Walt Disney.

SAVING MR. BANKS TRAILER

Saving Mr. Banks Trailer

saving-mr.-banks pl travers

Saving Mr Banks Emma Thompson as P.L. Travers

PG-13, 2 hr.

Drama, Comedy

Emma Thompson …………P.L. Travers

Tom Hanks …………….Walt Disney

Colin Farrell …………Robert Goff Travers

Bradley Whitford ………Don DaGradi

Paul Giamatti …………Ralph

Jason Schwartzman ……..Richard Morton Sherman

Ruth Wilson …………..Margaret Goff

B.J. Novak ……………Robert Sherman

Kathy Baker …………..Tommie

Rachel Griffiths ………Aunt Ellie

Annie Rose Buckley …….Ginty

Original Photo of the Walt Disney film Mary Poppins

Original Photo from the Walt Disney Film Mary Poppins with Julie Andrews & Dick Van Dyke during Step In Time number.

Private Writings: Chapter #44 — Secrets and Signs

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013

Private Writings: Chapter #44 — Secrets and Signs

Written by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Introduction & Chapter #1
Published on March 19th 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted 21st January 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.

NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.

ANYONE RESEMBLING ANYONE LIVING OR DEAD
IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell,
psychoanalyst extraordinaire,
storytelling using letters, dreams, thoughts, poems, images,
music, art, scripts, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis,
inspirations, reflective comments, inner/outer workings
mind, soul, body, emotions, bipolar, mentally creative, interesting,
brain misfiring; abuse, crashes, near drownings,
hallucinations, heightened sexuality, time warps,
finding answers, unsolved mysteries, infatuations,
imagination, fantasy, discover self, soul, eternal serenity, bliss

see you down the rabbit hole.
namaste! madison taylor

Private Writings: Chapter #44 — Secrets and Signs

Tuesday 15th July 2008

Dear Annie,

I want to talk about my feelings for you. It never seems convenient for me to be open with you. What I feel, is something I don’t understand. No one ever taught me what love is. Love has been mixed up inside my head. It makes me feel I am bad for feeling love.

The truth. I was abused growing up. My family’s incest was sexual, sadistic and emotional abuse. Their white painted mansion was the playground for their sinder girl. Don’t know respect. She needs to learn she is nothing. A place I was the center of the abuse. That’s what I called home. I didn’t think of it that way. Not a place of love and nurturing for me. Every horrible experience I felt as a child happened in that place of horror. It wasn’t safe anywhere inside that house. Taking walks in the woods was dangerous. Our grounds were extensive. Someone seemed always to be watching me. Eventually they always found me. And I would be alone and vulnerable.

My father used me to get his friends to do him favors. I was their reward. They just took me away. One man, I remember someone calling him something official. Held a government position, and he was a child molester and rapist. That was dangerous. One of the times I was alone with him. He had started touching me. His hand felt like needles were piercing my skin. I wanted him to stop. My hand pushed his away. We even spoke out loud. “Please don’t touch me or I will tell.” A thought I had tried before without the threat of telling. Telling made it more dangerous. This brought on convincing threats of, “I’ll kill your family if you say a word.” His words were not a lie. He showed me by trying to kill me in that very moment. He stopped himself before he went to far but his eyes told me, he would kill them, and probably me too. No, he would definitely have me killed.

What could I do. Keep silent. No one ever talked about it. It felt like I was alone. No one else. It wasn’t happening to anyone else. They would feel I was worthless and contaminated. No one would care about me. No one does now. I will just leave everyone out of this. I am too embarrassed to say a word. Too ashamed.

I am living surrounded by abusers or the abused? Yes, I had another sibling who did not escape. He is locked up and catatonic now. The only time he is not catatonic is when all he can do is scream my name out that he wants to kill me. I am his betrayer. No idea why he thinks I betrayed him. All my life I have tried to protect him. It was all a secret. One day he blurted out, our oldest brother fucked him when he was little. I was fragile when he told me this. It made me freak out.

I turned to a female friend I had a crush on. She tried to help. But she had depressing news, to me it was. Why in that moment? Her boyfriend proposed to her. They were going to get married right away. It meant her moving away. I was struck by the deepest depression. She did move away after the wedding. Gone. I lost her. She was my first friend. She was the first person I told about the abuse. Not the whole nightmare. Just I had been abused. No one can handle the while thing. I can’t even handle it. Overload.

My friend was gone. I had no more focus. She kept me alive by being my friend. I loved her. She was the only person I could love. I thought she loved me enough to want to stay in my life. But she didn’t. My depression made me believe everything was over. I was despondent. I lost all reason to live. There was no one left to love. It was when I thought about my bottle of pills.

I sat on the edge of my bed. Taking the open bottle of pills, I poured out the content, a handful at a time. The darkness was pulling me deeper inside of it. The music was playing softly. Soon I would be asleep forever. Would my friend miss me if I were dead. The letter I wrote to her was about love. In the letter I wrote to my mother, I told her she finally got what she wanted. Me. Dead.

My head felt heavy as I lay down at the foot of my bed. All the pills were gone. Sleep felt like it was pulling me in. My mind was filled with the friend I loved. We were only teenagers. Who ends their life so early? Life was destroying me. Being alive without her was unthinkable, to painful, impossible. It was almost over. I was nearing the end of pain.

As you can see I am writing to you now. It was difficult but somehow I stopped the process from concluding. No one helped me back from that edge. I saved myself alone. No one ever knew. Just one more secret. My suicide attempt gave me the courage to seek out professional help. It was right after that night. I live with the thoughts of suicide too frequently. It runs through my mind and my life like a shadow of temptation. More the thinking about it then the doing now.

Lets change this up and take it to a totally different place. Back to my feelings about love. I know you know what love is. You make me feel it whenever I am around you. The words you say to me. I feel your love. No one has ever been as kind to me as you. What is important is I don’t know what I would do without you if you ever disappeared. It would crush me inside. I would want to die.

I see the words I use and wonder whether I can trust you not to be afraid of my feelings of love. If I told you I love you, would it make you want to run away? I fear the worse.

If you really knew what goes on inside of me, it’s the sound of confusion. Being bipolar for a long time has messed with my life. Awhile ago, I had a therapist and psychiatrist diagnose me with DID. It was a fucked up diagnosis I lived with for years. She even wanted me to name my alters and describe their characteristics. It was a curious perspective from which to think about myself. I really did split apart with the diagnosis. Was it thinking I had DID that caused the transformation? Or did I always have alters and worked through the phases and went through integration. I am not at all sure.

Sybill, the film with Sally Fields and Joanne Woodward, made me want her doctor. Being held and believed. To feel her arms around me and her eyes comforting me. This leads me to the truth. Truth is important to me. I don’t lie. There’s no sense to it. Simply put, I want you, Annie. To be like her doctor. If I could return to being a little girl again, with you. You could be the person who cared for me. It would feel more perfect then I could expect. It would make the world right for me. Is it possible for you to love me?

I better stop now. There is much more but I will save it for the next letter. Right now I am worried what I have already asked you in this letter. Is it going to make you feel angry or uncomfortable, or is it going to make you go away? Will you go away? Please don’t. I’m feeling a strong urge not to show you this letter. Maybe if I express myself in a poem and paint what I feel instead. It is more abstract. It may make more sense. Being understood is an obsession.

“Time for time and traveling with circuses must end. It is time to soar through the time barrier into all moments in the Universe.”

So, until I see you, I end with my favorite quote from the film Brief Sacrifice.

“Time can be folded and joined with all elements in all places as the one ultimate moment when time is all at once. In this place everything happens on a continual loop following into a continuum of time forever into infinity. In the “Silver Box,” there is contained the ability to draw time into itself and create the perfect infinite moment.”

I end this letter in “the moment between seconds.”

Loving You Fondly,

Madison

@-;—

© madison taylor 2008

Bejin - Artist David Agenjo

Bejin – Artist David Agenjo

Somewhere In Time – John Barry

Bouquet of Roses and other Flowers - Artist Henri Fantin Latour

Bouquet of Roses and other Flowers – Artist Henri Fantin Latour

rain in garden gif

Shattered Love
By Madison Taylor
8th July 2008
Narrative Haiku

Shattered love breaks hearts
Are bleeding out on the ground
Why do I not cry?

Feelings have been crushed
Inside pain reflects harming
Take your hands off me

Skin feels bruises swell
Carving time on flesh burning
Memories remain

Giving birth no love
Start with hate never caring
Nurture not given

Meet an attraction
Is it love or sexual
Healing the inside

Touching with lightness
Need a gentle hand soothing
Trust is taming wild

One stroke of the hand
Is enough to begin love
Learning soft teaching

© madison taylor 2008

Illuminating Shadows - Artist Jk McCormack (c) JkM 2008

Illuminating Shadows – Artist Jk McCormack (c) JkM 2007

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher

Le Chateau de Rocher

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play. Pretending is imagined possibility” — Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana

The Best Offer

cinema theoretica
The Best Offer
Research by Jk the secret keeper
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Created 15th January 2014
Posted Friday 17th January 2014
CINEMA THEORETICA

The Best Offer Trailer w/ Geoffrey Rush & Donald Sutherland

the best offer  in restaurant b4 birth day

I was able to watch 10 minutes of this film on a Preview Clip. It is not available yet outside of the theatre on DVD. It is on SAME DAY AS THEATRE for $8.00 HD. For the view into the elements of “The Best Offer,” I was intrigued just watching Geoffrey Rush in the opening moments, alone, sitting properly at a table, in a restaurant of a high reputation, I am sure, in England. Just watching him sit is a curious moment. We discover an important fact regarding his inner life and outer as well. It is his birthday the next day but the wait staff bring him a superbly made dessert with one candle already lit. He watches as the candle burns down. He must leave before Midnight but is sure to inform the wait staff to let the dessert staff know how pleased he is with the cake.

FADE OUT

the best offer poster

He walks into his office. It is his birthday. It has circulated he cannot abide Mobile Phones. So, he received only one in his packages this year.

The phone rings. He answers but pretends to be his assistant. A woman is urgent to speak with him. Her father highly recommended him as the one to handle their estate antiques and art work. She is frantic to have him accept the request. He is intrigued but doesn’t reveal his identity nor does he commit himself to meeting with her.

FADE OUT

the best offer   his portrait room

Auction. He is taking the bids on an antique from the time of Galileo. It brings in over a $Million Euros. The next item is a portrait of a young lady, in her lower teen years. She looks innocent. The bidding starts. This is when Donald Sutherland gets in on the proceedings. D.S. wins the bid for $10,000 Euros. After all is finished, D.S. meets with Him, G.R., in his rooms. He is examining the painting. At first, I thought maybe there was a famous painting under this young lady. But now I am not sure. He gives D.S. a handful of money. I deduct from them both that D.S.’s character is a painter. It gets a bit vague as the scene ends.

FADE OUT

the best offer   geoffrey rush & woman co star

He, G.R., is sitting in a room. As the camera scans and he follows the eye of the camera, we are seeing walls filled with portraits of women of all ages and eras. The curiosity mounts when you view the scan of the immensity of all the portraits. I wondered whether he came upon them in a manner not suiting his position.

There is a sense of mystery in this film. It has me wanting to see this as soon as it becomes available in the way in which I like to watch my cinema.

Out of curiosity, it is my kind of film with a touch of film noir, a woman who is withdrawn from the world who his seeking Him, G.R., out. He eventually, does become interested in the mystery. It has all the elements of a film I would choose to want to see.

Since I have only seen a small length of “The Best Offer,” I can only cast a “cinema theoretica” guess. I would want to see this film. I will when I am able and give an addition to this review. Until then, if you want to see “The Best Offer,” it is suppose to be in theatres and it is available with Xfinity On Demand for a FEE. [Xfinity is Comcast].

[BEST IS FIVE - 5 - ! ! ! ! ! ]

Good Movie Watching . :-)
By Jennifer Kiley

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!!!

From The MACKENZIE-KILEY CLAN IN SOUTHERN NEW ENGLAND

New-years-eve-2 champagne glasses full happy new year ADD YEAR BELOW

new_years eve sydney oz

New Year’s Even in OZ

new-year eve big ben & golden fire works

New Year’s Eve Big Ben & Golden Fireworks

mackenzie-kiley clan happy new year 2014


Auld Lang Syne – Lea Michele

Auld Lang Syne
Sung by Lea Michele

Should old acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should all acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne

And surely you will buy your cup
And surely I’ll buy mine
And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne

We too have run around the slopes
And picked the daisies fine
We’ve londoned many weary foot
Since auld lang syne

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne

We too have paddled in the stream
From morning sun to night
But the seas between us broad have roared
From auld lang syne

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne
We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne

bubbles grounded

Happy-New-Year ADD 2014

new-years-eve 2014

Sliding Doors

[Original Written for Expats Post. Will Be Published Early Monday 30th December 2013]

Sliding-Doors-1998-poster

Sliding Doors
Film Review by Jennifer Kiley
Created on 26th December 2013
Posted on Friday 27th December 2013
FILM FRIDAY

“No one expects the Spanish Inquisition” — Monty Python

What if your life split into two timelines? In one timeline, you make your morning train, the other, someone mugs you, smashes your head into a tree, a kind British taxi driver takes you to the hospital. The split completely alters the experiences of your two lives, two different synchronicities. In one reality, you get fired, in the other, you don’t make it to work. You come home early, the other, you don’t make it home until the correct amount of time later. After things at home have time to move into a different moment, creating an alternate future, causing two parallel realities.

gwynnie sliding doors blond short hair

The film, Sliding Doors, involves Helen [Gwyneth Paltrow] meeting a new man, while still living with Gerry [John Lynch], One timeline remains with Gerry, a novelist, she is supporting. He is supposed to be writing his novel. In the other timeline, things come to an abrupt conclusion.

It’s a brilliantly conceived realistic fantasy, totally believable. How it all turns out, is well worth the time put in to watching, as the two realities evolve. Ultimately, turning out an ending with a twist. The whole film is one twisted curve. The story is enchanted. You make your choices. It’s was easy for me. It makes my best and favorites list. What is not to crave and love?

Sliding Doors after helen and james meet on train

The complexity, a brilliantly written screenplay, superb acting by a fine cast. Gwyneth Paltrow [Helen] and John Hannah [James] are in top form. John Hannah is someone with whom to fall in love. He is a genuinely fine and sensitive actor. His first film that appeared outside the UK was Four Weddings and a Funeral. His reading of W.H. Auden’s Funeral Blues was an especially painful, yet tender moment.

sliding doors james in diner

John Lynch and Jeanne Tripplehorn play the jesters, though irritating characters, carry off their roles sadly, pathetically, yet comically. It is impossible not to feel these two are not exactly on your favorite characters list. But there is always a need for antagonists. And most times you don’t like them, yet can appreciate their need in the film, or where would be the negative for the positive to repel? .

Lydia [Jeanne Tripplehorn] is a tremendous pain and cruel to boot. Gerry [John Lynch], the man Helen lives with is a ball-less, unfaithful, pathetic jerk. These are my truthful prejudices.

Sliding-Doors-john-hannah gwyneth

In the timeline, where Helen gets to know James life and becomes an integral part. This is the life I enjoy watching develop the most. If you decide to watch the film Sliding Doors, and I highly recommend it, you will be following a journey through regrouping and beginning your life from the start again. The alternate timelines are living inside of a blindness to what is happening around them.

sliding-doors helen james in diner h having milkshake

Movie Connections: Sliding Doors — John Hannah [James]

Altering time is fascinating. Watching new possibilities grow, while you are living your life as it was given to you. At the same exact time being given a new life while the old life continues in an almost similar direction, just arriving separately.

The ending, I won’t even go anywhere near what happens there. I do recommend “you start at the beginning until you come to the end, then stop.” —Lewis Carroll. It is well worth the journey. Without telling you the culmination of the story, I will say it is imaginative.

Sliding Doors is fascinating to watch. Curious how it makes you feel. You will route for Helen all the way, but which one? What will you think of James? He has his secrets as well. There are secrets everywhere. Characters you just don’t like. Maybe I am being too judgmental but some behaviors are really not honorable.

sliding doors james helen sitting on train first meeting

Sliding Doors is definitely about love. Real love. I am not sure if Gerry knows what he feels. You, as the audience, decide that conclusion. I am not enamored of him. Where my allegiances lie, I haven’t hidden. But my letting that out will not give you any idea what this story is trying to share. Feeling love and caring and knowing when you see it and feel it.

I keep returning to the ending. It surprised me the first time I watched Sliding Doors. It may surprise everyone who watches it. The creativity of the mind who created this story, must be very fertile. I love when someone writes something so different. Something one has not seen in a film before. An original concept, playing with time, in the way Sliding Doors plays it through.

slidingdoors helen at closed train doors

Anyone who likes imagination, thinking, going with the possibilities, being able to expect the unusual and to be able to accept the unique, will love Sliding Doors.

It is a film one can watch more than once. Why? Some films create such ponderings in the mind one needs a dose of their originality to sooth the soul and to believe in the genius of originality. It still truly exists in a world of film on the edge of losing its ability to create plenty of room for new ideas. They sneak in here or there.

Sliding Doors is made for the romantic as well as the psychologically prone individual. The interaction between Helen and James is an invitation to see how feelings slowly develop within a natural growth. The depth of love and feelings are real and should not chase away the male viewer. It is a thinking person’s film. Don’t be afraid of the romance.sliding doors helen short blond hair looking in from the sidewalk

The other side of the film is either funny or irritating but in a way that holds the viewer’s attention. For me, I just want to slap some sense into Lydia and Gerry. He is an ass and she is not much higher on the evolutionary ladder.

I prize this film. Obviously, the parts that are irritating would accentuate after you’ve watched this film often enough. Even so, the rest of the film is well worth viewing as often as possible.

The two Helens are reacting so differently and anyone near her lives are different, also. Everyone has to change their perspective on what is real. Keeping them organized is not complicated, instead it is a curious experience to see the different performances.

One more film on my list of films I watch whenever I find the time. It is, to me, like looking into a great work of art, each view you see more deeply into what your senses are perceiving. Each perception brings on different feelings and reactions on other sense levels. Losing myself in the art is a love affair. Losing may not be the most accurate word, pleasure is more succinct. There is emotional pleasure and an indescribable response in experiencing art.

james holding helen

For me, film can most assuredly be considered art. It has such an availability of ranges, in which to explore the mind, the imagination, to express emotions, thoughts, concepts, ideas, non-sense, and a letting go of creativity. To develop a conversation, acting out a concept, to see where it will lead in opening one’s mind to something deeper or new.

Sliding Doors is this film. It is art. It creates a possibility of fantasy, which could hold a particle of truth within its idea of playing with time.

sliding_doors_helen 1st reality

“Always look on the bright side of life.” I love the mentions of Monty Python. What they say and do in their work, mostly non-sense, is filled with humor and ridiculosity.

Sliding Doors asks you to suspend your concept of reality, step into a moment of fantasy and allow that to have possibilities. Go with where it takes you. Accept its consequences.

“No one expects the Spanish Inquisition” — Monty Python

Sliding Doors Trailer

Sliding Doors
Cast:
Helen: Gwyneth Paltrow
James: John Hannah
Gerry: John Lynch
Lydia: Jeanne Tripplehorn

Directed & Written by Peter Howitt [Antitrust with Ryan Philippe, Tim Robbins, and Rachel Leigh Cook. An extreme thriller in the intrigue of super-computers, programmers, inventive ideas, murder, and an exciting film to watch. Edge of the seat philosophy film-making. One I shall watch again really soon & highly recommend for the film viewer who wants excitement with their popcorn. Eat slowly so you don’t choke. Available Free through Redbox Subscription using Roku. Will review in near Future].

Year: [1998]
99m R
Available Presently [26th Dec. 2013]
Amazon Instant Video or Purchase Amazon.com

THE END

Last Night I Dreamt of Manderley

movies to watch films to see

Last Night I Dreamt of Manderley
Tribute to Joan Fontaine
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Created on Thursday 19th December 2013
Posted on Friday 20th December 2013
FILM FRIDAY

joan_fontaine starring

The deaths, last weekend, of Peter O’Toole and Joan Fontaine reminded me of star royalty. Fontaine had drifted away. I kept checking to make sure she was alive. But now, I know she is no longer with us. Her sister, and rival is still here. One year older and on the other side of the ocean, that is how Joan Fontaine had acted since she won an Oscar in the same year they both were nominated. Olivia de Haviland just wanted to congratulate her but for whatever reason, Joan Fontaine wanted none of it. That was where the line was drawn.

I continue to watch her films today, she made many brilliant ones. My favorite is “Rebecca” and yes, there is the housekeeper Mrs. Danvers. The other is Hitchcock’s “Suspicion,” where her character feels that her husband [Cary Grant] is trying to kill her. The audience isn’t any better at knowing the truth than her character. We find what she knows or thinks she knows, convinces us maybe she is right. I love both sisters. They gave us great characters to love. Olivia de Haviland’s favorite of mine is Melanie in “Gone With the Wind.” She is probably the sweetest character who ever existed in films.

Families all have their problems and some just do not get along or want anything to do with the other member, no matter what. In this case, Joan Fontaine took to the grave the absence of her sister from her life. It wasn’t a Hollywood pretend distance. It was made by something only Joan or Olivia know for sure. And now only Olivia holds the truth of it.

But I found out something today, rummaging around, Joan Fontaine, in her own words, when asked the question, what caused the broken connection between you and your sister. Joan Fontaine’s answer was extensive & will post the interview tape for those who want to hear it first hand. First, when they were children, Olivia showed absolutely no warmth toward Joan at all. There was the mystery of a broken collar bone. Joan said she assumed it was an accident. But even that wasn’t the worst part. When they were adults, Joan Fontaine had prepared her 80 year old mother for death. Along comes Olivia wanting the doctors to cut open their mother, to probe inside her to see if they can fix her. Joan told her sister she would have none of that. She wouldn’t consent. Well, Joan had some commitments to take care of. When there mother died, Olivia sent Joan a telegram to inform her of their mother’s death without finding out where she was. She received the telegram two weeks after her mother died. To Joan, this was unforgivable. Olivia knew how to find her. After listening to Joan Fontaine speak of this, it makes me wonder who lies behind that sweet face of Melonie from “Gone With the Wind.” Remember Olivia de Haviland is 97, one year older than Joan Fontaine and still very much alive, living in Paris, France. Joan Fontaine lived in LA, California.

I have pulled together a treat of videos to watch, I felt these were the best. Some are funny, others are tributes & you may need something to blot your eyes. One is her screen test for Hitchcock’s “Rebecca.” She is brilliant just reading for the role. The assortment is a walk down the road with someone I find to be one of the Great Actresses we will never see again in anyone new coming up. Joan Fontaine made a statement on one of the tapes which I will paraphrase. She didn’t feel those in the film industry were making films to make anyone special any longer. If you look around at what we call celebrity today, I believe she has something in what she says. No one is really special. Someone may stand out for a brief moment in between the next film or TV show we watch. But it doesn’t feel that anyone stays with us, not the way that Greta Garbo, Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant, Elizabeth Taylor, Katherine Hepburn, Jimmy Stewart, just to name a few, have done. And now we can add to this list Peter O’Toole and Joan Fontaine, to those who were special and will remain special. They made films that make them last into immortality.

Joan_Fontaine olivier's back

Enjoy the videos I found. Watch whatever strikes you. There are some great shots of Joan Fontaine. Tribute made by fans. Love springs out from most everyone. There is even a great and fun interview segment from the Mike Douglas Talk Show from long ago, Joan Fontaine is a guest host and the guest who is called out is “Tony Perkins,” none other than Norman Bates from the Hitchcock film “Psycho.” He is a delight. The interview is joyful and it gives the viewer a wonderful glimpse into Joan Fontaine and Anthony Perkins, who, also, is no longer with us. He is a gem the world lost to young. The two did “Tea and Sympathy” together on Broadway.

I will leave you to enjoy. I did this to honor a truly Great Actress I have loved since I was very young.

RIP Joan Fontaine. Remember You Are One of the Greats Forever!!!

Joan Fontaine’s Screen test for Rebecca

Trailer – Rebecca [Hitchcock] – Joan Fontaine

Joan Fontaine – Trailer for Jane Eyre

Joan Fontaine – Suspicion Trailer

Joan Fontaine – Tribute

Trailer – Letter from an Unknown Woman

Joan Fontaine – Tribute to a Beautiful Lady

RIP Joan Fontaine – Tribute

Tribute [en Francais] Letter to an Unknown Woman[Joan Fontaine & Louis Jourdan]

Retro Bites: Joan Fontaine – Sisters [Answers Questions Re: Feud with Olivia de Haviland & more]

Retro Bites: Joan Fontaine on Suspicion

Joan Fontaine & Tony Perkins on Mike Douglas Show [1967]

Joan [de Beauvois de Haviland] Fontaine

Movie Legends – Joan Fontaine

The video that follows below, is a silly one. I thought anyone with a sense of humor, and love “Rebecca” as many of us do, will appreciate this outrageous interpretation of it. Steve Hayes did this while Joan Fontaine was alive. There is no disrespect intended but more to celebrate the life of a Great Movie Star of the Highest Caliber by making light of, what I think, was her Greatest Role Ever and the Film for which she should have won the Oscar. She did win for another Hitchcock, which was made following “Rebecca” and that was the brilliantly made “Suspicion.” Joan Fontaine said that two endings were made and put before a test audience. And of course, the American type ending won. Now if you can let go of the protocol of being proper at a time when someone dies, you should definitely see this video. If you don’t feel this is appropriate, then give it a pass.

One last tidbit about “Rebecca,” Lawrence Olivier was ticked off Vivien Leigh, who did a screen test with Olivier, her husband, but, obviously, did not get the part, so he treated Joan Fontaine miserably. Now, Hitchcock being the director, you would think he would step in and correct the situation. Nope. Instead, he told Olivier to keep treating her badly. The rest of the cast received the same instructions. Hitchcock felt it would make for a better performance, having Joan Fontaine thrown off kilter and made to feel insecure and unsure of herself.

Now on with the crazy review of “Rebecca.”

STEVE HAYES: Tired Old Queen at the Movies – REBECCA

Private Writings: Chapter #39 — Demons in Disguise Are Lying

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013

Private Writings: Chapter #39 — Demons in Disguise Are Lying

Written by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Introduction & Chapter #1
Published on March 19th 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted On Tuesday 17th December 2013

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.

NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.

ANYONE RESEMBLING ANYONE LIVING OR DEAD
IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell, psychoanalyst extraordinaire,
my choice in form of storytelling is using letters with dreams, thoughts, poems, images,
music, art, describing my scripts, recent one ‘brief sacrifice,’ film due to be released,
psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, inspirations, reflective comments, the inner & outer workings
of the mind, soul, body, emotions, and bipolar—prefer mentally creative, or interesting,
or a brain misfiring; in the mix are abuse, crashes, near drownings, illegal drugs presently,
hallucinations, hypersexuality, time warps, finding answers to unsolved mysteries, infatuations,
imagination, fantasy, the never ending need to discover my self, my soul, my eternal serenity, my bliss

see you down the rabbit hole.
namaste! madison taylor

Sympathy for the Devil – The Rolling Stones

Private Writings: Chapter #39 — Demons in Disguise Are Lying

Tuesday 10th June 2008

Dear Annie,

I have a confession to make, that scares me. Not being certain how you will react, makes the words difficult to say out loud. You are always stressing how some feelings may be inappropriate. How am I to understand what is inappropriate, without you knowing how I feel?

With me, I need to trust someone before I can talk about closeness. Particularly, as it pertains to love. And truthfully, I am not sure I would recognize trust, closeness & love if it were smashing me in the heart.

While we were in Paris, Scottie told me I get infatuated way too easily. My brain ceases to function when I find myself attracted to anyone. Any ability to see the truth gets murky. I end up being lured into following the darkness. Where I end up in web-like tangles inside my mind. Spiders surround my senses and I end up eventually staring at the head of a serpent with a narrow darting tongue, forked at the tip, smelling my skin by touching it.

I am trapped before I realize, I have been seduced by an innocent facade of a demon in disguise. Within this creature, who coaxed me into her power, I find where the soul should be, there lies a blackened shape, hardened with sharp, jagged edges.

Of course, I never perceive the deception or the evil hiding inside the lovely, exterior costume. What appears in my eyes are the soft, sensual lines of her features. Her eyes hidden beneath dark glasses. That is so sexy. A voice smoothly speaking words with a gentle accent, French or British, with the tenderness of tones. Her words are intelligent and used in such a perfect way. Knowing the language of seduction of an innocent young woman, clueless to deception. This is how I am drawn in. And through her continuous manipulation, I am hers. She owns me.

My soul does not join with darkness. The two repel like a friend to an enemy. Being tricked by a facade is not unusual when infatuation strikes. My recent closeness with Scottie has awakened an urgent need and desire for more closeness. Yet, I flee from what can be mine and now seek the dangerous and lethal.

You, Annie, are my dangerous temptation. Safe territory surrounds your life. A child & husband, a happy marriage, maybe not happy, that is the value I choose to place on your closest relationship.

Infatuation, for me, causes a rush of exhilaration. It is the state of circling the insatiable feelings of being in love, the falling in love aspects of being filled with blood rushing in the body when experiencing an orgasm. My brain craves the overflowing of sensations. The forbidden touches awakening the juices of titillation. Temptation is on high alert.

When I was a child, the sexual abusers each had their own technique. Slipping into my bedroom at night, while I slept, was the most covert. While you sleep, if you are a child and being touched, you may awaken due to feelings of your body betraying you. Shame and what the physical sensations are doing, force you to be the silent witness. Until one night, you may find the courage to say four simple words out loud. “Please, don’t do that.”

Does the abuser stop? Does he or she go away? Do they ever return after your bravery?

Now, I am just one more easy victim to incorporate into the cult of the unattainable illusion. Kind words so sadly sought, when whispered in a poetic message, lure the innocent sacrifice. Is it a sickness I have learned from my abusers? My need to have a forbidden love or wanting of kindness, I will sacrifice my freedom and be their slave, for one morsel metered out at a time.

To take advantage of a weakness in someone, when the knowledge of their abuse is known to you, is a pretty low place to exist. And I find myself drawn to this loathsomeness of life, oh, so easily. The sad part is, I never recognize their inner faces, behind the masques. I remain the masochist and victim. It is not erasable.

I bring a proposal to you, Annie. These feelings exist. I love you. Trust is important. I need to find a way to experience these feelings of infatuation in a safe environment. It is important for me to work on what I feel. My feelings involve you. They may or may not be real. It could just be an ongoing repetition of certain experiences continuously repeating until I find the resolution.

If you will be open to working with my feelings for you in therapy, knowing they may just be a fantasy born out of my repeatedly being abused by so many different abusers, and in so many different ways. Maybe some day I will understand what happened and why or not why, but, some how, some day, I will be able to let go of what happened. And the effect on me will some day slip away. The memories won’t need their time in my conscious mind.

I will be free, at last, from all those potential abusers slipping into my life unnoticed. Maybe, someday, I will finally be able to live in a world where I feel safe and be able to trust I am trusting the right people. No more tricks and manipulations. No more using me against my will. I will see clearly beyond the darkness.

The clouds will lift. My sight will be clear. And not one hand will ever touch me again, if I don’t want it to happen.

My wish is to feel what I want to feel, when I want to feel it. No more forced contact. No contact without consent.

Is that really asking for too much? Really? Really! NO. Just saying NO means exactly that. NO, I DON’T WANT YOUR BLOODY HANDS ON MY BODY OR YOUR MIND INSIDE MY HEAD.

So, Annie, is it a deal? Can we work on details to making this work out in therapy? I don’t know why it never occurred to me to work on this in therapy. The only explanation I can think of, is it is too bloody scary to even bring it up as something to potentially talk about at all.

Enough for now. I’m exhausted. Time for “Brief Sacrifice.”

Here is my closing line from “Brief Sacrifice.”

“Time can be folded and joined with all elements in all places as the one ultimate moment when time is all at once. In this place everything happens on a continual loop following into a continuum of time forever into infinity. In the “Silver Box,” there is contained the ability to draw time into itself and create the perfect infinite moment.”

For you, I will end this letter in “the moment between seconds.”

Love Fondly,

Madison

@-;—

© madison taylor 2008

Hopelessly Devoted to You

Joseph Stella - Flowers Italy

Joseph Stella – Flowers Italy

Somewhere In Time – John Barry

Schitzer - Red Poppies Growing in a Grassy Field

Schitzer – Red Poppies Growing in a Grassy Field

rain in garden gif

Infatuation Invisibility
Narrative  Haiku
By Madison Taylor
10th June 2008

Confession scary
Inappropriate feelings
Infatuation

Visibility
Vanish blown away by wind
Five hundred miles gone

Innocence stolen
Invasive touch snatched away
Emotions blocked

One invisible
Secret keeping silently
Death be the dark guard

Light candle in wind
Awakened attention drawn
Surrender evil

Celebrate freedom
Chains broke escape privately
Paid success denied

Sexuality
Returning what was stolen
Innocence restored

© madison taylor 2008

Out of a Dream by j. mccormack (c) JM 2007

Out of a Dream by  jk mccormack (c) jKm 2007

Cannonball – Lea Michele [FULL SONG]

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream

In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Patrick when he was five weeks. He is a Bengal kitten. Madison gave to Scottie as a present for her Birthday. As he grows he becomes devoted to her.

Patrick when he was five weeks. He is a Bengal kitten. Madison gave to Scottie as a present for her Birthday. As he grows he becomes devoted to her.

Patrick is our Bengal cat in tree. He loves Scotties. They are buddies.   1612x1212

Patrick is our Bengal cat in tree. He loves Scotties. They are buddies.

Le Chateau de Rocher

Le Chateau de Rocher

Madison and Scottie's bedroom

Madison and Scottie’s bedroom

Open White Kitchen

Open White Party Kitchen

play is not just play meryl streep

“Pretending is not just play.
Pretending is imagined possibilities.”
— Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana

Dead Again

dead-again-dvd-cover-great poster also roman & margaret
Dead Again
Film Review by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Created Thursday 12th Dec. 2013
Posted On Friday 13th Dec. 2013
FILM FRIDAY
5 stars
dedicated to roger ebert film fridayDead Again

[Life after love. Love after life.]

After the title “Dead Again,” the film opens with the word MURDER. Followed by headlines of the murder mixed amongst the opening credits. Headline: STRAUSS ARRESTED. TRIAL OPENS TODAY. STRAUSS FOUND GUILTY December 10th 1949. STRAUSS GETS DEATH. Strauss begins singing a lament in the background toward the end of the credits. Fade In to Roman Strauss [Kenneth Branagh] getting a haircut. He is visited by one member of the press Mr. Gray Baker [Andy Garcia].

Roman Strauss wants a favor from Mr. Baker. After all he has been writing all about his arrest, trial, guilty verdict and his death sentence. Mr. Gray Baker owed Roman Strauss to print his request of an exact quote, “I loved my wife and that I love her forever.”

Roman continues to talk when Mr. Baker asks him, “You truly believe you are lucky to die?”

Roman looks intently at Mr. Baker. His response is, “This is all far from over.”

“But you still killed her?” Mr. Gray Baker asks Roman. Strauss gives Mr. Baker a kiss behind the ear. Gray Baker is an important character to follow.

Roman Strauss is then taken away.

Kenneth-Branagh-dead again w scissors

There is commotion as Strauss walks down the hall to face his death. At the end of the hall, Roman raises his hand. As he brings it down, he shouts, “These are for you.”

roman w scissors these are for you

The past is very Film Noir and Gothic, [In opening, an inside joke, the date 12/10/49, it is Kenneth Branagh’s birthday]. The film has the influences such as Laura by Preminger, Wells, and Hitchcock’s Rebecca. The ideas of hypnosis, regression and reincarnation scared other directors away from making this film. With the script by Scott Frank [later to write the screenplay for "Get Shorty," "Minority Report," "Marley & Me," "The Wolverine," plus others], in the “Dead Again” script, there is an undercurrent of humor, and a flow into the dark side.

dead again mike take emma'c chr to asylum til she is claimed by someone

When we enter the present, a woman wakes up screaming. Camera switches to the classic Gothic gates, a la Citizen Kane, with a large G-Clef in the center where the iron gates close. [Remember the G-clef]. She is staying at a Catholic Orphanage. The priest wants her out. The kind nun caring for her argues she has no place to go. He gives her the name Mike Church. Tells her to contact him. He owes the priest favors. An good, honest name for a P.I. whose haunt is LA, he drives a red, convertible sports car. His main focus is missing persons. He accepts the case of the mysterious screaming woman [Emma Thompson]. First thing he discovers is she has amnesia and is unable to speak.

Dead Again

A stranger shows up at Mike’s door the day he has placed an ad hoping someone will know who the screaming woman is. He is a hypnotist who wants to help Mike discover her identity. He tries some hypnosis, to Mike’s objections, but almost immediately gets some results. She screams out some words, then reverts back to being unable to speak.

dead again emma b4 her voice comes back

The hypnotist, Franklyn Madson, [Derek Jacobi], offers his assistance. Mike brings his mystery woman to the “Laughing Duke,” an antique shop where Madson hypnotizes his clients to locate antiques while he has them under. Mike wants to see if he will be able to help solve the mystery of her amnesia, her inability to speak, and what exactly are her nightmares.

dead again antique shop meet psychic derek j seance takes place

While under hypnosis she begins having what appear to be flashbacks. She is taken to taken to the past where she begins remembering Roman Strauss with his wife Margaret. It is as if she were actually there with him. Her descriptions come from the effects of the hypnosis. She talks of Roman and Margaret’s wedding and of their careers. Margaret’s is flourishing while Roman’s struggling with his career in the US. He tries to compose his own music but it isn’t coming and offers to score films aren’t successful either. His music is too good. He had to leave his homeland in Europe. He was ill and his wife died. His personal housekeeper, Inga and her son, Frankie, were able to get him to the States successfully.

dead-again seance

At the reception, Margaret has a talk with Inga and Frankie. She reminded them they were to have moved their living quarters to another part of the mansion before the wedding. Inga questions her, saying that Mr. Strauss had not asked them to. Margaret made it clear she was now Roman’s wife and it made no difference, they must listen to her.

dead again seance derek mike candle dont see emma

Roman is madly in love with Margaret. For their marriage, he gives her a special gift, an anklet. Moments later, Madson brings her out of the trance. While he is talking to Mike, she speaks, asking for a glass of water. All are thrilled. Madson is all excited about what came out of the trance. He shows them a Life magazine with photos of the marriage of Roman Strauss and to his wife Margaret. The mystery woman looks a great deal like Margaret. Her amnesia is still very much intact and is confused by it all.

dead-again-1991 emma w roman conducting orchestra roman not in shot

The hypnosis continues with Mike joining in by going under, both are bringing up effective results, and some revelations are very unusual. The strongest memory coming from the screams in her nightmares. They involve the murder of a pianist, Margaret, by her husband Roman Strauss in late 1948. After this result, when the session is finished for the day, Madson calls out to a voice, saying, “In a moment, mother.”

dead-again-garcia

Mike takes her to see Cozy Carlisle [Robin Williams], a former psychiatrist, but lost his license. After Mike explains the session she just had, the Doc tells them it sounds like past life regression. “Sometimes a trauma in a past life can lead you to a trauma in a present life.” “Karma. You burn someone in a past life they turn around and burn you in this life.”

Dead-again- mike church  & emma

Some simple memories return to her, but nothing substantial. Mike gets some help from his friend, Pete [Wayne Knight] at the newspaper, who placed the first ad. And Mike starts looking into the story of Roman Strauss through old copies of newspapers, specifically the articles, which there are a plethora, written by Mr. Gray Baker [Andy Garcia]. She says “Hello” to Pete. He thinks her voice is great.

dead again mike emma consult w robin he is a psychiatrist lost license

Mike takes her out to eat at a beach café, where they start to bond. He pretends to read the tea leaves for her. This is a fun scene, and when he christens her “Grace.” Rain starts shortly there after, and a romantic moment unfolds.

dead-again mike & emma in rain when out for meal

Weirdos keep coming out of the woodwork, trying to confuse “Grace’s” recovery. But the work with Madson, the hypnotist continues. Time to travel back in time to Roman and Margaret. The excitement keeps building from frame to frame, scene to scene, and reel to reel. The past is just as enthralling as the present.

dead-again- roman & margaret toasting

Fitting the pieces together in the past of Roman and Margaret, leads back into the present with Mike and “Grace.” What do they have to do with the other? Is there any connection between Margaret and “Grace?” And what about Mike Church? How does he fit into any of this?

Dead-Again roman & margaret

It is a finely designed film, with heightened emotions building up as piece by piece everything eventually falls together. You need to allow the tension to build and the mind to be free of any preconceived notions of what you think is real and possible. Do not forget any characters. The script is so tightly written and played out, every nuance is important to remember. I have seen the film “Dead Again” multiple times. It holds me spellbound every time.

DeadAgain  psychi giving emma's char small pistol to protect herself

Keep the past fresh in your mind as you watch the present unfolding. Watch out for the danger. Trust no one. Suspect everyone. There is a scene, I promise, I won’t give it away. I will just say you will make a face and go, “Wwwwhhhhhoooooaaaaa!!!” Not sure if that is the exact sound everyone will make.

dead again emma's chrs home on top

My favorite line of the film is: “Well, I, for one am very interested in seeing what is going to happen next.”

Emma Thompson is magnificently strong as Margaret and brilliantly delicate, blowing the audience away as “Grace.” It was my first Emma Thompson experience. I didn’t know her at all. I fell in love at first site and continue to love her today. She is an exceptional actor and screenwriter.

dead-again-1991 emma trying to call for help

Kenneth Branagh is exceptionally tender, plus scary as Roman Strauss and gently forceful, as well as a persistent protector as Mike Church. Kenneth had another extremely important role, he is the Director of “Dead Again.” So, he played a German composer, an American P.I., directed the film “Dead Again,” and he is excellent in all the parts he undertook.

dead-again emma's character in danger

A very dynamic duo, Emma Thompson and Kenneth Branagh. Where were the Awards? There should have been awards. Plus they are British doing the roles of three Americans and one German.

These were my theatre days, when I just picked out a film that sounded good. Choosing “Dead Again,” what a perfect decision. It didn’t just sound good, it is a fantastic film. Edge of the seat from the first scene until the very last moment. I give this 5***** stars out five.

This movie is from the 1990′s. Every aspect is excellent from the script, its direction, performances, music, editing, it grabs hold of you and lifts you up into the ride of your life. Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson, [when “Dead Again” was made, Kenneth and Emma were husband and wife], played two roles in the past and two roles in the present. Past and present required separate clothing designs, hairstyles, and British accents turned into American for both and one character in German for Kenneth. The jewel on top was their parts were of two people in love and destined to be together forever.

I love “Dead Again” from the second the projector starts rolling the very first time. Every second of it a ride through a thriller, love story, character development, and a lasting treasure.

Dead Again — Trailer — Emma Thompson-Kenneth Branagh-Derek Jacobi

Directed by Kenneth Branagh

Kenneth Branagh as Roman Strauss / Mike Church
Emma Thompson as Grace / Margaret Strauss
Andy Garcia as Gray Baker
Derek Jacobi as Franklyn Madson
Wayne Knight as ‘Piccolo’ Pete Dugan
Hanna Schygulla as Inga
Campbell Scott as Doug
Robin Williams as Doctor Cozy Carlisle

Mystery/Thriller
Rated R
English
1991
107 min

Private Writings: Chapter #38 — Dream Scribers

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013

Private Writings: Chapter #38 — Dream Scribers

Written by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Introduction & Chapter #1
Published on March 19th 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted On Tuesday 10th December 2013

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.

NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.

ANYONE RESEMBLING ANYONE LIVING OR DEAD
IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell, psychoanalyst extraordinaire,
my choice in form of storytelling is using letters with dreams, thoughts, poems, images,
music, art, describing my scripts, recent one ‘brief sacrifice,’ film is waiting for release,
psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, inspirations, reflective comments, the inner & outer workings
of the mind, soul, body, emotions, and bipolar—prefer mentally creative, or interesting,
or a brain misfiring; in the mix are abuse, crashes, near drownings, illegal drugs presently,
hallucinations, hypersexuality, time warps, finding answers to unsolved mysteries, infatuations,
imagination, fantasy, the never ending need to discover my self, my soul, my eternal serenity, my bliss

see you down the rabbit hole.
namaste! madison taylor

cannabis wreathHAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE TAYLOR-ANDREWS CLAN

Private Writings: Chapter #38 — Dream Scribers

Tuesday 3rd June 2008

Dear Annie,

I want to go into what we talked about today, as close to the words we used as possible. It is a matter of my remembering accurately what we said & what I remember we said. To see how close I am to recalling what is real & imagined.

The first thing I did was read my last letter to you. It described something metaphysical happening, yet it was real sexually but it felt so spiritual. Our bodies blended into one. Scottie felt like me & I felt like I was her. How is that possible? It felt exactly the way I described it. When Scottie touched me I felt she was within my body touching outward. When I touched her skin it felt like my fingers were touching an angel. My hand passed through her flesh into spirit. Pure energy. If that makes any sense at all.

That sounds metaphysical to me, not on an intellectual level, but within the power of deeper magic.

I am going to try to write what I heard you say to me.

“Relax Madison. Close your eyes & follow my voice. Breathe deeply. Let the air fill your lungs. Let your lungs fill your entire body as though they were your body. Feel the air touch the furthest points of your extremities. Let your breathe cleanse throughout your entire body.”

“Feel the sensations of your breathe touching you. Let the air become the touch of Scottie’s hands. The touch is innocent. It is purity allowing your flesh to receive her gentle touch. All other sensations of touch are drifting away. They cannot harm you. Only Scottie’s hands & flesh are touching you.”

“Let all other thoughts & feelings from other people be released from your awareness. Let them float away from you. They are going far, far away, never to return. Only the touch of Scottie & the people you trust will be allowed into your awareness. The purity of touch will be from those you accept into your area of safety. All else will leave you, never to return. Your safe place belongs to you. No one may enter without your permission.”

“Breathe in. Don’t forget to breathe & then release the pain. Release the memories from the past. They may not want to let go easily. But push them far away. Make them move away from you. Release them. Let them go. Only feel the goodness of touch from Scottie & others with whom you trust & love.”

“Keep taking in deep breathes & feel Scottie near you. Feel Jonathan near you. Only those people you trust. Feel my hugs when we are comforting you & when we are saying goodbye at the end of a session. You have returned & you are back in my care. You are safe here with me. Only good people can come into this room to spend time with you here.”

“The one’s you want to release shall be banned. We will only talk about them but they will be allowed to enter in your safe place. If they try, they will be told to leave. They are not wanted here with you & me. Scottie can enter. Only people you want to enter can come into this space. They are the only ones who are welcome. Now breathe in some really deep breaths. Hold each one for the count of five & then release. Keep breathing in & release”

“When I start to count backwards from ten I want you to return slowly, to become more alert with each number.”

“Ten. It is time to start feeling your body centering in this room.”

“Nine. Feel your arms & legs coming back to your senses.

“Eight. Feel your back straightening out & feel the sensations traveling up your spine.”

“Seven. Feel the center of your abdomen awakening to your awareness.”

“Six. Feel the sensations of the center of all your deep sensual feelings awaken.”

“Five. Feel your chest expanding with air as you take in each breath.”

“Four. Feel your heart beating in your chest & warming your body.”

“Three. Feel your shoulders let go of the weight of the world. They are loosening up.”

“Two. Feel your facial muscles stretching in a smile. Open your mouth wide & stretch the muscles that surround your lips, nostrils & forehead.”

“One. Start to open your eyes slowly. As you open them, gradually open them to stretch out your forehead further. Take a nice deep breathe & release any residual tensions you may be feeling.”

Your relaxation exorcism really gets rid of the darkness. Any that may be lingering are chased away with your words. They feel your strength transporting from you into to me & through me. The evil is vanquished & I feel freer inside & all around me.

I feel the goodness of having Scottie around me & near. Making love with her was the freeing of my soul into pure heightened awareness and sensual & sexual energy, unblocked from the demons that held my senses captive.

We did all of this today but did not have time for the dream I had last night. I meant to tell you about it, but there was so much we both needed to say & do, there was no time. I will tell you now. It may not be as clear as it was when I first woke up from dreaming, but I will be as accurate as possible.

When I woke up early this morning, I realized I had the most disturbing dream. The location was at one of my parents stores. People were standing around inside this huge red building. The doors, which were the size of almost the whole front of the building, were wide open. I was floating above them all & wondering what these people were waiting for. It was then I realized, they were waiting for my father to bring the products these people wanted. In this case, it was computers. The odd thing was, they were expecting my parents to take care of them, like slaves. Suddenly, it came to me, the realization that my parents were never coming. A flash flooded by mind with an awareness they weren’t just not coming. I remembered in my dream, my parents both were dead.

A friend appeared a moment later from my childhood. A woman I was once in love with & extremely attracted to. I haven’t seen her in years. For some reason her parents’ penthouse was connected to the NYC store on Fifth Avenue & I had my own room there. In the room there were two older model TV sets.

The dream jumped back to the huge store. A party had developed. All the people that attended were from the elite of society, just like the people who were customers in the stores my family owned. I remember the one in NYC, from when I was a kid. All of them are dead now.

In the dream, I was flying above them. I felt like a snob but I was reacting to their snobbery. I began going around singing a lamentation which was on the more joyful side then sad. The authorities came to close up the NYC store. To lock it up for good. I became very angry and yelled at him that this place once belonged to my grandfather and had been in the family since the 1700s. In my mind it didn’t seem fair that this was being closed up and taken away from the rest of my family.

Somewhere inside of me, I, somehow, felt the family business should have been continued by someone in our family. I started having memories of the NYC store and saw it vanish before my eyes. That is when once again I would have the realization that my parents were dead.

The family business is gone now, bought up by a corporation. Our family home where we grew up in the suburbs is gone, too. It had been demolished after my mother’s death. All of my childhood that was solid has been lost. How do I feel about this??? I forced myself to wake up early. My dream had turned into a nightmare about dead people & the past. One thing, I think is important, I forgot to mention it. I kissed my friend & hugged her. It was good but also strangely awkward.

One last memory in the dream, was a body of water. A huge river or pond, that had a yacht club on the water’s edge. There were dinner settings & party settings. That’s when I woke up & the dream ended.

I have no clue what it means except that it is telling me my parents are dead & they left nothing behind. Everything that was them has vanished as though it never existed except the nightmares which fill my dreams on a regular basis.

Not a very romantic way to return from a place of dreams & love. I feel we should have stayed in Paris. If we didn’t have a life back here to return to, I think it would have happened. A life making dreams into films & giving people those fantasies to enjoy. Home is where the creativity happens. Those past places that live only in my nightmares, feel like they are just nightmares & have no connection to me. They are from someone else’s life. There only value now is to be what fuels my writings, poems & paintings.

From now on my past is just that, something that passed away into a zone of death along with the treacherous vampires who sucked at my soul but claimed only a portion of nothing. My blood & flesh weren’t free. Their flesh shall burn in the fires of their own self-created hell. The deeds of evil shall eat at their brains & consume their soulless putrid carcasses. The darkness will not redeem them but will weigh them down into the lowest levels of the dark. They will walk amongst the foulness of evil for eternity.

What makes these proclamations escape my mind to be written on this page? It is a messenger trying to console me. To be set free, I must know what is being separated from my past, that has haunted me through out my childhood & up until now. They are removed & with all care, be prevented from returning. It is not to say they won’t try to escape their capture, trying to cause the haunting again. But all precautions are being taken. Guardian angels give me protection. Safety surrounds me & keeps them away with their power. I know nothing is infallible. One must be diligent to watch for anything appearing negative or unusual. It will be dispersed as quickly as it is possible.

It is time to rest. Dream some good dreams. One’s that present clues to mysteries one is seeking answers to.

So, I will rest & let go of time for a while. Let the moments for rest reach inside of me.

It is time for the ending of this convoluted letter filled with some confusion. We will sort it out in our next session. Now it is the occasion for the moments of time to enter in.

One last thing I want to tell you before I close, I want to write to you or tell you in person, exactly what I feel about you. How you make me feel inside. You are really special to me. My feelings are getting stronger. But at this moment I don’t feel I have the energy to tell you the truth. Maybe I need to work up my courage first. So I will let my feelings become more clear before I go any further in expressing them out in the open. Time to bring this to an end for today.

Now for my closing line from “Brief Sacrifice.”

“Time can be folded and joined with all elements in all places as the one ultimate moment when time is all at once. In this place everything happens on a continual loop following into a continuum of time forever into infinity. In the “Silver Box,” there is contained the ability to draw time into itself and create the perfect infinite moment.”

“The moment between seconds.”

For you, I will end this letter in “the moment between seconds.”

Love Fondly,

Madison

@>-;—

© madison taylor 2008

psychedelic light-streaming by mindmaster

Psychedelic Light-Streaming by Mindmaster

Somewhere In Time – John Barry

beautiful marijuana bud

rain in garden gif

In the Night Colors Flow In Black & White
Stream of Consciousness Poem
By Madison Taylor
3rd June 2008

WARNING GRAPHIC VIOLENCE IN POETIC FORM

In the night colors flow in black and white until the wilder dreams begin showing harm reaching out its hand to touch what does not belong near the hurt this hand implies it is a strangers hand meant to touch in secret parts that are hidden in the dark away from the light we will work out how to prevent the strangers who are friends with the authority figure who controls what is said or done any choices are made by him to destroy the will of the innocent and corrupt the beauty of the rosebud locked together waiting for the sun to open her up when the right moment is within calling out to see the surroundings if they are not safe what is the rosebud to do it is not safe it is time to run away into the woods to guard the secret of life and feelings sensations locked within the walls not meant for the ugly to awaken before the time has come the moon is out and snow is falling how can this be so especially since winter is not expected for two more seasons after the Indian corn has been harvested the colors released from their surprise hiding underneath the protective covering it keeps them virgins until the time to reveal has been reached when all is ready to be seen and ripened to perfection the color then will be ready to be seen and touched and chosen by the seers who see the beauty who do not want to steal away the innocence making the blood to flow revealing she is not born yet to the world hiding in dreams what has been taken before now in secret when no one was looking or protecting her safety from the perverse pedophiles hanging around waiting for the moment to strike out at the unknowing unsuspecting child with lack of knowledge to protect herself the parents do not want her to have the facts of sex fearing she will be sexual but instead raped over and over again and many times more before she is even able to speak the word rape it is a powerful and a dangerous act to survive for shame has now possessed the soul whose blood is broken with the bread which is the body crucified by strangers whose father knows them and consents to their taking his daughter and raping her so the father will feel satisfied and he does not have to break her in when it is his time to take a piece of her when he is ready to beat her until she gives in to his temptation and his wife turns a blind eye for she is as bad with her brutality beating the flesh till it bruises and bleeds like the insides have been opened up as well as if she had for her sexual attraction to her own daughter she is as sadistic as a masochistic surrenders her body for the whip to hit and the sores to swell up and the crying not to cease until the pain is more painful than the crying can cry for it had gone far beyond the acceptable a long time ago yet it continues as an expected ritual of ripping the flesh apart and when it comes time to ask for forgiveness the young child must kneel in supplication to the adult female once called the woman who gave forth this child from within her own body but for what purpose if not to be a slave to her every whim of wickedness let the abuse begin it is a bull fight to see who sticks her first each with their own kind of weapon to injure her body with shame and pain which grows over the years as the years grow the child into a child woman who has no idea who she is and what she is and what she should do with her life now that life has happened to her and she feels it is time to take life and call it over and cut open her veins or take a bottle of pills anyway to stop the noise in her head and the images of all the brutality her body has experienced in a silent witness environment but no one accepts anything happened they go about their lives thinking everything was just what happens in childhood beatings and rapes and starvation and using food to punish and using anything to punish and no praise for the achievements though these are how the child survives the torture and finds joy and lost in the words and music she finds around her to comfort her and help her make it through the silent pain no one else can hear except when she finds a therapist to spill her words out to but even she cannot stay for long no one seems to stay long those who she needs to help her heal now she is doing it on her own and she had found traitors and good ones who give her the support she needs and help her to heal in disguise they are in a costume that looks comforting but it is a lie and she must run from the lie to a truth she can understand and trust and she does find this truth and it is good and she will begin to heal now and she can write down her stories so she will someday be remembered when someone else needs saving and there is no one there to help her maybe her words will be what rescues the next child who finds they have fallen into her story and their way out is to read their story and her story from out of her bravery she found the words to release her story into the world it is the beginning again for her and those who find her story and are rescued and begin their life at the beginning the way the little girl has done with her words that rescued her too

© madison taylor 2008

Snake Disguised as a Dragon - Artist J.McCormack (c) JM 2007

Snake Disguised as a Dragon – Artist J.McCormack (c) JM 2007

Warm Winds [Theme for Madison & Scottie]

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Patrick when he was five weeks. He is a Bengal kitten. Madison gave to Scottie as a present for her Birthday. As he grows he becomes devoted to her.

Patrick when he was five weeks. He is a Bengal kitten. Madison gave to Scottie as a present for her Birthday. As he grows he becomes devoted to her.

Patrick is our Bengal cat in tree. He loves Scotties. They are buddies.   1612x1212

Patrick is our Bengal cat in tree. He loves Scotties. They are buddies.

Le Chateau de Rocher

Le Chateau de Rocher

Madison and Scottie's bedroom

Madison and Scottie’s bedroom

Open White Kitchen

Open White Kitchen

play is not just play meryl streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana

Private Writings: Chapter #37 — Raindrops Falling from My Eyes

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013

Private Writings: Chapter #37 — Raindrops Falling from My Eyes
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Introduction & Chapter #1
Published on March 19th 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted 3rd December 2013

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.
NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
ANYONE RESEMBLING ANYONE LIVING OR DEAD
IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell, psychoanalyst extraordinaire,
my choice in form of storytelling is using letters with dreams, thoughts, poems, images,
music, art, describing my scripts, recent one ‘brief sacrifice,’ film is waiting for release,
psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, inspirations, reflective comments, the inner & outer workings
of the mind, soul, body, emotions, and bipolar—prefer mentally creative, or interesting,
or a brain misfiring; in the mix are abuse, crashes, near drownings, illegal drugs presently,
hallucinations, hypersexuality, time warps, finding answers to unsolved mysteries, infatuations,
imagination, fantasy, the never ending need to discover my self, my soul, my eternal serenity, my bliss
see you down the rabbit hole.
namaste! madison taylor

paris amazing lightning striking eiffel towerParis – Amazing Lightning Striking Eiffel Tower

paris view from notre dame at night eiffel towerParis – View from Notre Dame at Night of Eiffel Tower

paris Fontaine des mers reflection Place de la ConcordeParis Fontaine des mers Reflection Place de la Concorde

Private Writings: Chapter #37 — Raindrops Falling from My Eyes

Tuesday 27th May 2008

Dear Annie,

It was a warm Spring night in Paris. A slight mist in the air, weaving through a light rain, was touching the naked flesh our clothes hadn’t covered. We walked over the golden, glistening bridge, lit by the antique lamp posts, which crossed over the Seine. Lovers & romance come to life out of dreams & faery tales on this particular kind of night. The setting was that of pure perfection.

Scottie held my hand so gently in hers, as our arms touched while we walked. We weren’t alone on the bridge or in that night, but everyone else had escaped into their own fantasies, playing out in their own dreams.

My dream was to be with Scottie. Close. Moments alone. Celebrating our last night in Paris, the city created for decadence but, also, for love, true love. I love her. I confess. In the first moments, looking through my eyes into hers, my soul recognized her. She was the person for whom I had been waiting.

Who came before, were lessons of life. Crushing blows. Smashing hearts. Painful endurance. Touches of love. All passing through time, heading in different directions & for a few moments, they crossed into my time & stayed a short while. Just as suddenly as they were before me, oh, so quickly, they disappeared. Their time pulled away & vanished from mine.

A few people do stay. They are meant to be part of our travels. Hold them dear & let the rest be on their way. We all have things to do & lives to lead.

I want to separate those few people & shine the light on only one tonight. The lover of my life. My guardian angel on Earth, we protect one another. Yes, we have those we are close to, our special friends, they are precious to us. But tonight, I want to write about Scottie. My life comes into focus with her in my life. The crazy world in which we are surrounded, is only possible to survive with our true love. My demons fear her. She frightens them away. Her love & tenderness stop time in her presence. Hours may pass without our awareness. Too short is time then, it feels stolen away.

Let us return to the bridge taking us gliding on a cloud over the Seine. The rain touching our heads, floating down, making our eyes fill with tears & fall from our lashes. Happiness is within our hearts & the drops are are filled with our love & inner laughter.

Feeling Scottie stop & turn to face me, I repeat the same motion & our eyes fill the space between us. Her hands find their way to my face & hold my head softly. I look deeply into her eyes as they look down at my lips, saying “I love you.” Her lips touch my cheek as she starts kissing me. I am hypnotized. The feeling of heat flushes over my face. Her mouth finds my lips & the sensation of her lips touching mine are that of the light touch of a fluttering butterfly bearly landing on the petals of a budding rose.

I am breathless & floating on the mist as the power of her kiss sinks inside of me. Her lips softly melt into mine. One sensation of depth inside of me growing. I wrap my arms around Scottie’s body, feeling her warmth entering through my skin. I feel naked with her nakedness falling through my skin entering my body, becoming one person. We are above Paris. Floating over the city. All the beauty being absorbed in one infinite moment between the seconds.

When I returned to consciousness, Scottie & I are lying together naked, under the covers of the Coco Chanel bed in our Suite at the Ritz of Paris. Levitation, mysticism & magical whimsey carried us intertwined in our lovers embrace to our place of privacy. Making love without boundaries. No sensations stopped in mid-air. A continual motion of love making the way it originated with free flow & stream of consciousness responses through spontaneity & freedom of creation to make love with a fullness of intensity. No darkness. No interfering nightmares. No interruptions from the past flashing forward or flashbacks setting limits or slamming doors. Just pure sexual freedom. Sensations like molten lava, spilling forth & over the top, pouring down, smoothing the edges, heating up the liquids, while rolling with the golden waves of the sea at dawn.

Are you blushing Annie? I tried to be poetic as much as possible. Feeling so innermost touched by sensations I thought had been stolen. Ones I thought I would never have the chance to feel. Being in Paris. Spending time with Scottie in the late nights. Meeting Jonathan & having a great time with him. Being able to talk honestly & openly in the same place. And Paris is beyond anything one can imagine. It is a dream inside a dream.

Now that we are on the plane flying home, I miss it but I want to be home with Scottie there. See our wonderful babies, Toker, Mikey & Patrick. I want to sleep all together in the same bed all night & all day until we stop missing each other. And just to be in our own home.

I want to see you, too, Annie. I missed you. Yes, I know we talked & could see each other on our laptops. But I couldn’t feel our hugs. I need one of your hugs so badly. They nurture me. You nurture me. I miss hearing your voice while sitting near you.

I didn’t get much writing done except my letters to you. I miss James & Carter, my “Brief Encounter” gang. I love my characters in that screenplay. It will be on the screen really soon. I hadn’t thought of this before, but would you like to come to the premiere? Your whole clan would be invited. It would be fun. Just think about it. I will make sure Celia gets good seats for you. You could all come to the party at our home, Chateau de Rocher, afterwards. I told you Scottie gives great parties. You’d meet some very fun & famous actors. You never know who. Think about it. No pressure. Just let me know.

Now for my closing line from “Brief Sacrifice.”

“Time can be folded and joined with all elements in all places as the one ultimate moment when time is all at once. In this place everything happens on a continual loop following into a continuum of time forever into infinity. In the “Silver Box,” there is contained the ability to draw time into itself and create the perfect infinite moment.”

“The moment between seconds.”

For you, I will end this letter in “the moment between seconds.”

Love Fondly,
Madison
@>-;—

© madison taylor 2008

paris louvre statue closeup QUESTION WHO ARE THEYParis – Louvre Statue Closeup of Cupid & Psyche

Somewhere In Time – John Barry

paris springtime eiffel tower CUT OFF WORDS BOTTOM

rain in garden gif

“Reflections”
By Madison Taylor
27th May 2008

Images reflections
Out of dreams sight
Symbols imagined
Explosions
Death’s awakening
Slipping away
Into time backwards
Moving ahead
Melting mountains
Running away
Danger
Hiding

Wanted to harm the flesh
Take away feelings
Never know what was lost
Once taken never returned
Difference changes
Sensations empty
Where heart would be

Love follows journey
Begin new
Remember nothing
Far away inside a nightmare
Held in time’s past

Other dimensions
Taken dark away
Now it burns
Within a volcano
Absorbed by fire
Poured in lava
Out to sea

What does the sea swallow?
Shadow memories
Darkness created
Happened in the mist
Imagined pain
Devoured by the deep

Nothing ever goes there
Except creatures
Eating demons from dreams

Life is respun
Feelings restored
Numbness be gone
Let Go
Let senses start again

© madison taylor 2008

Seeing Out of the Dark by J. McCormack (c)McCormack 2007 [created 11.26.07 by J. McCormack - a pseudonym for Madison Taylor]

Rising Out of the Darkness by Jk McCormack ©J.McCormack 2007 [created 11.26.07 by Jk  McCormack - a pseudonym for Madison Taylor]

Warm Winds [Theme for Madison & Scottie]

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

paris louvre at sunset pyramid w reflectionParis – Louvre at Sunset Pyramid Reflection in Water

paris louvre palace at night water in foregroundParis – Louvre Palace at Night Reflection in Water

paris louvre pyramid at night goldenLouvre Pyramid at Night Golden Reflection – Paris

paris Louvre reflectionLouvre Reflection – Paris

paris Versailles - Marie Antoinette's FarmMarie Antoinette’s Farm – Paris Versailles

jonathan stephens imaginary framedJonathan Stephens is Madison Taylor’s friend in Paris, France

actresses-with-long-hair-hairstyle frenchHunter Marx [ 7 years ago in 2001 year Hunter & Madison met]

play is not just play meryl streep