Private Moments #57: Whenever I Want You

private moments in paintings & poetry
Private Moments #57: Whenever I Want You
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Post Created 1st April 2014
Posted On Monday 14th April 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS INSIDE PAINTINGS & POETRY

Private Writings: Chapter #57 — Whenever I Want You

forest green shadows (c) Jkm 2014

Forest Green Shadows © Jkm 2014

“For that fine madness still he did retain,
Which rightly should possess a poet’s brain.”
~Michael Drayton~
(1563-1631)

hands reaching out into rain

Whenever
I
Want You

Haiku Narrative
By Madison Taylor
7th October 2008

I always need you
Whenever I want you near
My heart breaks for you

Inside my body
The heat slowly builds hotter
The Phoenix rises

Renewed to begin
Next round in battle with life
Will we all make it

Be gone death away
Create immortality
New mythology

Philosophize world
Return logic to the mind
Thinking our own minds

Break what rules our will
Holding truth higher not wealth
Fuse hearts’ blood with Love

© Madison Taylor 2008

candle flame flickering gif

Maze

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p “Doorway to a Place of Enchantment”

* * * * * * *

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”
— JkM the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

* * * * * * *

A Writer’s Diary: Virginia Woolf — Part #7

a writer's diary
Virginia Woolf – Part #7
Excerpts from Virginia Woolf
Created by Jennifer Kiley
Created 25th February 2014
Posted Sunday 13th April 2014
A WRITER’S DIARY

Virginia Woolf 1

Virginia Woolf

A Writer’s Diary
Virginia Woolf – Part #7

April 20th, 1919
Woolf at 37 years

I got out
this diary
and read,
as one
always does

read one’s
own writing,
with a kind
of guilty
intensity.

I confess
that the rough
and random style
of it,
often so
ungrammatical,

and crying
for a
word altered,
afflicted me
somewhat.

I am
trying
to tell
whichever
self it is
that reads
this hereafter

that I
can write
very much better;

and take
no time
over this;

and forbid her
to let
the eye
of man
behold it.

Virginia Woolf's Monk's House Garden

Virginia Woolf’s Monk’s House Garden

virginia woolf 3

Virginia Woolf

Erik Satie: Gnossienne No. 1, 2, 3

Spark

implicit imaginative impressions
Spark
Created by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by jK McCormack
Post Created on 7th March 2014
Posted on Saturday 12th April 2014
IMPLICIT IMAGINATIVE IMPRESSIONS

Spark – Over the Rhine

Spark

It’s not the spark that caused the fire
It was the air you breathed that fanned the flame
What you think you’ll solve with violence

Will only spread like a disease
Until it all comes ’round again
Was John the only dreamer?

Sleep with one ear close to the ground
And wake up screaming
When we lay our cold weapons down
We’ll wake up dreaming

Obsessions with self-preservation
Faded when I threw my fear away
It’s not a thing you can imagine

You either lose your fear
Or spend your life with one foot in the grave
Is God the last romantic?

Sleep with one ear close to the ground
And wake up screaming
When we lay our cold weapons down
We’ll wake up dreaming

Only love can turn this around
I wake up dreaming
Everything we’ve lost can be found
We’ll wake up dreaming

Songwriters
Angela McCluskey & David M. Shaw Shark

fire_works____by_mattthesamuraiFire Works .gif by Matt the samurai

Do Not Leave Me In This Dark Alone

cinematic catharsis a touching awakening

Do Not Leave Me In This Dark Alone
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Created 21st March 2014
Post Friday 11th April 2014
CINEMATIC CATHARSIS
[A Touching Awakening]

Lovers Last Scene – Wuthering Heights [1939]

Cathy’s heart is broken and filled with sorrow. She has no will to live. To feel such a powerful love that only death will end her longings and quiet her broken heart. She did it to herself by breaking Heathcliff’s heart first, then abandoning him for propriety, to live in her virtuous life of dullness. This leads her to marry Linton [David Niven]and the abandonment of her soul when she leaves Heathcliff behind. The life she chooses instead is one that is hollow. Her dreams were broken with her heart.

At the end for Cathy, Heathcliff arrives at her death bed to say goodbye. They share a loving moment before she dies in Heathcliff’s arms, as he holds her up at the window. Linton, the doctor and her nursemaid arrive as Heathcliff carries Cathy’s lifeless body back to her bed. He kneels to say goodbye. He stands as he then curses her. The words just below, Heathcliff proclaims over Cathy’s dead body. He wants Cathy to haunt him. Asks her, how he can live without his heart and his soul. That is what Cathy is to him and Heathcliff was to her.

Heathcliff: “Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest so long as I live on! I killed you. Haunt me, then! Haunt your murderer! I know that ghosts have wandered on the Earth. Be with me always. Take any form, drive me mad, only do not leave me in this dark alone where I cannot find you. I cannot live without my life! I cannot die without my soul.”

The following video is Cathy’s Theme from the film Wuthering Heights. The music and the still photos from the film will give you a small sense of how moving and powerful are the emotions that fill the story of Heathcliff and Cathy Earnshaw. Their love was meant to be and Cathy does not forget that but is mesmerized by the image of her life lived with Linton. So Cathy abandons her true love and true life for one filled with dilettantes and vaporous people. She breaks her own heart and causes her life to weaken from lack of what fills her life with love and reason for life, Heathcliff.

Wuthering Heights – Cathy’s Theme – Alfred Newman [1939]

Let’s Try Emotional Correctness

tell me a story
Let’s Try Emotional Correctness
TED Talk: Sally Kohn
Notations by Jennifer Kiley
Created on 8th January 2014
Posted On Thursday 10th April 2014
TELL ME A STORY

Let’s Try Emotional Correctness – TED Talk – Sally Kohn

It’s times for Liberals and Conservatives to transcend their political differences and really listen to what each other says.

Political Pundit: Optimistic talk. She is a progressive lesbian on FOX News.

It’s not about Political Correctness but about Emotional Correctness.

Amazing Visions: Timelapse of Water’s Transitions With Nature

amazing visions
Timelapse of Water’s Transitions With Nature
Notations by Jennifer Kiley
Created on 5th March 2014
Posted on Wednesday 9th April 2014
AMAZING VISIONS

Ice Chrystal Timelapse – Shawn Knol

Timelapse video of ice crystals melting, photographed using cross-polarized light.

Music: Jani R – And The Faded Notes Play
soundcloud.com/janirmusic/jani-r-and-the-faded-notes
Used under a CC license – Attribution 3.0

*       *       *       *       *       *       *

BE PREPARED.
SCENES ARE ARTISTIC
BUT GIVE OFF SUCH REALIZATION.
YOU SEE THE CYCLES OF THE SEASONS
WITH NATURE AND WITH HUMAN.
WINTER. SNOW. ICE.
SPRING THAW.
SURPRISES SPRING TO LIFE.
THE SEASON PASSES INTO SUMMER
AS GROWTH TAKES OVER EVERYTHING.
TIME FOR LEAVES TO CHANGE COLORS
AND FALL FROM TRESS.
THE GROUND IS COVERED
JUST BEFORE THE HAIL
SNOW ICE COVER EVERYTHING
ONCE AGAIN.

Chet Faker – Talk Is Cheap

Spanning 4 seasons in only three minutes and thirty seconds, this video depicts the idea that we only have a short time to be noticed and have our voice heard before we pass on. We witness the life and death of Chet Faker as he sings the chorus to his latest single “Talk Is Cheap”

Director: Toby and Pete
tobyandpete.com
facebook.com/tobyandpete

Cinematographer: Dan Freene
Styling: Rebecca Riegger
Make Up: Margo Regan

*       *       *       *       *       *       *

Yosemite HD II – Timelapse

A 200+ mile backpacking experience through Yosemite National Park captured by Colin Delehanty and Sheldon Neill. This project was filmed over the course of 10 months. We spent a combined 45 days in the park capturing the images in this video.

To view the entire story, please visit projectyose.com or facebook.com/projectyose

Special thanks to borrowlenses.com, dynamicperception.com and mountainhardwear.com for their support.

Music by M83 – Lower Your Eyelids to Die with the Sun
facebook.com/m83music

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Private Writings: Chapters #56 — I’ve Had to Lock My Love Away

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013

Private Writings: Chapter #56 – I’ve Had to Lock My Love Away

Written by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by NAME OF ARTIST
Introduction & Chapter #1
Published on March 19th 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted On Tuesday 8th April 2014

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.
Not Suitable For Children.
All Characters Are Fictitious.
Anyone Resembling Anyone Living or Dead
Is Purely Coincidental.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell
psychoanalyst

I am the storyteller
using imagination fantasy feelings & thoughts
to discover self soul eternal serenity & bliss
but most importantly
tell the best tale ever after upon a time

see you down the rabbit hole.

Private Writings: Chapter #56 — I’ve Had to Lock My Love Away

[Starting the Third Week Madison Is Being Held at the Redcliff Psychiatric Institute After a Failed Suicide Attempt...]

Tuesday 30th September 2008

Dear Annie,

I am keeping “A Writer’s Diary” just like my heroine Virginia Woolf. It sounded like a good way of keeping track of my entire short [sarcastic] stay at Redcliff [Psychiatric Institute]. In between, when I feel it, I will write something specifically addressed to you, Annie. I want you to know I miss you. My feelings are filled with an emotional and physical pain I can bearly stand. It hurts so much.

Why is love so painful?

Here is how I have set up my letters to you for the future while I am still incarcerated with people I am having such a difficult time relating to. With the exception of my psychiatrist Dr. Virginia McKinnon, and two patients I feel some closeness with in small amounts. I will tell you about them in small amounts.

“A Writer’s Diary”

Today, I could only feel Jamie being with me. No visitors until the end of this week. No contact until then. I haven’t spoken to or seen anyone. Not Scottie or Alison. No Jamie. And no Annie. I miss everyone. I miss my laptop. If I want to write, I have certain times during the day when I am allowed to have a pen and paper to use for writing. When the time is up, everything is confiscated until the next time. Dr. V [Virginia McKinnon] shows me my work when we meet in session. We talk about why my urge to die. It hasn’t stopped, my desire to end my life. But I have to find a way out of here. I thought of pretending I don’t want to die any longer. Thinking they will let me see Jamie. I am so pissed at her. I want to yell at her for saving me. WTF!!! Jamie. When someone wants to take their life, it belongs to them. I should be allowed to leave this world. Pain is too overwhelming. I can’t bear seeing the sordid images in my head. It’s too disturbing. Also, it’s absolutely ridiculous that committing suicide is against the law. What kind of charges are filed? Defendant is not able to be here. She is dead by her own hand. What kind of sentence does a judge pass down on someone who is dead due to taking their own life?

Where is Jamie? I need Jamie to hold me. No one here is warm like her. My animals. I miss their furriness snuggling next to my face, sharing my pillow. It is a Country Club here but it is sterile. No life. Maybe Jamie didn’t save me and I am in Hell.

If there is a Higher Power, which I sometimes believe, she wouldn’t punish people in the places artists have designed as that darkness filled with pure evil. Persons who kills themselves are not all bad. There is an argument for those mass killers who swallow a bullet before they can be captured and punished. Is death not a punishment? Depends on where it takes you. Did the Goddess create a place that fills a space outside of the Universe? Or are there parallel Universes and after Death we are transferred to one of the many.

Maybe it’s all a matter of what we wish or dream about as our fantasy of what Heaven or the Here After is in our Imagination.

Do I feel Nuts? Not at all. I just want to die. Wanting to die does not make one Nuts. Wanting to live in this Insane world seems at times to me a place that would make anyone develop Pure Madness.

Thoughts to think about as I sleep. More tomorrow.

Today a new patient at group today. She accused me of being a Prima Dona. My face with Jamie Stansfield, Academy Award Winning Actress, pissed her off. She accused me of thinking I was more cool than anyone else here. I lost track of reality long before she raged out on me. Am I in the film being made or am I making this film? At times it feels real but I don’t know which one. She has the look and sound of a homophobe. I told her Jamie loves me. Her language beats out mine for being outrageous. I don’t feel ashamed for being in love with women.

She accused me of being base. The lowest form of life. How could I, as a woman, touch another woman in a [crude remark from ID 666] way so blasphemous. That place was meant for a [man’s] prick*[*her word not mine]. To me a prick is a man who does not respect women. She obviously never heard of toys of the sexual kind. She, also, does not understand the way a woman in love with a woman in love with her really feels like. It is the sexiest, tenderest, lovingest, hottest, most intense feeling in the world.

She has no idea how madly obsessed I am by being pulled like a magnet to a woman’s intimate intensity and her Chloe scent. Many women attract my attention. Writing words of seduction to a woman who possesses my heart is like watching the faery like sleekness of a hummingbird drawn to their choice of honey sweet red. Watch them hover as they suck the sweet juices. It takes a great deal to satisfy their need. In work, the seduction is part of play, touch her with words, caressing words.

I am responsible for my own rape. Sylvia would never have gotten that close to me if I hadn’t been manipulated into getting Scottie to hire her all those years ago. If I’d never been seduced by her years ago, she would never have gotten into our lives. I think Scottie is starting to understand more. Being abused sexually and completely, fucks up your whole life. It can never be what you want it to be.

I just want to be loved. To be made love to without my becoming catatonic or cold inside. Making love starts out so beautifully. I want to love kissing. I have loved and kissed many women, but few knew how to touch my lips in the way I needed them to, in order that I would feel the depth and tenderness of their lips, also. All the kisses I felt have been from the kiss of women. Women who have driven me wild with the sensation of their lips on mine in a slow, sensual, passionate, lingering kiss. Don’t ever think about men in that way. Never have.

There is something I want to tell you, Annie, but first I just want you to know there is nothing to be jealous of in my relationship with my psychiatrist. I call her Dr. V or Virginia. She prefers it. She’s pretty young to be a psychiatrist or just looks young. Maybe she is a vampire. I notice, she usually sees me after dark or in an office with lights dimmed. She is exceptionally sharp. She told me I get attracted and attached to certain therapists and think I am in love with them, when really it is my unresolved feelings over my grandmother’s death and when my love Tosh was murdered. I have never gotten over their deaths.

I was too young when my grandmother died and needed her so much. And when Tosh died, I felt responsible. The crash was meant to happen to me. It was my car she died in. I should have been driving. She would still be alive. Some psychic told me she sacrificed herself for me. She was my angel. I was not supposed to die. She was there to guide me. Here I thought I was the one to be guiding her. Long story. Another time I think.

I think we’ve only just begun.

Before I end, Annie, I need to tell you some things about Jamie. She is not out in her public persona. Only her friends know and only one member of her family. That would be her younger brother, Wagner, the super-computer genius. Jamie takes him as her date to all her public functions. He supplies her and all her friends with any 1st edition new techno device he personally designs and turns into the next iPhone. Inside joke. Remember “Brief Sacrifice.” By the way, our film did grand. It has tripled the investments after overhead, stars, and crew, the rest goes to Infinite Imaginations INC. III. and to percentages.

I actually sounded logical there for a moment. What I need is some weed. I need to inhale some soothing power from the pipe Scottie hand-made for me. She is a genius in everything she touches. Except me, no one is that far advanced in genius.

Keep it mum about Jamie.

I love you, Annie. You are the one. The one Tosh keeps telling me “I need to open up to. You hold a secret. The secret is supposed to bring me happiness in tears and turn them into sorrow the day after the morrow.” I have no idea what this means. It is her message not mine.

No more Brief Sacrifice. Time traveling has to wait. Maybe I will write a short story for The New Yorker. As if they would publish a woman character who time travels trying to discover the hiding places of Nikola Tesla’s lost designs which would give infinite comfort to all on the planet. But the 1% would need to be thrown out into the sewers, with a few exceptions. The generous who are trying to make the world just and equal.

I need to send this to you. After that I will be visited by Scottie and Alison. It’s not far from home. Later Jamie is going to come out alone. We will finally be able to speak our minds and hearts. I haven’t seen any of them since that night I took all those pills. I couldn’t stand remembering. That night, Sylvia brought the evil, with her and let them in. Now they won’t go away. I will talk to V about this.

Love You Annie
Madison

© Madison Taylor 2008

winter mountain stream snow negative

Somewhere In Time – Composer John Barry

flaming gold petals

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Le Chateau de Rocher

Le Chateau de Rocher is Madison & Scottie’s Home

play is not just play meryl streep“Pretending is not just play. Pretending is imagined possibility” — Meryl Streep

Medicalmarijuana red cross marijuana leaf black bgMedical Marijuana