“Momentos” – A Short Film

i heart short films
“Momentos” – A Short Film
Post Created by Jennifer Kiley
Created 21st April 2014
Posted Friday 29th August 2014
I <3 SHORT FILMS

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SMILE THROUGH YOUR TEARS?
PREPARE FOR A MOVING STORY OF ODD OCCURRENCES
LEADING TO WHAT FOR A MAN SLEEPING ON THE SIDEWALK
UP AGAINST A WALL ENCASED WITH A PLATE GLASS WINDOWS
IT INVOLVED TV AND SEEING YOUR SELF IN A REFLECTION
AND THERE ARE MANY THINGS IN LIFE THAT NEED A MIRROR
FINDING THIS SHORT FILM WAS A GIFT. WATCH CAREFULLY

here, i give to you “Momentos”

Momentos-Nuno Rocha

twitter.com/nrocha

AWARDS:

Cinematic Achievement Award – Thess International Short Film Festival – Greece

Audience Award – Honfleur Film Festival – France

Best Short and Audience Award – Arouca Film Festival – Portugal

Audience Award – Naoussa International Film Festival – Greece

Audience Award – Opuzen Film Festival – Croatia

Audience Award – Enfoque Film Festival – Puerto Rico

This is a short-film I wrote and directed for LG. The concept, “Life’s good” was the main purpose of this work.

“We Must Be Crazy” – A Short Film

i heart short films

“We Must Be Crazy” - A Short Film

Post by Jennifer Kiley

Post Friday 27th June 2014

 

 

A variation on Pinocchio accompanied by a song filled with the happy and sadness of love and your own family.

Milow - “We must be crazy” – A Short Film

from Norman Bates

Music video by award winning singer-songwriter Milow, is a cinematic retro-futuristic spin on the classic Pinocchio story, a post modern fairy tale about the limitations of using technology to battle loneliness.

Director: Norman Bates

*       *       *       *       *       *       *

I <3 SHORT FILMS

Private Writings: Chapter #60 – “Black Book Screaming In The Dead of Night

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013

Private Writings: Chapter #60 – “Black Book Screaming In the Dead of Night”

Written by Jennifer Kiley

Post Tuesday 6th May 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.
Not Suitable For Children.
All Characters Are Fictitious.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

Crypticistic Synopsis

private writings to dr. annie haskell psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller sing imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts
to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss but to most importantly
tell the best tale ever after upon a time

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #60 “Black Book Screaming In the Dead of Night”

Tuesday 28th October 2008

Dear Annie,

I’m not stupid. Sharks coming in close when they see the brightness of red pouring out of my veins. She has always been after Scottie. Me out of the way, Scottie is going to be ambushed. I can’t keep her safe. I asked Jamie to guard Scottie until I come home.

When I was talking to Jamie, I felt like I was stoned. I wanted to believe in the magic. All will be cured if I just believed. It’s not working. The feelings are more painful. I keep feeling like I am being haunted. She came to me last night at her usual time, just after 2am. That is when she was murdered. It was moments after 2am. The crash was loud. It sounded like death. It was dark like death. No sounds suddenly. No motion. Just stillness. Tosh used to be shy but brave when speaking. There was truth in her words, though few, you felt deeply, everything she spoke.

I have her feelings inside of me. They were meant for her. How do you say “I Love You” to someone who is not that person. We can all love more than one person, but only that one person makes you feel the love in the words “I Love You.” It is extremely intense and light blended together.

Tonight when I was looking out through one of the windows in my room, I caught my reflection. I looked healthy & fine. When I smiled at my own reflection, without warning, her face appeared. She was charging toward me. I think her ghost wanted something from me. It was a shock seeing those eyes. Mine were happy. I had a smile on my face until she replaced my face & body with hers. I turned away as quickly as possible, so she couldn’t catch my image & try to possess my body.

Why all of sudden are ghosts trying to get my attention? I love Tosh being around, but anyone else can go away. I never wanted to see them in life, why would I want them to come to me after death? Is it just to torture me?

Thinking of omitting some of the following content from being sent to Annie. It is too personal & way out of my range for embarrassment. So not for you Annie. Just for my records, to allow myself to investigate all about what is going on inside my psyche. It is so damaged, it is becoming difficult to sort out what really happened from what I thought happened. I am not sure if they are the same thing all of the time. Maybe my perceptions are off or the recording equipment in my head, my brain, my mind, is not doing a thorough job of remembering anything very well. The trauma beats everything out of the way.

It wants its attention. Now that I am getting under the surface, images & thoughts are floating into my everyday ordinary activities & pulling me out of all the glorious nightmares for me to share, at least with myself through my art & my writing. I paint them in the abstract. The demons always come to join me when the paintbrush is in action. I try to paint something innocent & joyful & it ends up having the external colors of the rainbow but what appears in their place is the face of a demon surrounded by the burning caverns of Hell.

I painted such a painting in the art workshop here. It has Dr. V. feeling disturbed by the face that appears in my painting. It looks like something you would dig up in a murder case where the body has been buried for a while. The face freaks me out. Scottie saw the image. She even thinks it’s creepy. I think it’s disturbing, when I started out by painting a beautiful image of colors & light. A painting that would make one smile. Now when you look at it, it makes my skin get goose bumps.

Dr. V feels I need to do some deep intensive psychoanalysis. She wants to start it while I am at Redcliff & have you carry on the analysis when I get back home. I do hope it’s soon. I don’t like being away from home. Now that I am entering into a manic phase again, I will be feeling better. I will get my weed usage together so I co-ordinate smoking the correct strains & combinations to help with my depression & manic highs.

I know attempting suicide is out of control. No promises guaranteed but I will make any effort to not try not to kill myself again. When I am feeling the urge I will contact someone. It was everything that was happening. That is why it all fell apart. Being raped & brutalized by a truly mad woman was too much for me to bear. I admit it. I lost it. But only temporarily. I am coming around.

I am going to stop now. Except I wanted to tell you I wrote a much longer letter but felt it was too much for one sitting. I will work on editing it down & send in installments.

Oh, I hope I see you soon. I can’t bear another day without being able to see you. Dr. V told me you are talking together about what is the next thing to do for me. Hospital are just too noisy & I want to go home & be with my family & really begin the healing. I promise I will put the rest of this letter together for you & send a bit at a time. Powerful writing & information in the other parts of the letter I will soon send off to you or maybe even be able to bring to you in your office again.

I need to go to a group meeting & that is followed by seeing Scottie & Jamie is coming up this evening. Alison needed to take a film related trip. When she returns I would love to greet her at our Chateau. Make it possible Annie, if you have the power to make it so.

Love & Fondness & Missing You,
Madison
@>-;–

© Madison Taylor 2008

“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker

Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry

Red Calla Lily Aranal Flower

Red Calla Lily Aranal Flower

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

negative of le chateau de rocher by j. kiley (c) jennifer kiley 2013Le Chateau de Rocher [Home to Madison & Scottie – their Cats & daughter Alison. She has her own place on the estate

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play. Pretending is imagined possibility” — Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana

Private Writings: Chapter #59 — It’s the Only Picture I Have

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013

Private Writings: Chapter #59 – It’s the Only Picture I Have

Written by Jennifer Kiley

Posted On Tuesday 29th April 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.
Not Suitable For Children.
All Characters Are Fictitious.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell
psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller
using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts
to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss
but to most importantly
tell the best tale ever after upon a time

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #59 — It’s the Only Picture I Have

[Starting the Sixth Week of Being Inside Redcliff Psychiatric Institute...]

Tuesday 21st October 2008

Dear Annie,

I want to think about Tosh this week. She has been with me. Guiding me, as an angel, one of my Guardian Angels. I am sending you a photograph of her. It’s the only picture I have. Nothing taken while we were together. I always saw us as together, once we decided to live together. I was too insecure to leave my home at the Chateau. It was given to me by my grandmother. Unless I am confusing myself with Carter McLeod. Thinking about Jamie. Can’t think about her. Maybe Tosh is here for me. I was meant to crossover. Jamie scared her away.

Look at Tosh’s photo. Her blue eyes see inside of me when I look at her. There is an immediate connection. This person in the photograph is the ghost who is talking to me. Tosh is younger now as a ghost than she was when the two of us first met. Oops. Did I write that a ghost is talking to me? I meant I am talking to a ghost. The reason I know she looks exactly like the photo, I saw her in the mirror one night before I was taken here. It was so brief. Nothing was said. I just remembered her photograph. Now we talk. I talk. Tell her stories. Talk about feelings. Life. Death. Her murder. Tosh told me it was her ex. She belonged to a coven who practiced the Black Arts, and  worshiped Satan, the fallen angel, the bringer of darkness into the world, causing Evil to spread like an infection.

[omit the following from letter to Annie. i feel kind of crazy talking about evil and ghosts. when i actually do talk to a ghost and have been for awhile now. they seem to feel safe around me. but feeling Tosh being close to me makes me feel less alone. some people can handle being alone. i love it when i'm writing or painting. or just doing something i am engrossed in. but if i start feeling scottie being gone. i miss her every moment she is away. even when she has to spend the day on a set near home, at the studio. i don't understand why i use to freak out when i had to sleep by myself. maybe scottie being away so much makes it easier for me to stay up all night. when it's dark everyone feels like they are asleep to me and sometimes it feels like everyone has abandoned the planet or the universe, a feeling like everyone is gone. they've all vanished. no one else exists.

my life has felt like being in a desert with no water or anything in sight except sand. i starved. that was punishment. whips were used for punishment too. she hated me. hated i was born. her husband. my father. she was jealous of him with me. she didn't like him around me. i look back and wonder if she was jealous because she wanted me as her slave in all things physical. it meant eating. it meant sleeping. they yelled through my nightmares of sleepless nights. she denied me food as punishment. and forced me to eat food i hated which tasted sickening. i would gag on it. i was deprived of sleep until i ate the shit she placed on the plate in front of me. i wasn't allowed sleep until every bit of shit was eaten off of those plates. when it came to actual physical contact with punishment, it was a scene set in the home of the Marquis De Sade. she has her own torture slash sex chamber.

do you think i will ever be able to say this out loud to you annie? you don't need those images inside your mind. i don't want them in mine either. i will have to keep creating my paintings that are possessed by demons. i see their faces. i wonder if they will look anything like the dark creatures someday. it always makes me think of the movie "ghost." the dark shadows pull evil spirits into the ground, into the darkness.

i don't think if you kill yourself that they would come for you. unless you were adolf hitler. i am sure he has a special place just for him - in torturous solitary for eternity. 

back to suicide. you know, when i was trying to commit suicide, it was not to be with tosh specifically, it was to cut out the memories of vile creatures using my body for their perversions. sylvia was exactly like the shadow in my childhood. the one who tried to kill me before i was born. when it didn't work, she used me as her slave for every evil devotion she desired. i will never ever be able to forget what she did and others did.  i won't forget what i do remember. but will i remember what i have forgotten? is it essential is it essential for healing? to clean out the disgust from the wounds that are more mental, but that's not true. the wounds are from everywhere. my body. my mind. my soul. my emotions. they were all attacked. those unconscious memories cannot be removed.

i will never be able to talk about those things out loud. i'd rather tell you I am attracted to you annie, than to fill your mind with the pain from my darkness. a darkness that wants me dead and jailed in hell. i feel attracted to you and i am not allowed to tell you. i would rather feel those sensations than remember what a whip felt like on my back or breasts, tearing at the flesh, causing it to bleed. does anyone know what it feels like to have someone who discarded you from their body as a baby girl, turn on you before your birth and begins after your birth to torture you for being born a girl and being born to her, when all she wanted was males. i was meant to be aborted when she threw herself down the stairs. instead i was born late and she discarded me from her life for my first year to live with my grandmother. it was temporary. my father wanted me home. that's when hell began and heaven was left in the garden where i have minimal visitation rights. this is too painful to be in this state of mine and to have her come back haunting me in my memories. i want to be with tosh now but i need to be held by a warm giving body. end of secrets]

Annie, I need you. Please, I want to see you. Your hugs are most needed at this moment. They are what cure me, a little at a time. I don’t want anyone else to hold me. It feels all wrong somehow. You don’t like me to tell you how I feel. Someday you will have to tell me why you shut me down from speaking about my feelings for you. When I can’t see you, it drives me mad. I go through withdrawal. My need for you is high. No one makes me feel safe the way you do. I could never live without you. I wouldn’t want to. If I ever lost you, I would want to die more than I do now.

Your letter from me this week is a touch short. I have been spending time with Helen. She has some of the most amazing stories to tell. The only thing that doesn’t work is she can’t remember who she is or where she is. She just wants to sit quietly most of the time but when I talk to her and sometimes I have Lynne join us, she will begin a new story, like her life depended on it. She is Scheherazade reborn. Lynne listened and I think she likes Helen. Doesn’t feel threatened by her or by me. I’m not sure why she trusts me and no one else. I don’t push her to talk. She likes to just sit next to me, really close but never quite touching. I think that works for both of us.

I don’t feel so alone in here with these two and one of the night nurses, who is great to me. She will sometimes come into my room, and if I am having trouble falling asleep, she will actually read me children’s books. My favorite is Maurice Sendak’s “Where the Wild Things Are.” Got hooked on that when a former therapist made me an audio tape of her reading this story and a few others. She gave the tape to me just before she took her month long vacation. Same time every year. I would freak when she left. Her voice on tape always soothed me. We recorded our sessions and now,  I got Dr. Seuss, “Horton Hears A Who,” and “Goodnight Moon” as part of the gift. Her young son even read some of the parts. That was way cool to me.

With those words, I am going to warm up a bit. Writing this letter has made me feel a chill. Like someone walked over someone else’s grave. Sending this email. It’s quicker. Think of Love. You will be getting my poem in the outgoing email. One of the rules on computer usage. Ciao Ciao.

Love Fondly,

Madison

ps. I need to add, Love is true when joined together by the heart and soul. I feel joined to Tosh. I feel joined to Scottie. I feel joined to you, Annie. I do feel joined to Jamie, too. Alison is my daughter, and I love her with as deep a love as the heart and soul feel. Such different shades of love. The degrees of intimacies as they are acted upon with different people. It is all love but everyone shares differently. Love and Happiness are living in a room without a roof in order to look up at the blue sky in daylight and the night sky filled with stars sparkling and the moon in its different stages every night. When I look at that sky I know all those I love will feel the connection when they look up. We are not alone. My feelings for you are growing and becoming more intense. I’m not usually crazy enough to tell you any of this. Au revoir.  pps. One last exciting thing, I started working on my new play for the theatre. Scottie is cool with that move. She has my new screenplay finished before all this shit came down. I already know the name of my protagonist and all the other characters having lines and good roles. Shouldn’t be a need for extras, I don’t think. Well, maybe in the background of certain scenes, depending on where they take place. Now I am stopping.

© Madison Taylor 2008

“I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.“ — Alice Walker

blue eyed young woman tears falling slowly down cheek

Tosh seven [7] years before I first saw her. We would have been close friends if we had met back when this photograph was taken. We would have found a way to bring our worlds together. We were destined souls. She is as much a part of me as I am a part of her. Our souls are mates.

Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

negative of le chateau de rocher by j. kiley (c) jennifer kiley 2013le chateau de rocher – the haunting has begun

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play. Pretending is imagined possibility” — Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana

Private Writings: Chapter #49 – Got To Get You Into My Life

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013

Private Writings: Chapter #49 – Got To Get You Into My Life

Written by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Gustav Klimpt – The Embrace
Introduction & Chapter #1
Published on March 19th 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted On Tuesday 18th February 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.

NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.

ANYONE RESEMBLING ANYONE LIVING OR DEAD
IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell,
psychoanalyst extraordinaire,
storytelling using letters, dreams, thoughts, poems, images,
music, art, scripts, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis,
inspirations, reflective comments, inner/outer workings
mind, soul, body, emotions, bipolar, mentally creative, interesting,
brain misfiring; abuse, crashes, near drownings,
hallucinations, heightened sexuality, time warps,
finding answers, unsolved mysteries, infatuations,
imagination, fantasy, discover self, soul, eternal serenity, bliss

see you down the rabbit hole.
namaste! madison taylor

Private Writings: Chapter #49 – Got To Get You Into My Life

Tuesday 12th August 2008

Dear Annie,

Before I get into what I want to write specifically, I wanted to bring up Alison Porter. Scottie and my adopted daughter. Since she returned from Yale Acting School, she has been working at our studio, doing odd jobs. Watching Scottie and I work. Well, it hasn’t been officially announced. Alison is going to be in our next film. I wrote a screenplay for her. She will be starring opposite someone very special to me.

This is where the story begins and where the letter I want to write has started. Just before my grandmother died she encouraged me to find someone outside of the family with whom I could look up to for guidance. There wasn’t anybody. My grandmother knew of my aspirations for wanting to write film scripts and to be part of making films. There was an actress my grandmother felt was incredible and she wanted me to meet her. My grandmother knew her. She knew everyone or they knew her. One of the wealthiest women in the country. She became the person who took over emotionally when my grandmother died. I can’t explain my feelings. My grandmother was my world. When she died I went a bit mad. The actress my grandmother introduced me to, one day called me. We talked and talked about everything. Her call was to tell me she was here for me. Whenever I needed or wanted to contact her, she gave me her contact information for anywhere she might be reached. It didn’t take long to grow close. I believe I fell in love with her. The woman I loved as an actor and now I love as my closest friend ever. I never saw this friendship coming. Or that we would ever meet.

I think it made it easier when I met Scottie and after college we both got inside the film world. Scottie really liked my actor friend right away. She approves of her relationship with me and the feeling is mutual on the other end. She was married to a man, a director, who loved her madly and she loved him equally as strong. He encouraged our friendship. The feelings are very special between us. I loved her when I was growing up and still feel the same strength of feeling I’ve always felt toward her. When I see her photographs or hear her voice I become transfixed and excited. I belong to an online group who feel the same way.

When I was a kid she was a child star and part of my fantasy world. I thought I would meet her brother Chris some day and marry him. Then we’d be family. I was so absorbed with her. We talked on the phone when I was a teenager. This was before my grandmother introduced us over the phone. My grandmother told me great stories about her. First, she moved here from England when she was pretty little. She acted on the stage starting really young. She trained at The Actors Studio. Her first performance on Broadway was in Tennessee Williams’ The Glass Menagerie. I saw that play when I was 12. It was confusing to me at the time. I felt like the girl in the play. Everything I owned was broken including myself.

Let’s be less serious. One day, I called the studio where she was working, she was gone for the day. I told them it was important that I reach her and that I was a friend of her therapist, would they please give me her number. The person gave it to me without question. Of course, I knew her therapist, my grandmother told me they saw the same Psychoanalyst, so I used the name. I’m sure it’s why the person at the studio felt so free in giving me her number. Anyway I called her. I had witnesses. Her assistant answered the phone. I got up the courage and asked to speak to her.

She said, “Just a moment please.

Shortly, she came to the phone. She would have been about 18 yrs old then. I was only 3 years younger. We chatted for what seemed like a long time. She was wonderful. We both enjoyed the conversation. Before we said goodbye, I told her about my grandmother and asked if we could talk again some time. I knew it was a huge risk, an imposition but she so enjoyed our talk, and agreed. We exchanged our information. I had her number, so she wanted mine and my mailing address too. She gave me hers, also. Then we hung up our phones.

I proceeded to faint. It was one of the highest moments of my life. Everyone who knew me knew how I felt about her. They all thought I was mental and weird. I didn’t care. My grandmother was right about her. I loved them both. Her movies were seen multiple times by me. When I say multiple I mean over 20 times while in the theatres and more times when they hit DVD. She has been in Oscar winning films for Best Film and she has won Best Actress once and nominated several times. We have most of her movies in our collection except the ones that are not available.

After my grandmother died, I became lost, a touch mad. She called one day shortly after the funeral. What she said to me has had such a profound effect on my life since that day. We have kept up our friendship ever since. We chat everyday now. I leave messages for her and next day there would be an answer back. And on our cells, we both love to text, so we do that all of the time. It drives Scottie nuts.

It is great to have a friend I feel I can trust with telling her anything. I never told you her name. I will some day. For now let us refer to her as Lady Chablis. I love her so much that I want her in my life forever.

She disappeared a few years ago. Just for awhile. Her incredible husband died. She went to France to heal but will never forget him. I received a letter from her in today’s mail. She is on her way back to the states and she is suppose to arrive today in L.A. I texted her right away. She got back to me and we made plans to meet. Later today. We have never met in person. It’s not that unusual for me. I live online or at the studio. I will write the rest of this letter after I get back from spending time with her. I am so excited and enormously overwhelmed. It just takes my breath away. What will we talk about? I know don’t be silly.

Later. Got to get ready. You will hear all about it when I return.

How wild was that. I am in love with her. When we hugged for the first time, I got lost in her arms. It didn’t feel like she wanted to let go either. We talked like we had been together in person for years. Everything between us was natural. Lady Chablis is my best friend. She really is my best friend. Scottie will understand if I have something special with Lady Chablis. Scottie knows I love her beyond time. Lady Chablis is someone so special only my grandmother ever brought these feelings out in me. Now I feel them for L.C. … She is forever just like my grandmother. It made for the most perfect day ever.

That’s all for now.

“Time for time and traveling with circuses must end. It is time to soar through the time barrier into all moments in the Universe.”

So, until I see you, I end with my favorite quote from the film Brief Sacrifice.

“Time can be folded and joined with all elements in all places as the one ultimate moment when time is all at once. In this place everything happens on a continual loop following into a continuum of time forever into infinity. In the “Silver Box,” there is contained the ability to draw time into itself and create the perfect infinite moment.”

I end this letter in “the moment between seconds.”

Love Fondly,

Madison

@-;—

© madison taylor 2008

Gustav Klimt The Embrace

Gustav Klimt The Embrace

Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry

Orchid_flower 5 blue dk blue 4 lady blue

Orchid Blue

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own imaginations”
— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher

Le Chateau de Rocher is Madison & Scottie’s Home

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play. Pretending is imagined possibility” — Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bg

Medical Marijuana MMJ

Private Writings: Chapter #43 — They Say It’s Your Birthday

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013

Private Writings: Chapter #43 — They Say It’s Your Birthday

Written by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Introduction & Chapter #1
Published on March 19th 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted On Tuesday 14th January 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.

NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.

ANYONE RESEMBLING ANYONE LIVING OR DEAD
IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell,
psychoanalyst extraordinaire,
storytelling using letters, dreams, thoughts, poems, images,
music, art, scripts, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis,
inspirations, reflective comments, inner/outer workings
mind, soul, body, emotions, bipolar, mentally creative, interesting,
brain misfiring; abuse, crashes, near drownings,
hallucinations, heightened sexuality, time warps,
finding answers, unsolved mysteries, infatuations,
imagination, fantasy, discover self, soul, eternal serenity, bliss

see you down the rabbit hole.
namaste! madison taylor

Private Writings: Chapter #43 — They Say It’s Your Birthday

Tuesday 8th July 2008

Dear Annie,

I want to teach Alison what love is. Safe, protective love, from women who are not abusers of any kind. We love Alison. Scottie as much as I do. It is so equal. Scottie may never have wanted children. When she met Alison, then thirteen, her heart opened. A teenager, whose history was sad and filled with pain. Being abandoned by a father who overdosed in her presence. Tried to get her to shot up with him. Alison’s mother died the same way, but earlier. Pure horse. Not cut properly. Way too rich and potent. The authorities were going to through her in a home overflowing with violence. The children of the damned whose souls were crushed out. Alison still has her’s. That is one fortunate gift not taken away or ever given.

Everyone needs and deserves to feel love surround them, to feel whole. When I was a kid I didn’t know love. It’s why I understand Alison as well as I do. I do not profess to say I even come close to understanding what’s really inside of her but I want to know if she ever wants to share. Learning about love is almost as fresh with me as it is with Alison. She will teach me more than I will ever be able to teach her, but it will be good for all of us to be a family, safe and secure for Alison, Scottie and me. It will feel good to be family in a legal sense.

We never adopted her before now. The laws prevented the adoption. Now Scottie, pulled strings and got a judge on her side. The three of us met privately in Judge Severin’s chamber. The paperwork had been filed. It was a matter of tidying up all loopholes. No one would be able to challenge the adoption on appeal or out of malicious homophobic prejudice.

Did I ever tell you Alison met me first. I was doing research in the Family Court for a script. Alison’s case was called before Judge Severin. It was a tragic situation about to become worse. No family came forward to claim her. No foster home wanted her. She was a runaway. Too young to be on her own, she was coaxed, more like forced, by a pimp to be his young protégé. He kidnapped her and was forcing her to take on this brutal John. Alison was trapped but intelligent. When she was alone with the brute in a hotel room, she set off such an alarm, every public servant seemed to show up. The police were among them. Everyone was arrested, including the pimp and the brute he was going to force upon Alison.

Here she was now, being arraigned on charges of prostitution. She pleaded not guilty. The Judge ordered her to be held until trial in the L.A. County Juvenile Facility. I had heard terrible stories about that place. I stood up and asked to speak. Judge Severin recognized me and gave me permission to state my case.

“I don’t think it is necessary to remand her to being imprisoned in such a cruel setting as the L.A.J.F.. Is there any alternative you would accept?”

“Short of finding a home, where someone will look after her and be sure she appears before this court for her hearing. No, I see no other recourse.” Judge Severin banged her gavel.

“One moment, please. Let me state for this court, I am willing to offer the home you suggest. And I will take the responsibility of seeing she appears before you when her next court date is set. Is that fair enough, your honour.”

I must have been pretty persuasive or the Judge was in a generous mood.

“You may take her home with you on the following conditions. You see she is safe. You take it upon yourself to promise to take good care of Ms. Alison Porter. You promise to read a brief I am going to share with you. I want you to know what kind of responsibility you are bringing into your life. If that is acceptable and after you read her history, you still want to take her home, then I will not stand in your way with any objections.”

Sure enough, I sat in the courtroom and read the material from the Judge. Alison was led away to a waiting area. Food and drink were provided her while she waited. It didn’t take long. I am a speed reader. Nothing in the brief scared me, as I suspected the Judge thought it would.

“I agree with all your demands, your honour. Please have someone take me to Alison and let me tell her the news. From there, if she is willing, I would like to get the girl home, in a safe environment for the first time in her life. And make her feel welcome in my home, which will be her home.”

The officer of the court led me to the room where Alison was waiting. She jumped up when she saw me enter. She wasn’t exactly hostile but she wasn’t trusting either at my offer. I tried talking to Alison, as we road to our home in Matthew, my black Honda CRV. Always named my cars. It makes me feel much safer if they have names.

“Alison, I think you will like where I live. It’s very large. You will have your own rooms. They will be in your control. If you don’t want someone in any of them, just say the magic words, ‘Go away, I want to be left alone.’ You are going to be living there, so you should treat it like home.”

“It isn’t going to be my home, so why should I act like it is?”

“Why don’t we wait to talk about this? Once we arrive, you may feel different. After you get settled and have a good meal, you may start to relax and see everything differently. No pressure, though. I can’t wait until you meet Scottie. We live together. Scottie is a woman, just in case the name might have made you think otherwise.”

“You’re lesbians?”

“Yes, actually. Quite the lesbians, we are.”

“Will that be a problem?” I asked.

“No, not at all.”

Alison’s voice sounded relieved. I thought, Annie, when I answered yes to the lesbian question, I wasn’t too sure how she was going to react. I was relieved by Alison’s reaction myself. It felt like the tension had escaped from inside of us both. But I hadn’t told Scottie yet, what had I done? I treat Alison like a puppy dog and now I am going to seek Scottie’s permission to keep her. There wasn’t anything else I could do. Yes, I could have texted her but not the same thing. With Scottie, it had to be in person. There was no time to think, I just knew I had to reach out to this innocent girl. Her life had been a tragedy up to this point. I read the Judge’s brief. It was enough to know I couldn’t walk away and I knew, somehow, Scottie would understand and feel the same.

With my childhood, Scottie learned how some children bearly survive their nightmares, especially when they are so real. She will understand my wanting to protect Alison. I felt so strong a need to rescue her, whether she wanted to be or knew she needed to be.

As I drove over the bridge to our drive, I saw Scottie out by the stream across from+ the side of the Chateau. She saw Matthew approaching and me driving but I don’t think she noticed the passenger. I pulled up to park in my usual place near the front door. Scottie ran up to greet me. After I got out, I hugged Scottie. As we held each other, the passenger door opened. Out came Alison, starring at the two of us. Scottie turned when she heard the car door close.

Alison stared at us both. It was not a stare of contempt but just the opposite. She broke out a small smile and in a low voice said, “Hi,” to Scottie.

“Hello back.” Scottie broke our hug and went to the other side of the car to greet this new young girl in our driveway. “Welcome.” Scottie took Alison’s hand and gave it a warm, firm shake. “Would anyone like to introduce us?”

I did the introductions and we all walked over to the front door and entered our home together. Alison didn’t know that then, nor did any of us. But it did happen. That was the first day of Alison coming to stay forever. Now we are officially able to adopt her. Already, she is our daughter in all the right ways and in other ways.

It is a good thing that we all officially become family. It will give Alison as well as myself a safer sense of security. I think Scottie loves the idea as much as the rest of us. We are going to be Alison’s mothers in writing, in all legalize. Happy Mother’s Day, Scottie, and a Happy Mother’s Day to myself.

I always wished when I was a kid that someone like me would come along and rescue me from my nightmare. Never did happen. But now I have Scottie and Alison. Our wonderful loving family. All ours. No one can pull us apart. We are all safe together. And the adoption happened on a very special day for Alison. It’s her birthday. Happy Birthday to you, Alison. Welcome to our whole family now.

Time for time and traveling with circuses must end. It is time to soar through the time barrier into all moments in the Universe.

So, until I see you, I will end with my favorite quote from the film “Brief Sacrifice.

“Time can be folded and joined with all elements in all places as the one ultimate moment when time is all at once. In this place everything happens on a continual loop following into a continuum of time forever into infinity. In the “Silver Box,” there is contained the ability to draw time into itself and create the perfect infinite moment.”

For you, I will end this letter in “the moment between seconds.”

Love Fondly,

Madison

@-;—

© madison taylor 2008

happy-birthday-pw

Somewhere In Time – John Barry

Early Purple Orchids

Early Purple Orchids

rain in garden gif

Dreaming Memories
By Madison Taylor
8th July 2008
Dedicated to LOVE
For Very Special Friend
Touched with Words of Inspiration

Dreaming memories
Sweet sadness talking
Tears falling
Clouds darkening
Night approaching

Dreaming memories
Ones I want
Grass beneath us
Warm breeze
Sounds fading

Dreaming memories
Glowing flowers
Blue green yellow
Thorns vanished
Horns blasting

Dreaming memories
Wishing you were there
Haunted thoughts
Vanished shadows
Danger surrounded

Dreaming memories
Carousel horse
Uplifted to meet it
Alone riding
Stoned writing

Dreaming memories
Honesty revealed
Shadows dancing
Always younger
Going back there

Dreaming memories
Connection made
Distance possible
Stopping nothing
Waves crashing

Dreaming memories
Spying lying
Touching taking
Save a soul
Makes a Savior

© madison taylor 2008

Faces - by Jk McCormack (c) JkM 2014

Faces – by Jk McCormack (c) JkM 2014

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream

In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher

Le Chateau de Rocher

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play. Pretending is imagined possibility” — Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana

The Prince of Tides

prince of tides poster
The Prince of Tides
Film Review by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Created on 9th January 2014
Posted On Friday 10th January 2014
FILM FRIDAY

[WARNING: SOME ROUGH SCENES OF A VIOLENT SEXUAL NATURE. SUBJECT MATTER CAN BE DISTURBING]

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Barbra Streisand as Director of “The Prince of Tides”

“Prince of Tides” stars Barbra Streisand, Nick Nolte, Blythe Danner, and Kate Nelligan, plus George Carlin as the gay character who gives comic relief and lightens things up. Neighbor to Nick Nolte’s twin sister, Savannah. She starts out the film inside a hospital in serious condition after a suicide attempt.

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Tom Wingo [Nick Nolte] first visit to Dr. Lowenstein’s Office

There are certain scenes which can have a strong effect on many viewers. We are talking about VIOLENCE of the most disturbing kind.

Rare! The Prince of Tides – Behind the Scenes

My first times seeing this film were in a theatre. The totality of the film is so compelling, I needed to see it. When it first was released, it fit closely to psychological issues I was studying in my own mind.

Prince of Tides (Interpreting)

There is an under story carrying a huge secret. The entire film is absorbing, intense and the building of a relationship between the two lead characters of Dr. Lowenstein and Tom Wingo causes questions. One, he is married. Lowenstein is, also.

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Tom Wingo [Nick Nolte] & Dr. Lowenstein [Barbra Streisand]

But this is not what throws me, it is the questions, “Is she treating him or seeing him as a go-between for his sister and their family and a way for her to understand what is hidden. Or is she trying to uncover Tom’s secret as well, to get to his sister’s. Which brings up the question, “Is he technically her patient, also?” 

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Dr. Lowenstein behind her office desk talking with Tom Wingo

This is one of the dilemmas for me in “The Prince of Tides.” An excellent film to create many discussions in so many areas needing the darkness and shadows cleared.

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Tom Wingo in front of Dr. Lowenstein’s desk talking with the Doctor

It is a film that makes you think about trying to understand why life happens to you the way it does, with all it’s sudden surprises.

The Prince of Tides is such a story. It is about two worlds and two families. Secrets kept in one and not understanding love in the other.

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Tom with Lowenstein at dinner party listening to her famous husband Herbert play his Stradivarius violin

I am recommending “The Prince of Tides.” Pat Conroy wrote the novel & adapted the screenplay with Becky Johnston. The acting is incredible. Barbra Streisand, when I first saw this film, I envied Nick Nolte developing the relationship they did.

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Tom and Lowenstein in park watching her son Bernard [Jason Gould, Streisand's son with Actor Elliot Gould]. Lowenstein hired Tom to teach him football.

What brings Tom to Dr. Lowenstein’s [Streisand] psychiatrist office? He is representing his family in a serious matter. His mother coerces him. Doesn’t believe she would be wanted.

Prince of Tides (Ethics)

What is revealed after Tom starts talking to Dr. Lowenstein is overwhelming at times when releasing the pain. His families life, when he was a child, had a great deal of manipulation and violence surrounding it.

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Tom and Lowenstein run into each other at one of Eddie’s parties [Savannah's neighbor played by George Carlin]

They jump between the flashbacks into Tom’s childhood and that of his siblings. Showing a brutal father and the questionable qualifications of their mother, also.

In the present, you see Tom spend some time with his sister who attempted to commit suicide and not the first time.  It is now time for talking to Dr. Lowenstein about his sister and the whole of the rest of his family, to sort out just what is so disturbing for Savannah.

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Tom and Bernard after a good football learning work-out at park

There develops another layer between Lowenstein and Tom. They spend time together outside of her office. Technically, he is not her patient, his sister is. But things begin to get personal between the Doctor and Savannah’s brother Tom .

Lowenstein Holding Tom

Lowenstein Holding Tom

He meets her really irritating son, at first, and her arrogant, famous, violinist husband, who goes outside the barriers of rude to be a pompous, rich, elitist. Hairs get raised between Tom and Lowenstein’s husband. A violin comes between them. Lowenstein leaves. Tom follows.

When I first saw this film, the relationship between Tom and Lowenstein, I felt was crossing over the line. You decide. I am not sure any longer, for personal reasons.

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Lowenstein and Tom in bed at her vacation home

The film is about family, class, infidelity, a pain in the ass spouse, a misunderstood son, a nightmare that gets “buried.” Trauma everywhere in Tom and Savannah Wingo’s life.

Prince of Tides (Affective)

“The Prince of Tides” is emotionally charged with love and violence at their heights.

Be Warned, it is an Intense Film with traumatic scenes some may be disturbed by watching.

A note for the film, “The Prince of Tides” is the title of a book of poetry written by Savannah and dedicated to Tom. In the book this was different. It was a book Savannah wrote for their brother Luke. It was changed greatly in the screenplay. The central story switched from Luke Wingo, Tom & Savannah’s brother, being hunted and killed by government agents, to the love story between Tom and Lowenstein. I am drawn to the romance. Luke’s story is told in the book. Tom & Savannah’s story is told in the film in a deeply moving way. 

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Tom and Lowenstein feeling the loss

It is as great a film today, as the opening night in the theatre. Barbra Streisand did a fabulous job playing the role of Dr. Lowenstein and she was the excellent director of “The Prince of Tides.” The film was nominated for seven Academy Awards  including Best Picture, but lost the award to “The Silence of the Lambs.”

Film Review Written by Jennifer Kiley

The Prince of Tides – Trailer [1991]

Cast

Nick Nolte as Tom Wingo

Barbra Streisand as Dr. Susan Lowenstein

Blythe Danner as Sallie Wingo [Tom Wingo's wife]

Kate Nelligan as Lila Wingo Newbury [Tom & Savannah's mother & Luke's mother]

Jeroen Krabbé as Herbert Woodruff [Lowenstein's husband-the famous violinist]

Melinda Dillon as Savannah Wingo [Tom's twin sister]

George Carlin as Eddie Detreville [Savannah's gay neighbor]

Jason Gould as Bernard Woodruff [Lowenstein’s son and Streisand’s real life son with Elliott Gould