So I Needed To Talk

So I Needed To Talk

maggie the cat - so i needed to talkby ‘maggie the cat’

I left a voice mail for this case worker who I had been talking to since my therapist had surgery. Needing a therapist is essential to me. So I needed to talk. I didn’t realize every word I spoke was being mis-evaluated, mis- interpreted and used against me in the future, when it shouldn’t have even been on this person’s radar to be recording or remembering what I was saying. It was the ravings and rantings of an addicted client in need of her therapy fix.[ I do exaggerate in this instance].

This person suddenly brought up the need to write up my Treatment Plan. I always do that with my therapist, and only with my therapist. But she countered with the time restrictions and urgency. Bullsh*t. Well, she wrote my plan. Wanted me to sign and return it, but gave me the alternative that we speak about it at the date and time written below. I fretted over what to do. The Treatment Plan was so f’d up and contrary to what I am even close to needing or wanting to work on in therapy. A complete misinterpretation of who I am and what I stand for and an insult to my sensibilities. I have a better idea of what I need and I thought I was getting across to her in our talks what I was about. She missed the path and heard the need I was projecting, the strong need I had for my therapist. She saw herself as a stand-in.  I now see speaking with her as a huge mistake. I wish now I never uttered a word to her.

She looks like Chloe Sevigny. A trusting face. I thought I could trust her. My therapist suggested I talk to her every few weeks, but not to trust any of the other therapists. Reason, they would not get me. Danger Zone. I may just be having an overreaction but my partner was impressed with what I wrote below and left as a voice-mail on the case worker’s machine. I was polite enough to thank her. Taught well as a kid in the realm, ‘we have our ways of making you obey.’ I feel a weight has been lifted and my therapist will be proud of me, doing something I see and I think she will see as bold, brave, and gutsy. I don’t do confrontation well.

It is best not to let those who are there to ‘help’ think in their minds, they are better than you b/c you are the one ‘needing’ to see the therapist,  I must need them & can’t do without, therefore I conclude, their thoughts fall into the category as a stigma-tizer. And no one is going to stigmatize me b/c my brain decided to be different. It has its own special ways of reacting. Also, I didn’t choose my childhood, filled with things that should never happen to anyone, especially not to a child. Like Humpty, I fell off of every wall that existed but technically, I was pushed. There was no teetering. They were all direct hits from the long hand of the maternal parental warden and the paternal and fraternal members and extensions, who decided torturing my childhood was their game of thrones. They were royalty and I was Cinderella, Sybill [except I am Bipolar, not the mis-diagnosis I received of MPD/DID], and Carrie w/ the wacky mother. So when the therapeutic community tries to push you into a prescribed method of healing & behavioral development, I tell them to go f off. I just want my therapist. – maggie the cat 09.03.15

maggie the cat - james thurber - every body you look at seems to be a rabbit - rabbit is shrink

“You Said a Moment Ago That Everybody You Look At Seems To Be A Rabbit. Now Just What Do You Mean By That, Mrs. Sprague?” – James Thurber

Below is the Voice-mail of my Fear turned into Courage

I AM CANCELING Appt. Friday 4th Sept. @1:30pm

In the past months I’ve spoken to you while under duress. When the Treatment Plan came up I was told it had to be completed and signed by a specific date or time. Not ACCEPTABLE. Left message with Dr. M. that the pressure of dealing with Treatment Plan without my therapist is bad for my health – causing Panic Attacks. Feeling pressure to talk w/ someone not a therapist, not my therapist, has been difficult. But to share with them what I want my treatment to be without my therapist involved is one step too close to my line of confidentiality. I rewrote the Treatment Plan I received b/c I felt it did not reflect what I need from therapy. I felt it was 90% wrong. It missed completely what my therapy needs are now. When I talked with you I felt too vulnerable so what came out would have been meant for D [my therapist].

She is away. Not b/c she wants to be. When she returns we will work out together where we need to start our work together again. A great deal has changed since her surgery and treatment. It has changed for both of us. Something I need to discuss with D. Until I show her what I wrote as my treatment plan and we work on what it should ultimately say, I will not be signing anything with which I am in strong disagreement. I am canceling any further talks with you. I feel it is counterproductive at the present time. When D returns, we will designate what I need to work on and what she feels are best for my life as it is in the present. At that time we will make my Treatment Plan together, D & I. And only then, not before, will I sign my Treatment Plan.

Thank you

'maggie the cat'

‘maggie the cat’

yoda - do or do not, there is no trymaggie the cat’s alter-ego / Yoda – the universal eclectic

“My Bow Breathing”

VIOLENCE. FRONTAL NUDITY (male and partial female). I give it an R for the violence and M* for the Nudity. Meant for Teens and Adults. *Mature

Could it be the primitive side is just a dream where revenge and justice finds its way to the surface. Walk the path and breathe the breath of the Bow as you follow her on her path. Acting on every breath she takes. This film is intriguing and raises ethical questions. If based on a fictional story that is real, is she just, or is it her path that leads her in all the acts she performs. Gives one a puzzle and will awaken a reaction. What that will be depends on the viewer, I think.

Open up to full screen. Turn up the volume and get absorbed in the completeness of what you will see and experience with all your senses.

“This is a short film about a girl who’s trying to attune her breathing to the movements of her bow, arrow after arrow. But her sporting talent hides her need to retrieve a primitive, violent instinct, an archetype.”

“My Bow Breathing” “IL RESPIRO DELL’ARCO”

from Enrico Maria Artale

You better turn off the lights. And raise the volume!

The film makers first feature film premiered at Venice Film Festival. He is now working on a second feature film project related to this short.

FB page: facebook.com/pages/Il-Respiro-dellArco-My-Bow-Breathing/234801209875114

Film career highlights:
Tel Aviv Uni Film Fest – Best Film
Seminci Valladolid – Golden Spike for Best Short
Nastro d’Argento (Italian Film Critics Award) for Best Short
Locarno Film Festival – World Premiere
New York Film Festival – US Premiere
Broadcasted by Studio Universal

Your Elusive Creative Genius

tell me a story
Your Elusive Creative Genius

TED Talk: Elizabeth Gilbert

Post Created by Jennifer Kiley

Reposted from July 2013 

RePost Thursday 9th October 2014
 

PURE CREATIVE GENIUS IN ELIZABETH GILBERT’S TALK. IT’S FUNNY. AMUSING. INFORMATIVE. INSPIRATIONAL. EAT PRAY LOVE. SET A SPELL & BE PREPARED TO LAUGH. MS. GILBERT SPEAKS QUITE WELL FOR HERSELF. ENJOY!!! jkm


Elizabeth Gilbert: Your elusive creative genius

“Eat, Pray, Love” Author Elizabeth Gilbert muses on the impossible things we expect from artists and geniuses — and shares the radical idea that, instead of the rare person “being” a genius, all of us “have” a genius. It’s a funny, personal and surprisingly moving talk.

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“Another Day”

creative musings [dragon]

“Another Day”

Sung by Roy Harper

Post Created by Jennifer Kiley

Post Saturday 13th September 2014

 

sad-heart moon stars & clouds in sky


“Another Day” – Roy Harper

“Another Day”

The kettle’s on,
the sun has gone
another day
She offers me Tibetan tea
on a flower tray

She’s at the door,
she wants to score
She dearly needs to say

I loved you a long time ago, you know
Where the wind’s own forget-me-nots blow
But I just couldn’t let myself go
not knowing what on earth there was to know.

But I wish that I had ’cause I’m feeling so sad
that I never had one of your children.

And across the room, inside a tomb
our chance is waxed and wanes
The night is young,
why are we so hung up
in each others chains?

Forget-Me-Not-field

I must take her,
I must make her
while the dove domains
and feel the juice run as she flies
run my wings under her sighs
as the flames of eternity rise
to lick us with the first born lash of dawn.

Oh really my dear
I can’t see what we fear
Sat here with ourselves in between us.

And at the door
we can’t say more
than just “another day”
and without a sound
I turn around
and I walk away.

glowing muted sun sky rounded edges

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Cinema Theoretica: “Transcendence”

cinema theoretica

“Transcendence”I

Post by Jennifer Kiley

Post Friday 11th July 2014

 

A MOVIE THAT PEAKS MY CURIOSITY & PURE FASCINATION WITH A.I. WOULDN’T IT BE GRANDE IF THIS IS A WAY FOR HUMANS TO GAIN IMMORTALITY. I HEARD JUST RECENTLY IT ISN’T FAR INTO THE FUTURE THE POSSIBILITIES ARE THERE. WE MAY JUST SOMEDAY BE ABLE TO UPLOAD OUR MENTAL AWARENESS INTO A COMPUTER. WE COULD GO ON CREATING THOUGHTS. HYPOTHESIZING THEORIES. GROWING IN WISDOM. FEELINGS. I WONDER IF ONE HAS TRANSCENDED WHETHER FEELINGS WOULD BE EXPERIENCED? IN THIS NEW FOUND STATE OF BEING. IT WOULD STILL BE BEING. DO WE NEED A BODY TO BE ALIVE? SUSTENANCE. WHAT IS SUSTENANCE WITHOUT A BODY NEEDING TO BE FED? WOULD OUR SUSTENANCE COME FROM NEW & CONTINUED DISCOVERIES OF AWARENESS? JUST SOME THOUGHTS I AM THROWING OUT FOR PONDERING. IF I WOULDN’T EVER DIE TRANSCENDENCE APPEARS TO BE [ONCE THE KINKS ARE WORKED OUT] A PERFECT CONTINUATION. WOULD WE MISS THE TACTILE CONNECTIONS? COULD A COMPUTER BE TAUGHT [PROGRAMMED] TO CAUSE US TO SIMULATE THE SENSATION OF TOUCH & OTHER OF OUR SENSES. EXCITING. CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THE RELEASE OF “TRANSCENDENCE”ON DVD or STREAMING.  I <3 JOHNNY DEPP


“Transcendence” Official Trailer 2014

Two leading computer scientists work toward their goal of Technological Singularity, as a radical anti-technology organization fights to prevent them from creating a world where computers can transcend the abilities of the human brain.

“Transcendence”: There is a time factor involved. A terminally ill scientist downloads his consciousness into a computer. This grants him power beyond his wildest dreams, and soon he becomes unstoppable.

Sci-Fi Thriller. Dr. Will Caster (Johnny Depp) is the foremost researcher in the field of Artificial Intelligence, working to create a sentient machine that combines the collective intelligence of everything ever known with the full range of human emotions. His highly controversial experiments have made him famous, but they have also made him the prime target of anti-technology extremists who will do whatever it takes to stop him. However, in their attempt to destroy Will, they inadvertently become the catalyst for him to succeed-to be a participant in his own transcendence. For his wife Evelyn (Rebecca Hall) and best friend Max Waters (Paul Bettany), both fellow researchers, the question is not if they can…but if they should. Their worst fears are realized as Will’s thirst for knowledge evolves into a seemingly omnipresent quest for power, to what end is unknown. The only thing that is becoming terrifyingly clear is there may be no way to stop him. IMdB…


What Is Transcendence?

PG-13, 1 hr. 59 min. Drama, Science Fiction & Fantasy

Directed By: Wally Pfister Written By: Jack Paglen

In Theaters: Apr 18, 2014 Wide

Counting the Days for Release on DVD or Streaming

Warner Bros. Pictures

Cast

Johnny Depp…….Dr. Will Caster

Paul Bettany…….Max Waters

Rebecca Hall…….Evelyn

Morgan Freeman
Kate Mara
Cole Hauser

“I Am One of the Searchers”

a writer's word polished or raw

“I Am One of the Searchers”

By James Kavanaugh

Post by Jennifer Kiley

Posted on Sunday 15th June 2014

water ocean gif

sun rays into forest“I Am One of the Searchers”  There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know. Unless it be to share our laughter.

sunrise in the mountainsWe searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide.Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, not prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to have to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.

river thru rock walls  by cocoaaaaa

For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers,

for lonely men and women

who dare to ask from life everything

good and beautiful. It is for those who

are too gentle to live among wolves.

— James Kavanaugh

[There Are Men Too Gentle To Live Among Wolves]

rain on window in the city gif

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A Writer’s Diary: Virginia Woolf — Part #9

a writer's diary
Virginia Woolf – Part #9
Excerpts from Virginia Woolf
Created by Jennifer Kiley
Created DATE 24th March 2014
Posted Sunday 27th April 2014
A WRITER’S DIARY

Virginia Woolf 1

Virginia Woolf

A Writer’s Diary
Virginia Woolf – Part #9

I believe
that during
the past year
I can trace
some increase
of ease
in my
professional
writing

which I attribute
to my casual
half hours
after tea.

Moreover
there looms
ahead of me
the shadow
of some kind
of form
which a diary
might attain to.

I might
in the course
of time
learn
what it is
that one
can make
of this loose,
drifting
material
of life;

finding
another use
for it
than the use
I put it to,
so much more
consciously
and
scrupulously,
in fiction.

Virginia Woolf's Monk's House Garden

Virginia Woolf’s Monk’s House Garden

virginia woolf 3

Virginia Woolf


Erik Satie: Gnossienne No. 1, 2, 3