Category Archives: screenwriter

“Imagining…is better than remembering something”

“Imagining…is better than remembering something”
POST CREATED BY JENNIFER KILEY
ILLUSTRATED by j. kiley
Created May 23rd 2013
Posted May 24th 2013

garp book cover

“Imagining something is better than remembering something.” — John Irving

garp and helen outside house predisastered

“Sometimes it is the only worthwhile product you can salvage from a day: what you make to eat.” — Garp, “The World According to Garp”

“Oh FUCK the longings and agonies of youth.” – T.S Garp

garp and helen on bleechers

Q: What is your thoughts on the future of books? asking John Irving “If you are careful,’ Garp wrote, ‘if you use good ingredients, and you don’t take any shortcuts, then you can usually cook something very good. Sometimes it is the only worthwhile product you can salvage from a day; what you make to eat. With writing, I find, you can have all the right ingredients, give plenty of time and care, and still get nothing. Also true of love. Cooking, therefore, can keep a person who tries hard, sane.”

“You know, everybody dies. My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies. I’m going to die too. So will you. The thing is, to have a life before we die. It can be a real adventure having a life.” — John Irving; The World According To Garp

jenny with young garp

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP — FILM TRAILER

glenn close as jenny fields in “the world according to garp”

“A part of adolescence is feeling that there’s no one else around who’s enough like yourself to understand you.” — T.S. Garp, The World According to Garp

dean of garp's school has head injury. jenny is telling him about how she conceived garp. he is shocked. 642x366

dean of garp’s school has head injury. jenny is telling him about how she conceived garp. he is shocked. his verbal response, being in a state of shock, “you raped a dying man!” now you will have to read the book or see film to find out why this is so hysterically funny.

Between Helen and Garp, the Under Toad became their code phrase for anxiety. Long after the monster was clarified for Walt (‘Undertow, dummy, not Under Toad!’ Duncan had howled), Garp and Helen evoked the beast as a way of referring to their own sense of danger. When the traffic was heavy, when the road was icy – when depression had moved in overnight – they said to each other, ‘The Under Toad is strong today’.

‘Remember’, Duncan asked on the plane, ‘how Walt asked if it was green or brown?’

Both Garp and Duncan laughed. But it was neither green nor brown, Garp thought. It was me. It was Helen. It was the color of bad weather. It was the size of an automobile.” — John Irving in The World According to Garp

helen at gym watching wrestling practice

John Irving – 2009 National Book Festival The World According To Garp
The Hotel New Hampshire
The Cider House Rules
A Prayer From Owen Meanie
In Own Person
Last Night In Twisted River“You only grow by coming to the end of something and by beginning something else.” — John Irving, The World According to Garp

The amazing John Lithgow as Roberta Muldoon in “The World According to Garp,” a film based on John Irving’s novel of the same name. The 1982 movie includes John Lithgow as a transsexual ex-football player, Robin Williams as the writer T. S. Garp, and Glenn Close as Garp’s mother. Lithgow’s heartfelt performance won him an Academy Award nomination! The trailer from YouTube.

garp with roberta muldoon former football player on nfl now jenny’s bodyguard

“Imagining something is better than remembering something.” — John Irving, The World According to Garp

“Perhaps in every writer’s life there needs to be that moment when some other writer is attacked as unworthy of the job.” — John Irving, The World According to Garp

“Don Whitcomb would remember that Garp told him what the act of starting a novel felt like. ‘It’s like trying to make the dead come alive,’ he said. ‘No, no, that’s not right – it’s more like trying to keep everyone alive, forever. Even the ones who must die in the end. They’re the most important to keep alive.’ Finally, Garp said it in a way that seemed to please him. ‘A novelist is a doctor who sees only terminal cases,’ Garp said.” — John Irving, The World According to Garp

John Irving At Home Excerpt From: The World According To Garp:

Before we go to the story of the under toad I would like to quote one of my favorite lines from the book and the film. Garp says it to his son, Duncan, who is inside a baby carriage at the time. “Don’t be a baby Duncan, say ‘Da-Da.’ This line makes me laugh every time I hear it. Now to the Under Toad.

The Under Toad Is Strong Today

It was Walt’s fourth summer at Dog’s Head Harbor, Duncan remembered, when Garp and Helen and Duncan observed Walt watching the sea. He stood ankle-deep in the foam from the surf and peered into the waves, without taking a step, for the longest time. The family went down to the water’s edge to have a word with him.

“What are you doing, Walt?” Helen asked.

“What are you looking for, dummy?” Duncan asked him.

“I’m trying to see the Under Toad,” Walt said.

“The what?” said Garp.

“The Under Toad,” Walt said. ” I’m trying to see it. How big is it?”

And Garp and Helen and Duncan held their breath; they realized that all these years Walt had been dreading a giant toad, lurking offshore, waiting to suck him under and drag him out to sea. The terrible Under Toad.

Garp tried to imagine it with him. Would it ever surface? Did it ever float? Or was it always down under, slimy and bloated and ever-watchful for ankles its coated tongue could snare? The vile Under Toad.

Between Helen and Garp, the Under Toad became their code phrase for anxiety. Long after the monster was clarified for Walt ( “Undertow, dummy, not Under Toad!” Duncan had howled), Garp and Helen evoked the beast as a way of referring to their own sense of danger. When the traffic was heavy, when the road was icy – when depression had moved in overnight – they said to each other, “The Under Toad is strong today.”

“Remember,” Duncan asked on the plane, “how Walt asked if it was green or brown?”

Both Garp and Duncan laughed. But it was neither green nor brown, Garp thought. It was me. It was Helen. It was the color of bad weather. It was the size of an automobile.

(Excerpt from The World According to Garp by John Irving)

garp and helen in bed pre-cheating maybe

“‘Death, it seems,’ Garp wrote, ‘does not like to wait until we are prepared for it. Death is indulgent and enjoys, when it can, a flair for the dramatic.’” — John Irving; The World According to Garp (1978)

The World According to Garp by John Irving

The World According to Garp is a comic and compassionate coming-of-age novel that established John Irving as one of the most imaginative writers of his generation. A worldwide bestseller since its publication in 1978, Irving’s classic is filled with stories inside stories about the life and times of T. S. Garp, novelist and bastard son of Jenny Fields—a feminist leader ahead of her time. Beyond that, The World According to Garp virtually defies synopsis.

John IRVING on InnerVIEWS with Ernie Manouse
“Another thing I noticed while rereading was how clear Irving’s writing is, sentence by sentence. Critics don’t give Irving much credit for his prose style, maybe because his zany plots and characters overshadow it. (Or maybe it’s his enthusiastic use of italics and exclamation points.) But I was impressed by how gracefully he writes, even when he’s being “unsubtle.” There is a transparency to his exposition that is not easy to achieve, but Irving does nothing to draw attention to his effort. In contemporary fiction, this lack of preciousness is rare. Irving’s style has only become simpler over the years. It’s almost as if he decided to keep his prose straightforward so that his plotting could become more elaborate.” — Hannah Gersen, ”Collision Courses and Castration Anxiety: Rereading John Irving.”

helen in black could be when she is telling student she has to end their affair

roberta hugging jenny

garp reading mom’s jenny fields book

“Jenny had read enough stories to know that hers didn’t sound like the good stories in her memory. She wondered what could be wrong, and she frequently sent Garp on errands to the few bookstores that sold books in English. She wanted to look more closely at how books began; she had quickly produced over three hundred typed pages, yet she felt that her book never really started.” — John Irving, The World According to Garp

The World According to Garp (John Irving 1978)

This is the life and times of T. S. Garp, the bastard son of Jenny Fields—a feminist leader ahead of her times. This is the life and death of a famous mother and her almost-famous son; theirs is a world of sexual extremes—even of sexual assassinations. It is a novel rich with “lunacy and sorrow”; yet the dark, violent events of the story do not undermine a comedy both ribald and robust. In more than thirty languages, in more than forty countries—with more than ten million copies in print—this novel provides almost cheerful, even hilarious evidence of its famous last line: “In the world according to Garp, we are all terminal cases.”

garp in drag at his mom’s memorial service. no men allowed.

“A few windows are open, a few refrigerators are humming. There is the faint, trapped warble from some televisions tuned in to The Late Show, and the blue-gray glow from the picture tubes throbs from a few of the houses. To Garp this glow looks like cancer, insidious and numbing, putting his world to sleep. Maybe television causes cancer, Garp thinks; but his real irritation is a writer’s irritation: he knows that wherever the TV glows, there sits someone who isn’t reading.” — John Irving, The World According to Garp

garp with roberta at jenny’s memorial

“Imagining something better than remembering something.” — John Irving, The World According to Garp

“He wrote once that a novel was ‘only a place for storage – of all the meaningful things that a novelist isn’t able to use in his life.’” — John Irving, The World According to Garp

garp in bed depressed

John Irving talks sex, social misfits, and writing

Why do you keep returning to the politics of sexual identity in your work?

When I finished “The World According to Garp” in 1978, I was naïve enough to think that I will never write about this subject again; that our intolerance of our own sexual differences will surely go away, and that Garp will be seen someday as a relic of the post-sexual-liberation days, when men and women still literally were killing one another. In that book, a man is killed by a woman who hates men. His mother is murdered by a man who hates women. It’s a kind of dual sexual-assassination story, a cynical way of saying: well you think there was a sexual revolution, how come men and women hate each other?

But there isn’t anything that extreme in your latest novel.

True, but it’s still the same damn subject. It’s still about our obstinate intolerance to sexual differences. It explores our lingering suspicion, distrust, dislike, and non-acceptance of our sexual identities.JOHN IRVING’S novel, “In One Person”, is narrated by Billy Abbot, a bisexual author, who recalls coming of age in a small New England town in the 1950s. As a thoughtful, tormented teenager, Billy takes a fancy to various people, such as his stepfather, his friend’s mother, the captain of the school wrestling team, and the local librarian, Miss Frost (who reveals to Billy an important secret about her own identity). The mood of the latter half of the book darkens when Billy moves to New York in the 1980s and witnesses the tragic fallout of the AIDS epidemic.

Mr Irving published his debut novel “Setting Free the Bears” in 1968. But it was “The World According to Garp”, his fourth book, which made him an internationally renowned bestselling author. Four of his books have been adapted for the screen, including “The Cider House Rules”, for which Mr Irving won an Academy Award for the adapted screenplay in 2000In a conversation with The Economist, Mr Irving talks about discovering his own sexual identity as a teenager, how Ronald Reagan ignored the AIDS epidemic, and why he always champions the outsider in his novels.

What interested you in giving a voice to a bisexual male in this novel?

I think there is often a “what if” proposition that gets me thinking about all my novels. I find my way into a lot of characters by thinking ‘what would that be like?’ The character of the sexual misfit—someone out of step with what society’s expectations of sexual relationships are—is very familiar to me.

Did you ever think you might be bisexual?

Growing up in the ’50s and ’60s, I spent more time imagining sex than actually having it. There was a period in that time where I was frightened of half of my sexual fantasises. I was attracted to my friend’s mothers, and I did have an occasional crush on a boy in the wrestling team. [But] I liked girls in my life, and it proceeded in a normal, unchallenged course.

Why do you keep returning to the politics of sexual identity in your work?

But there isn’t anything that extreme in your latest novel.

Do you represent outsiders and social misfits because mainstream culture fails to? Or do they simply have more nuances as characters?

Both. It’s not very interesting to establish sympathy for people who on the surface are instantly sympathetic. I guess I’m always attracted to people who, if their lives were headlines in a newspaper, you might not be very sympathetic about them.

Did having an absent father growing up help you to fictionalise him in your novels?

That’s a great way to put it. I use to tease my mother when I decided that I wanted to be a writer, and say: well if you don’t tell me things about who my dad was, I’m going to just make things up. I wouldn’t say this made me a writer. But it was constructive as a teenager to be left to my imagination about who this guy was.

What influence did Dickens have on you?

“Great Expectations” was an important novel in my adolescence. It was very much one of those emblematic novels that made me wish I could write like that. It helped that my models as a writer were dead over a hundred years before I began to write. They were safe people to imitate. There was no way I could sound like Dickens or Hardy if I tried.

What writers from New England influenced your work?

Melville made a huge impact on me. Reading him encouraged me to write about what I most feared, or what I hope never happens to me or anyone I love. I think in every novel of mine there is cloud which you, the reader, knows is coming. Well that comes from Melville.

“In One Person” describes the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s. What’s your opinion of how the Reagan administration responded to the crises?

For seven out of eight years of his presidency, Regan did not utter the name of the disease. What is even more incriminating is that it’s hard to imagine that we ever had a president—or will ever have again—who personally knew as many gay guys as he did. He was in the movie business for Christ’s sake. The attitude was: it’s only drug addicts and gay guys who are getting this disease. That wasn’t just said among heartless homophobes, it was actually said by people who were in Reagan’s administration, while Reagan maintained a silence.

Did you have many friends who died of AIDS?

Yes. I was living in New York in the 80s, and as a straight guy I had many gay friends, but I also had friends that I subsequently found out were gay, because they were dying. Similarly, parents found out about their children being gay, because they were dying from AIDS.

When you finished writing “The Cider House Rules” in 1985, were you hopeful that attitudes to abortion rights in the United States would change?

No. I thought this is going to get worse. That minority of people who hate abortion rights, they will always hate it. It’s no surprise that most people in the United States who oppose abortion rights also oppose gay rights too. It’s coming from an element of sexual disapproval. Their attitude is, I don’t like this, therefore it shouldn’t be allowed. It’s what I call in America, the old prohibition instinct: you don’t like drinking, nobody should do it, you don’t like abortion, no one should have one.

What do you rate as the most technically important aspect to your novels?

I think my approach with writing toward a pre-existing ending, knowing what a story is before I begin the first chapter.

Are you referring to your method of writing the last line of the novel first?

Sometimes it can be the last line, maybe the last few paragraphs, or even the last couple of pages. I write the last line, and then I write the line before that. I find myself writing backwards for a while, until I have a solid sense of how that ending sounds and feels. You have to know what your voice sounds like at the end of the story, because it tells you how to sound when you begin.

This is the life and times of T. S. Garp, the bastard son of Jenny Fields, a feminist leader ahead of her time. This is the life and death of a famous mother and her almost-famous son; theirs is a world of sexual extremes, even of sexual assassinations. It is a novel rich with lunacy and sorrow, yet the dark, violent events of the story do not undermine a comedy both ribald and robust. In more than thirty languages, in more than forty countries–with more than ten million copies in print–this novel provides almost cheerful, even hilarious evidence of its famous last line: “In the world according to Garp, we are all terminal cases.”

garp quote: “we are all terminal cases” over jenny fields nurse’s uniform

How I’d sell The World According to Garp in a few sentences

It is a gripping book that connects you to every character in the story. In the end, it manages to encompass and successfully interweave themes that are central to the politics and societal issues of both the old and modern worlds and it explores paradigms of feminism and sexual roles in a concentrated manner.

Read it.

Be advised, though. This book is not for those who are prone to lightheartedness at the mention of bodily limbs gone awry/gone, period.

For those of you who would rather watch a story play out on the big screen, there’s a 1982 film based off the book starring Robin Williams as T.S. Garp, the namesake of the novel, and Glenn Close as his mother, Jenny Fields.

“They were involved in that awkward procedure of getting to unknow each other.” — John Irving

“Life is an X-rated soap opera.” — John Irving, The World According to Garp

QUOTATIONS by JOHN IRVING:

“…but writers, Garp knew, were just observers – good and ruthless imitators of human behavior” — John Irving from The World According to Garp. (I can’t stress how important this quotation is to me. J.I.)

garp says: i’ll stay up and think weird thoughts for awhile

“Not only were certain types of arrogance tolerated by the society of the Steering School, certain kinds were encouraged; but acceptable arrogance was a matter of taste and style. What you were arrogant about had to appear worthy- of higher purpose- and the manner in which you were arrogant was supposed to be charming.” — John Irving, The World According To Garp u

“Crazy people made him crazy. It was as if he personally resented them giving into madness – in part, because he so frequently labored to behave sanely. When some people gave up the labor of sanity, or failed at it, Garp suspected them of not trying hard enough. ” — John Irving

“I feel like Irving has a sense of reality that is so spot on, despite the fact that his subject matter feels almost fantastical. How he manages to meld these opposing qualities in such an imaginative way is just beyond my understanding, but man does it make for good reading.”– Unknown

“She felt if she ever had children she would love them no less when they were twenty than when they were two; they might need you more at twenty, she thought. What do you really need when you’re two? In the hospital, the babies were the easiest patients. The older they got, the more they needed; and the less anyone wanted or loved them.” — John Irving (The World According to Garp)

“If you don’t feel that you are possibly on the edge of humiliating yourself, of losing control of the whole thing, then probably what you are doing isn’t very vital” -John Irving

“In this dirty minded world you are either somebody’s wife or somebody’s whore—or fast on your way to becoming one or the other. I wanted a job and I wanted to live alone. That made me a sexual suspect. Then I wanted a baby, but I didn’t want to have to share my body or my life to have one. That made me a sexual suspect too.” — John Irving, The World According to Garp

“There are always suicides among people who are unable to say what they mean.” — John Irving

“As for Jenny, she felt that women—just like men—should at least be able to make conscious decisions about the course of their lives; if that made her a feminist, she said, then she guessed she was one.” — Jenny Fields (The World According To Garp)

“Garp has to die; it’s what the book is about, a double assassination of a mother and her son. More to the point: a woman who is killed by a woman-hating man and a man who is killed by a woman who hates men.” — John Irving, on the end of The World According to Garp.

“It is only the vividness of memory that keeps the dead alive forever; a writer’s job is to imagine everything so personally that the fiction is as vivid as our personal memories.” — John Irving (The World According to Garp)

“I may have written this novel twenty years ago, but I go back there almost every day—back to those fears. Even the smallest detail of The World According to Garp is an expression of fear; even the curious pockmark on the face of the Viennese prostitute—it is also an expression of that most terrible fear. “The silvery gouge on her forehead was nearly as big as her mouth; her pockmark looked to Garp like a small, open grave.” A child’s grave …

When Garp was published, people who’d lost children wrote to me. “I lost one, too,” they told me. I confessed to them that I hadn’t lost any children. I’m just a father with a good imagination. In my imagination, I lose my children every day. — John Irving

“Garp would say that the autobiographical basis – if there even was one – was the least interesting level on which to read a novel. He would always say that the art of fiction was the act of imagining truly – was, like any art, a process of selection.”– Unknown

“He wrote Helen that a young writer needs desperately to live with someone and he had decided that he wanted to live with her; even marry her, he offered, because sex was simply necessary but it took too much of one’s time if one had to be constantly planning how one was going to get it. Therefore, Garp reasoned, it is better to live with it!
Helen revised several letters before she finally sent him one that said that he could, so to speak, go stick it in his ear. Did he think she was going through college so rigorously so that she could provide him with sex that was not even necessary to plan?” — from Garp — John Irving

“Don’t you want to know how I die?” Garp asked them.
They didn’t say anything.
“I kill myself,” Garp said, pleasantly. “In order to become fully established that seems almost necessary. I mean it, really,” Garp said. “In the present fashion, you’ll agree this is one way of recognizing a writer’s seriousness? Since the art of the writing doesn’t always make the writer’s seriousness apparent, it’s something necessary to reveal the depth of one’s personal anguish by other means. Killing yourself seems to mean that you were serious after all. It’s true,” Garp said, but his sarcasm was unpleasant and Helen sighed; John Wolf stretched again. “And thereafter,” Garp said, “much seriousness is suddenly revealed in the work—where it had escaped notice before.” — From “The World According to Garp,” by John Irving

‎”Your memory is a monster; you forget – it doesn’t. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you – and summons them to your recall with will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you!” — John Irving – The World According To Garp

“Human sexuality makes farcical our most serious intentions.” — Garp in The World According to Garp by John Irving

“It is an important distinction to note that she looked not only as if she had taken good care of herself, but that she had good reason to have done so … She looked to be in such total possession of her life that only the most confident men could continue to look at her if she looked back at them. Even in bus stations, she was a woman who was stared at only until she looked back.” — The World According To Garp

“a manner betraying both carelessness and intense perfection” — Unknown

The Mystery of Storytelling

1 Reply

The Mystery of Storytelling
TED Talk Julian Friedmann @ TEDxEaling
Post written and Created by Jennifer Kiley
Post Created May 20th 2013
Posted May 23rd 2013

The World According to Garp by John Irving

The first book I read of John Irving. It was turned into a film and there is nothing about this book or film that follow the rules of how Americans always get there Happy Endings. It is a brilliant book and a film I wasn’t sure I liked when I first saw it. Reason is that so much was left out from the book. Eventually, though I realized that the film was quite unique on its own. So I love both book and film and we are not talking about sentimental happy endings or all is good and nothing bad ever happens. This has so many surprises. If you haven’t read the book or seen the film I highly recommend both.

I will warn you that this TED Talk starts out rather brutal in talking about the expectations of a screenwriter, in having a script accepted, which I would say could be applied to writers in a general manner. The rejection words are quite a deal more prevalent according to the speaker of this TED Talk. It happens that he is an agent. A very good one after you get past his opening statements. Don’t fall off the mountain until you listen to more of the video. It’s not that he becomes more encouraging but he does have some rather good points to tell writers, screen or otherwise.

He talks a great deal about writers and writing. The thoughts of famous writers come up. What they think is important for a writer to know. Language. Storytelling. Most famous writers will tell you, of course, to write from out of your own experiences. When asked if there is a formula to writing, the answers come back to some of the origins of storytelling. For example: Campfire tales. Some ingredients to storytelling: Pity. Fear. Catharsis. Beethoven’s approach to a happy ending comes up. His theory is: Suffering. Struggle. Overcoming.

I must say that I am only giving you an overall view of what was talked about on this video. Listening to the video will give you a great deal more. So I shall continue.

Why do we need stories? It all started with Cave paintings. One goes out into the woods to kill a wild animal. Prehistoric caves were the first cinema. They rehearse there fear by looking at the cave paintings. The same is true with the audience in today’s theatres. What do we do to the audience to make it so they have experiences?

Now, this next point, I have a friend who will get a laugh out of this one. It seems that American films love to have happy endings. Did I mention the speaker is British? Well, yes he is. He feels that no one can compete with the American film maker. They have more money and bigger stars. That may be so in American and how the world reacts to the US stars but I feel that British and Australia actors, male and female, are much better. More interesting to watch and to listen to. I rather hate it when a Brit is cast in a role and must lose their British accent for the part. I always wish that they would change the character into someone British so that the actor would be able to speak in their normal tongue.

But back to American film makers, they like accessible characters and once again, they like to have sentimental happy endings. One of the parts that take away the anticipation of what kind of ending will happen that will surprise you rather than being able to breath a sigh of relief that all’s well that ends well. I know from sudden shocking experiences from watching British Television shows or Films, main characters die. And you/I am shocked and saddened that a character that I looked forward to seeing again later is now dead or they lose the love of their life. No, so the British do not appease the audience, nor do they hold your hand and say: “Don’t worry, everything is going to be alright. Everything will be perfectly fine.” I mean, just look at Mary Poppins, she always leaves at the end and you really don’t want her to, but she does. Now in the movie, the happy ending is that the family find their way back to each other. How I won’t say, you have to see the film, if you haven’t already.

John Irving on MidMorning

This interview will counter the theory that Americans always write for the Happy Ending. Maybe that is why I fell in love with the first novel I read that John Irving wrote (It wasn’t his 1st Novel by my first one I read of his): “The World According To Garp.” He doesn’t hold back on what happens to his characters. it is a great novel to start with. It will make you a guaranteed fan, unless you’re brain dead. He shows his brilliance as a writer in “GARP.” Every turn of the page a surprise. Quite magical and diverse and he loves BEARS, Gizzlies. {{{Smile}}}

Next issue is Dialogue: American movies have 2/3rds less dialogue. Also, Americans have lower levels of expectation in their educations. Basically, I think he was saying that a great many Americans are rather stupid and often more ignorant, also. He has his point there. A lot of Americans are not that bright. They, also, tend to be dangerous and vote for the wrong people at elections. So, in American films, there is a tendency to tell their stories in a much more visual way. An audience believes what they see. They do not believe what they hear. Scenes are also shorter in American films. They cut off a bit from the beginning and the ending of a scene to make the audience figure out what happens. They want the audience to work for it. It does give them something to do while the film just shows the ridiculous. There is so much garbage produced today. It is quite rare to find the GEM.They do occasionally exist. But it is like what Kurt Cobain says: “I liked it better when I didn’t have money. You’d walk into a shop and find something unique that sets off in your imagination, that you just want to possess that object, but you aren’t sure you can afford it. Then you find out you can but barely. So you buy it, and it becomes the treasure that you so rarely find. Now when you have all the money you have ever needed you lose those moments of discovery. Because you can afford everything and anything you want. Those special moments have been lost forever.”

Well, in the film industry, those moments have mostly been lost forever. The majority of films given the “Green Light” and then made mostly turn out to be crap. That is very disappointing and you are not really sure who you can trust anymore who will be offering you a gem or fake jewelry. You’re on your own. I will never lie here. If I find a film that I find that is fascinating and brilliant, I will be sure to tell you and encourage you to definitely see it. But keep in mind those treasures are becoming more and more difficult to find in the sand. You need more than a metal detector these days.

Next topic comes up around discussing Diana Rigg: Worse reviews ever book. When writing a screenplay or writing anything, there are a lot of rejections. Not only that, but you will be rejected by people who are less talented then you are. He apologizes and asks that “writers please forgive us agents.Remember us when you make it.”

Writers, after they make it, can say: “Only we are the storytellers.” And the writers thinking to themselves: “Very High and Mighty Agents Think That They Have the Power.”

Now if what I have written makes you curious and you’d like to know more, then I would suggest you will enjoy this speaker’s TED Talk on this video on “The Mystery of Storytelling.” I love routing through the TED Talk library to find the gems. This is one of them. And trust me, even in the TED Talks, there are not many that shine, either. “The Mystery of Storytelling ” does and the next one I am going to present does, also. You will like the concept behind that one also. It’s a rather curious subject matter, that causes your mind to ponder and some who I feel who will want the possibility it discusses to have to inside/outside chance of an underlying truth to it.

I’d say that one will be released from “the secret keeper in the next few days. I am the walking wounded and did several work ups on posts before I went in for some surgery. This is the year of the scalpel for me but don’t worry I promised to “POST A POST-A-DAY” and I will. Some of the time I may draw from some of my favorite POSTS, just updated and added onto. Everyone grows in their thinking and hopefully I will as well and be able to add more now from where I was then when one of my ideas became a post in need a growing but it had to have a beginning somewhere. Let’s hope that works. Or maybe I will heal in short spurts and moments when my mind and body work and creativity is alive and well inside of me.

So, press the play button and enjoy this TED Talk on “The Mystery of Storytelling.” Writer or not, everyone usually loves a good story and Julian Friedmann tells a good one on this Video. Hope you can get passed his opening comments, because once done, the video has a great deal to say that is quite brilliant and worth the listen. ENJOY. BE PATIENT AND LET THE FOOTAGE ROLL.

The Mystery of Storytelling: Julian Friedmann at TEDxEaling

The World According To Garp (1982) Scene

John Irving: Advice to Aspiring Novelists: Don’t Shoot Yourself

Big Think Interview with John Irving

QUOTATIONS on STORYTELLING:

“After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” ― Philip Pullman

“Every great love starts with a great story…” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.” ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

“There are books full of great writing that don’t have very good stories. Read sometimes for the story… don’t be like the book-snobs who won’t do that. Read sometimes for the words–the language. Don’t be like the play-it-safers who won’t do that. But when you find a book that has both a good story and good words, treasure that book.” ― Stephen King

“Funny how a beautiful song could tell such a sad story” ― Sarah Dessen, Lock and Key

“Most of the basic material a writer works with is acquired before the age of fifteen.” ― Willa Cather

“There is no doubt fiction makes a better job of the truth.” ― Doris Lessing, Under My Skin

“You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone’s soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows that they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift.” ― Erin Morgenstern, The Night Circus [My comment about the book "The Night Circus"---EXCEPTIONAL. Discovered through a "Like" page on FB. Rented through library, then begged for it as a Christmas Present. It is a MAGICAL, MYSTICAL, METAPHYSICAL book, that should be read by all who find the MYSTERIOUS fascinating. It is up there with the EXCEPTIONAL few books that hold you HYPNOTICALLY in the ETHER and will not let you go until the very end. And I am not sure if you are released even then. THE NIGHT CIRCUS is high on my list of originality in storytelling. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. May even have done a review of it after the first time I read it. It was a rush read job b/c I didn't own the book then but did get it as a present. Now I want to read it again. Don't have it on Kindle so it has been hidden due to some rearranging and organizing of my writing space and overhauling it with a new couch for my recoveries. Can't do stairs for awhile. So I get to relax a bit and get to catch up on reading books I've wanted to spend time with and to veg out a bit with old and new films I have wanted to watch.] NEXT!

“No, no! The adventures first, explanations take such a dreadful time.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

“Artists use lies to tell the truth. Yes, I created a lie. But because you believed it, you found something true about yourself.” ― Alan Moore, V for Vendetta

TIME TO TAKE MY DRUGS TO KNOCK OUT THE PAIN AND MY BRAIN AT THE SAME TIME AND OFF INTO STRUGGLING TO STAY AWAKE OR TO GIVE INTO SLEEP. I AM AFRAID TO SAY THAT THE SLEEP STATE SO FAIR HAS WON OUT ON ME. THE DRUGS THE HOSPITAL AND DOC/SURGEON PRESCRIBED KNOCK ME ON MY ASS. I AM BARELY ABLE TO KEEP MY EYE LIDS FROM STAYING OPEN. I SUPPOSE THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT BUT OH HOW I HATE TO SURRENDER. ENJOY THE VIDEOS. THEY ARE INSIGHTFUL AND SHARE THE INNER WORKINGS OF JOHN IRVING THE AUTHOR/WRITER AND ON THE TED TALK AN AGENT WHO IS HONEST BUT UNFORTUNATELY FINDS US LIVING IN A WORLD WHERE THE IMAGINATION IS NOT HONOURED IN THE MANNER TO WHICH IT IS DUE AND SURFACE CRAP SO FAR FROM BEING CREATIVE IS WHAT WE ARE FINDING IT REPLACED WITH. IT IS THE RUINATION OF THE WORLD OF ART. WE HAVE TO STAY STRONG AND KEEP REMINDING PEOPLE THAT ART IS THE SAVING GRACE OF OUR CIVILIZATION AND IF IT GOES SO GOES CULTURE AND THAT WHICH HOLDS IT TOGETHER. EVER HEARD OF SODOM AND GOMORRAH? WELL, IF YOU HAVEN’T I WOULD LOOK IT UP. WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR CENTER ALL COLLAPSES AROUND YOU. jk the secret keeper By Jennifer Kiley POWER TO THE CREATIVE UNIVERSE/MULTIVERSES. YEAH !

Nora Ephron’s Lessons About Love: Today She Would Be 72

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Nora Ephron’s Lessons About Love:
Things The Legendary Writer And Director Taught Us
Huffington Post Matthew Jacob
Posted May 19th 2013
Post Created by Jk the secret keeper
Posted May 20th 2013

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 72 NORA EPHRON MAY 19th 2013
Today 72 Years Old if she hadn’t died from Leukemia

Sleepless In Seattle Trailer
Had she not died of leukemia last summer, Nora Ephron would have turned 72 today. The universally loved writer, director, producer and HuffPost contributing editor spent nearly 30 years in the thick of the movie industry, becoming synonymous with modern romantic comedy thanks to quirky and immensely successful movies like “When Harry Met Sally…,” “Sleepless in Seattle” and “You’ve Got Mail.”

Along the way, all disciples of the Ephron bible of love learned a thing or two about modern-day relationships, both romantic and platonic. Ephron advocates hang on to the many saccharine observations about life that poured out of the mouth of Meg Ryan — who starred in four of the 13 movies Ephron directed — or any of the other A-list players who frequented Ephron’s filmography (Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep, Rita Wilson, Billy Crystal, Steve Martin).

Sleepless In Seattle— Finally Meeting
Nearly a year after her passing, Hollywood and the literary community are still commemorating Ephron’s life. A spate of tributes celebrating the “Julie & Julia” scribe’s life have emerged from the likes of Lena Dunham, Tom Hanks, Mike Nichols and her own son Jacob Bernstein, who recounted her final hours in a touching New York Times Magazine piece.

But amid all the kind words and continued accolades (we haven’t forgotten the three Oscar nominations she received for Best Original Screenplay), what’s most remembered about Ephron are the lessons she bestowed upon us through her characters. With that, we celebrate her 72nd birthday with what we learned about love thanks to the one and only Nora Ephron.

Fake Orgasm Scene in “When Harry Met Sally”
QUOTATIONS: NORA EPHRON

“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) in “When Harry Met Sally…”

“Destiny is something we’ve invented because we can’t stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental.”
Annie Reed (Meg Ryan) in “Sleepless in Seattle”

“When you’re attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.”
Dennis Reed (David Hyde Pierce) in “Sleepless in Seattle”

“You gotta learn to laugh — it’s the way to true love.” Michael (John Travolta) in “Michael”

“I’ll have what she is having.” — “When Harry Met Sally”

Letters of Import: We Chose Life 7

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Letters of Import: Private Writings to a Psychoanalyst
We Chose Life 7
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrations & abstract digital art by j. kiley
© jennifer kiley 2013
First Posting 03.19.13
Posted Weekly Early Tuesday Morning
Seventh Posting 04.30.13 Tuesday, November 12th, 2007

Dear Annie

I must bring this to your immediate attention. Last week, when I wrote to you in our usual letter, I included a poem. It was a raw and painful poem to write. I would really like to discuss some of it with you in this letter. I hope you don’t mind. It has been making me feel rather vulnerable, even though I haven’t sent you the letter yet. Someday, any day, might be when I do get brave enough and really write these letters with the direct expectation of mailing them to you or handing them to you in person. The second way would make me feel more assured that you received the letters personally and no one else touched them or might accidentally open them. I don’t think anyone at the counseling center would ever do something like that intentionally. But these are very private letters meant for your eyes only. Just thinking about discussing the poem I wrote is making me feel rather anxious. In fact, I feel like I am starting to have a panic attack. Let me take a Klonopin before we continue. After that I will post the poem and the paragraph that followed it. I want to discuss that along with the poem. I’ll be right back.

Here I am, back really quickly. It will only take about 15 minutes for the med to take effect. Well, here goes, this is the poem once again appearing in one of my letters I am writing to only you. If I ever give these letters to you, I must have your word that you will never ever show these to anyone else. No one must know what I am telling you. These have to be our secret. If you only knew how I feel inside.

How do I really feel about you Annie? Right now, I have no idea. Too afraid to go inside to find out what I truly feel. The whole of the world confounds me. It just makes me feel depressed. It just feels that I can’t hold onto the people I love. They just tend to die. It’s not like they’re even old. When you die in your twenties, I would call that dying “Forever Young.” Too many die FY. You’re not going to do that, are you Annie?

What do you think of my poem? If you read it now, how would you decipher it? I’ll play both of us. You go first, or should I? Let me pull out the first three lines. The writer, the lover, the thinker: isn’t something missing? Whose feeling anything? The lover is just sexual. You can do that without any feelings at all. The writer is mental but could be emotional with the words they are expressing. But I don’t think so. It’s cerebral. The thinker, existential separation anxiety filled with analytical theorizing until infinity gets exhausted.

Someone is missing. Someone who connects in a soulful way with people or animals. Who is that? Lets think about it. Send out feelings to find out who they are? You think a spiritualist. I thought I was one of those people. I believe in the spirit, the soul, the astral body, the separation from the physical. The soul is just carrying the weight of the body while its heart beats and air fills its lungs and the grey matter still is able to function to make the physical tissues of the body perform.

I was thinking tonight about Heaven Annie. As I made it up the stairs to bed and my cat always raced up the stairs before me. We play that game every night. I make believe I’m going to beat him tonight. It’s always the challenge. There’s no way in Hell that I can ever beat him. But he loves the game. You want to know his name? He goes by many. He has such a magnificent personality. We call him Sparky because he sparks like fireworks. It’s not his official name. That one is proper. We named him Higgins after the character in the great Broadway play Pygmalion. He responds to anything but Higgins and he rather prefers being called Sparky.

What the Hell are we talking about? Is it about making it through with some enjoyment and to try to forget about all the nightmares? Or are we suppose to face the nightmares? The soul tells me that we have to or we won’t make it. I have too many. How about you? What are your bad dreams? What tried to fuck you up? Any bad people in your dreams? You seem pretty together but anyone can put a mask on. Why do you suppose we all try to hide from everyone? We are all human. Our feelings fall somewhere into the human category. Are we afraid people will think we are crazy or too weird?

Back to the poem, the next three lines are pretty explosive. Feeling the fool for not hearing, the silence for not screaming and feelings trying to blow the whole thing wide open but being stopped somehow. What stopped me? You probably would like to know that. A good reason, how about one of the abusers threatened to kill me right at the moment I told him if he didn’t stop I would go to the police. Wrong thing to say to a nasty, mean pedophile. He tried to kill me but he stopped at just making me feel he was going to crush my head into stones like Stonehenge. He pulled back but not until he told me he would not only kill me but my whole family. Those other people who also abused me. For some reason I felt I needed to protect them. I didn’t care if he killed me. My life was ruined. They all in combination destroyed who I am. They crushed my life. I am dead. My spirit has been stolen from me. It’s like in Peter Pan, they stole my shadow, my reflection. I don’t have one any longer. I am invisible. That’s why no one can see me. Why I never get noticed except when someone wants to hurt me or make me feel more pain so that I really do want to be invisible. I just wanted to die.

The only reason I stayed alive was I loved my grandmother. The funny thing about it all, my grandma, she had an accident shortly after this and went into the hospital. She never went home again. I saw her once at the hospital. I climbed into her hospital bed with her. Under the oxygen tent, we hugged. I held her so close. Her arms used her strength, as much as she could and held me close. Then it was time to go. I gave a bunch of kisses to say goodbye to her. I didn’t know I would never see her alive again.

She died in protest. They wanted her to become one of the forgotten. She wasn’t going to let them do that to her. She told them that it was something she would never do, going to a nursing home. She stopped her breathing and her heart from beating. She left me behind. I stopped living when she stopped, too.

“The feelings trying to explode…Where was the awareness?” I was clueless on what or who to, if anyone, to talk to. I never talked to anyone back then. Words were not my companion when spoken out loud. Not something I even knew how to do. Didn’t know how. Had no practice. What would have been the right words to say anyway? I didn’t know them to say or to even write down on paper. I am only learning now how to connect my words with feeling.

“We say ‘Welcome to the surface.’ It should have been Welcome to the circus. “Now what needs to be done?” We need to find someone new that we can really talk to. Someone who will listen and really hear what we are saying. Not judge us. Try to understand. And not constantly criticize us and try to put us down. Diminish who we are. That’s been done all our life except in college. For some reason I mattered when I was in college. I felt important and wanted. The same happened when I was part of the Women’s Center when I lived in Connecticut. It’s not so much I want to feel important. I just want to feel like I matter. Everyone I think needs to feel important in some way.

“Releasing the energy ensnared for decades amongst twisted webs…” I have been so blocked. My thoughts and feelings didn’t have an outlet. And I didn’t know how to say the words. I was made my own prisoner eventually, out of fear. Demons possessed me with fear. All the demons from all the years of abuse and made to feel like I was nothing, a nobody that had no worth or purpose.

“The voice is seeking freedom but holding onto multiple secrets.” We have a central voice but we also have multiple voices. With all the alters, we have to listen to all their voices and all the needs they tell us that they have. It’s hard to keep track or remember. It is really confusing inside our head sometimes. But we were working with a woman therapist who had her moments of quality therapy but she had her problems. I have an obsessive alter who was in love with her and obsessed with her. Let’s call it quite dependent. We were attached. We needed her. She was the first therapist that figured out what was going on inside our head. She figured out the DID. I have to admit when she told us we has other personalities, it really freaked us out. Kind of went into shock and some heavy denial. No way could that be possible. She said the psychiatrist agreed with her after he tested me.

That was the big secret. We thought realizing we were Gay was enough of a shock but being MPD was more difficult. Coming out of that closet was worst. It took us a while before we could tell Scottie and we had been together for a long time at that point. Almost 15 years. When I found the courage to tell her, her reaction was: “Oh, I already knew.” I asked her why she didn’t tell me. “Because you needed to figure that out yourself.” Of course, she was right. It wasn’t easy. Like I usually do, I bought or borrowed every book I could find on the subject of MPD. I learned it all. Enough to get a degree.

There is so much more to discuss in this poem. I packed it with a great deal of exposure of my past. I need a break. I may try to answer more of the points in this letter or carry it over to the next letter.

It’s a list of some of the confusion that smashed into our life. It started when we were really little and didn’t stop. The abuse continued when we were adults. No was the word that meant nothing to anyone who wanted something from us. Our body betrayed us. We couldn’t stop anyone from forcing us. Some didn’t even realize they were forcing us but they were. If we shut down inside we became frozen. We couldn’t stop what was happening. This started when we were little and continued into our adult relationships. It was all on some degree of force. We weren’t there in our bodies. We left or went deep inside or floated on the ceiling until it was over.

It wasn’t consensual. It was a form of rape and abuse. We wanted love but not sex. We didn’t want to be sexually aroused because it would always end with us disappearing and our bodies would shut down. It was like turning the keys off in a car. The engine would stop running and so would we. Eventually we created an outside person, a human robot, who faked our life like a computer. She would accumulate data. And learned the expected behavior and that would be hos she would perform. We were safe inside while she was out there living a fake life as a fake person. A puppet represented us. She hid in plain sight. No one would find us with the puppet self having a controlled pattern of behavior, always asking questions to improve her performance do she wouldn’t be detected.

Our hiding place was discovered by this woman therapist. She saw through the facade. She was tricky and scary to us. She got to close. We started to care too much. She opened up the rawness in us. She made us need people. Specifically, she made us need her too desperately. We felt so close to her. But more like the fox in Le Petite Prince by Antoine de St. Exupery. She tamed part of our wildness. She made us want to be loved by her. Being loved and wanting to love in return puts such a control on you. I began to develop an overwhelming need for her. It was driving me mad. Everything started falling apart. My life felt out of control.

Our hiding place was revealed. There was no place to go except into madness and wanting to commit suicide. Suicide has always been a part of our life. It is a part of our breathing. It is always an alternative to the divine madness. We can escape that way any time we chose. But it is not an answer we can choose. Not with all that we are responsible for. Our life needs us to be in it. Everything has changed. We are learning to begin to live. We have found a purpose. It is delicate and sometimes difficult to balance but we are giving our new life all that we are able to give it. We know and are learning what we are able to do. We are able to write. We are able to be creative. Our artistic nature is starting to blossom. We are letting it be free. It likes that. It feels like are trusted to let the muse guide us. She always seems to be when we need her. We don’t push it. We let it be a natural flow. We like, no we love where we are now. It does have its difficulties with the mentally creative activities that bombard our brain. But we work hard on that more with our doc then with Mr. Xxx. He is about as helpful as a dead skeleton. His sense of warmth and communication I’d to tell stories that do not at all relate to what I am feeling or going through. He doesn’t help me at all except to give me reasons to escape my life. He lets me run away. I know I have my weaknesses but I need to find my life before I die or I kill myself because I can’t live with the confusion any longer or the depressions or rage.

I want to say that I am here and I want to stay alive. We want to be here. We choose life.

We fought through them trying to destroy us. They didn’t succeed. We are still alive. No matter how many battles. No matter how many nights we have to fight to make it alive til morning gets here. Therapy, knowing my psychoanalyst is there is so reassuring. It means at least one person is out there in our Universe that knows we are alive. That we exist. Being alive is a higher grade than just existing. The artist that lives inside of us makes it all matter. Otherwise, nothing else matters. If I didn’t have my art, my animals, the women I love and the men who are decent that I love. A good home and family who I love and who love me. The special people who know who they are. They are part of what make this life I live matter. But that involves some major time tripping. I am having visions of a future in my life, but I must be patient and wait for that time to happen. It is a good sign that I make it to that future. Others do not.

Here in 2007 I have you Annie. I am focusing on that. Your presence is beginning to mean something more to me than I even understand at this moment. We will see where that takes us.

Until next time.

Regards,
Madison I attach this to the letters I write to you Annie to assure the strictest of confidence.

To Annie,

At this moment I am not trying to be a coward, but I feel if I hold back now or never send this to you, then I am freeing myself up to write whatever I wish without need of censorship. Maybe someday, when I am feeling more familiar with just who you are and what you might mean to me, this parameter will be altered and a copy of this and future letters will be relayed to you. For now I want to maintain secrecy, to protect you, Annie, and to protect myself from over testing the boundaries between us and to record the development of our relationship.

I want Annie Haskell to trust me. I want you to know I am trying to protect you and also myself from any humiliation. Writing to you in this way frees up my words as I speak them onto the page. Some future date, if I feel trusting enough, I will release to you what I have written in honesty. Right now, I will keep my words confidential. On my honour, no others shall see these pages, I promise you that.

Regards,
Madison Taylor

Annie Haskell --- Madison Tayler's Psychoanalyst's Office

Madison Tayler’s Fantasy of Annie Haskell’s Office as a Psychoanalyst. Not real.

Maksim — Somewhere In Time — Theme Song #1 For “Letters of Import”

Damien Rice — The Blowers Daughter — film Closer (1980 Theme Song # 7 for Letter of Import: We Chose Life 7

the labyrinth called “wandering wonderland.” it is where madison, scottie and their cats, patrick, sparky and toker love to escape to

madison’s “woods of imagination” where she takes long walks to reflect. it starts just past the labyrinth

QUOTATIONS from: LETTERS of IMPORT: Private Writings to a Psychoanalyst

“A Dream

The beginning always starts out with a dream.
It is all a dream
And we are all players
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

“Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?”
Christopher Marlowe for “Hero and Leander”

“A therapeutic relationship is often more psycho-emotionally intimate than a marriage, or a romantic attachment. I know things about my patients that they would never dream of revealing to their spouses or families. Why is that? One word — trust. If you do not have a connection with a therapist, you cannot trust them. If you do not have trust, you will not expose yourself, and if you do not expose your innermost being, what good is the therapy?” — unknown but ask any great therapist

“Men have called me mad, but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence…whether much that is glorious–whether all that is profound–does not spring from disease of thought…” — Edgar Allan PoeQUOTATIONS on LIVING:

“There is an ecstasy that marks the summit of life, and beyond which life cannot rise. And such is the paradox of living, this ecstasy comes when one is most alive, and it comes as a complete forgetfulness that one is alive. This ecstasy, this forgetfulness of living, comes to the artist, caught up and out of himself in a sheet of flame…” — Jack London

“There are two kinds of people. One kind…they congealed into their final selves…you can expect no more surprises from them…the other kind keep moving, changing… They are fluid. They keep moving forward and making new trysts with life, and the motion of it keeps them young. In my opinion, they are the only people who are still alive…” ― Gail Godwin

Letters of Import: A Look Inside 5

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Letters of Import: Private Writings to a Psychoanalyst
A Look Inside 5
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrations by j. kiley
© jennifer kiley 2013
First Posting 03.19.13
Posted Weekly Early Tuesday Morning
Fifth Posting 04.16.13 Tuesday, October 29th 2007

Dear Annie,

In my letter this week, I want to open your eyes a bit wider on all of the people you are getting to observe in the women’s therapy group. My intentions are to do my own analysis for you of who I feel and think the people in this group and it’s fearless leader really are. Strictly from my point of view. I have a really good sense of people. A sensitivity that enables me to psychically feel what is going on inside of anyone I am in contact with in a close proximity. Sometimes I am too hypersensitive and pick up too much of what is coming off of people I am around. It is not a gift but an annoyance and makes me feel really anxious and agitated. There is no way to block out the bad from the good. I get all the emotions blasting at me all at once. It is extremely overwhelming and disconcerting especially when there are too many people all in extreme states of disturbance.

I should really start with the person you seem to be getting closest to first, Robin. She is someone who is difficult to get to know. My sense is her barriers are extremely high up. She doesn’t really like people , yet she gives the appearance of wanting someone in her life. Maybe more than one person but she can be quite negative about everyone who shows her any interest in wanting to get to know her. I get close to her but if I am truly honest, whenever we talk, I always feel so hyper afterwards and I often find myself shaking. She brings up too much information. Triggers too many memories in me. I’m not sure if we have very good boundaries in our relationship. She can be extremely critical of everyone I know, especially Mr. Xxx. She is right about him but it does under-mind that relationship just the same. I go along with the lambasting of his character and his flaws as a therapist.

We do have some similar issues we are coping or not coping so well with. It is not my place to go into her problem but I will talk to you freely about mine. I am open about my past. What I remember of it. It was severe and it was traumatizing. I lived the life of someone who exhibited the symptoms of autism. I didn’t speak or relate to anyone. I never talked. My introversion was extreme. Relating to other people, especially my family, was totally impossible for me. I was much older when I put that diagnosis together. It was wrong but I needed to have answers. I am part cat and extremely curious. When I first got high on pot I needed to analyze what exactly was the reaction I was experiencing. I wanted to understand what it was doing. A true scientist. I missed my calling.

Never developed the full picture on marijuana except that I loved getting high and it made everything enjoyable except the creeping paranoia. Otherwise, music, talking, writing, anything I did was on such a higher level of enjoyment when I was stoned. It opened up my shell of silence. The only other drug I felt the same way about was mescalin. Read the whole Bhagava-Gita in one session tripping on that stuff. Even went on a visit to McDonald’s on the same trip and came to the aid of a damsel in distress from a rather grumpy employee. I told him to show a bit more respect for people. That was cool and unusual behavior for me. It felt good to stand up for someone who was having the experience of being bullied.

It was just a year prior to my great discovery. I finally figured out or should I say came to an acceptance and acknowledgement of my true sexuality while I was attending college. I realized I was a lesbian and I was already living with the woman who became my first lesbian lover. We took forever to realize we didn’t need men to be sexual. She felt we did and when she said. “I would love to be sexual but we don’t have any men.” My rather stoned and wine laden mind responded rather boldly by saying without thinking at all, the following words were uttered from my mouth, “But we don’t need any men.” We had each other and some strong feelings of attraction and love for each other. We played around with our physical feelings all summer by playing tactile games, for example, lightly touching the bottom of each others feet. If you are ticklish, just get past it, because I will tell you it is one of the most erotically, sensual experience ever without actually having to be direct about your sexual behavior

I think I drifted a bit away from the topic. Warning: don’t trust Robin. I like you and I don’t want her to hurt you. She has a way of cutting into you behind your back. We may be friends but I am not sure why that relationship works. She does bring out the worst in me. It makes me critical but not in a constructive way. To criticize with truth is one thing but to assassinate a character is unkind and mean and cruel. That is what it is. She can be cruel.

I will tell you more later as we get closer. Now I feel I have said enough and need a break. I will go deeper as our relationship develops and I feel our trust growing. I am observant and I am willing to share my secrets with you within reason for now. I somehow think we are going to go deeper into a good relationship. My feelings for you resonate at nothing less than extremely positive. So I will close now.

More to come later. You can be sure of that. This is proving to be quite cathartic for me. I may never send these to you, so what I am writing is more to me like a journal than a confessional or a revelation for you to learn about this crazy group of people of which you have been thrown into the middle. We do all have some extremely good qualities and some not so kind natures. Maybe that is what is to be expected from such a group of damaged individuals.

I will follow up that statement of “a group of damaged individuals,” by saying we had the bad fortune of being situated with families who had no understanding of us and treated us in any manner of abuse that could ever cross your mind and then go even further and you may never come to the end of what may have been done to us in the name of abusive child rearing and abuse of every nature possible. What it did to our psyches has yet to be completely determined.

I am stopping now. It is beginning to feel that I am stepping beyond the bounds I feel comfortable. So to another time and for another letter. I stop right here.

Regards,
Madison (This note is to ensure these are written in the strictest of confidence.)

To Annie,

At this moment I am not trying to be a coward, but I feel if I hold back now or never send this to you, then I am freeing myself up to write whatever I wish without need of censorship. Maybe someday, when I am feeling more familiar with just who you are and what you might mean to me, this parameter will be altered and a copy of this and future letters will be relayed to you. For now I want to maintain secrecy, to protect you, Annie, and to protect myself from over testing the barriers or boundaries of what the potentials could be between us and the development of our relationship.

I am adding this in order that you, Annie Haskell, will know that I am trying to protect you and also myself from any humiliation. It will free up my words as I speak them upon the page. And on some future date, if I feel trusting enough, I will release to you what I write in honesty, but for now I will keep my words confidential. On my honour, no others shall see these pages, I promise you that.

Regards,
Madison Taylor

Madison Tayler’s Fantasy Psychoanalyst’s Office

Maksim — Somewhere In Time — Theme Song #1 For “Letters of Import”

Schubert — “Serenade” Theme Song # 5 for Letter of Import: A Look Inside 5

QUOTATIONS from: LETTERS of IMPORT: Private Writings to a Psychoanalyst

“A Dream

The beginning always starts out with a dream.
It is all a dream
And we are all players
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

“Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?”
Christopher Marlowe for “Hero and Leander”

purpose P U R P O S E purpose

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purpose P U R P O S E purpose
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Art created by j. kiley
Created 04.13.13
Posted 04.13.13

purpose P U R P O S E purpose by j. kiley © jennifer kiley 2013

Fireworks — Katy Perry

QUOTATIONS on PURPOSE:

“If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life; it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth.” ― Mitsugi Saotome

“When you lost sight of your path, listen for the destination in your heart.” ― Katsura Hoshino

“The magic of purpose and of love in its purest form. Not televison love, with its glare and hollow and sequined glint; not sex and allure, all high shoes and high drama, everything both too small and in too much excess, but just love. Love like rain, like the smell of a tangerine, like a surprise found in your pocket.” ― Deb Caletti

“Those who have failed to work toward the truth have missed the purpose of living.” ― Gautama Buddha

“It’s funny. No matter how hard you try, you can’t close your heart forever. And the minute you open it up, you never know what’s going to come in. But when it does, you just have to go for it! Because if you don’t, there’s not point in being here.” ― Kirstie Alley

“Make your work to be in keeping with your purpose” ― Leonardo da Vinci

“In spite of where we were, how we had gotten here and why we had come, I felt that at this moment of our lives, this place was exactly where we belonged. We were not drifting but rising, rising toward something right and of significance.” ― Dean Koontz

“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives.” ― Brené Brown

“There are so many stupid things that steal that purpose from us. The stupid things that you believe a lie that we ‘re not as important as we really are. That our life isn’t as important as it really is. It’s important to the people that you love, it’s important to the people that you will love in the future, it’s important to the world around you and it’s so important that you fulfill the purpose that only you can fulfill the way that you can fulfill that.” ― Lacey Mosley

“I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth…
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars….the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard…
are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
(You could be at “dash midrange.”)

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile…
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy’s being read
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they
say about how you spend your dash?”
― Linda Ellis, The Dash Making A Difference With Your Life

“The great essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” ― Joseph Addison

“Art has always been the raft onto which we climb to save our sanity. I don’t see a different purpose for it now.” ― Dorothea Tanning

this is my purpose. this is what makes my life have meaning.

Writing Is Being Alive

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Writing Is Being Alive
Haiku & Collage Created by Jennifer Kiley
Post Created 04.08.13
Posted 04.11.13

autumn spectrum of colour and light — artist unknown

writing is being alive by j. kiley © jennifer kiley 2013

Schubert — “Serenade”

QUOTATIONS for BEING ALIVE/PURPOSE:

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“In the beginning, God created the earth, and he looked upon it in his cosmic loneliness.

And God said, “Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud can see what We have done.” And God created every living creature that now moveth, and one was man. Mud as man alone could speak. God leaned close to mud as man sat, looked around, and spoke. “What is the purpose of all this?” he asked politely.

“Everything must have a purpose?” asked God.

“Certainly,” said man.

“Then I leave it to you to think of one for all this,” said God.

And He went away.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle

“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it”
― Gautama Buddha

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.” ― J.D. Stroube, Caged by Damnation

“I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all..” ― Leo Rosten

“A writer – and, I believe, generally all persons – must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.”
― Jorge Luis Borges

“I think it’s much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong. I have approximate answers and possible beliefs and different degrees of uncertainty about different things, but I am not absolutely sure of anything and there are many things I don’t know anything about, such as whether it means anything to ask why we’re here. I don’t have to know an answer. I don’t feel frightened not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without any purpose, which is the way it really is as far as I can tell.” ― Richard P. Feynman

Deconstructing Woody

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Deconstructing Woody:
Woody Allen Relevant as Ever
Created by jk the secret keeper
Created & Posted 04.06.13

Woody Allen invites the legendary conservative icon William Buckley on his show. Discuss the late 1960s and take questions from the audience. Quality of tape not great but visually okay. Conversations and answers are quite amusing and laugh out loud funny. Some of the discussion is actually relevant to today. jk the secret keeper

Woody Allen vs William F. Buckley Jr. — FUNNY

An interview of Woody Allen by a French Journalist. Some of the interview is in French (en Francais) when the interviewer is just speaking to the audience. Woody speaks English with French subtitles. Quite understandable if you only speak English. You do not miss the content of the interview. It does not interfere listening through the French. Very Enjoyable. A great many clips from Woody’s films which are entertaining and memorable, especially if you are regular viewer of his films but fun even if you haven’t seen a great many of his films. I’m an avid fan so it is fun for me to see so many of those moments from so many of his films from the past. I have watched and been a fan of Woody Allen’s since forever and have seen all of his films. I wish there was a way to see what he did before he became a film maker. That was long before my time. I found this video quite enlightening and entertaining. I feel this video and what it discusses is quite relevant to the world of today. Woody discusses pretty much everything you can think of in this interview. jk the secret keeper

Woody Allen (Rare Interview 1979 — 61mn.) by a French Journalist

I will add the comment that I support him and find that we share a great deal in common in relation to our thinking and beliefs in life and the relevancy of the views we have on life. The controversy he went through many years back I feel was blown out of proportion. What he may have done, many of those in my life feel they cannot respect him and when I mention my love for his films they reject wanting to have anything to do with him. Everyone believes what they will and likes what they will like. I believe Woody and have enjoyed him though out my life. I am also a huge fan of Mia Farrow and was greatly disappointed that their relationship had to end the way in which it did. Life has gone on. Woody is happy with his wife and their children. They are enjoying their lives together. That is what is important. I will not apologize for my belief in him.

I am fascinated with his interest in psychoanalysis and portraying it in his films. We both share that fascination. Being analyzed has been quite important in my life. To understand one’s self is quite enlightening and it helps to live one’s life more fully.

I hope you take the time to view the complete video. If not all at once. Do come back and listen as you have the time. It will be well worth your time. jk the secret keeper

QUOTATIONS on COMEDY:

“Life doesn’t make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy’s job is to point out that it doesn’t make sense, and that it doesn’t make much difference anyway.”
― Eric Idle

“My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.” ― Chelsea Handler

“It’s like a fairy tale. . . on crack!” ― Hillary DePiano

“[Comedies], in the ancient world, were regarded as of a higher rank than tragedy, of a deeper truth, of a more difficult realization, of a sounder structure, and of a revelation more complete. The happy ending of the fairy tale, the myth, and the divine comedy of the soul, is to be read, not as a contradiction, but as a transcendence of the universal tragedy of man…. Tragedy is the shattering of the forms and of our attachments to the forms; comedy, the wild and careless, inexhaustible joy of life invincible.” ― Joseph Campbell

“He stares at me, and then leans back in his chair. “He’s ill, Jacob.”
I say nothing.
“He’s a paragon schnitzophonic.”
“He’s what?!”
“Paragon schnitzophonic,” repeats Uncle Al.
“You mean paranoid schizophrenic?”
“Sure. Whatever. But the bottom line is he’s mad as a hatter…”
― Sara Gruen, Water for Elephants

“Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.” ― Carroll Bryant

“Those of you who are not aware of my brilliant career as a stand up comic, I’m not aware of it either so we might well wonder what we’re doing here.” ― Alan Rickman

“Recent studies have shown that approximately 40% of authors are manic depressive. The rest of us just drink.” ― Melodie Campbell

“People who try to pretend they’re superior make it so much harder for those of us who really are.” ― Hyacinth Bucket

“Come here, let me share a bit of wisdom with you.
Have you given much thought to our mortal condition?
Probably not. Why would you? Well, listen.
All mortals owe a debt to death.
There’s no one alive
who can say if he will be tomorrow.
Our fate moves invisibly! A mystery.
No one can teach it, no one can grasp it.
Accept this! Cheer up! Have a drink!
But don’t forget Aphrodite–that’s one sweet goddess.
You can let the rest go. Am I making sense?
I think so. How about a drink.
Put on a garland. I’m sure
the happy splash of wine will cure your mood.
We’re all mortal you know. Think mortal.
Because my theory is, there’s no such thing as life,
it’s just catastrophe.”
― Anne Carson

“Some people fight fire with fire. I’ve found water to be more effective.”
― Adrianne Ambrose, Confessions of a Virgin Sacrifice

“Ever since the robot was first invented, there have been people who swear up and down that this marks the first step towards the fall of man … To be fair, their arguments are backed with scientific fact taken from documentary films such as The Terminator, The Matrix, and RoboCop.” ― Weston Locher, Musings on Minutiae

“Poetry is only the highest eloquence of passion, the most vivid form of expression that can be given to our conception of anything, whether pleasurable or painful, mean or dignified, delightful or distressing. It is the perfect coincidence of the image and the words with the feeling we have, and of which we cannot get rid in any other way, that gives an instant “satisfaction to the thought.” This is equally the origin of wit and fancy, of comedy and tragedy, of the sublime and pathetic.” ― William Hazlitt

“At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted.” ― Eric Idle

“I don’t believe in virgin sacrifice. It encourages promiscuity at an early age”
― Adrianne Ambrose, Confessions of a Virgin Sacrifice

“You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day”. Yeah, looks like He rushed it”
― Bill Hicks

“Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: ‘We don’t serve colored people here.’ “I said: ‘that’s all right, I don’t eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.” ― Dick Gregory

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
― Stephen Wright

“I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.” ― Lauren Myracle

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.”
― Isaac Asimov

“If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
― Steven Wright

“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.” ― Lily Tomlin

“Be what you would seem to be – or, if you’d like it put more simply – never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.” ― Lewis Carroll

Best Film Critic Ever Dies—04.04.13

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Best Film Critic Ever Dies—04.04.13
Tribute to Roger Ebert
June 18th, 1942 — April 4th, 2013
Post Created by jk the secret keeper
Created 04.04.13
Posted 04.05.13

Roger Ebert 1942 — 2013

A Few Words About Roger Ebert
By Jennifer Kiley
04.04.13

I am too speechless to say anything but I will try. Roger Ebert’s death took me by surprise Thursday. That the cancer had returned and he was going for further treatment was the last thing I knew. And that he would write about his favorite films in the future. Others would take over the watching and reviewing of the majority of the films in the near future. Roger would return. But now he will never return with his brilliant words and observations about films and life. Whenever I wasn’t sure about watching a film, I would look to Roger for his guidance by scanning his reviews of the film in question. He was always fair, direct and honest about the way he evaluated a film. Some films that others turned away from Roger did not.

I was grateful to discover a great film many times because I trusted Roger and doubted those who dismissed the films in question so easily. Roger would go into great depth as to the reasons he felt a film was worth the time to view it. He always came up right in his recommendations. I have fallen in love with films that other people have shunned as boring or unwatchable and Roger praised as brilliant. I must admit that I favoured Gene Siskel when the two worked together. And like Gene and Roger, my partner and I would have the same debates over the same films. She would favour Roger’s views and I , Gene’s. But all that changed when Gene died so suddenly.

Roger gained my focus but there wasn’t anyone who could replace Gene. I started listening more to Roger. I started following him online by reading his reviews at the Sun Times and also reading his journal. Also, I loved following him on Twitter. He always left the most amusing comments and leads to fantastic reading material. Then he moved over to Facebook and I followed him there and continued to follow him on Twitter. I was hopeful when he tried to resurrect the PBS Review show after he had his cancer surgery and couldn’t speak except through a computerized voice and do a special review. I was so pleased but then it went away so suddenly, also.

Only a week ago, I wondered about whether I wanted to watch a film. It had received negative reviews by many reviewers. Then I thought of Roger. What would he say about this film. I never did find out but I am going to watch it because someone that had the spirit of Roger in her words recommended it as a film that stood out for its difference and how it treated life and women. I used that reviewer’s words in the post on that film and I definitely want to see it. I think Roger Ebert would approve. The mantle unfortunately has been reluctantly and unfortunately relinquished. I won’t be able to turn to Roger on any future films that come out but I will still be able to refer to the ones that he had already reviewed. He left a great legacy for all of us. I say Good-bye Roger. You were a great gift to us. Now it is time for you to be out of pain and to R.I.P. and look for your old partner Gene Siskel. Tell him you kept his secret to the end.

A statement from Chaz Ebert on April 4, 2013

Chaz Ebert issued the following statement Thursday about the passing of her husband, Roger Ebert, a day after he celebrated 46 years as a film critic:

“I am devastated by the loss of my love, Roger — my husband, my friend, my confidante and oh-so-brilliant partner of over 20 years. He fought a courageous fight. I’ve lost the love of my life and the world has lost a visionary and a creative and generous spirit who touched so many people all over the world. We had a lovely, lovely life together, more beautiful and epic than a movie. It had its highs and the lows, but was always experienced with good humor, grace and a deep abiding love for each other.

“Roger was a beloved husband, stepfather to Sonia and Jay, and grandfather to Raven, Emil, Mark and Joseph. Just yesterday he was saying how his grandchildren were “the best things in my life.” He was happy and radiating satisfaction over the outpouring of responses to his blog about his 46th year as a film critic. But he was also getting tired of his fight with cancer, and said if this takes him, he has lived a great and full life.

“We were getting ready to go home today for hospice care, when he looked at us, smiled, and passed away. No struggle, no pain, just a quiet, dignified transition.

“We are touched by all the kindness and the outpouring of love we’ve received. And I want to echo what Roger said in his last blog, thank you for going on this journey with us.”

Roger Ebert Dies at 70 After Battle with Cancer

BY NEIL STEINBERG
nsteinberg@suntimes.com
April 4, 2013

Roger Ebert loved movies.

Except for those he hated.

For a film with a daring director, a talented cast, a captivating plot or, ideally, all three, there could be no better advocate than Roger Ebert, who passionately celebrated and promoted excellence in film while deflating the awful, the derivative or the merely mediocre with an observant eye, a sharp wit and a depth of knowledge that delighted his millions of readers and viewers.

“No good film is too long,” he once wrote, a sentiment he felt strongly enough about to have engraved on pens. “No bad movie is short enough.”

Ebert, 70, who reviewed movies for the Chicago Sun-Times for 46 years and on TV for 31 years, and who was without question the nation’s most prominent and influential film critic, died Thursday in Chicago.

(for the whole story click on the following link)
Roger Ebert Dies at 70 After Battle with Cancer

Roger Ebert’s Journal
A Leave of Presence
By Roger Ebert on April 2, 2013 9:37 PM

Thank you. Forty-six years ago on April 3, 1967, I became the film critic for the Chicago Sun-Times. Some of you have read my reviews and columns and even written to me since that time. Others were introduced to my film criticism through the television show, my books, the website, the film festival, or the Ebert Club and newsletter. However you came to know me, I’m glad you did and thank you for being the best readers any film critic could ask for.

Roger Ebert on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Typically, I write over 200 reviews a year for the Sun-Times that are carried by Universal Press Syndicate in some 200 newspapers. Last year, I wrote the most of my career, including 306 movie reviews, a blog post or two a week, and assorted other articles. I must slow down now, which is why I’m taking what I like to call “a leave of presence.”

Siskel & Ebert – Special Tribute Show to Gene Siskel, part 1 of 3!

What in the world is a leave of presence? It means I am not going away. My intent is to continue to write selected reviews but to leave the rest to a talented team of writers handpicked and greatly admired by me. What’s more, I’ll be able at last to do what I’ve always fantasized about doing: reviewing only the movies I want to review.

At the same time, I am re-launching the new and improved Rogerebert.com and taking ownership of the site under a separate entity, Ebert Digital, run by me, my beloved wife, Chaz, and our brilliant friend, Josh Golden of Table XI. Stepping away from the day-to-day grind will enable me to continue as a film critic for the Chicago Sun-Times, and roll out other projects under the Ebert brand in the coming year.

Siskel & Ebert – Special Tribute Show to Gene Siskel, part 2 of 3!

Ebertfest, my annual film festival, celebrating its 15th year, will continue at the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign, my alma mater and home town, April 17-21. In response to your repeated requests to bring back the TV show “At the Movies,” I am launching a fundraising campaign via Kickstarter in the next couple of weeks. And gamers beware, I am even thinking about a movie version of a video game or mobile app. Once completed, you can engage me in debate on whether you think it is art.

And I continue to cooperate with the talented filmmaker Steve James on the bio-documentary he, Steve Zaillian and Martin Scorsese are making about my life. I am humbled that anyone would even think to do it, but I am also grateful.

Siskel & Ebert — Special Tribute Show to Gene Siskel — part 3 of 3!

Of course, there will be some changes. The immediate reason for my “leave of presence” is my health. The “painful fracture” that made it difficult for me to walk has recently been revealed to be a cancer. It is being treated with radiation, which has made it impossible for me to attend as many movies as I used to. I have been watching more of them on screener copies that the studios have been kind enough to send to me. My friend and colleague Richard Roeper and other critics have stepped up and kept the newspaper and website current with reviews of all the major releases. So we have and will continue to go on.

At this point in my life, in addition to writing about movies, I may write about what it’s like to cope with health challenges and the limitations they can force upon you. It really stinks that the cancer has returned and that I have spent too many days in the hospital. So on bad days I may write about the vulnerability that accompanies illness. On good days, I may wax ecstatic about a movie so good it transports me beyond illness.

I’ll also be able to review classics for my “Great Movies” collection, which has produced three books and could justify a fourth.

For now, I am throwing myself into Ebert Digital and the redesigned, highly interactive and searchable Rogerebert.com. You’ll learn more about its exciting new features on April 9 when the site is launched. In addition to housing an archive of more than 10,000 of my reviews dating back to 1967 we will also feature reviews written by other critics. You may disagree with them like you have with me, but will nonetheless appreciate what they bring to the party. Some I recruited from the ranks of my Far Flung Correspondents, an inspiration I had four years ago when I noticed how many of the comments on my blog came from foreign lands and how knowledgeable they were about cinema.

Siskel & Ebert — Sleepless In Seattle

We’ll be recruiting more critics and it is my hope that some of the writers I have admired over the years will be among them. We’ll offer many more reviews of Indie, foreign, documentary and restored classic revivals. As the space between broadcast television, cable and the internet morph into a hybrid of content, we will continue to spotlight the musings of Pulitzer Prize-winning TV critic Tom Shales, as well as the blog “Scanners” by Jim Emerson, who I first met at Microsoft when he edited Cinemania. The Ebert Club newsletter, under editor Marie Haws of Vancouver, will be expanded to give its thousands of subscribers even bigger and better benefits.

For years I devoutly took every one of my tear sheets, folded them and added them to a pile on my desk. The photo above shows the height of that pile in 1985 as it appeared on the cover of my first book about the movies published by my old friends John McMeel and Donna Martin of Andrews & McMeel. Today, because of technology, the opportunities to become bigger, better and reach more people are piling up too. The fact that we’re re-launching the site now, in the midst of other challenges, should give you an idea how important Rogerebert.com and Ebert Digital are to Chaz and me. I hope you’ll stop by, and look for me. I’ll be there.

So on this day of reflection I say again, thank you for going on this journey with me. I’ll see you at the movies.

Siskel & Ebert Review Fargo

QUOTATIONS by Roger Ebert: FILM CRITIC & Much More

“Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.”
Roger Ebert

“Every great film should seem new every time you see it.”
Roger Ebert

“If a movie is really working, you forget for two hours your Social Security number and where your car is parked. You are having a vicarious experience. You are identifying, in one way or another, with the people on the screen.”
Roger Ebert

“No good movie is too long and no bad movie is short enough.”
Roger Ebert

“No matter what they’re charging to get in, it’s worth more to get out.”
― Roger Ebert

“It’s not what a movie is about, it’s how it is about it.”
― Roger Ebert

“Every scene should be able to answer three questions: “Who wants what from whom? What happens if they don’t get it? Why now?” ― David Mamet

“I don’t believe in learning from other peoples pictures. I think you should learn from your own interior vision of things and discover, as I say, Innocently, as though there had never been anybody.” ― Orson Welles

“A good movie can take you out of your dull funk and the hopelessness that so often goes with slipping into a theatre; a good movie can make you feel alive again, in contact, not just lost in another city. Good movies make you care, make you believe in possibilities again. If somewhere in the Hollywood-entertainment world someone has managed to break through with something that speaks to you, then it isn’t all corruption. The movie doesn’t have to be great; it can be stupid and empty and you can still have the joy of a good performance, or the joy in just a good line. An actor’s scowl, a small subversive gesture, a dirty remark that someone tosses off with a mock-innocent face, and the world makes a little bit of sense. Sitting there alone or painfully alone because those with you do not react as you do, you know there must be others perhaps in this very theatre or in this city, surely in other theatres in other cities, now, in the past or future, who react as you do. And because movies are the most total and encompassing art form we have, these reactions can seem the most personal and, maybe the most important, imaginable. The romance of movies is not just in those stories and those people on the screen but in the adolescent dream of meeting others who feel as you do about what you’ve seen. You do meet them, of course, and you know each other at once because you talk less about good movies than about what you love in bad movies.”
― Pauline Kael

“Well anything thats interesting in a film, or in a character (all your passion, your sex, your anger, your rage, all that) comes from that part of you that you want to hide and push away, and you want to deny all those things most. So if you can sort of visualize a version of your shadow. And if you sort of invite him or her to the party. And if you can really understand that this is where you’re going to let that shadow come out (this is where its home) Its really just understanding that its your job to get vulnerable.

And most people who have the exact opposite; most people go through life and they try all their time not to feel all those dark things. We have to go feel them, but its an opportunity too. I think to think of it that way, that just gets you into flow and that unclocks your subconscious, so you get out of your head and into your heart. Thats what I do, I just try to remember that the part of you thats going to do a good job is the part of you you want to most deny.” ― John Cusack

“It is an example of what films can do, how they can slip past your defenses and really break your heart.” ― David Gilmour

“I think that is what film and art and music do; they can work as a map of sorts for your feelings.” ― Bruce Springsteen

“I want to thank anyone who spends a part of their day creating, I don’t care if it’s a book, a film, a painting, a dance, a piece of theater, a piece of music – anybody who spends part of their day sharing their experience with us – I think this world would be unlivable without art and I thank you.” ― Steven Soderbergher

“I’m lucky enough to be able to make films and so I don’t need a psychiatrist. I can sort out my fears and all those things with my work. That’s an enormous privilege. That’s the privilege of all artists, to be able to sort out their unhappiness and their neuroses in order to create something.” ― Michael Haneke

Letters of Import: Private Writings to a Psychoanalyst

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Letters of Import: Private Writings to a Psychoanalyst
To Begin 1
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Abstract Digital Art by j. kiley
© jennifer kiley 2013
First Posting 03.19.13
Opening Announcement: This is an experiment that I am hoping will be successful. I am rewriting a manuscript and placing it on “the secret keeper” blog. It will be a short posting late every Monday night after midnight, so actually into the wee hours of early Tuesday morning. Today’s Post includes The Title Page; Dedication; Introduction; and the Beginning of the Book “To Begin 1”… I am hoping this works and is intriguing enough to encourage those who would like to, will read & follow it. It is a rather long manuscript, so it may take some time & many turns but hopefully it will be unique, entertaining, & thought provoking reading & teaches me more about writing & telling an enticing & inspiring story. It is, also, the inspiration for a screenplay I am working on separately from this writing project. I hope for the best. And now to draw the curtain back…All characters and events are fictitious. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. Including the dedication and what follows. All are living well in my imagination and only until they are released will anyone know what shall appear on these pages. The writer, in this case, has the last call as to where this story’s tale will go and how it will develop and end.DEDICATION

I am actually dedicating this book to Annie Haskell, a potentially fictional psychoanalyst. She is one unto herself & a culmination of all psychotherapists I have seen during my life since a teenager & up until the present day & beyond. There have been many, which I hope shall add a great deal of variety to the tale. I dedicate this book to all of them. To the positive and negative effects they have had on my life, still do, in guiding me toward my Enlightenment, Awareness, Encouragement, Support & Growth.

I wanted to add a special message, specifically for Annie, in which, the words are spoken in silence to her with truth, honesty & meaning, This passage means a great deal. My favorite passage from, what I feel is the most romantic film, “Somewhere In Time.” These words speak exactly what my former psychoanalyst means to me or at least what feelings I once held for her in my heart:

“The woman of my dreams has almost faded now. The one I have created in my mind. The sort of woman each woman dreams of, In the deepest and most secret reaches of her heart. I can almost see her now before me. What would I say to her if she were really here? “Forgive me. I have never known this feeling. I have lived without it all my life. Is it any wonder, then, I failed to recognize you? You, who brought it to me for the first time. Is there any way that I can tell you how my life has changed? Any way at all to let you know what sweetness you have given me?
There is so much to say. I cannot find the words. Except for these: “I love you”. Such would I say to her if she were really here.”

The character Elise McKenna spoke these words, while on stage in the middle of a theatre performance, to Richard Collier, who was in the audience, in the film “Somewhere In Time.” I changed the gender so it read as though a women speaking to another women:

This I still let remain in my dedication to you Annie. When one has such strong feelings, it is most difficult to ever forget the echo of such depth from one’s heart. So, you shall always be a part of my heart, mind and soul even if you are not in my life any longer.INTRODUCTION

Our writings to Annie will include: our dreams, thoughts, notes, poems, lyrics, letters, emails, role playing, screenwriting scenes, quotes and inspirations along with reflective comments that we recall of times in between birth and now: from the inner workings of the mind of a person who is living with multiple personality disorder, also known as dissociative identity disorder.

Fortunately there is nothing wrong with our identities. We all just want to be allowed to be our selves. We may at present be either or are somewhat integrated or just rather quiet. Next is complex-post traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder, agoraphobia, anxiety disorder, bi-polar disorder. We prefer manic depression or bipolar brilliant and do not like the term mental illness. We prefer to be known as mentally interesting or mentally creative or having a brain disorder.

We are survivors of childhood sexual abuse and quite the variety: emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual abuse, kidnapping, child pornography, and bondage. And then our near death experiences from cancer, near drownings, car crashes, with one death, fractured bones and two necks broken, one was mine & the other a good friend of mine. We were hit by a gunrunner. The cops found drugs in our glove compartment. Police said they would not press charges if we did the same. The drug runner was drunk and a government witness, so he helped the law but was a jerk.

And if that is not enough, they won’t even let us have medicinal marijuana to help for all this and the physical pain. Relax Peaceful and Calm are the safe words Annie gave to us and now spoken to us by our Muse and Inspiration during a meditation/relaxation session.

Namaste! Madison TaylorTHE BEGINNING

The beginning always starts out with a dream.
It is all a dream
And we are all players
In our own nightmares

A Dream

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

Tribute paid to playwright Christopher Marlowe for “Hero and Leander.”
“Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?”
From Hero and Leander.

A therapeutic relationship is often more psycho-emotionally intimate than a marriage, or a romantic attachment. I know things about my patients that they would never dream of revealing to their spouses or families. Why is that? One word — trust. If you do not have a connection with a therapist, you cannot trust them. If you do not have trust, you will not expose yourself, and if you do not expose your innermost being, what good is the therapy?
~ask any great therapist~

Dear Annie Haskell,

Today was my first day returning to the women’s therapy group. I had such a battle with Cancer. So many times everyone thought I was going to die. I tried not to think of it until that doctor, who thank goodness was not mine, told me so directly that I had about five years left if I survived now. Up until then, I never really thought about my mortality. It never occurred to me. Is that denial? Or I was just plain clueless.

I knew I was weak and my immune system was non-existent. But now, I felt no matter what my immune system was going through I needed to get out of the house and go someplace other than the hospital or the cancer center. It was time, whether I was fully ready, to return to my women’s group, even if it possibly compromised my health.

I looked presentable. My hair was a bit fuzzy but I liked the shortness. And I can write now that I was right. Call it my psychic intuition, but today was meant to happen the way it did. It was premonition & fortuitous that I chose Oct. 2nd 2007 to make my entrance. I needed to spend some time in the world of the familiar and the living. I didn’t realize how right I was until today turned into the day that I met you, Annie.

Who knew at that moment, when our eyes met that there would be a new woman entering my life. The Goddess was playing games today. When I first saw you, Annie, I knew immediately, in my soul that you were familiar. It didn’t register immediately but I should have known in that moment, that we had met before in some other place, in some other time. It was not in this life. It was in a past life or lives.

You had such a strong field of energy around you. The warmth was strong inside of you. I sensed right away. You’ve been in my mind since that moment. Subconsciously, my mind is working on what will happen next. I have a strong premonition about you. We will see what develops. There is a great potential for closeness between us. I feel it quite strongly. There is an attraction. What that is goes beyond what I can see right now. It’s too hard to determine.

Out of respect and the forming of a meaningful relationship I have no realization where our relationship could or will lead. There is a strong hint of our Spirits familiarity. I will write more about my thoughts in a future letter. I will reveal more as my muse inspires me.

I know you might be shocked by such a letter from someone you have only met today. I do realize that you are now a co-leader of the therapy group and boundaries must be respected but I cannot help my directness. There is a great tendency in me to be thoroughly honest with people, even if it is so recent as just meeting someone for the first time hours before now.

There is no need for you to answer this letter. No expectations there or ever. I just feel a need to write to you. In truth, I think I may make a habit of writing to you unless you in some way find this to be too forward or unwanted.

There is much in my mind that you have set off and I would like to tell you of those thoughts, feelings & ideas. I hope this will be a welcome opening into something that will grow. Until the next time.

With respect,
Madison TaylorATTENTION: To Annie, at this moment I am not trying to be a coward, but I feel if I hold back now or never send this to you, then I am freeing myself up to write whatever comes into my mind, heart, soul & body. I will feel no need for censorship. Maybe someday, when I am feeling more familiar with just who you are and what you might mean to me, this parameter will be altered and a copy of this and future letters will be relayed to you. For now I want to maintain secrecy, to protect you, Annie, and to protect myself from over testing the barriers or boundaries of what the potentials could be between us and the development of our relationship. I am adding this in order that you, Annie Haskell, will know that I am trying to protect you and also myself from any humiliation. It will free up my words as I speak them upon the page. And on some future date, if I feel trusting enough, I will release to you what I write in honesty, but for now I will keep my words confidential. On my honour, no others shall see these pages, I promise you that. Regards, Madison Taylor.

Maksim — Somewhere In Time Theme Song For “Letters of Import”QUOTATIONS from: LETTERS of IMPORT: Private Writings to a Psychoanalyst

“A Dream

The beginning always starts out with a dream.
It is all a dream
And we are all players
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

“Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?”
Christopher Marlowe for “Hero and Leander”

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