Private Moments #57: Whenever I Want You

private moments in paintings & poetry
Private Moments #57: Whenever I Want You
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Post Created 1st April 2014
Posted On Monday 14th April 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS INSIDE PAINTINGS & POETRY

Private Writings: Chapter #57 — Whenever I Want You

forest green shadows (c) Jkm 2014

Forest Green Shadows © Jkm 2014

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

hands reaching out into rain

Whenever
I
Want You

Haiku Narrative
By Madison Taylor
7th October 2008

I always need you
Whenever I want you near
My heart breaks for you

Inside my body
The heat slowly builds hotter
The Phoenix rises

Renewed to begin
Next round in battle with life
Will we all make it

Be gone death away
Create immortality
New mythology

Philosophize world
Return logic to the mind
Thinking our own minds

Break what rules our will
Holding truth higher not wealth
Fuse hearts’ blood with Love

© Madison Taylor 2008

candle flame flickering gif

Maze

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p “Doorway to a Place of Enchantment”

* * * * * * *

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”
— JkM the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

* * * * * * *

Private Moments #56: Heart Locked Away

private moments in paintings & poetry
Private Moments #56: Heart Locked Away
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Post Created 1st April 2014
Posted On Monday 7th April 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS INSIDE PAINTINGS & POETRY

Private Writings: Chapter #56 — I’ve Had To Lock My Love Away

temptations to wonderland (c) Jkm 2014

Temptations to Wonderland (c) Jkm 2008

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

hands reaching out into rain

Heart Locked Away
Poem by Madison Taylor
30th September 2008

Heart locked away
In a dark hidden room
Few knew the entrance
Words protected its opening

Long ago ages upon a time
A tale of amazement was unfolding
Riches were stored away protected
Untouched wrongly unraveled through temptation

Possessing objects not your own
In sight of vision but securely protected
Without the owners permission
It is certain torture for the outrage

A definite sentence of death to follow
For the one who lusted perversely
Upon the head of the prisoner
Both shall die beheadings at dawn

Insane tales end badly

© Madison Taylor 2008

candle flame flickering gif

Maze

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p “Doorway to a Place of Enchantment”

* * * * * * *

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”
— JkM the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

* * * * * * *

Private Moments #55 : If Truth Could Be Told

private moments in paintings & poetry
Private Moments #55: If Truth Could Be Told
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Post Created DATE 2014
Posted On Monday 31st March 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS INSIDE PAINTINGS & POETRY

Private Writings: Chapter #55 — It’s Wrong For the Right Reasons

treasures of golden dreams (c) JkM 2014

Treasures of Broken Dreams (c) Madison Taylor 2008

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

hands reaching out into rain

If Truth Could Be Told
Poem by Madison Taylor
22nd September 2008

Well, fuck them
If they can be so cruel
To abandon you
When you most need them

Fuck her.
The “her” is,
Well, she is
The $5 Billion Dollar Q & A.

Name anyone
And you could say
They have contributed
To your surrender.

Living in secret.
Living in fear
Of living.
Living in fear
Of loving.
Living in fear
Of Life.

Living in fear
Of Trust stolen
From you
So many times
In the Sacrifice.

Living in fear
Of Death
But only
When Death
Is a threat.

When it is sweet,
Sweet like the feelings
Of the deepest
Darkest
Depression

Carrying you
As though
In a coffin
Through the rocking
Finality
Of death.

The finality
Of Death
Is Living.

But when you try
To take
The living out
Of your own self
And enter Death
Without being called
To it properly

It causes
All sorts
Of people
To get all weird
And concerned.

When truthfully
No one
G. A. S.

No One Really Cares…

© Madison Taylor 2008

candle flame flickering gif

Maze

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p “Doorway to a Place of Enchantment”

* * * * * * *

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”
— JkM the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

* * * * * * *

Private Writings: Chapter #54 – I Feel Fine

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013
Private Writings: Chapter #54 – I Feel Fine
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by NAME OF ARTIST
Introduction & Chapter #1
Published on March 19th 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted On Tuesday 25th March 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.
Not Suitable For Children.
All Characters Are Fictitious.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell
psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller
using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts
to discover self soul eternal serenity
but to most importantly
tell the best tale ever after upon a time

see you down the rabbit hole.
namaste! madison taylor

Private Writings: Chapter #54 — I Feel Fine

Tuesday 16th September 2008

Dear Annie,

They won’t let me see you while I’m in this place. The doors may not be locked but no one is going to allow me to leave. I never wanted to be inside a place where they watch every minute detail of what I do. Why didn’t she let me die? Why did Jamie call for help. She should have let me die. How did she know I was in trouble? I remember sending you a letter for her. Oh, right, I sent her the poem I wrote about love. I sent a preface to the poem I wrote for her. What an idiot. I was talking about suicide. Never said I was going to do it. Even if I did take all my stash of Klonopin mixed with some brandy. I was just starting to fall asleep for good. Heading into a peaceful sleep. No more thoughts. No more feelings. No more pain. No more people pretending to love me and then fucking me. Abandoning me. I am sick of it. Let them all go fuck themselves.

I want you to see the note and poem I sent to Jamie. Would it make you get so alarmed you call in the cops and medics. Between Jamie pulling me to my feet and walking me around before the emergency crew arrived. Jamie even walked me into a ice cold shower. That freaked my body out. I think I went into a seizure or something that felt like I was way out of control. I was awake bearly, but I wasn’t coherent. Nothing was making any sense at that moment. My eyes couldn’t focus at all.

Enter the women in their scrubs with their equipment. They were plugging me in to so many tubes. We were off to the hospital in no time. Pumping stomachs. Needles into tubes going into my body. They have a shrink talk to me. I was too out of it to make sense out of what she said. She did say she was going to admit me into the psyche ward for observation. That freaked me out. I demanded they contact my partner Scottie Andrews. She had power of attorney. I wasn’t going to be going upstairs.

Scottie arrived. Jamie had tracked her down and explained what had happened. She was upset with me but more concerned than angry. Scottie talked. I tried to listen. What I remember of our conversation is, our lawyer Michael was working on finding me a place at the Redcliff Psychiatric Institute. Being here is like being at a Country Club. Here I am, in this fall back to “David and Lisa” and “Lilith.” A place of splendor with Dr. Virginia MacKinnon, a great psychiatrist, for me to talk to.  She isn’t you. I’d rather be talking to you. But I am giving her a chance. I just am so confused by all that is happening. Why did I take all those pills? Why can’t I get away from people who want to hurt me? Why does it seem that I trust all the wrong kind of people who want to abuse me?

I want you to see what I wrote to Jamie that night. It might give you a sense of where I am at this moment. Maybe it’s telling, maybe not. I know I am going to write you as often as they allow me to. I wish I could call you or text you but they won’t let me have my cell phone or any of my techno gadgets. No laptops. No Tablets. No Cell Phones. No communication with the outside. With one exception, I am allowed to write to you. And I know you can’t write to me. They don’t want any outside influences.

Here is the note and poem I wrote to Jamie. I love her. I love Scottie. I love Alison. Please help them understand what I’ve done. I haven’t stopped feeling like killing myself. I still want to die. The depression has cut me off from feeling alive. I try to write poems. They won’t let me have my medical marijuana. That is killing me. It was the only thing that kept me balanced when I was balanced. My bipolar is out of control.

Lets forget about that. They won’t change their minds. MJ not allowed in here. No exceptions. This is going to make me feel more like I am falling apart than ever. I am sorry I let you down Annie. Trying to kill myself. It was stupid. The pain had a hold on me. It was crushing me. I had to let go. My estate was all settled and in good order. Everyone I wanted to be sure was taken care of was well planned out in my Will. Michael is a great lawyer.

I am putting it off. Here is what I wrote to Jamie. Keep in mind I was thinking of you in the note but I wanted Jamie to be the one to receive the note. To help her understand why I was doing what I did:

“I am insecure & uncertain about what is ok in terms of times & frequency of what is acceptable. I feel I could make a mistake & not even know it. It is causing the development of a darkness of confusion.”

“I love Jamie.  I spent the day almost intentionally focusing my attention on anything but thinking & feeling Jamie’s presence. I am afraid of the level of intensity between Jamie & I. With almost certainty, I feel Jamie & I are experiencing equal levels of intense emotions toward the other.”

“I want to hold her. I want to know what it feels like to wrap my arms around her. And to feel her body melting into mine. She would feel soft to hold. I want to lie down beside Jamie. To pull our bodies as close together as possible. And we would fall asleep with our lips near the others. Close enough to feel her warm breath caressing my face with the delicacy of her breathing.”

“I love her. I want to feel her spirit enter inside of me with warm loving energy. If I told her these feelings, I am not certain what her reaction would be. What I would like is for Jamie to tell me she feels the exact same way about me as I feel about her. We love each other deeply, as it is possible to love someone else who moves us into the highest spiritual level possible. I Love Her Now & Always & Forever. She is my soul spirit connection. I just want to dream about her.”

A poem of Haiku for J.S.

Love you bring to me
Before the sun can shine I
Dream of you with me

Before me you stand
My eyes look deep inside you
Two souls joined as one

You live in my mind
Your love sleeps inside my heart
Our lips want to speak

Love me forever
I am your soul protector
Loving you always

(c) mandy two-zero-zero-eight

I need Jamie. Her presence in my life fills up my fantasy world with warm and pleasurable sensations. When I think of her I can make up any feeling I want to experience. She is real inside for me. It may not be a sane reality but how close is sanity to madness and fantasies to reality. If you want them to happen you find a way to manifest your dreams. Does it hurt to think of someone in a dream? Make them be for you what you need. Does that make me insane for wanting a dream that once was to now be real again.

It pains me to want to love and not be able to get my body to be able to express those feelings in a real situation. When you are so careful, a nightmare enters your world and destroys it by crushing my dreams by overwhelming with the reality of my childhood by doing now what was a constant then. When she raped me, she stole away the last of my innocence. I guarded it and thought I was safe with all the protection I had surrounding me. But she still broke through and took everything that was left.

I just want to feel love. The kind of love I felt with my grandmother. I am tired. I will write more about the only person who ever loved me without wanting something in return. The energy of love I felt with my grandmother was magical and mystical. It filled me up and protected me from the abusers destroying me. She placed a shield that surrounded me. It kept their handling of my flesh from penetrating into my soul and darkening my spirit from the light. The light stayed alive inside me because grandmother has always protected me. I believe she is one of my guardian angels and I think and feel Tosh is another of those who protect me.

That’s all I can write for now. Until next week.

“Time for time and traveling with circuses must end. It is time to soar through the time barrier into all moments in the Universe.”

So, until I see you, I end with my favorite quote from the film “Brief Sacrifice.”

“Time can be folded and joined with all elements in all places as the one ultimate moment when time is all at once. In this place everything happens on a continual loop following into a continuum of time forever into infinity. In the “Silver Box,” there is contained the ability to draw time into itself and create the perfect infinite moment.”

I end this letter in “the moment between seconds.”

Love Fondly,

Madison

@-;—

© madison taylor 2008

The embrace  klimt  sm

The Embrace – Artist Klimpt

Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry

scary purple flower

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher

Le Chateau de Rocher is Madison & Scottie’s Home

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play. Pretending is imagined possibility” — Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana

Private Moments #54 : No Restrictions

private moments in paintings & poetry
Private Moments #54: No Restrictions
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Post Created 10th March 2014
Posted On Monday 24th March 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS: PAINTINGS & POETRY

Private Writings: Chapter #54 — I Feel Fine

The Brain Processing Madness (c) JkM 2008

The Brain Processing Madness (c) JkM 2008

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

hands reaching out into rain

No Restrictions
Poem by Madison Taylor
16th September 2008

Play word games backwards
No restrictions has madness
Keen minds dividing

© Madison Taylor 2008

candle flame flickering gif

Maze

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p “Doorway to a Place of Enchantment”

*     *      *      *      *      *      *

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”
— JkM the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

*      *      *      *      *      *      *

Private Moments #53: Maleficent

private moments in paintings & poetry
Maleficent
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Post Created 24th February 2014
Posted On Monday 17th March 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS: PAINTINGS & POETRY

Private Writings: Chapter #53 — In Love With You Yesterday

Maleficent by Madison Taylor (c) jKm 2014

Maleficent by Madison Taylor (c) jKm 2014

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

hands reaching out into rain

Maleficent
Poem by Madison Taylor
9th September 2008

 Never will I forget you, my love.

Love Simply Love
[All Is Love]
By Madison Taylor
9th September 2008

An opening of my heart
Taking you into the warmth
Covering you in soft pleasure
Surrounding you with strength

Barriers descending slowly
Unsure of sanity
Brief the moment of madness
Hijacking reality

Pain came surging through
Pulling apart the tenderness
Making me stone-cold inside
Chills covering the heat

Wanting passions of love
Feelings rising up within
Flesh of my body responding
To the depth you are touching me

Freely I give myself over
Opening all of me to you
I give this gift do as you wish
The safe word is no

(c) mandy two-zero-zero-eight

© Madison Taylor 2008

candle flame flickering gif

Whitney Houston w/ Enrique Iglesias – Could I Have This Kiss Forever

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p “Doorway to a Place of Enchantment”

* * * * * * *

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”
— JkM the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

* * * * * * *

Private Moments #52: In the Dark Whispers Calling

private moments in paintings & poetry
In the Dark Whispers Calling
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Post Created 23rd February 2014
Posted On Monday 10th March 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS: PAINTINGS & POETRY

Private Writings: Chapter #52 — Waiting for the Fall

Winding Spirits by Madison Taylor (c) jKm 2008

Whispering Spirits by Madison Taylor (c) jKm 2008

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

hands reaching out into rain

In the Dark Whispers Calling
By Madison Taylor
2nd September 2008

Whispers in shy talk
Soundless in secrets
Holding in safety
Protecting the guilty

Not one can say no
Every time asked
Do you love her?
It is a crime of death

Eyes in your body
Drew her eyes to your own
Gazing beyond the moment
Cursed three in one

Death done slowly
Realizing her touch
Will be gone
Taken forever away

Unbearable to lose
Life fell from grace
Wanting it to cease
Vanquishing all dreams

Over away land is far
Traveling tiring to rest
Awakening to nothing
Building inside the mind

© Madison Taylor 2008

candle flame flickering gif

Maze

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p “Doorway to a Place of Enchantment”

* * * * * * *

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”
— JkM the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

* * * * * * *

Private Moments #51 : The Disturbing Madness

private moments in paintings & poetry
The Disturbing Madness
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Post Created 23rd February 2014
Posted On Monday 3rd March 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS: PAINTINGS & POETRY

Private Writings: Chapter #51 — The Disturbing Madness

who are you by jk mccormack (c) jKm 2014

Who Are You? by Madison Taylor (c) jKm 2008

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

hands reaching out into rain

The Disturbing Madness
Stream of Consciousness
By Madison Taylor
26th August 2008

In a dream the madness called
Out a name of a lost soul following
The road leading in a circle coming
Unto itself it looks for healing light
Shining out from the glow glistening
Moonlight hides escaping the echoing sun
Clouds block the sight unseen through eyes
Searching for a sign claiming treasures marked
An unknown letter found in a cryptic message
In the sand castles washing away with each crashing
Wave goodbye to time traveling yesterday gone
Disappeared trapping the lost animals looking
A home is found to store memories loose
In the wind carrying away the flying kites
Children holding onto dreams growing
Older and older the world evolves toward
The end into a beginning started long ago
Once upon that hill the view was spectacular
Spectacular finding love when looking for answers
To the universe keeping hidden the secrets
Convoluted in minds shapes seeing sizes
Diminishing the shadows edge untouchable
Disappearing from touches ungiven
The skin loses its sense of identity not knowing
What it is no one noticed it was dissolving
Lacking nourishment contact has vanished
Regain the perspective of change understanding
Will develop in the mind traveling through the spaces
Timing dimensions relativity to infinity
Beyond its never ending expansion of space
The continuum of the ever after upon now

© Madison Taylor 2008

candle flame flickering gif

Maze

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p

“Doorway to a Place of Enchantment”

* * * * * * *

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”
— JkM the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

* * * * * * *

Private Moments #50: Fated Attraction

private moments in paintings & poetry
Fated Attraction
Private Moments #50
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Post Created 10th February 2014
Posted On Monday 24th February 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS: PAINTINGS & POETRY

Private Writings: Chapter #50 — Fated Attraction

Innocence Abandoned - Artist MTaylor (c) jKm 2008

Innocence Abandoned – Artist MTaylor (c) jKm 2008

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

hands reaching out into rain

Fated Attraction
By Madison Taylor
19th August 2008

Fated attraction
Confusing reaction
To a retraction
Of loving contraction

Voices I hear now
Speak your name clear now
The word is you love me
It’s something you can’t see

One day when you wake up
You’ll see what was once ours
Possibilities of pure love
Beyond time this love endures

Have you really left me?
Leaving unfinished memories
The pain I’ve been feeling undeniably true
I live now in my nightmare without you

© MTaylor 2008

candle flame flickering gif

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p

“Doorway to a Place of Enchantment”

* * * * * * *

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”
— JkM the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

* * * * * * *

No One Expects…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
No One Expects…
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Created on 29th January 2014
Posted on Saturday 22nd February 2014
POETRY IN TONE

White Rabbit – Jefferson Airplane

In the universe,
There are things that are known
And things that are unknown,
And in between there are doors.
-— William Blake

No One Expects…
By Jennifer Kiley
29th January 2014

Serious moments
Coercion in practice
Pulling me closer
Building my trust
Hearts crushing
Veins crashing
Got to move on now

Doors slamming shut
You closed me out
Cold is your blood
Left me lying there
Sinking in the cold
Wet mud
The quicksand
With no gravity

No one expects love
To rust
To turn in to
Distrust
Must I think of you?
Everywhere I look
You haunt me there
You stare
With blank eyes
You don’t care

A mirage is seen
A message echoing
Inside a recording
Shadows following
Words whispering
Sounds out loud

Are you there?
Did you ever care?
Were you visiting?
And just resisting
Trying emotions
Wrestling with honesty?

Can’t bear your shadow
Near me
Testing me
Trying to steal
Enticing away
Those I love

Sending her
To stalk me
To break me down
Find what’s touching off
Thoughts inside my brain

Your vibration
Your excitation
Has it been easy
Trying to destroy me
You so easily
Implore me

What can you find?
What’s left?
In my mind
The rest is crazy
Gone mad
You made me

Like you had
Gone mad
Only bad
It’s sad
What was your destiny?

To be small
Nothing big enough
At all
You won’t reach those heights
You’ll never get there
And I don’t care

Is it meant
for me instead?
Believing
Isn’t wrong
Dreaming

Thoughts working
Their way in the mind
Thinking alone
For the self

Dreaming the dream
Is a gift to the soul
For giving life

© JkM 2014

Eye of Tigyr Burning Bright - Artist Jk McCormack (c) JkM 2014

Eye of Tigyr Burning Bright – Artist Jk McCormack (c) JkM 2014