A-Z Writing Challenge #8
When writing a letter, addressing the intended person will be received with the words written here, and is not part of the first line that begins with the letter “A.”
The Hidden Clockwork by Peter D.
Absence scares me, for it means someone is away or gone forever. Being alone brings me a solitude, at times it is peaceful, but then I feel a need to talk with someone besides my parrot, and I want the person to be you. Come home quickly Alison, before I miss you more than you want me to and more than is good for us both. Don’t forget I need reminding you love me, so a yellow rose would be a fine showing of your love. Either a yellow rose or a red one with a yellow fire inside. Fire, fire burning bright yet there is no light to see or warmth to feel.
Growing weary of the quiet nights without your voice testing my ability to debate the issues, though we are more often on the same side. Hearing your voice now, as the daylight dims, would help me enter the night gracefully. I would not feel so all alone without your body touching mine, if I could feel you imagining us together, lying near me, hearing our breathing as I could feel the softness of your skin next to mine.
Jealousy has just entered my mind, being alone brings on the suspicions, my thinking you might be with a woman you have met on your trip, and having needs, you have sex with her. Karma helps me believe in you, for I know you would never hurt me by sleeping with another woman, knowing it would destroy me.
Loving you is often too painful to acknowledge, it hurts so deeply when you are not beside me, and I go mad thinking of you touching someone the way you touch me when we make love.
My nights are sleepless without you lying beside me, admittedly, the warmth of our cats, Mahler and Strauss, and their purrs cause me to peacefully meditate toward a good place in my mind.
Never leave me, even if you must go away sometimes, I am too insecure to hear your reassurances when I am feeling paranoid. Opening up honestly to you, I am hoping you will understand better what I feel, and not get angry when I voice how much I need you in my life. Please understand, never being reassured I was loved as a child, only caused me to doubt I was worth anything or capable of accomplishing anything; that I was a waste and didn’t matter to anyone. Quietly, I would cry myself to sleep in the middle of the night, if I was even able to sleep beyond the nightmares that walked in my dreams.
Remembering my childhood, makes me feel the absence of love, and how dissociated I felt from the world around me, and inside my own family. Sentenced to be jailed by my parents, becoming their slaves, I worked from the age of 4 years old without allowances for play. Terrified of disobeying, to runaway to play, I knew the punishment would be severe; so I kept as quiet as a feather falling to the floor after a pillow fight.
Until I was old enough to leave home, I had to live through the torture and abuse, wishing I could run away to someplace where I would be loved.
Viewing my childhood now, I never want to experience that nightmare again. When I choose my next life, I must be sure to clarify, I want loving same-sex parents with maybe one or two other children. Xmas would be fun, that would be a must, the way we celebrate alone together, family only, presents and dinner shared with love. You would be my chef; we know we don’t want to eat my unredeemable cooking; it would give us food poisoning or a stomach ache till Christmas morning; how awful that would be.
Zodiac signs brought us together through Serendipity, and our love flows over and through us; through this life into the next and the next; we are meant to be together, no matter the form we take; but for now just hurry home, and keep remembering I love you. <3