Private Moments #49: Too High On Love

private moments in paintings & poetry
Too High On Love
Private Moments #49
Poem by Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Post Created 7th February 2014
Posted On Monday 17th February 2014
PRIVATE MOMENTS: PAINTINGS & POETRY

Private Writings: Chapter #49 — Got To Get You Into My Life

'safely dangerous' by madison taylor (c) mtaylor 2008

‘Safely Dangerous’ by Madison Taylor (c) MTaylor 2008

hands reaching out into rain

Too High On Love
by Madison Taylor
8th July 2008

Too high on love
Go smashing
Feel the pounding

Trusting hearts
Drawing closer
Time expanding

Arms covering
Warmth spiraling
Blood arousing

Bodies combining
Spirits crying
High waves surging

Minds touching
Mouths whispering
Fires smoldering

Out of minds
Fantasies flying
Not disturbing

Curiosity soaring
Censors flat-lining
Eliminates controlling

Flesh melting
Skin glowing
Bliss achieving

Too high on love
Climb higher
Depths are expanding

Awaiting the closing

© MTaylor 2008

candle flame flickering gif

Maze

garden waterfall private gazebo overgrown 4pmip&p

“Doorway to a Place of Enchantment”

* * * * * * *

“Creating is having the courage
to allow the seer into the private
moments of our imaginative lives.”
— JkM the secret keeper
aka Jennifer Kiley McCormack

* * * * * * *

Between Worlds

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Between Worlds
By Jennifer Kiley
Painting by Jk McCormack
Created 16th January 2014
Posted On Saturday 8th February 2014
POETRY IN TONE

Between Worlds
By Jennifer Kiley
15th January 2014

Feeling inspiration
Coming through
Guiding my way.

Minds touching mine.
A special mind
Keeps coming in.
Her messages
Bonded into
My thoughts.

The mixture
Created
A clarity
Of color
A depth
Beyond itself

They appeared
As words
Filled
With a
Transcending
Essence.

It is a rush
Of blood
In the brain
It feeds into
The capability
To comprehend
The intangible
Spirit.

Some
Have
The gift
To feel
And hear
The other side
Of imagination.

It takes
Work
To move through
The invisible barrier
Between this world
And the other side
Of the mist.

In
The Maze
Deep
Inside
The mirror.

© JkM 2014

Worlds Between - Jk McCormack (c) JkM 2014

Worlds Between – Jk McCormack (c) JkM 2014

Vincent [Starry, Starry Night]

poetry out loud - day title saturday

Vincent [Starry, Starry Night]
Post Created by Jk the secret keeper
Post Created Friday 29th November 2013
Posted On Saturday 7th December 2013
POETRY OUT LOUD

Vincent [Starry, Starry Night] — Don McLean

Vincent
[Starry, Starry Night]
By Don McLean

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer’s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand what you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they’ll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent’s eyes that shine a blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist’s loving hand

Now I understand what you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they’ll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you, Vincent
This world was never meant
For one as beautiful as you

Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can’t forget
Like the strangers that you’ve met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
A silver thorn, a bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they’re not listening still
Perhaps they never will

van gogh starry night variation
Starry Starry Night – Vincent Van Gogh

Best Film of All Time #6 — Casablanca

casablanca poster

Best Film of All Time #6 — Casablanca
Review Written by Jennifer Kiley
Posted Created On 15th January
Posted On Friday 6th December 2013
FILM FRIDAY

SPOILERS SPRINKLED THROUGH REVIEW BUT ENDING NOT GIVEN AWAY

5 stars dedicated to roger ebert film friday

“Here’s looking at you kid.”

There are so many memorable lines and scenes in the film Casablanca.

Casablanca (1942) – Directed by Michael Curtiz

Starring: Humphrey Bogart as Rick Blaine, Ingrid Bergman as Ilsa Lund, Peter Lorre as Ugarte, Claude Raines as Louie – (Head of Police/Rick’s Friend), Paul Henreid as Victor Laszlo, Sydney Greenstreet as Ferrari – Proprietor of the night club The Blue Parrot.

Just one of the fifty films a studio would make each year back in the day. Casablanca was just one of those films thrown into that collection. Who knew it would spring forth and become the success that it is. Today, it is considered one of the top romantic films of all time.

Won for Best Picture Oscar 1942. One of the most universally admired films ever made. On most lists of the greatest films of all times. Even people who don’t like old films or black and white films love Casablanca. Roger Ebert said he doesn’t think he’s heard of any negative reviews of this film ever. All the characters are all good except the Nazis. Vichy are the French who collaborate with the Nazis.

Rick’s Cafe Americain in Casablanca in French Morocco, where everyone went for entertainment or to hang out for a drink or to go to the back room where there is gambling going on. Here, in Casablanca, some may obtain exit visas but others may wait and wait and wait. At the beginning of the film, you find out that some couriers were killed in the desert and robbed of exit visas. Officials wanting to see a man’s papers, causes the man to freak out, his papers are not in order, so he runs and is shot and killed because he didn’t halt when ordered to.

Life is meaningless in Casablanca.

When Louie, the head of the police, is asked by Major Strasser, what is being done about the murder of the couriers, his answer is: “We’ve rounded up the usual suspects.” No one likes Nazis and the head of the Nazis in this movie doesn’t make them any more popular and maybe makes them even less popular. The Marseillaise is the present day French National Anthem. Remember that when you watch Casablanca.

Ugarte shows up and talks to Rick. Wants to have a drink with Rick but as a rule he doesn’t drink with any of the guests of his night club. Ugarte likes to brag to Rick. He just is looking for Rick’s approval but knows that Rick despises him but he is the only person that Ugarte trusts. Rick does finally seem impressed with him. You’ll have to watch the movie to find out why.

Ferrari wants Rick’s place. He is always trying to buy it. It’s the best place in town. Sasha hangs out there and is sort of Rick’s girl friend and is a bit of an alcoholic. It’s understandable she wants to drink the times are during the 2nd World War and it is making everyone edgy and the French are being ruled by the Germans.

Louie and Rick get involved in a conversation and Louie asks why Rick came to such a God Forsaken place like Casablanca. Rick’s a smart ass and says: “It’s for the water.” But, of course, it is a desert. Rick’s is permitted to stay open because he just doesn’t want to get involved. But he has in his hands something that a lot of people are looking for but no one has any idea what that is. Louie tells Rick there is a famous patriot of the war headed for Casablanca. A member of the Gestapo, Major Strasser, is expected at the club. He is a thoroughly disagreeable Nazis but then what Nazi isn’t. That I may say often.

A major happening occurs at Rick’s but he reassures everyone to settle down and get back into enjoying themselves. Rick actually sits down with the Nazis. The Nazis make mention about invading New York. Rick warns them about staying away from certain sections of New York. They may not be safe. They start in talking about Victor Lazslo being on his way. Rick assuring them that he doesn’t plan on getting involved.

Victor Laszlo and Ilsa Lund eventually show up as expected and walk through the cafe and take a seat in the night club. Expect that many will be approaching Victor fairly often because of his importance and how nervous they make the Nazis. Ilsa starts asking about the piano player and who owns the Night Club. Louie tells her it is a man named Rick. Major Strasser is introduced and acts like the ass that he is. Starts applying his power over Laszlo.

It is evident that Ilsa and Victor are close but at this time we know nothing of their relationship other then they are traveling together. Victor leaves her at table to meet a man at the bar and finds out about Ugarte.

Ilsa wants to speak to the piano player. His name is Sam and she asks him to play some of the old songs. There is a sadness between Sam regarding Rick. She wants him to play a the song “As Time Goes By.” Sam sings the song for her. Out comes Rick telling Sam he’s not suppose to play that song. Rick sees Ilsa sitting at her table. The last time Rick saw Ilsa was in Paris when the Germans marched in to take over the city. He was unnerved seeing her again. He was so not himself that he actually had a drink with all at the table breaking his precedent of not drinking with guests of the night club The Americain.

Later back in his rooms, Rick has a bottle, and tells Sam he is not planning on going to bed. He thinks Ilsa is going to show up. Sam isn’t going to leave his boss alone. He starts getting maudlin. “Of all the gin joints in all the world, she walks into mine.” He wants Sam to play “As Time Goes By.” Sam doesn’t want to open the wounds.

Flashback: Paris with Rick and Ilsa driving around in a convertible. then down by the Seine. In the hotel drinking champagne. “Who are you really and what were you before and what did you think?” Ricks asks. Ilsa’s response: “We said no questions.” All the best lines in these scenes. So many to write down and remember. She reveals an answer without the question. Watch the movie to find out what she told Rick.

Outside, newspapers are being passed around. The Germans are coming I believe are the headlines and what they are saying in French over the microphones. There is a lot of action going on out in the streets.

The most famous line is spoken by Rick toasting champagne with Sam and Ilsa: “Here’s looking at you kid.” Everything is falling apart. “Where were you ten years ago?” Rick said he was looking for a job. For some reason there is a price on Rick’s head but no one knows why. It’s time for everyone to leave Paris. Their suppose to meet at the train station from where they will be leaving. Ilsa loves him so much and the war, she hates that in just the opposite emotion. She thinks that they will be taken apart. “Kiss me as if it is the last time.”

It’s raining at the train station. With three minutes until last train leaves. No Ilsa but Sam and Rick are waiting. There is a note from the Hotel. Fade Out Paris Train Station as you watch the rain wash the ink off of the note in Rick’s hand.

Fade In: Rick’s Rooms enter Ilsa. She wants to talk to him, to tell him a story. It’s about a girl who meets a man, a very courageous man. She looked up to him. She thought it was love. Who did she leave him for? Laszlo or others in between?

Victor and Ilsa meet Strasser at Police station. Strasser guarantees Laszlo will never receive an exit visa. His only way to leave is to be a traitor to his people. Do you really think he is the type of man to be a traitor. Nazis have no sense of integrity so they do not understand an enigma like Victor Laszlo. An important person to their leaving has been reported to be dead.

Rick visits The Blue Parrot and talks with Ferrari, who wants the letters of transit. He tells Rick he thinks he knows where the letters are. Rick purposely left his club so the police would have a chance to ransack it. Louie’s men were impressively destructive at Rick’s Place in order to win points with Major Strasser. Louie blows with the wind. He is with the Vichy. The Vichy being the French who go along with the Nazis and reluctantly support the French. The French who are loyal to their own country feel betrayed by the Vichy.

A young woman comes to Rick to plead for some help. She will have to sleep with Louie if her husband doesn’t win enough money so they can afford a visa. If they use only the money they have there would be nothing left. Louise fully expects her to have sex with him if the money isn’t won. Louie sees that the young woman and Rick are being obvious about conspiring. They are all in the backroom where the gambling goes on. Louie is an odd duck. Louie accuses Rick of being a rank sentimentalist.

Victor has a visit with Rick. The Underground tell Victor all sorts of very impressive things about activities that Rick was involved in during the war.

In Rick’s Cafe, the Nazis are singing about the Fatherland. It is so despicable to the French in the club that they have a singing competition. Guess who wins. Strasser is not very satisfied. He tells Louie to find an excuse to close Rick’s. He tells Rick the reason is because he is shocked that gambling is going on in his club.

Strasser just keeps getting creepier when he threatens Ilsa.

Later Ilsa and Victor speak about the letters of transit and what Rick said about asking his wife why he won’t give up the letters.

Ilsa goes to Rick’s rooms and tries to get letters from him. She wants to tell him what really happened in Paris. The feelings between them, have they been buried or are they gone? The truth comes out. She had no hope that Victor was alive when she was in Paris with Rick.

Victor and Rick talk. They are not that far apart in what they believe.

Louie and Rick talk about letters. Louie doesn’t like Strasser.

Approaching the final few scenes of the film. Cafe Americain is still closed by order of the Prefect of Police. Ferrari has taken over the Cafe. Louie thinks he is at Cafe to arrest Laszlo but Rick surprises him and makes him call the airport to tell them that there is to be no trouble about two letters of transit. Everything is building up to the excitement of what is all going to culminate in some of the biggest surprises yet in the film.

Best closing scenes in any movie and best closing lines. Memorable til the final line.

For the rest of the film and to fill in all the spaces that I have left out, you will need to find a copy of this film on DVD or streaming from online or whatever source you are able to find to watch the whole thing and to see how it ends. It is a thoroughly amazing film to watch. It seems the perfect film in detail, dialogue, scenes, settings, storyline, acting and durability. It has all the perfect elements and the best acting. Filled with sentiment and sacrifice. I first saw this film when I was in my 20s. It was such a surprise that I did not see it when I was a kid. It is understandable for older children and a fascinating film for all adults.

The following videos do have SPOILERS so watch them if you have seen the film already or if you don’t mind seeing scenes before seeing the film. I am sure a great many of you have watched this film. But if you haven’t, it should be on everyone’s’ film list as a must see. The sheer acting alone and the love story and the screenplay is brilliant. The cast is to die for. Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman play the leads. They are two of the finest actors of all times. Worthy of anyone’s time to find out how great they are in Casablanca.

No one had any idea what a remarkable film this was going to turn out to be. The special benefit of this film is you get to hate the Nazis and you get to curse them out without impunity. It has the most classic lines of almost any film ever made. Enjoy the videos and seriously consider locating this film if you haven’t seen it and find it so you can watch it again. “Here’s Looking At You Kid.” —Written by Jennifer Kiley

Tribute To Casablanca
Filled With Spoilers

Casablanca La Marseillaise

All About the Classic Movie “Casablanca”

Amazing Visions: Bells Spheres Fountains of Dancing Colours

amazing visions
Amazing Visions: Bells Spheres Fountains of Dancing Colours
Post Created by Jk the secret keeper
Vimeo Videos Discovered by j. kiley
Post Created on Thursday 9th November 2013
Posted on Wednesday 20th November 2013
AMAZING VISIONS

Bells Music Video – Stuart Sinclair Animation
["It's 2001 meets Gravity." {the film} Jk]

Music : Suns facebook.com/sunsofficial

In the Summer of 2013 Suns approached me with the idea of developing a music video for their track ‘Bells’ and upon listening to the track -which I loved- I immediately had thoughts of an astronaut travelling alone through space. With this initial image in mind I began experimenting with various visual effects using After Effects.

I used two AE plugins: Plexus 2.0 and Trapcode Form, I started to develop my ideas which involved generating the thin line aesthetic and dots that I was after. The majority of the 3D models used in the video are based on real objects from Space; the Hubble Space Telescope, Progress and Voyager 1. The planets and moons in the video are generated using NASA imagery, and helped to create a formal aspect to an otherwise abstract piece. Once I’d settled on the visual look for the piece, I began to think about how the structure will be developed in relation to the journey of the astronaut and the emotion of the track.

* * * * * * *

Spherikal

From Ion Plus 1 year ago
Not Yet Rated

This is a small animation i did as an exercise to experiment and explore all the graphical possibilities of representing the idea of the SPHERE, always thinking in searching Gestalt and form. Its all done in 3d, but i was more interested in the graphical interest, flatten the surfaces, and only two colors, why more.The most difficult was to achieve the transitions between the different type of representation of the sphere, the morphing and metamorphosing.

For the description of the project, all these frames plus the frames from the scenes that weren’t included, visit – behance.net/gallery/Spherikal/3565597

It was all done in Cinema 4d R13, all with the Mograph module. Comositing and post in After Effects

Sound : Brand X Music

* * * * * * *

Advection – Robert Seidel – Projection on a Water Fountain

Artist Statement
The work advection consists of several visual études projected on the continuously changing volume of a water fountain. Interconnected with both the circadian rhythm of their natural surroundings as well as the meteorological nuances of seasonal change from autumn to winter – the fixed études alter their density, texture and luminescence over the exhibition time.

This highly organic pictorial frame spawns a contemporary form of moving abstract paintings or associative drawings. The volumetric fountain, the pond reflections and iridescent flares shape a plasmatic spatial system, which is extended by a secondary video projection. This additional layer illuminates the surrounding area, integrating vegetation and the passing visitors into an abstracted mirage-stage.

Here, twining lines change their density within the evolving volume as fragile light patterns float in the bank of fog. The skeletal music composition is augmented by the sound of rippling water and the rushing fountain. Ultimately flickering projection segments and the emerging natural airstreams break the fluctuating formations, making every loop a unique permutation.

Credits
Artwork Robert Seidel _ robertseidel.com
Music David Kamp _ davidkamp.de

Private Writings: Chapter #34 — Long Days Journey

private writings to a psychoanalyst (c) Jk 2013

Private Writings: Chapter #34 — Long Days Journey

Written by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Introduction & Chapter #1
Published on March 19th 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted On Tuesday 12th November 2013

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.
NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.

ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
ANYONE RESEMBLING ANYONE LIVING OR DEAD
IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

private writings to dr. annie haskell, psychoanalyst extraordinaire,
my choice in form of storytelling is using letters with dreams, thoughts, poems, images,
music, art, describing my scripts, recent one ‘brief sacrifice,’ film is waiting for release,
psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, inspirations, reflective comments, the inner & outer workings
of the mind, soul, body, emotions, and bipolar—prefer mentally creative, or interesting,
or a brain misfiring; in the mix are abuse, crashes, near drownings, illegal drugs presently,
hallucinations, hypersexuality, time warps, finding answers to unsolved mysteries, infatuations,
imagination, fantasy, the never ending need to discover my self, my soul, my eternal serenity, my bliss

see you down the rabbit hole.
namaste! madison taylor

Private Writings: Chapter #34 — Long Days Journey

Tuesday, 6th May 2008

Dear Annie,

It is the middle of the night and we are over the Atlantic Ocean. I am stoned. Scottie had a surprise gift package for me when I got home from therapy today. When I opened it, I found several rolled joints of some of the most intense weed I’ve ever smoked. I could only handle a few hits at that moment and I smoked a few more hits on the way to LAX. We left the rest as a tip for the chauffeur. She was delighted. Not only does she get some fine weed but she gets to live full out in Chateau de Rocher while we are gone, our home is her castle for a month and watching over our sweet Toker, Mikey and Patrick. They love her to pieces, so I know they won’t miss us too much.

A combination of weed and whatever it was my doctor gave me, that was legit, has me pretty mellow. Not chilled enough to forget what we talked about in our session. We wasted so much time on Hunter. She is in one of the back seats in first class. Scottie got us close to the front. She does make sure to take care of me. This is going to be like a romantic second honeymoon, even though we can’t get married. Someday, I can feel it. I really love her. Just haven’t been able to show it. Not in the way I wish I could.

We both know my family made sure I wouldn’t be able to have a really intimate relationship with anyone. They stole it from me long ago. My innocence was seduced right out of me when I was seven and a touch more was stripped away year by year as they all took a piece of me, each in their own way. All I had was the love I felt from my gran. She reached out as much as she could but then she had no idea what was happening. I’ve got to stop. Don’t want to go there, not at this moment. Too many threats around me to watch out for.

Hunter is number one. She brought her boy toy to the party but left him by the bar while she hung on every word Scottie said, and followed her everywhere. I couldn’t find a moment to be close to Scottie, she was in such demand. I know, she likes to feel people out for their roles. She pretty much cast everyone. Though, she is having a few doubts. I wish like hell one of those were for Hunter Marx. I don’t know what Scottie sees. To me she is shallow. Her performance has no depth, what I allowed myself to hear from the first film she did. I can’t believe Scottie wanted to change her character, so she would come across as so heartless. I don’t remember writing it that way.

OK, I have to be honest. Seeing Hunter’s face, made me cringe. Then I remembered how she talked to me when we use to be alone in the very beginning. She was so seductive. Her voice and words melted my insides. Now I don’t know whether it’s the drugs talking but I still have a twinge of feeling for her, even after she fucked me over. I must keep what she did in my mind. Then I will know if she tried messing with my head again. Her games are nasty. The temptress with breasts that talk to me. Her words whisper in my head as she pulls me down across her lap. She takes hold of my hands to touch her. As she leans in to kiss me, I know I want to kiss her back. “Let me make love to you.” These are the words she would whisper in my ear. She never, actually, did anything. Are you kidding me, Annie? You know that would have freaked me out.

I’m never unfaithful to Scottie, my promise to her always. Flirting, as much as I want, but no acting out. Not that I am even able. Scottie can barely touch me. I don’t remember if we ever made love after I stopped doing drugs and drinking. Being stoned or sloshed isn’t making love. It isn’t really sex either. It is groping and sweating like sex is pornographic. I don’t like that. I want everything to be romantic and a faery tale. There is no sex in faery tales. There is bearly any kissing.

I once loved kissing. There was once this amazing woman I loved. She was so gentle. So is Scottie, but Scottie is more sophisticated than I am. She doesn’t know sexual abuse, or physical abuse. It’s very hard to explain to anyone what it feels like or what it does to your mind. You are never sure about anything or anyone ever again, when you’re forced. It breaks you up, destroys you. Your spirit is stolen. Danger surrounds you everywhere, feeling like death is always with you. You are sure something bad will happen if you let your barriers down.

Hunter’s seduction took me to the edge. She made me feel scared. I thought she was going to have sex with me. The fear started shutting me down. It made me feel out of control and totally helpless. No way could I turn to Scottie. I felt she would think I was betraying her. The truth, I was running as fast as I could, to the darkest place within me to hide. My insides started flipping out. Moods starting changing, without a warning, and I became so angry, the urgency to escape ran through my blood. I had to get away from her. Running as fast as I could. I didn’t want to be caught.

Annie, I need your gentleness. Somehow, you understand me. It’s your kind of love I want. Knowing you would never hurt me. Scottie hasn’t hurt me but she can misunderstand the reality of some situations. Seeing me with another woman, even if she knows deep down she can trust me, she doesn’t trust the other person not to try and force me to have sex, when she knows how I feel about it. Scottie knows I don’t want sex. I hate being touched. But still Scottie gets it in her head that I do, when she knows deep in her heart, I don’t. I just want closeness. No hassles or struggles. I know ways to touch without it having to be sexual, and you want to feel physically close and loved. Hugs feel great. Massages, one of my favorite things to give and receive, but only with the right person. Something, I find comforting, it’s being held or holding the right person while I sleep. It feels really good when Scottie is home and we fall asleep with our bodies next to each other.

I am scared of sex but still curious what it feels like to be sexual, without the fear and drama attached. To really feel turned on, not have it become deviant or the feelings being triggered and crashing into visions of being taken by force or seeing yourself bound, with no escape.

Why am I writing to you about touching and nightmares, Annie? I don’t like talking about sex, and definitely don’t want it. Making love should mean just that, showing someone how much you love them. Loving them gently, sensually, not exploding on someone else. Passion, what is it. The differences are so fast from making love. They make my body shake. I can’t control how my body reacts. Don’t misunderstand, I love the feeling of arousal, being turned on. What I don’t like is excitement when it crashes. Shutting down all the sensations of feeling so electric inside. I have no control of my body turning off. I can’t stop the feelings from disappearing, as if they never existed. The coldness awakens my anger. The thoughts in my mind, saying, “Fuck the whole world. Why have you done this to me. I hate it all.” And as quickly as I feel anything, everything is over. I want out. I want to go far away. All I have left inside is hate. It all closes down. Every single time, it is so maddening. I hate myself for feeling this way. For hurting Scottie, for making her feel she has done something wrong. When it is me that is all wrong. I am broken. No one can fix me.

Why is this possessing me? And why the fuck am I going to Paris? To make my film? Be with Scottie? This profession steals love. I only get to see Scottie between shootings. I just want to be near her now. Is that why I am here, to stop feeling tortured by her constant absence? When we’re apart it’s awful. Yes, I have my own work. But I want to wake up where she is. Not have some assistant bring her a cup of coffee, a shooting schedule and the weather report. I want her to see me first. One can only hope there will be time between scenes for us. I know, I will enjoy hearing my words spoken by the best voices. And our film will turn out fantastically. But mostly, this is time for Scottie and me to have fun together.

I’m also here because I don’t want Hunter Marx to be Scottie’s first smile of the day. It should be me and will be. And this is my dream location, Paris, I love Paris anytime. When Scottie is busy, I can site see and work on my writing the next film script.

I’m tired. Writing this letter has exhausted me. I will send it email as soon as we are settled in our hotel. We are staying at the Ritz. Now, I just have to hope for a safe landing while I am still conscious.

For now, I am going to keep my letters closing with the line from ‘Brief Sacrifice’ until we are back in the states. Call it superstition. It should only be a month here in Paris. The rest of the film will be shot in the states, at the studio. Near enough for Scottie to come home at night, where I will be waiting for her.

Goodnight for now, Annie. The sound of the plane, although loud, is making me drowsy, so I’m going to knock off. Au revoir.

“Time can be folded and joined with all elements in all places as the one ultimate moment when time is all at once. In this place everything happens on a continual loop following into a continuum of time forever into infinity. In the “Silver Box,” there is contained the ability to draw time into itself and create the perfect infinite moment.”

I will end this letter in this moment of now.

Fondly,
Madison

© madison taylor 2008

Annie Haskell --- Madison Tayler's Psychoanalyst's Office

Dr. Annie Haskell’s Office as a Psychoanalyst

<em>Somewhere In Time – John Barry</em>

Red_Flowers

rain in garden gif

A Familiar Facial Reflection
By Madison Taylor
6th May 2008

A familiar facial reflection
A needed outlandish rejection
Replacing a precedent of expectation
With a necessary deregulation
Turning creator into slave labor
A given and necessary fortification

Must have undeniable idolization
Caused in part by dreams’ undeniable suffocations
Due to lack of continual unaltered presentations
Of adulterations and uplifting sensational glorifications
Spirit denied spontaneous cleansing and clarifications

Unspecified qualifications
Not mentioned in ordination
Just a miniature restoration
Portraying a similarity to specifications
Of a ghostly dream in petrification

Pitiful the need for constant reminders
A glorification of nonexistent qualifications
A smoke and mirrored reflection of imaginations
Dried into less than spontaneous regurgitations
A tired usage of words lacking depth and personifications

© madison taylor 2008

Ballerina  by Fried Pal

Ballerina by Fried Pal

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

jonathan stephens imaginary framedJonathan Stephens is Madison Taylor’s friend in Paris, France. 1st time meeting. Skype.

Patrick is our Bengal cat in tree. He loves Scotties. They are buddies.   1612x1212 Patrick-our Bengal cat up in his tree-Scottie’s buddy

Havana Brown Kitten  Madison and Scottie's kitten One of the Two   800x600

Havana Brown Kitten Madison & Scottie’s. This cutie is Toker. He has a twin brother Mikey

actresses-with-long-hair-hairstyle frenchHunter Marx [taken 7 years ago in 2001 year Hunter & Madison met]

play is not just play meryl streep

Happy Birthday, John Lennon 9th October

remembering memories day any as happens

Happy Birthday, John Lennon 9th October
Post Created by Jk the secret keeper
Remembered by Jennifer Kiley, Jk the secret keeper, j. kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Post Created on Thursday 10th October 2013
Posted On Wednesday 9th October 2013
JOHN LENNON’S BIRTHDAY

Remember Memories

This is strictly music, posters, images, an interview
of John & Yoko with Dick Cavett [great!!!], quotations.
Enjoy. Happy Birthday John, 10/09/13, Love Jennifer

Tiger orchid #14 Robert Mapplethorp

Tiger orchid #14 Robert Mapplethorp

i-dream-my-painting-and-i-paint-my-dream van gogh

accidentally on purpose

writers4peacecs1

Tiger orchid #14 Robert Mapplethorp

Tiger orchid #14 Robert Mapplethorp

not comfort ignorance

life death poster

karmasutra fate fucks u

“Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.”
― John Lennon

Beatles–In My Life

keep calm write something

john lennon facing

john lennon quote on weird

in dreams

imagine maya angelou

happiness john lennon

fuck ur world fuck ur orders

fuck  definition get over it

John Lennon — Stand By Me

“Sometimes it’s not enough to know what things mean,
sometimes you have to know what things don’t mean.” ― Bob Dylan

freedom nature is illegal

free ur mind  john lennon

dragon shadow and thought

dichotomies poster

John Lennon — Woman

daydream wandering

david lynch narrowing of imagination

da vinci quote everything connects

dancing not hear music  nietzsche

John Lennon — Mind Games

crazy not a competition

crazy keeps me sane

bill hicks evolution

belive in magic

To “River”
I Dedicate This Song to My New Little Boy “River.”
He is 3 weeks old & a Dark Grey Tabby Kitten.
Born on the 19th September 2013 shortly before Midnight.

John Lennon — Beautiful Boy

artists are dangerous issued  by joe mccarthy 50s

accidentally on purpose

John Lennon on Dick Cavett [entire show] September 11, 1971 [HD]

I Include This Photo in My Tribute to John
Lennon & Dedicate It to Julie with Love. Jk

Sound-of-Music-maria closeup during singing of edelweiss melts me inside

write beautifully inside mind must be terrible place poster

typewriter-once-upon-a-time1

find-your-voice-flair-set

dragon-writer

calla lily bouquet framed

John Lennon-Imagine

rookie wood  2013  artist paul wood

bedroom perfect high windows light

fire works by matt the samurai.gif

fire works by matt the samurai.gif

gif balls in a maze little blue balls

gif matt_the_samurai_sparkles_Natural GIF

John Lennon — Watching the Wheels

throughout life soul mate poster

candle-flame-gif

moving water gif

hand letting go of golden flecks gif

seasawing elephant gif

Blended Nature by Alex Fitch   706x506

Blended Nature by Alex Fitch

mirror_cat-500x500

John Lennon — Give Peace A Chance

title black background  the words

4p dragon-blue john lennon quote

4p enchanted green walking bridge

meditating on rock overlooking flowing river gif

John Lennon — Power To the People

blue fantasy ---anonymous  1920x1200

blue fantasy —anonymous

neil-gaiman-book-author-quote

neil-gaiman-quotes-even nothing cannot last forever

carter pic for trisha

John Lennon — Starting Over

4p a world in tree green

entering the soul connection

4p beautiful sunset glorious

hands reaching out into rain

candle flame flickering gif

John Lennon — Jealous Guy

field_of_daisies

surreal green planet under water  by rolan gonzalez  812x512

surreal green planet under water by rolan gonzalez

a flower of many colours-this is for you

erotic flowers and an exotically colourful butterfly

The Beatles — And I Love Her

soul mates filled with yellow rays of sun

candle flame w hand gif

The Beatles — If I Fell

4p if the goddes were a kittie irridescent kitten

depression twisted japanese maple

garden purple flowers

The Beatles — Michelle

garden did you know

van gogh starry night variation

the anatomy of a cover - cover - artist masloski carmen 3800x3500

the anatomy of a cover – cover – artist masloski carmen

The Beatles — You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away

(1) Butterfly Elegant-Yorkshire rose

(1) abstract-streak-lightning

Quite Busy --- abstract digital art 864x540

Quite Busy — abstract digital art

critical thinker by j. kiley 820x419

critical thinker by j. kiley

The Beatles — Norwegian Wood

abstract purple digital art by j. kiley © jennifer kiley 2013

abstract purple digital art by j. kiley © jennifer kiley 2013

angel oak tree charleston sc

life from death created by j. kiley

life from death created by j. kiley

unconscious reflections by j. kiley © jennifer kileycreated by j. kiley (c) jennifer kiley 2013

The Beatles — Hey, Jude

life death poster

create u r a creator poster

abiotic by yani ioannou

abiotic by yani ioannou

shattered time - unknown artist

shattered time – unknown artist

The Beatles — The Long and Winding Road

hesse tree

i wish i could

autumn tree gif

silver ball by sl8r.co

silver ball by sl8r.co

sea cloud sunset by j.kiley © jennifer kileycreated by j. kiley (c) jennifer kiley 2013

The Beatles — Across the Universe

music gives soul plato

snowing by pinstriped briefs

snowing by pinstriped briefs

(1) book letters flying dark backround

couleurs du ciel par j. kiley © jennifer kiley 2013created by j. kiley (c) jennifer kiley 2013

running stream gif

water dripping gig

The Beatles — Let It Be

dancing music nietzsche gif

hands reaching out into rain

artists are dangerous issued  by joe mccarthy 50s

to feel infinite

The Beatles — While My Guitar Gentle Weeps

john lennon quote poster

john and yoko

happy mouse

candle-flame-gif

candle-flame-gif

les bougies qui dirigent les jeunes voyageurs d'âme

les bougies qui dirigent les jeunes voyageurs d’âme

john lennon by stephen anderson

John Lennon  Peace Shine On

John Lennon Peace Shine On

John Lennon Oct.9th, 19 Dec. 8th, 19

John Lennon
Oct.9th, 19
Dec. 8th, 19

The Beatles — Strawberry Fields

living inside of bubbles with flowers they burst and reality touches your soul

living inside of bubbles with flowers they burst and reality touches your soul

bubbling darkness gif

bubbling darkness gif

white unicorn phantom limb by odani motohiko (1)

john lennon by stephen anderson

(1) yoko one  its alright imaginepeace

John Lennon — Oh, Yoko

trees and night sky fireflies and polka-tumblr

trees and night sky fireflies and polka-tumblr

The Beatles — All You Need Is Love

fall island (1)

love friendship white flower

colorful_abstract_effect_of_glass_and_shards dragon

light dark crystal (1)

love friendship flowers (1)

tears are words

Sadness (1)

spiritual dove (1)

APTOPIX Germany Zoo Panther

N/A

The Beatles — Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds

alice begin at the beginning 1

may day flowers for christa

spiritual pathway

jacaranda tree abstract 1

John Lennon — Mother

Below Is the Surrogate Mother
I Always Dreamed I Would Find Someday

julie w. baby emma

watch over you

true friends forever

write-your-own-story

The Beatles — When I’m 64?

symbols of faith 2

genius madness aristotle

writing calvin-and-hobbes-on-writing

john-and-yoko

John Lennon — Oh, My Love

a friendly little one just exercising fire breathing

a friendly little one just exercising fire breathing

Private Writings: Chapter #26 — Wizardry of Id

private writings by jennifer kileyPrivate Writings: Chapter #26 — Wizardry of Id
Written by Jennifer Kiley
Illustrated by j. kiley
Published Introduction & Chapter #1 On 19th March 2013
Published Early Tuesday AM
Posted On 17th September 2013

WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT.
NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.

ALL CHARACTERS ARE FICTITIOUS.
ANYONE RESEMBLING ANYONE LIVING OR DEAD
IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

Crypticistic Synopsis:

I am writing to Dr. Annie Haskell. My form of storytelling is through letters containing dreams, thoughts, poems, music, describing my script ‘Brief Sacrifice,’ already made into a film but not yet released, psychotherapy, inspirations, reflective comments, the inner workings of the mind, soul, body, emotions, and bipolar. I prefer mentally creative, interesting, or having a brain misfiring. Included in the mix are childhood abuse, car crashes, near drownings, drugs [the illegal kind at present], hallucinations, hypersexuality, time warps, finding answers to unsolved mysteries, infatuation, imagination, fantasy,

and a need to discover my bliss.
See you inside.
— Namaste! Madison Taylor

Private Writings: Chapter #26 — Wizardry of Id

Tuesday 18th March 2008

Dear Annie,

I have been feeling like I am close to the edge. Shortly, after leaving our session, remembering what we talked about triggered an awful reaction inside of me. My psyche is in a full blown depression. Talking about Dr. George, feeling like he was raping me, making me have to be in a room with him again. He forced me. If I didn’t I would have lost you before I even had a chance to find you. He had no right to dangle you as a piece of candy. I submit and get raped. I say no, I lose you. How is that acceptable for a therapist to repeat my abuse on me so I will get the attention I need so badly. Why did you let him do that? Now I feel suicidal. The darkness is surrounding me. It feels like the shadow creatures in “Ghost.” They are going to pull me into Hell. Any moment I am going to be forced to kill myself.

You should have stopped him. Never agreed to his terms. Just accepted me and told him to go fuck off. I didn’t deserve to be forced, when I already made it clear I didn’t want to do what he wanted. How should I feel? How can I react any differently? Now, I am having my doubts. Are you going to protect me from my nightmares? Keep them away from my dreams? I have imagined being with you, doing therapy the right way for so long. I never thought you would be part of terms from him in order for me to be with you. Should I be disappointed or feel lucky? I got my dream therapist. Or so it seems.

You did protect me in the closure session, but I shouldn’t have had to be there. It made me furious. I felt you held me inside your power. You threw up a protective shield. I felt it. But he was there, too close, so creepy. I couldn’t look at him. My skin crawled. He was looking at me firing off lies. Just like my shadow mother did many years ago.

When I was a teenager. She came to one of my sessions with my first therapist. In front of me, she spoke words coated with black tar. All lies. Professed she had no idea what I was talking about when I said I was tortured by her. She denied ever doing anything to me. At that point, I wasn’t about to tell her about my other abusers. It was sufficient to try to confront her with my therapist to protect me. In the last moments of her presence in my therapist’s office, I just lost it. I couldn’t stand hearing the lies for a minute longer. I fired off at her a list which grew in my head since I was little, of all the abuses she committed on my flesh, my mind, my emotions. I had to cut myself off. It was a painting without a canvas to record the truth. She shook her head in denial. Making it seem to my therapist I was making the whole tale up in my imagination.

After my therapist returned from escorting her back to the waiting area, she took a seat at her desk and looked at me. All I could say to her was I am not crazy. I wasn’t lying. Her response: “Your mother is crazy. Of course, I believe you. She was lying or had buried what she had done so deep, she believed her lies. It is quite possible if she had remembered her abusing you in the horrible way she did, it would literally drive her over the edge into complete madness. It is enough she is borderline, with one step inside of madness.”

Her words reassured me I was actually sane. She told me if I was going to “lose my mind,” it would have happened while I was doing all the LSD and smoking pot. I did have grand hallucinations and moments when I thought I had lost touch with reality. LSD really can make you feel paranoid. What the fuck I was thinking, doing hallucinogens. I put them into my body. I will stop short at doing mushrooms. They are a spiritual experience. I read the whole “Bhagavad Gita” while tripping. Whoa, that books takes you to such heights of deep awareness. I felt Bliss. True Bliss. That was a worthy experience.

Annie, writing to you or just writing has made me feel a bit better. Why do people fuck with other people’s minds and lives?

I think I am freaking a little because I told you today about my letters and poems. They have been my secret for so long. Revealing I wrote to you made me feel too vulnerable. You want me to bring them to my sessions and to read you some of what I write, especially the poems. You, also, liked I was telling you the story from my script for Scottie and my film “Brief Sacrifice.” The idea of a secret society guarding Nikola Tesla’s secrets. The thought of a perfect Utopia. If anyone could pull off setting up something so grand “Tesla” could. I didn’t tell you what is in the Silver Box. I am not sure I should reveal the secret. It would ruin the mystery of the film.

It is such a cool secret. I will give you a hint. “Anywhere is possible, as long as it has happened already, somewhere in time.”

Can you guess from this clue?

I think I will write my poem for you. See if I can shake the rest of these feelings of the shadows surrounding me. Wanting to do harm to me or wanting me to do harm to myself.

I want you to know I want to trust you. What you did with him, felt like a betrayal. You conspired to force me to give in against my will and better judgement. I am not sure it will be easy for me to get past it. We need to work on not forcing me into something I don’t want to do. When I say “No,” I need to be respected. Words meant nothing to my abusers, especially the words, “NO” and “STOP.”

I am going to close the letter portion here and continue on to write my feelings into a poem. Maybe, I will better express what is happening inside my mind and heart, I do have strong feelings building up and putting pressure on my psyche. You are my wizard now. You must help me understand myself. Why I am unable to let go of my feelings, what am I feeling, and what the hell drives me. The highest concern in my head is why I cannot enjoy anything that would bring pleasure to anyone else.

Wish me luck on writing a poem for you, Annie. If it is going to be my first, I want you to see inside of me.

I am signing out on my letter to you.

Fondly,
Madison

Annie Haskell --- Madison Tayler's Psychoanalyst's Office

Dr. Annie Haskell’s Office as a Psychoanalyst

Somewhere In Time – John Barry

lily open pink purple mix

rain in garden gif

Of Highest Concern
By Madison Taylor
18th March 2008

Intruder thrusts knife
Pressure pierces deep in flesh
Sensations of pain spreading

Bleeding stills body
Force penetrates privacy
Ripping away self-control

Will overpowers
Trembling from intensity
Inner strength halts invasion

© madison taylor 2008

rookie wood  2013  artist paul wood

“A Dream
The beginning always starts out
With a dream.
It is all a dream
In our own nightmares”
— Madison Taylor

Patrick is our Bengal cat in tree. He loves Scotties. They are buddies.   1612x1212

Patrick-our Bengal cat up in his tree-Scottie’s buddy

Havana Brown Kitten  Madison and Scottie's kitten One of the Two   800x600

Havana Brown Kitten Madison & Scottie’s. This cutie is Toker. He has a twin brother Mikey

bedroom perfect high windows light

play is not just play meryl streep

You Must Not Fear

a writer's word - day title sundayYou Must Not Fear
Post Created by Jennifer Kiley
Collage Created by j. kiley
Post Created Saturday 14th September 2013
Posted On Sunday 15th September 2013
A Writer’s Word

abstract rainbow snowflake by j. kiley (c) jennifer kiley 2013abstract rainbow snowflake — artist jennifer kiley

Anais Nin
Emotional Excess
in Writing and Creativity
Part: # 2

You Must Not Fear

You must not fear, hold back, count or be a miser
with your thoughts and feelings. It is also true that creation
comes from an overflow, so you have to learn to intake, to
imbibe, to nourish yourself and not be afraid of fullness.
The fullness is like a tidal wave which then carries you,
sweeps you into experience and into writing. Permit yourself
to flow and overflow, allow for the rise in temperature, all
the expansions and intensifications. Something is always born
of excess: great art was born of great terrors, great loneliness,
great inhibitions, instabilities, and it always balances them.
If it seems to you that I move in a world of certitudes,
you, par contre, must benefit from the great privilege
of youth, which is that you move in a world of mysteries.
But both must be ruled by faith.

— Anais Nin

abstract rainbow by mark chadwickabstract rainbow — artist mark chadwick

Until the End — Mauro Marcozzi